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Dating

Dude, where’s your bride?

As I speak at different venues across the country, one of the recurring questions I get comes from women, young women in particular. Their question usually goes something like this:

“What is up with men?”

These aren’t angry women. Their question is more plaintive than petulant. I’m not quite sure why they ask me. Maybe because they’ve read Just Do Something and figure I’ll be a sympathetic ear. Or maybe they think I can help. They often follow up their initial question by exhorting me, “Please speak to the men in our generation and tell them to be men.”

Boys aplenty, but where are the men?

They’re talking about marriage. I have met scores of godly young women nearby and far away who wonder “Where have all the marriageable men gone?” More and more commentators – Christian or otherwise – are noticing a trend in young men; namely, that they don’t seem to be growing up. Recently, William Bennett’s CNN article “Why Men Are in Trouble” has garnered widespread attention. The point of the post is summarized in the final line: “It’s time for men to man up.” Sounds almost biblical (1 Cor. 16:13).

Virtually every single single person I know wants to be married. And yet, it is taking couples longer and longer to get around to marriage. Education patterns have something to do with it. A bad economy doesn’t help either. But there is something even more befuddling going on.

Go to almost any church and you’ll meet mature, intelligent, attractive Christian women who want to get married and virtually no men to pursue them. These women are often in graduate programs and may have started a career already. But they aren’t feminists. They are eager to embrace the roles of wife and mother. Most of the women I’ve met don’t object to the being a helpmate. There just doesn’t seem to be a lot of mates to go around.

What’s going on here? Why are there so many unmarried, college graduated, serious-about-Christ, committed-to-the-church, put-together young women who haven’t found a groom, and don’t see any possibilities on the horizon?

Women can make things more difficult...

Maybe women have impossible standards. That is a distinct possibility in some circumstances. I’m sure there are guys reading this thinking to themselves, “I’ve pursued these young women, Kevin! And they pushed me over the edge of the horizon.” Some women may be expecting too much from Mr. Right. But in my experience this is not the main problem. Impossible standards? Not usually. Some standards? Absolutely.

On the other end of the spectrum, some women may be so over-eager to be married they make guys nervous about showing any signs of interest. There is a fine line between anticipation and desperation. Men don’t want to spot the girl they like inside David’s Bridal after their first date. The guy will panic – and be a little creeped out.

...but there's a serious problem with the guys

This path of prolonged singleness is a two way street. But I think the problem largely resides with men. Or at least as a guy I can identify the problems of men more quickly. I see two issues.

1. Where's the drive?

First, the Christian men that are “good guys” could use a little – what’s the word I’m looking for – ambition. Every pastor has railed on video games at some point. But the problem is not really video games, it’s what gaming can (but doesn’t always) represent. It’s the picture of a 20-something or 30-something guy who doesn’t seem to want anything out of life. He may or may not have a job. He may or may not live with his parents. Those things are sometimes out of our control. There’s a difference between a down-on-his-luck fella charging hard to make something out of himself and a guy who seems content to watch movies, make enough to eat frozen pizzas in a one room apartment, play Madden, watch football 12 hours on Saturday, show up at church for an hour on Sunday and then go home to watch more football.

I don’t think young women are expecting Mr. Right to be a corporate executive with two houses, three cars, and a personality like Dale Carnegie. They just want a guy with some substance. A guy with plans. A guy with some intellectual depth. A guy who can winsomely take initiative and lead a conversation. A guy with consistency. A guy who no longer works at his play and plays with his faith. A guy with a little desire to succeed in life. A guy they can imagine providing for a family, praying with the kids at bedtime, mowing the lawn on Saturday, and being eager to take everyone to church on Sunday. Where are the dudes that will grow into men?

2. Where's the commitment to Christ?

The second issue is that we may simply not have enough men in the church. Maybe the biggest problem isn’t with nice Christian guys who lack ambition, maturity, and commitment. Maybe we have lots of these men in the church, but they’re all married and there aren’t enough of their brethren to go around. I don’t know which is the bigger problem, the lack of good men or the lack of men in general. It’s probably a combination of both. The church needs to train up the guys it has. And by “training” I don’t mean “clean ‘em up, plug ‘em in the singles ministry and start matching them up with a spouse.” I don’t believe most unmarried Christians are looking for a church community full of Yentas. But a church full of godly, involved, respectable, respected, grown up men? That’s a project worth undertaking.

What we can all do to help

So, what can be done about the growing tribe of unmarried women? Four things come to mind.

Everyone, pray. Pray for a joyful accepting of God’s providential care, believing that godliness with contentment is great gain. If you are single, pray more for the sort of spouse you should be than for the sort of spouse you want. Pray also for the married couples and families in your church. If you are married, pray for the single people in your church, for those never married and those divorced or widowed. All people everywhere, pray for ways to start serving the Lord now, no matter what stage of life you are in or wish you were in.

Women, don’t settle and don’t ever compromise on requiring solid Christian commitment in a husband, but make sure your list of non-negotiables doesn’t effectively exclude everyone outside of Mr. Darcy.

Churches, don’t make church one giant man cave or machismo, but think about whether your church has been unnecessarily emasculated. Do you challenge and exhort? Do you sing songs to Jesus that men can sing with a straight face? Does “fellowship” at your church always focus on activities men don’t typically excel at, like sitting around and talking about how you feel? Does your church specifically target the discipling of men – particularly young men in high school and college? Grab them young and get them growing up in their teens instead of their twenties.

Men, you don’t have to be rich and you don’t have to climb corporate ladders. You don’t have to fix cars and grow a beard. But it’s time to take a little initiative – in the church, with your career, and with women. Stop circling around and start going somewhere. It’s probably a good idea to be more like your grandpa and less like Captain Jack Sparrow. Even less like Peter Pan. Show some godly ambition. Take some risks. Stop looking for play dates and – unless God is calling you to greater service through singleness – start looking for a wife.

This article first appeared on The Gospel Coalition blog is reprinted with permission of the author.

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News

Saturday Selections – Sept. 2, 2023

Cessationist trailer Click below for the trailer of a great new documentary that takes on "cessationism," the belief that the miraculous gifts of the...
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Saturday Selections – Aug 26, 2023

Click on the titles below for the linked articles and videos. Canadians pay more to government than for housing, food, and clothing combined Over th...
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Book Reviews, Children’s fiction

The Mysterious Benedict Society

by Trenton Lee Stewart 512 pages / 2008 Reynie Muldoon is an 11-year-old orphan who knows he is smart – he certainly reads more than any of the ...
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Interview with an artist

Jim Menken transforms tree trunks!

Interview with an artist ***** An 8-foot tall grizzly! When you think ...
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Churches’ food drive bears fruit, and births a challenge

Evangelism committees and home mission groups sometimes struggle with how can we show God’s love to our neighbors. Members of five Reformed churches in Dunnville, Ontario gave a great example of God’s love in action recently, when they organized their first annual “OneChurch Food Drive.” They collected 8,900 pounds of donated groceries, along with over $2,600 in cash and checks for their local Salvation Army food bank. Bruce DeBoer, one of the drive’s organizers, was inspired after meeting Mike Bosveld, who had helped organize food drives among churches in the greater Brantford area. Bruce and his wife Helena jumped in with both feet, calling the home mission committees of other Reformed churches locally, who in turn organized volunteers from their membership. Food banks often experience lighter donations in the summer months, but there remains a need among many of our neighbors who have a hard time getting by without some supplemental groceries. Members from Canadian Reformed Churches at Attercliffe, Dunnville East, and Dunnville West, and members from the Dunnville URC and the Dunnville CRC, knocked on almost every door in town – nearly 2,700 in total! – a week ahead of the drive. They were letting families know that they would be back to collect any donations on the scheduled Saturday. If they couldn’t speak to the residents, they left a flyer letting folks know about the drive, and what kind of items would be helpful to donate. Word quickly spread about this initiative, helped by articles in the local newspaper. On the morning of the drive, 85 volunteers, including little ones and seniors, met to divide up the city section by section, and make their way out to collect from their neighbors. Volunteers were amazed at the generosity of the community: they gathered enough food and donations to supply the needs of the food bank for over two months! The Food Bank’s Facebook page effusively thanked the volunteers: “We are speechless right now!... To our beautiful town and community, because of your generosity, the amazing volunteers and organizers of the First Annual OneChurch Food Drive, we now have 8,873 pounds of food and $2,685 raised. This I believe has beat our old record! We are so blessed and so thankful for everyone who showed up today and those who organized this amazing event!” Besides collecting food and funds, the Food Drive gave Christians an opportunity to interact with their neighbors and establish some relationships, while raising awareness about Reformed churches as a place where God’s people are called to show love and mercy to one another and their neighbors. Door knockers were also able to find out where there were people who could use help down the road, perhaps with a meal at Thanksgiving, or with a friendly knock on the door to check up on them. “This could be a very powerful way for our churches across the country to make an impact on their communities,” said DeBoer, who hopes that this can become an annual event for Dunnville. He and Helena have volunteered to assist the first group in each province and state that would like to do a food drive. “We can host their inaugural meeting (virtual or in person), and work with them to make a successful drive in their community. We can share access to a ‘do’s and don’ts’ handbook with examples of effective flyers, lists of what kinds of items to collect, and other best practices, to ensure a successful event. Our only ask in return is that anyone helped pays it forward by encouraging other communities around them to do likewise!” Bruce DeBoer can be reached by email at [email protected] or by phone at (416) 660-3172....

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Assorted

Unless the Lord builds the house

"...but Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to Me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.’” – Matt. 19:14 ***** A baby was laid into my arms this last week – a little baby boy. His name was Bo Anthony. Bo means “to live” and Anthony means “precious one” or “priceless one.” The parents, my granddaughter Emma, and her husband Sam, told me they would teach Bo to live for the precious One, that is, for Jesus. They also told me that the name Anthony had been chosen in honor of his great-grandfather, Anco, my precious husband. Anco went to be with the Lord last December 2022. I cherish the name my grandchildren chose for their son. They are letting God build their house. Bo lay in my arms. He was a warm, little bundle of soft, cuddly flesh. Full of his mother's milk, he slept contentedly, totally oblivious to his great-grandmother. Trustingly he fit into the crook of my right arm. Feeding a newborn is a full-time commitment. Breast milk is ideal. Babies don't need cereal, cookies, or steak. They need milk. All infants in Christ need milk, not solid food. Feeding on the basic nutrients of God's Word, covenant children grow into maturity, grow up into salvation (1 Pet. 2:2). This is the way God builds houses. Solomon was very aware of this. He composed and sang Psalm 127. Verses 1 and 2 of this Psalm drip with milk and read: Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. A world in need of milk Bo's birthdate in June of 2023, marks almost one quarter of the way through this twenty-first century. There are many, many people walking about on this century's streets whose houses have not been built by God. They have never swallowed, or have even heard of, God's milk. These folks hide behind cell phone technology, behind laptops and social media. They are, although not usually willing to admit it, unhappy, insecure, unsure, and generally afraid to engage in personal conversation about eternal life and eternal death. The economic outlook today is somber, marriage is on the decline, families are becoming a minority, and most children have no idea that they have been created in the image of Almighty God. Science is touted, Climate Change has morphed into a god, Wokeism is on the rise and politics and the justice system appear to be infiltrated with bribery and power hunger. All of these are served up on the world's platter resulting in a woefully meager diet for the soul. Worshipping self-reliance, the world has turned away from God. Their toil, their anxiety, and their daily striving is all in vain. Touch and being touched Baby Bo grasps my fingers with his tiny hand. His grip is solid and it is amazing to think that such a small hand, barely a week old, can clutch mine so firmly. God has endowed this chubby hand with sensitivity. The threshold of touch, that is to say, the amount of gram weight it takes for a person to sense that an object has come into contact with the skin, has been measured. Although the back of the forearm is triggered by 33 milligrams of pressure, the back of the hand is activated by 12 milligrams. But the fingertips, the fingertips are most sensitive and are stimulated by a mere 3 milligrams. Bo continues to squeeze my fingers. Hebrews 11:6 tells us that without faith it is impossible to please God, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists. J.C. Ryle calls faith the hand by which the soul lays hold on Christ and is united to Him and saved. Will little Bo's hand grow in strength? Will that strength be planted in his heart by the Holy Spirit? And how will those lilliputian fingers react to the daily things with which it will come into contact? There are many things which will touch baby Bo. We can look back over our shoulder at history and note that bygone civilizations have totally disappeared – civilizations such as the Babylonian, the Egyptian, the Roman, as well as the empire of Alexander the Great. These powers have long been erased from the map of the world. But others have taken their place. Civilizations always come and go. In Bo's lifetime he will possibly behold the collapse of a number of regimes, as well as the demise of temporal millionaires – men such as Soros, Bezos, Gates and Musk. And he might perceive the dissolution of international godless organizations such as the WEF and the WHO. These regimes, these men and organizations, are all building cities without God. They will all try to touch Bo. They will all try to shape his thoughts. And they will all try to align his values with theirs and position their principles as his. Baby Bo snuggles into my arm. It is obvious that he is comfortable and feels safe with the embrace he experiences. Touch studies have been conducted with monkeys. In one such study eight baby monkeys were put into a large cage containing a terry cloth mother and a mother figure made out of wire mesh. Both surrogate mothers were fitted with milk flow. Four babies were taught to nurse from the terry cloth mother and four from the wire mesh mother. But all eight babies exhibited a strong need for the terry cloth mother. The four who had been taught to drink from the wire mesh mother went to her only for the feeding. They spent the remaining time hugging, grasping and stroking the terry cloth mother. Intimate soft body contact was essential. As a matter of fact, continued studies showed that many baby monkeys, deprived of warm touch, cowered in the corner of their cages and died. Dr. Paul Brand and Philip Yancy, in their book Fearfully and Wonderfully Made (Zondervan, 1980), record a remarkable truth. They chronicle: “As late as 1920, the death rate among infants in some foundling hospitals in America approached 100 percent. Then Dr. Fritz Talbot of Boston brought from Germany an unscientific-sounding concept of 'tender loving care.' While visiting the Children's Clinic in Düsseldorf, he had noticed an old woman wandering through the hospital, always balancing a sickly baby on her hip. 'That,' said his guide, 'is Old Anna. When we have done everything we can medically do for a baby and it still is not doing well, we turn it over to Old Anna, and she cures it.' “When Talbot proposed this quaint idea to American institutions, administrators derided the notion that something as archaic as simple touching could improve their care. Statistics soon convinced them. In Bellevue Hospital in New York, after a rule was established that ill babies must be picked up, carried around, and 'mothered' several times a day, the infant mortality rate dropped from 35 percent to less than 10 percent.” Exercising our muscles The church is the body of Christ. It is a house built by God. It is a house that should be touching and carrying the ill, lonely and feeble in prayer care. It has been constructed by God, and should be a visible manifestation of His commandments. Jesus often touched people when He healed. His touch radiated love, power and hope. The church, the body of Christ, is fearfully and wonderfully made. As I hold baby Bo on my lap he stretches out his tiny arms above his head, giving me an unprompted smile. There are many sorrowful things going on in this world in which he has been placed by God. Jealousy, envy and fear are etched on the faces of countless members of society. Commandments, freely and lovingly given by God, are held up to be inaccurate. Truth is hidden and people are afraid to speak up for truth for fear of being called bigots or racists. The world has become a dark, dark place. It needs light. Seventy separate muscles contribute to hand movements. Little Bo has no inkling as yet that God has endowed him with such a gift as seventy separate muscles in both his right and his left hand. But a muscle must be exercised for it to grow and to work. Will he exercise his hands under the management of his Lord and Savior? Before Bo was born, God planned this little child's life. He has given this baby God-fearing parents and He has placed milk in his crib via his mother's breast and God's Word. In this way He gives His beloved children sleep. Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. So Proverbs 22:6 tells us. It is a sobering responsibility,­­ and a wonderful promise....

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Saturday Selections – Aug 19, 2023

Click on the titles below to head to the linked articles. What grandma's chili recipe tells us about the trustworthiness of the Bible We don't have the original manuscripts of the Bible, so how do we know that what we have is accurate? Todd Friel explains by way of this really helpful analogy. Using the climate change scare to promote abortion As author Tom Harris shows here, climate catastrophists have long been telling us that children are a curse on the planet, and not the blessing that God declares them to be (Ps. 127:3). That their solution is clearly wrong also gives us reason to suspect their diagnostic abilities. Canadian offered death as a "treatment option" for her mental health crisis  She came looking for help, was told none was to be had, and was offered "medical assistance in dying" instead. Evolution is "settled science"? Really? Which theory of evolution? "Darwinian evolution assumes much of what it needs to be explained. For instance, consider the origin of light-sensitive cells that rearranged to become the first eye, or the blood vessels that became the first placenta. How did these things originate? According to one University of Indiana biologist, 'we still do not have a good answer. The classic idea of gradual change, one happy accident at a time,' he says, 'has so far fallen flat.'"  Pastoring in a pandemic: of grey hair and glory "I am not against those who decided to defy the government. They were, I believe, seeking to honor God. Many times I wanted to just say enough is enough. But I hope those (in America) who promoted their faithfulness can also appreciate that there was another type of faithfulness happening that was perhaps even more challenging in certain respects..." How has John Calvin influenced WORLD magazine? In this 2009 clip, former WORLD editor Marvin Olasky explains how John Calvin influenced his Christian news magazine. What he says about WORLD is, in large part, what we aspire to here at RP too. ...

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Christian education

Math: why are we learning this anyway?

Back in 2021, math teacher David Shuster gave this presentation to the parents of his students at Trinity Classical School in Bellingham, WA. **** How can you and I best work together to help your children learn mathematics? Actually, I don’t really want to talk about that. I think, in pursuit of the “how,” we sometimes lose sight of the “why,” which is something often especially elusive in mathematics. As I’m teaching my students in their proofs for geometry, we need to always work with the goal in mind. If you don’t know where you’re headed, how are you going to get there? My hope is that talking about the “why” of math will naturally illuminate the “how” of math. So that will be the main part of my talk, and then maybe we’ll briefly revisit the “how” towards the end. So, why should we, as Christians, learn math? If there is no good answer to this question, then the student who says “Uggh, I’m never going to use this anyway” is making a good point. Life is short; memento mori!1 Don’t waste your life staring at numbers. Now of course the why of everything is to become more Christ-like. Yet if we look at Christ’s life, it doesn’t seem like there’s that much math in it. “If you have 5 loaves of bread and 2 pieces of fish, and divide that among 5000 people, then the remainder is 12 basketfuls...” The Bible is full of theology and history and philosophy and language and even music. But it seems like the most math you get is those seemingly skim-worthy census counts or tabernacle dimensions in Exodus, etc. It is in there, for eternity Raise your hand if you know what the Ten Commandments are. If you know who Moses is. If you know what the Tabernacle is. If you know who Bezalel is. Well, God was telling Moses about Bezalel and God said, “I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with ability and intelligence, with knowledge, etc.” Now go read Exodus and notice that much of that Spirit-filled ability, intelligence, and knowledge was very mathematical and quantitative. Bezalel spearheaded the building of the Tabernacle which serves, inscribed in the everlasting Word of God, as a reminder that God dwells among His people. Bezalel used math to eternally preach the beauty of the Incarnation of Christ. We may use buzzwords like “financial stewardship,” but we forget the potential significance of practicality. We often forget that the real core of the Christian battle is fought on the ground in the most mundane moments of life. And, as with the behind-the-scenes character who helped build the Tabernacle, those mundane material moments are etched into eternity. Math fosters logic Ok, but what if I don’t want to be a Tabernacle-designer? Ah, ya got me. Let me tell you about the second reason we should study math. It develops principled thinking. Are you glad you can figure out what 2+5 is? What’s the use of learning it? You can just use a calculator. But the language of math forms our ability to think abstractly and recognize patterns. In fact, let’s look at what happens when the mathematical way of thinking is missing. Among the majors in college some odd ones tend to score very low in tests of mathematical and statistical skill: public administration and journalism. Now look where that got us. I’m not insulting anyone. I am saying that we desperately need godly journalists and public administrators who can logically pursue objective truth. In fact, whoever you are, you need quantitative discernment now to even read the news with wisdom. Studying math builds a deep intuition for the objectivity of truth. Math echoes our faithful God I sometimes like to watch grappling matches. And now and then I’ll see a wrestler who is about to get choked, and he just looks so incredibly calm. Calm wrestling. That’s what we do in math class. Uh, except no chokeholds. So often, that calmness allows us to notice openings and turn the tables instead of struggling in a futile and unproductive way. We learn to wrestle calmly even when uncertainty hangs over our heads. Because we know that our reality is upheld by a firm foundation, we know we can learn to love the pursuit of pure truth without fearing that our ground will give way. These characteristics of math are largely due to the structure deeply built into the content of math, which is reflected in its highly structured language. In philosophy, literature, and theology, the grammatical/ linguistic/literary structures, and the argument constructions, rely on consistent ways of moving symbols around to create meaning and to move from truth to truth. And math does a particularly good job of honing in on that skillset because the rigid language develops a keenly patterned way of thinking. Studying mathematics trains a principled pursuit of truth. But does the structure of mathematics become a circular cage? G. K. Chesterton said that: “Imagination does not breed insanity. Exactly what does breed insanity is reason. Poets do not go mad; but chess-players do. Mathematicians go mad, and cashiers; but creative artists very seldom.... Poetry is sane because it floats easily in an infinite sea; reason seeks to cross the infinite sea, and so make it finite....” What Chesterton just described as math and reason is its form in the fallen world divorced from its Creator. But when math and reason are contextualized by the liberal arts and, most importantly, grounded in a relationship with Christ, they take on a different tone. To return to Chesterton again, children have a natural sense of wonder when they see patterns in nature. Why does the sun always rise? Why do apples not cease to fall from trees? There is something miraculous about regularity, even in mathematics. We often take “1+1=2” for granted. Yet the patterns and consistencies of reality do not exist fully ex-nihilo. Rather, each of these consistencies reflects the faithfulness of God. The order and the logic behind the universe must be understood as a creative act of God, as a constant outpouring of His nature. And when we see reason as a creative outpouring of God’s nature, math’s true beauty becomes visible. Rather than having an either/or relationship with imagination, reason joins forces with imagination. And so, because math is God’s creative act, poetry is built into the language of mathematics. Out of His nature, God spoke nature into order, and mathematics is the patterned language that we speak back to Him to echo His faithfulness. Math points to the magic undergirding it all Thus in a fundamental way, math is myth. I don’t mean that it’s false, but I mean that it orients us around the regularities that we can behold but cannot grasp. Therefore we must strive to see poetry in the logical, and logic in the poetical. As we draw connections between different areas of mathematics, we see how the fabric of mathematics is skillfully woven by God to help us behold what is beyond us. For the Christian, reason is that fragile little vessel which allows us to chase the horizon on the infinite sea of poetry. The structure, pattern, the consistency of the mathematical language, this is the rigidity of that little wooden boat we’re in. And this little wooden boat is the interface of the infinite. And as we learn to see God’s order and infinitude reflected in every horizon, mathematics is transformed. For the Christian, math is patterned praise, a cosmic liturgy. And so when all this comes back around to the practical, we can find reason to praise God when calculating our taxes. No, I’m serious: in an ashy wasteland, even the littlest green sprout of God’s truth can be greeted with thanksgiving. So, to reiterate: Math is practical – it has eternal implications. Math is principled – it trains a drive for truth. And math is poetic – it is our way of cherishing and proclaiming the creative consistency that God perpetually speaks into reality. Conclusion Therefore, and this is the part to take notes, please make sure your kids get enough sleep. Make sure they have a quiet space because math is a little bit meditative. Whenever possible, ask them to help compute budgets or sketch out geometry behind fencing projects. Play games, think about riddles. Do regular things with math eyes on. Also consider your own attitude, as a parent, about math. If you’ve had a bad experience with math in school, try to take on the Christian vision of mathematics as something beautiful. Many things in life, attitudes included, can be inherited. Endnotes 1 “Remember death”...

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Assorted

Learning to be anxious for nothing

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of...
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In a Nutshell

Tidbits – August 2023

All sorts of time to talk with God Some years ago a friend told me about a plan she had put into motion – she'd decided that on her drive to work e...
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News

500 days later: Covid protestors still locked up without trial or bail
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Saturday Selections – Aug 12, 2023

Vehicular instinct (2 min) SplendourBog was a Christian folk group back in the late 90s. This thank-you to Dad for his automotive advice, along with ...
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News

Court case to challenge Quebec’s ban on “overt prayer” in school

The Quebec Superior Court is set to hear a case that challenges the province’s ban on “overt prayers.” The province’s Education Minister Bernard Drainville explained that the purpose of the new legislation is “to preserve the secular nature of public schools.” The Christian Legal Fellowship (CLF) has been granted intervenor standing in the case. In his recent Globe and Mail article, “Banning student-initiated prayer in school spaces is unconstitutional and unjust,” CLF’s Executive Director Derek Ross explained why they believe the law is not constitutional: “True neutrality is achieved not by silencing prayer, but by accommodating students of all faiths, and none, to participate fully and equally in our public education system … if students’ prayers offend the state’s vision of secularism, which of their expressions of faith might be restricted next?" He also quoted a previous Supreme Court decision that explained that the Charter’s freedom of religion protects the right to “declare religious beliefs openly and without fear of hindrance or reprisal.” Pointing to a different Quebec court decision that defended someone giving the middle finger as a “God-given, Charter-enshrined right,” Ross concluded: “If an adult has the right to express anger with outstretched fingers, surely students have the right to express love with folded hands, or bended knees. If any right is God-given, that one is.”...

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Canada's highest court declines churches' appeal over Covid restrictions

The Supreme Court of Canada will not hear an appeal of how the BC government dealt with churches during Covid. Although each provincial government dealt with religious gatherings differently, BC’s response was particularly difficult, as the province ordered churches closed while it allowed bars, restaurants, gyms, businesses, art galleries, and schools to carry on. The indefinite order caused great stress as it clashed with God’s calling to His people to gather for worship and to care for each other. And as the lower court judge admitted, it also violated the constitution’s protection for freedom of religion and assembly. After the numerous efforts by churches to communicate with the provincial government fell on deaf ears, a respectful court challenge was initiated by three churches, two of them Reformed: Riverside Calvary Chapel in Langley, the Immanuel Covenant Reformed Church of Abbotsford, and the Free Reformed Church of Chilliwack. ARPA Canada was also granted written and oral arguments by the court. These three churches invested a great deal of time, effort, and heartache into their court challenge, and into conducting it as far as was possible, even in the face of some criticism from other churches. Some brothers and sisters seemed to think that challenging the government in court was contrary to the call for submission to the governing authorities that we find in Romans 13. But it is not. The courts are one of the three branches of government, and they offer a critical accountability to both the legislative branch (which makes the laws), and the executive (which enforces the laws). Bringing a case to the court doesn’t show disrespect for the government. It shows utmost respect – using the process that God has given us and the system of government we have. That's why Paul could appeal to the court system of his day (Acts 25:10-11). One lesson learned by those involved in these cases is that many of our secular leaders, including our judges, have little concept of what church and corporate worship means. As ARPA Canada detailed in their analysis of the original ruling which the churches were appealing, it was evident that the judge didn't understand how important worship is: "we should also be gravely concerned that he does not seem to have an appreciation for how central gathered worship is to Christians. In the judgement, Chief Justice Hinkson suggests that because both secular and religious schools can gather, that the current restrictions do not disadvantage those with religious beliefs. But this fails to appreciate the centrality of gathered worship to Christian communities. It is small comfort for a child to be able to gather with other Christians for the purpose of learning at school, but not to gather for the purpose of worship at church." It is important that churches, as legitimate authorities under God, now use times of peace and freedom to build relationships with our civic leaders so that they understand who we are and what God has called both us and them to. That the Supreme Court declined to weigh in isn't unusual – most appeal requests are denied, and the highest court also doesn’t give reasons for its decisions for not taking an appeal. Yet we can be thankful that the highest court of all, led by the Chief Justice of the universe, is seated on the throne and will judge all things and also make all things right....

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Assorted

A biblical counselor’s advice for church leadership

In the article "Anxiety and the triumph of hope," we shared insights from three biblical counselors about anxiety. What follows is further insight from one of them, Heres Snijder, specifically directed to pastors, elders, and deacons. – MP What advice do you have for church leadership as they minister to those who struggle with anxiety? A posture of compassion: Church leaders are soul shepherds. For preachers, elders and deacons, a posture of compassion is essential because Jesus was moved with compassion when he saw the exhausted and burdened crowds (Matthew 9:36). Anxiety is a heavy and exhausting burden for many. Paul instructed Galatian Christians to train themselves to carry their own burden of responsibility and to share each other’s burden too heavy to carry on their own. Anxiety calls for an understanding, compassionate, encouraging response to the sufferer, and for ongoing training in how to best handle anxiety provoking situations. A posture of patience and longsuffering: Frequently there are several unhelpful thinking styles that have developed over time, and these need to be exposed, identified, and replaced with healthy thinking skills and thought patterns. Paul identified the reality that the evil one wants to establish footholds and strongholds in our minds (Eph. 4:27, 2 Cor. 10:4). When anxiety has become a stronghold in the mind it takes concerted efforts to conquer it. A posture of prayer: Anxiety is one of the many “cries of the soul,” and it reveals our deepest questions about God. It is addressed in many psalms. The poets who wrote these knew about anxiety, personally, and up close. It is therefore indispensable for soul-shepherds to have an intimate knowledge of the content and anxious thoughts expressed in psalms like Psalm 22,  Ps. 23, Ps. 27, Ps. 30, Ps. 34, Pr. 46, Ps. 51, Ps. 61, Ps. 103, and Ps. 121. Training in emotional intelligence and relational wisdom: The attitude of “forget about your emotions” is unhelpful in the extreme. Empathy is an essential skill for pastors, elders and deacons. Encourage those who struggle to seek out counselors: Fortunately, many pastors and elders have this mindset. As one pastor shared with me: “We are always looking for good Christian counsellors as the need is great…but the counsellors are few and the wait times are long.” ...

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Saturday Selections – Aug 5, 2023

Unintended consequences In socialist states like the USSR, the government's central planning failed because people are complicated and to correctly predict their wants, needs, and actions, government leaders would have to have God-like omniscience. In socialist states like our own, the government central-plans things less, but it still has quite a lot on its plate: everything from school sex ed curriculum to their citizens' soda consumption, and so much in between. Despite the best of intentions, their plans fail too, and for the same reason: even the wisdom of Solomon wouldn't be up to this task... though he'd be smart enough not to try.  Wrong more often than right: the problem of psychological diagnosis Psychology Today recently published an article titled: "The Myth of Mental Health Diagnosis: Disagreement between clinicians is the norm, not the exception." This is quite the admission – Christians need to understand that when they turn to these secular experts for help, that "much of the modern method of caring for the souls of people is built on sand." Global warming saves lives? Did you know more people die from cold than from heat? Get your own seed! A challenge for evolutionists: make a flower grow out of a bucket of dirt. The catch is, you have to do it without a seed. What's the point? "If a well-equipped research facility, staffed by the world’s best scientists, couldn’t produce a seed or even a single living cell from raw materials, what basis is there for assuming unguided natural processes could do it?" More people are being euthanised in Canada than anywhere else in the world Reasons why include: the promotion of euthanasia as if it is a standard treatment suicide contagion raising it as an option to patients you didn't ask lack of oversight not caring enough to even get proper data collection But those are all symptoms of the main reason: when you stop seeing Man as made in the image of God (Gen. 9:6), you start treating him like just another animal. Eco-Colonialism: the First World is using green policy against the Third World (20 min) This is a longer video – 20 minutes – but it highlights an important topic: that today's environmentalism is much like the colonialism of old, "right down to the conviction that know better than the people they’re colonizing so it’s justified to make decisions for them 'for their own good.'” ...

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Drama, Movie Reviews

The Hiding Place (2023)

Drama / Stage play 2023 / 153 minutes Rating: 8/10 In the parking lot, I could already tell who had tickets to The Hiding Place. It's rare to see...
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Assorted

Anxiety and the triumph of hope: 3 biblical counsellors explain anxiety
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News

Saturday Selections – July 29, 2023

The scaremongers are wrong (7 min) While no one in this video is professedly Christian, the battle is over whether we're going to understand Man as t...
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Theology

Does 1 Corinthians 6 mean Christians can never appeal to the courts?
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Assorted

A pastor on anxiety

Rev. Dirk Poppe is serving as the pastor of the Southern River Free Reformed Church, in Western Australia. Prior to this he served as pastor of churches in BC & Alberta. Dirk is married to Amanda, and the LORD has blessed them with six children. Shortly after I was married, my wife and I moved to Southern Alberta where we had the privilege of being shepherded by Rev. Poppe. His care for the hearts and well-being of the flock was very evident, and he was also one of the first to speak to me about the value of biblical counseling. Knowing the critical connection between spiritual health and anxiety, I wanted to go beyond professional counselors and also ask a pastor for insight into anxiety. Pastor Poppe was at the top of my list, and I’m grateful for his insights. What follow is an abridged edit of our interview. – MP Have you seen any changes when it comes to the prevalence of anxiety in the church community and how we are dealing with it? Probably the biggest change that has led to an increase in the incidence of anxiety among the youth in the past 25 years is the introduction of phones and social media. It seems that there are several dynamics here. Some children are bullied on line. Some children, especially girls, tend to compare themselves to others more which leads to certain insecurities and increased anxiety. But underneath of that I wonder if there is a more foundational issue. Some people who have spent time on the mission field have told me that the incidence of depression and anxiety is much lower on the mission field than in our culture. Some people in these cultures live much closer to family and friends and their lives are much more integrated together. I have to wonder that with our wealth and increasing adoption of technology we are more isolated from others now than before. While social media, email and other forms of electronic communication gives the semblance of relationship, it is a poor substitute from sitting around making memories with your friends or brothers and sisters in Christ. I also wonder if the algorithms in our social media lead us to a lot of distressing stories that lead to an increase in anxiety and depression. Have we changed in the way that we are dealing with it? Yes and no. As more of members and office bearers in our churches become aware of issues like trauma and its effects and various mental health issues, there is an increasing sensitivity to those who genuinely struggle with these matters. I am very thankful for that. I have witnessed numerous times where people in leadership positions have been able to provide good counsel in these situations. At the same time, I have also witnessed some who lack awareness about these issues take an approach that is quite damaging to those who struggle with anxiety. On the whole I think that I have seen more awareness and sensitivity to these issues now than earlier. At the same time, as our culture has moved away from the acknowledgement of God in the past years, this has undermined a recognition of sin. You will rarely read a newspaper that acknowledges that a person is evil or has committed sin. Instead, our culture has adopted a therapeutic mindset. And so the problem is often identified as the mental health issues the person is struggling with. This trend has also impacted our members. It seems that some of our members are quicker to seek counseling or medical help for depression and anxiety now than in the past. I wonder if that is always justified. Could it be for some of our people that in some situations the problem is sin and the solution is not medication, but repentance? What is the role of the church in response to those who struggle with anxiety? How does this intersect with professional help from counsellors? I think that the church can play a wonderful role to help some people who struggle with anxiety. One of the most healing things for someone who has experienced trauma, who has mental health issues or who is stressed out by life is to be surrounded by a community of people who love them. A counsellor can be enormously helpful as they take the time to assist a person to understand what is going on in their mind or to deal with past traumas or specific marriage problems. A doctor or psychiatrist can be very helpful in prescribing certain medications to get them through a tough time. But at the same time, in order to heal, it’s also very important for someone who is anxious to have some close friends and a community of people who love and support them. Those who heal from anxiety, distressing events and past traumas are often those who are surrounded by a number of people who love them deeply, care for them well and who offer them wise counsel. The Bible calls some forms of anxiety a sin that need to be repented of. I have heard it described as a mild form of atheism (not trusting God or going about things as if we are the one who has to figure it out on our own). How would you explain the difference between healthy care/concern, and the type of anxiety that Jesus warns us against? Good question. It’s beautiful to have a deep level of concern about those things that God has called us to care about. We can be deeply concerned about the future of our business, the wellbeing of our children or the direction of our church. And yet at times we can become anxious in our hearts about these things. One of the ways in which I have dealt with this over the years is to understand that I am responsible for my contribution to a situation, but I am not responsible for the outcomes. The times we get stressed out is when we put ourselves in the place of God and we try to determine outcomes. We are not God. We do not have the power to determine outcomes. The LORD does. So instead of becoming stressed when things don’t go the way that we think is best, it’s important to humble ourselves before the LORD, do what we can to help, and then in faith rely on Him to work things out. From a spiritual perspective, what would you say may be contributing to increased anxiety in the world and in the church? At core the single biggest factor that leads to increased anxiety is a rejection of God. The LORD is the source of life and love. Those who know God and who walk intimately with him learn what it looks like to be gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. As we know God, we learn what justice and righteousness looks like. We learn to love others from the heart as we have been loved. We learn to treat others rightly as we have been treated by God. If we know of God’s faithfulness, then we learn to trust Him and to be faithful to our promises. As Christ lives in our hearts, the fruit of the Spirit is manifest within us. Our lives are characterized by love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. In 1 John 4:18 we are told, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.” As we experience the love of God and live out of that love, we are set free from all fear and anxiety. Those who reject God do not have the Spirit. They don’t know of God’s love and grace, his kindness and help, his justice and righteousness. As they live in sin and get caught under the grip of sin, they come into profound distress which often leads to anxiety. In Romans 1:18-32 and 2 Timothy 2:1-5, Paul spells out the sin that comes into the lives of those people who reject God. It’s a brutal life that leads to much distress and anxiety. If we become apathetic and drift away from the LORD, it should be no surprise that we experience more deceit, slander, injustice, oppression, violence and evil. These things not only steal your joy. They also lead to much anxiety. So, I would say that one of the most important things is to know the LORD well, understand how rich you are in Christ and to walk closely with him. Are there any specific things that you would encourage God's children to do to help them and their children not be trapped in anxiety? Love each other deeply. If you love your husband or wife deeply, if your marriage is characterized by kindness, gentleness, compassion and honesty, that creates a context of peace, safety and stability for you and your family. If mom loves and nurtures the little ones, if dinnertime with your teenagers drags out because you are having a great time sharing and laughing together, then most of the time anxiety kind of fades into the background. If you open your heart and home to each other and have an abundance of love your brothers and sisters in the communion of the saints, then people thrive and anxiety disappears. The most important thing to grow in love and empathy is to know the LORD. It’s as you know how much God loves you and as you understand how rich you are in Christ, that you have a deep-down peace in your heart and anxiety melts away. Get out into creation and get to know your LORD as He has revealed himself in this world. Find the trails in your area and hike all of them. Go camping. Take along a canoe and spend some time on the water. Study some part of God’s creation and become an expert in it. There are few things more delightful and invigorating than regularly spending time in God’s beautiful creation and marveling at the glory and wisdom of the God who created it. Also, take steps to limit the influence of those things that tend to isolate you from others. Ask Christ to help you have self-control over your use of media and technology. Get everyone in the family to monitor their screen time and write it on a chart on the fridge. And then pray over it. I would encourage parents to limit the time they and their children spend on social media, watching TV or playing video games. These things often suck the life out of us and steal our joy. Find a sport you love. Take up running. Make it a habit to go for a walk with a friend. Make sure that you get a good night of rest. Ask Christ to help you use the time and the gifts that you have to help and bless others. God often rescues us from anxiety as we focus our attention on Christ and all he has done for us and then seek to live a life of gratitude and service before him. Illustration by Stephanie Vanderpol....

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Saturday Selections – July 22, 2023

What would you say to the claim porn improves relationships? Porn has become so pervasive that some will now, without shame, discuss their viewing of it, and even defend it as a good thing. For Christians, though, there is no debate: Jesus said watching pornography is adultery (Matt 5:28), and, going back further still to the 10th Commandment, God prohibits coveting your neighbor's wife. And there are also practical objections, as detailed in the video below. Homeschooling boys One reason boys might be falling behind girls at school: "How long can you sit still, be quiet, and pay attention? We find no difference on that parameter comparing a 40-year-old woman with a 40-year-old man. But when we compare a 6-year-old girl with a 6-year-old boy, we find that the average 6-year-old boy can sit still, be quiet, and pay attention for only about half as long as the average 6-year-old girl. He may be sitting still and being quiet, but he is not paying attention." Does the Church need to lead on smartphones? As more research shows that smartphones are a trigger for all sorts of serious problems for teens, parents face the problem of how to act. No smartphones until 16 might sound nice, but if one family implements this policy on their own, it only means that their kids will be frozen out of the conversations their classmates are having online. That's not that helpful. So, should the government step in? That has downsides too, as Bonnie Kristian shares. So who can help? Might the local congregation be able to rally families to work together? 10 roadtrip conversation starters Your kidlets are in the back dozing and you have miles to go before you arrive at your vacation destination - it's a chance for some meaningful conversation with your better half. Here's 10 questions to kick things off. Correcting the actual misinformation about gender ideology It seemed that in times past, when the media mislead us it was because they were giving only half the story. It was a lie of omission, certainly, but the facts they did share were actually facts. Today, they seem willing to just lie. No, humans aren't 99% chimp By one measure, humans share 60% of our DNA with bananas. But no one thinks that makes us 60% fruity. So why the fixation the stat that we share 99% of the DNA of chimps... especially since it isn't even true? A boomwhacker brawl Just some Dutch guys making music... and channeling the Three Stooges. ...

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Interview with an artist

Julia Veenstra is expressing the world!

Interview with an artist **** Breakfast at Tiffany's48” X 72” - Acrylic on CanvasTiffany Falls is a waterfall in Hamilton. Water has the power to change its path! With God so do we! According to Hamilton-based artist Julia Veenstra, we all have a moment in time that comforts and reassures us when remembered. “Perhaps it's a smell that transports us back in time, stirring up emotions of all kinds,” Veenstra says. “I am attracted to those moments that create comfort, those scents that cause a rush of deep memories.” Julia was an observant child who took detailed notice of the world around her, especially on walks through different neighborhoods. “These moments shaped my understanding of wholeness and peace, both real and imagined,” she says. Julia later expanded her neighborhood explorations to worldwide travels. She has spent time in New York, Virginia Beach, Tanzania and Kenya. Having lived in various countries throughout her life – including a spell spent as a missionary in Tanzania and Kenya – Julia incorporates diverse influences into her impressionistic and representational style. Veenstra studied illustration at Sheridan College in Oakville, Ontario. In addition to illustration work, Julia freelanced as a fine art painter. After some time as a missionary in East Africa, where she illustrated educational materials and taught art at an international school, she came home to Hamilton. Upon her return to Hamilton, she began painting as an occupation in a rented studio space. Eventually she bought a building in the “artsy” James St. North area and ran a gallery there for 10 years! Cloud Watching36” X 36” - Acrylic on CanvasMuskoka islands are reminders of a day on the lake with friends! Always amazed at creation! Julia is currently opening a new gallery called Crown and Press – also in Hamilton. You can find Julia most often these days in her studio, a converted garage, at her home on Beach Boulevard in Hamilton. Julia says “I create because I was made to! Expressing the world I see around me is a form of worship and a thing that draws me daily to my brush and canvas.” Julia’s artistic journey has now led her to focus on capturing the vivid landscapes of her native Canada, for which she has gained national recognition. Veenstra is renowned for her lively composition and vibrant use of color. You can view more of Julia’s art and you can purchase originals, prints and a variety of art-inspired products at her website: https://juliaveenstra.com You can also connect with the artist at www.Instagram.com/jveenstraartist And if you have a suggestion for an artist you’d like to see profiled in RP please send us a note. Pictures have been graciously provided by the artist, and are used here with permission....

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News

Peace, peace? Will the CRC be lulled into losing their way?

Is there a spiritual war going on behind the scenes in the Christian Reformed Church? Oh yes, says member Phil Reinders, in a June 5 column in the Christian Courier, published just before this year’s synod. “…the Church is being played. We are unaware of a larger battle going on, one not against flesh and blood, but against the powers and principalities. …there is a spirit of the age that is binding and blinding the church…” Those familiar with the CRC will recall that 2022’s synod formally adopted a “Human Sexuality Report” reaffirming homosexuality as sinful. This year’s synod has confirmed it yet again. However, after taking these two steps forward, the denomination’s Calvin University took one big step back, granting every faculty member who filed a “gravamen” – a formal statement of disagreement – with Synod’s decision, their approval for continued employment. Synod 2023 pushed to 2024 a decision that might have challenged the university’s decision. So Phil Reinders’ warning might have us respond with a hearty “Amen,” and “Preach it brother!” Can’t the CRC leadership see that freeing erring university professors to continue influencing the next generation is a good way to turn this recent victory into a long-term defeat? But sadly, Reinders isn’t cautioning against a CRC slide into sexual lawlessness. Nope, he is worried about how making big of sexual orthodoxy might cause division in the church. “Our best witness to the world won’t be a particular stance on sexual ethics, whatever your position might be. At any time, but certainly in this moment of fracture and antagonism, the church’s best witness is a practiced unity in the body of Christ…” He cites Scripture passages such as James 3:17-18 and Ephesians 4:3 which praise peace and peacemakers. He’s preaching unity. Above all. What God has said about what is good and best for everyone when it comes to sexuality, and being created male and female, and husbands’ and wives’ roles in marriage, all of that doesn’t matter. Not if it disrupts unity. For those of us on the outside looking in, it’s worth considering how an appeal for unity – which God Himself encourages us towards – can be used to oppose God. When anything, even the best of things like love, unity, and truth, are presented as the ultimate good, they become not a means to worship God, but a replacement for Him – this is unity as an idol. Just consider what this sort of unity would look like. CRC members are being asked to tolerate those who differ and we know what it would look like on the one side: practicing homosexuals being elevated to positions as elders and deacons and pastors, couples getting “married” in the church, and their relationships celebrated. Tolerance would mean homosexuals being loud and proud about their sexuality inside their local congregations. Anything else wouldn’t respect who they are. And what of those on the other side? What of those convinced that God condemns homosexuality, and that gay “marriages” are two people dangerously committing themselves to ongoing rebellion against their Maker for as long as they both shall live? Will the orthodox side be tolerated if they speak their piece during the “any objections” part of the ceremony? Will they be tolerated if they won’t stop pleading for their homosexual friends to repent and turn back to the God Who knows what is the very best for them? No. We know better. They’ll be told to be respectful. Be loving. And be quiet. Jeremiah warned against those who preached “peace, peace when there is no peace” (Jeremiah 6:14, 8:11). Sometimes battles are unavoidable. The unity on offer here is only a trick that will be used to silence God’s truth about sexuality in the CRC… just as our culture most desperately needs to hear that truth from the church. And Phil Reinders is either preaching this impossible unity in ignorance, or, like he said, “the Church is being played.”...

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