Being the Church

Love thy neighbor. Love thy neighborhood encampment…?

A more broken down part of Hamilton.

What comes to mind when you think of Hamilton, Ontario? The waterfall capital of the world? The armpit of the Golden Horseshoe? Or perhaps you’ve visited recently, and found the “Social Services Capital of Canada” to be seriously… hurting.

The city is fraying at the edges. Encampments continually crop up in our parks, leaving behind needles, actual mounds of garbage, and disturbed souls hanging out by the playground. It’s a city where drug addicts shoot up on streets, many bent in the signature “fenty-fold.” Police recently discovered a labyrinth of tunnels in our largest park, connecting tents to a generator and tapping into the city’s power supply.

This is where my kids play next to the “Truck Man,” who lives out of a beat-up black pickup and occasionally flashes his brass knuckles. Just last fall, thieves broke into a nearby vehicle. Discovered by a vigilante neighbor, they dashed within five feet of my kids as they played in our yard. Down the escarpment, my friend’s aged neighbor was attacked in his own home last year, stabbed to death by a homeless man on drugs.

This is the new Hamilton, and we’re all still trying to cope with it.

When I see a new tent being pitched just down the road, I cringe. Not another one. Not more brokenness and filth in our neighborhood. Please just move away!

Then I feel a twinge of guilt because Jesus calls us to love our neighbor (Matt. 22:39) and minister to the least of these (Matt. 25:40). He reaches out to the most vulnerable and rejected of society, and commissions us to do the same. “Please move away!” isn’t in the Great Commission. My cringing disgust and Christ’s commands have created a strong dissonance within me. I suspect that many Canadians and Americans feel the same, as our lands slip deeper into brokenness and ruin.

An idolatry of comfort

Winston Bosch is the pastor of
Hamilton's Streetlight Christian Church.

Pastor Winston Bosch ministers to Streetlight Christian Church, a missional Canadian Reformed congregation set in Hamilton’s inner city. After serving impoverished peoples (both in Hamilton and abroad) for over seven years, Bosch still feels that dissonance.

“I’m constantly uncomfortable,” he admits. “Christ is no longer here on earth, and so we His Church go about sharing the Gospel, being the voice and hands of the Good Shepherd. That involves getting dirty and messy with poverty and it’s uncomfortable. We share in His suffering.”

As middle-class Canadians, we’ve been shielded from much of the brokenness of this world. But it’s moving in, it’s around the corner and it’s in our face. That desire to hunker down with our families in a fortress, walled off from the problems of the world? Maybe it points to something hidden deep in our hearts. Pastor Bosch calls it “the idolatry of comfort.”

“If the religion that the Lord accepts as pure and faultless is to look after orphans and widows and to keep one’s self from being polluted by the world, then the Lord also wants us not to be polluted by the world of comfort and ease, but to move towards suffering.”

Move towards suffering? That’s tricky to do, especially when that suffering comes with a smell or bed bugs. Yet the Scriptural imperative to minister to our poor is clearly written throughout Scriptures. James 2 lays a finger on our tendency towards favoritism. “Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in…” Who do we give the best seat to? James brings us back to the second great command, love your neighbor as yourself.

So how do we? Let’s tackle that question step by step.

The “problem” – a closer look at our poor and needy

Admittedly, I’ve been quick to spout out all sorts of excuses when I see homeless people. “Why don’t they just get a job? They’re only on the street because they can’t do drugs in shelters…” And there’s some truth in those objections.

But when you look closely at the real facts, these trite little phrases ring hollow. Last year the City of Hamilton reported that only 747 shelter beds are available for the estimated 1,500 homeless people in the city.¹ Across the lake in Toronto, dozens of calls requesting shelter (and as many as 150+ requests a day during certain months) were not matched to a bed last year. Though the 2026 numbers seem to be improving, unmet requests can mean death on frigid Ontario winter nights.² That can mean death on those frigid winter nights. For many, Pastor Bosch says, it’s easier to skip the shelter lineups and just live in a park.

We’ve all felt the financial crunch as the cost of living has risen – that’s had an even greater impact on the poor. Our social services are overwhelmed and insufficient to meet the needs of many. Consider the prospects of someone on disability support in Ontario. They can receive up to $1,408 per month.³ About $1000 of that goes to rent (if they’re lucky! Market rent on studio apartments averages $1450, although individual rooms are under $1000 if you can weather the safety hazards). $125 buys a bus pass, leaving just $283 for the month’s groceries. Bosch says that social workers will actually tell their clients, “‘Look, your Ontario Disability is not enough for rent and food, so you need to go around to all the churches and ask for help. That’s the only way you’ll survive.”

Another contributing factor to poverty is disability and mental health struggles. Teresa Howe is a community engagement manager for Indwell, a Christian charity devoted to providing affordable housing. She reports that almost 80 percent of Indwell’s tenants have a chronic mental health diagnosis, including schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, etc. “We don’t have cures for any of these,” Howe reflects.

“It’s just something you’re living with… But a large part of challenges are gone when they have supportive housing. If people are taking meds regularly and going to appointments, we can help prevent hospitalization.”

Serving at Mission in the Margins

Of course, addiction is a huge driver of poverty and homelessness – as is painfully obvious on Hamilton’s streets. Howe says Indwell has many supports in place for tenants struggling with addictions, to help them “meet their recovery goals.” This approach breaks down when tenants show little in the way of recovery goals, but at this time and place in Canada, it’s something. “Their best chance at recovery is stable housing,” Howe says. “Whoever got sober living in an encampment or under a bridge?” But what does providing stable housing look like for unstable people? If it is accompanied with any sort of requirements – like sobriety – some won’t accept it. And it if is provided with no obligations, it doesn’t take a prophet to predict what an apartment or small room will soon look like if an addict treats it with the same respect they give their own body. A more drastic abstinence-focused approach is necessary – but more on that later.

Perhaps the most heartrending aspect of all this is family and generational breakdown. Pastor Bosch tells story after story of this, as adults with a history of enormous trauma raise children of their own. In Streetlight Christian Church, where Bosch pastors, the vast majority of church members coming from surrounding neighborhoods have suffered extreme trauma, like severe physical or sexual abuse and neglect. Grandparents raise their grandchildren, because parents are addicted and off the radar.

Bosch recalls one kid whose only real interaction with either parent was searching out his mom in an encampment on his birthday every year, and getting a few bucks as a present. One fellow recently told Bosch that he had four different names before turning five years old – because every time he was “thrown around” to another home, the caregiver would give him a new name.

There’s a 17-year-old girl who came to Streetlight’s family support worker. She was born in a tent, her birth never registered. The worker went to enormous lengths to get government ID so this girl could then attend school.

This is the legacy that is passed on – a burden of generational problems, both learned (addiction, etc.) and inborn (e.g. Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders.)

“We have six-year-olds coming in with no bowel control,” Bosch says, “They stink and are dirty, they have no shoes in the winter… when that person becomes an adult, there’s a good chance that person will be on and off the street.”

Jim*, a 16-year-old young man, was raised by his grandparents. They gave him marijuana as a child when he was anxious. With no one sending him off to school, Jim’s attendance was spotty. He came to Streetlight, and began a youth internship, setting up chairs and cleaning. Jim shared his two life goals with Streetlight’s youth worker: he wanted a job (nobody in his family had a job), and a family that sat down to eat together (the very things we usually take for granted!). Jim applied to jobs with nothing on his resume but the Streetlight internship. One day he came up to Bosch, beaming. “Pastor Winston, guess what – I got a job!”

Streetlight celebrates the wins, but doesn’t lose sight of the pattern. Family and generational brokenness are the norm, the legacy being inherited. It’s a community crying out for the healing of the Gospel.

And it brings me back to my own, beautiful upbringing – two godly parents, five wonderful siblings, a home and three meals a day. What do I have that I haven’t been given?

The need for a multi-pronged response

Things look pretty dark for Canada. We’ve cast off our Christian heritage with vitriolic fervor and are reaping the rewards of godlessness. Poverty is moving in quickly. Brokenness is becoming the norm. Amidst this, may Christ’s Church shine out like a city on a hill.

Serving with Mission in the Margins

Pastor Bosch sees a strong need for a multi-pronged response to homelessness and addiction. Much like Christians have split the pro-life cause into political action (lobbying for legal change) and mercy ministry (pregnancy centers, etc.), Bosch sees room for a similar approach here.

On the political front, Canada’s soft response to encampments has had a ruinous effect on our communities and the homeless themselves. Alberta Social Services Minister Jason Nixon points out that encampments are not a humane response to homelessness – they quickly become cesspools of homeless-on-homeless abuse, drug addiction, human trafficking, often being run by drug cartels.

By contrast to much of Canada, Alberta disassembled many homeless encampments and provided residents with social services, including rehab and mental health supports. This hasn’t been a seamless process, but it’s a better response for all concerned than simply enabling lawless encampments.⁴ As Romans 13:3 says “For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad.” It’s time for the government to take up its role in protecting the vulnerable and punishing the evil-doer.

In the realm of drugs and addictions, the federal government has moved from prevention to “harm reduction,” effectively turning itself into a colossal drug dealer.⁵ The Association for Reformed Political Action (ARPA) recommends an alternative model similar to Portugal’s, which offers addicts a choice between treatment or legal penalties. The sad truth is that many addicts are, well, addicted and won’t choose treatment of their own free will. Addiction motivates many homeless people towards violent or criminal activity, thereby harming residential neighborhoods and parks. A move to mandatory treatment would greatly improve the lives of our addicts, homeless and general population. To date, ARPA does not have an active campaign pushing for this approach – it remains an area of need for Christian political action.

When you throw in the crush of waves of recent refugees and an overwhelmed social system so bureaucratically constipated that accessing services is a monumental job, things are dark for impoverished and homeless Canadians. So what’s a Christian to do?

The Church’s response – far from easy to know what to do

Ministering to the homeless gets complicated. My cousin Steven Williamson pastors Cornerstone URC in London, Ontario. London is known as the “Zombie Capital of Canada,” and Williamson’s church is in the thick of it. The church has actively reached out to the homeless camping on church property and in the neighborhood. Williamson tells the story of one fellow – we’ll call him Zach. Zach attended church and Bible study for four months, bringing his backpack along with him every time. One morning, a church member nudged his bag – Zach began screaming and shouting. He turned violent, pulling a long butcher knife from his backpack. A week later, he returned. Williamson and some other fellows escorted him out the door, locking it behind him. Zach then attempted to throw bricks through the windows but couldn’t break the safety glass. He tried to enter by sliding his knife through the double doors and opening the lock, while Williamson held the doors shut from inside. That wasn’t in his seminary training!

“Our justice system is not protecting us properly,” Williamson commented. He discovered that the man had a whole history of pulling knives on others. “The church bears the basin and the towel, but the government bears the sword. We have to hold our government to the fire.”

Williamson and his church are in a tight spot. “We want to be kind and merciful, but we also need to be safe. We don’t really have many good answers and it feels very much beyond us as a church.”

Streetlight Christian Church

The Church shines brightest in the dark. Someone told Pastor Winston Bosch the other day that, “If Reformed Christians and Roman Catholics were not doing work in Hamilton it would be like hell on earth.” Bosch says most of the real ministry to the poor is being done by Christians. “The church is active and the Gospel is going out.”

Streetlight Christian Church has been reaching out to the poor regions of Hamilton for 26 years. They work with many people upstream or downstream from homelessness.

Serving with Mission in the Margins

An active part of their support is working together with city and housing workers to help people navigate social services. Many folks need help recovering identification papers or, with the many who are illiterate, simply reading documents. Streetlight holds adult Bible studies, and offers community kids’ sporting opportunities. They also offer weekly meals, Bible lessons and discipling for those who want to know God more. The church provides a sense of love and community, always accompanied by the good news of the Gospel.

It can be discouraging work. Bosch says the Streetlight team has to “fight for joy, seeing where wonderful things are happening.” And there are many. Like one teen who recently asked Streetlight’s youth worker, “I’m a Christian… is that an insult to my First Nations ancestors?” Or the folks who used to be sleeping outside the building, now coming to church healthy and clean. And the 16-year-old girl from a loving – and very Buddhist – family. “I think I’m a Christian,” she told Bosch, “But my parents are Buddhists…” How does she reconcile these two things?

Healing and growth don’t always look like we’d expect. “I meet so many people in downtown Hamilton that are believers,” Bosch shares, “and their life is just a living miracle. Everything in life has been against them. And they’re still alive. They live in a tent, but they’re praising the Lord! The Holy Spirit is doing work right now, in unexpected places.”

The miracles are all around, for those with eyes to see. Bosch recalls a church member – once a drug addict, now a believer. Her life is still a mess. One day Bosch found her outside, screaming and cursing out another church member. Bosch tapped her on the shoulder. “Hey, can I talk to you?” he asked. Her response caught him by surprise. “Praise the Lord, Pastor! Five years ago, I would have beat the s* out of that b*, and today all I did was yell at her. The Holy Spirit is working in my life!” And so He is!

Mission to the Margins

As a young man Jeff Hesselink walked away from his loving Christian family and struck out for western Canada, and ended up on the streets. Now, in the city of Cambridge, Jeff Hesselink works as a chaplain with Mission to the Margins, ministering to the homeless and impoverished.

In the nearby city of Cambridge, Jeff Hesselink works as a chaplain with Mission to the Margins, ministering to the homeless and impoverished.

The Gospel is at the heart of everything they do. “What we bring most of all is the message of the Gospel, but we do that in conjunction with meeting people’s tangible needs as much as we can.” Twice a week they work with churches to provide meals to those who need it. A Gospel message is served before the meal (prepared in-house by church volunteers.) Guests are welcome to the ministry’s food bank, clothing room, and laundry and shower facilities. Throughout the week, the ministry offers pastoral, grief and community support, a bike repair clinic and mentorship.

“Here, in this place,” Hesselink says, “People find a warm place like home on cold winter nights; a refreshing place to halt their unceasing march, to come cool off from the oppressive heat of scorching summer days. And here people find relief from that crushing, suffocating plague of loneliness… All this is nothing new or innovative. The church has been caring for the poor and needy like this… since its inception.”

Hesselink knows firsthand that unceasing march. As a young man he walked away from his loving Christian family and struck out for western Canada. He came to the end of himself and made a deal with God: either God would reveal Himself to Hesselink, or the desperate young man would call it quits – because life without Him was unbearable.

God heard, and answered in a powerful way. Hesselink vividly recalls those days. “Suffice it to say that as I made my way West I was given a new life, and a hope and a future in Him.” Hesselink had peace – but he didn’t have a home. “Here on the streets, in a city I had never been in before, people treated me like I was a thing and not a person, like a garbage can or street post they needed to get around...” Many years later, God has given Hesselink a home, a family and a calling – to reach out to others on the margins, as he once was, with the hope of the Gospel.

He recalls a recent conversation with Barry*. As they were discussing Matthew 7, Barry asked in a hushed voice, “How do I do it? What do I do? How do I take the next step in Christianity?” Essentially it was the question of the Philippian jailor, “What must I do to be saved?”

The Gospel will triumph in Hamilton, Canada, and the world

As Canada slides into deeper poverty and brokenness, Christians need to shine the light of Christ to the impoverished and homeless. The call is both personal and corporate. On a personal level, it starts with seeing the resident homeless man, not as a “street post” to get around, but as a person made in the image of God. We can pray for them and offer to buy them food or other necessities. Corporately, we as churches have a mandate to minister to the least of these. Partnering with an inner-city church or Gospel-driven ministry is both obedient and redemptive.

The seed of the Word will fall on good earth. Bosch and his church are seeing that. They work with eyes open to the suffering, and with sights fixed on the future. “I know the end of the story,” Bosch says. “I’ve read the end of the Bible and Jesus wins! There’s no more suffering. He’s going to take His nail-scarred hand and wipe away every tear… He’s going to make all things new. And all the brokenness, sin, suffering and bad decisions; all of that will be pushed into outer darkness and will be made right. Jesus is doing that. He’s going to win!”

Names with an * have been changed to protect privacy. Pictures graciously supplied by Jeff Hesselink.

Endnotes

¹ https://www.hamilton.ca/city-council/news-notices/news-releases/city-calls-enhanced-support-government-partners-address
² https://www.toronto.ca/city-government/data-research-maps/research-reports/housing-and-homelessness-research-and-reports/shelter-system-requests-for-referrals/
³ https://www.ontario.ca/page/income-support-odsp
⁴ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2V8nKqLkFg
⁵ In an effort to move addicts away from dangerous street drugs, Safe Supply Centres offer “safer supply” drugs – prescription fentanyl and other drugs. https://arpacanada.ca/articles/canadas-drug-crisis-a-wicked-public-policy-problem-part-4/

Being the Church

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Christians don’t pray

Who says that Christians don’t pray? Of course, Christians pray, don’t they? Isn’t prayer one of the essential characteristics of Christian life? Every time the family sits at a meal someone prays asking God to bless the food. When they go to church, the preacher prays and people bow their heads and join him in prayer, don’t they? What kind of nonsense is this to say that Christians don’t pray? Wow, what a way to start an article! Let me see if I can explain. ***** It is Friday evening and a missionary has come to your church to present the situation in Upper Castelia. He says that the national leaders are in some distress, the people are poor and mistreated, the missionaries are understaffed, and the government is refusing to grant visas to new missionaries. They are also having difficulty with their financial support. The people need Bibles, food, medical help, and national pastors. But his main concern is the need for prayer for the people. He asks the congregation to pray for him and his family as they will be returning to Upper Castelia Castelia next month. The appeal strikes a chord in your heart and mind. You say to yourself, “By God’s grace, I will pray.” As the pastor closes the service, he mentions the need to pray for “our sister Martha” in the hospital with cancer. After the service you shake hands with the missionary and give his wife a hug. You whisper to them, “I’ll pray for you.” You get into your car and drive through traffic rehearsing in your mind the words of the missionary. You are a careful driver but there are so many bad drivers who speed or forget to signal. And some guy seems to be glued to your back bumper. Aloud, you say, “Why aren’t there any police around to arrest him for tailgating? Drivers these days need to take a refresher course on driving courtesy.” When you arrive home a little frustrated, you have things to do. The kids have to get to bed on time because Saturday is a busy day. After you tuck them in you can relax. This will give you some time to check a few things on Facebook. A few hours later, you pull yourself away from the computer and turn on the television evening news. Looks like taxes are going to increase. Cost of living is up. There was an accident on the major highway. An offender was released on parole after serving only half of his sentence. The fire crews were called out to a blaze on Main Street. There’s a hint of some impending scandal in the government. The sports scores show that your team is not doing nearly as well as it should. Ahh, here’s the weather. Tomorrow is going to be pretty much the same as today with the slight possibility of precipitation. After the news you tidy up the place, put the few empty snack dishes into the sink, yawn, and get into bed ... too tired to pray. Saturday is another busy day. The children are up early. Bob needs a ride to sports practice and Barb needs to go to swim class. The Thompsons are coming over for the barbecue. You’re too busy to pray. On Sunday morning you rush around getting the family ready for church. During the service, your pastor mentions the good meeting last Friday with the Upper Castelia missionaries. Yes, you silently agree, “We need to pray for them.” Apart from church, Sunday’s routine doesn’t differ significantly from the other days. You said you would pray for the missionaries, but you haven’t. You are irritated by bad drivers, but you don’t pray for them. You are disturbed by what you hear and see on the news, but you don’t pray. You complain about the government, but you don’t pray. Since Martha wasn’t in church, you forgot all about her. And I say, “Christians don’t pray.” ***** I hate to say it (having been a pastor, now retired) but even some pastors don’t pray. They lead in prayer in church services, they pray at the bedside of suffering people, and they promise to pray for you. But with all the cares of the church, they don’t spend time praying in their offices or in their homes. Again I say, “Christians don’t pray.” Jesus prayed. Many times He went off alone to pray. The disciples watched the Lord pray and came to the realization that compared to Him they really didn’t pray. They heard the self-righteous prayers of the Pharisees, but Jesus prayed differently. They came to Jesus with a simple request: “Lord, teach us to pray” (Luke 11:1). They wanted a life of prayer. The Lord’s response was just as simple as their request. In the Sermon on the Mount, He told them to avoid the way that their leaders prayed. Then He gave them a template for prayer. You have probably memorized it. “Our Father in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen” (Matt. 6:9-13, NKJV). The ancient Greeks argued about which was more important: form or content. To a thirsty person, form without content is like a cup with no water. Content without form is like a splash of water in the face. Both form and content (cup and water) are necessary. When it comes to a life of prayer, the same is true. The words and requests are the content, but the structure is the form. A prayer list needs some structure. The Lord’s answer to the request of the disciples provides us with a very comprehensive structure. “Hallowed be Your name.” Begin with exalting God. When Jesus died on the cross, “the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom” (Matt. 27:51). And now we who believe in Jesus Christ have free access to God. We can approach God’s throne of grace boldly to “obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Heb. 4:16). Prayer, therefore, begins with adoration of God as your heavenly Father who invites you into His presence. “Your kingdom come.” Pray for the extension of the Lordship of Christ in the lives of your relatives, friends, and neighbors. Pray for missionary work around the world. Be specific. “Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” God has set leaders over us so that His will might be done here. He has given the church pastors and elders to give spiritual guidance. Pray for them. We are to be subject to the civil authorities, too. Pray for teachers, police, firemen, wardens, medical people, employers, and political leaders. “Give us this day our daily bread.” Notice that our needs are not first in the list and it is not “my” need but “our” need. What are the daily needs of your family, church, friends, co-workers, and neighbors? The elderly need safety and health. Parents need wisdom. “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” In the same way that we forgive others, we want God to forgive us. Remember the story of the steward who would not forgive the man who was under him although he himself had been forgiven a vast amount (Matt. 18:23-35). The man who has truly been forgiven cannot help but to forgive others. “Lord, forgive me for my sin.” “Do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.” This is a prayer for spiritual safety as well as physical safety for you and all those you know. We ask to be kept from temptation, including the temptation to waste our time that keeps us from our prayer time. Your temptation may be different from mine, so ask for the Holy Spirit’s guidance for spiritual victory. Early in our marriage, we spent a few days with my wife’s parents. Her father was a successful pastor. I asked my mother-in-law, “What is Dad’s secret?” She said, “I have patched the knees of his long johns many times, but I have never patched the seat.” On a personal note, every day for the 60 years of our marriage, we have spent at least 30 minutes each evening as our devotional time. I will read about two chapters of the Bible aloud and my wife will follow along in her Bible, then she will pray aloud. The next night it’s her turn to read two chapters and I pray. We have read the Bible through cover-to-cover many times in many versions. We have several pages of prayer requests. Each page follows the pattern of the Lord’s prayer. May I encourage you to turn off the computer and the TV half an hour before bedtime. Dedicate that time to reading aloud and praying. I started this article with the words, “Christians don’t pray” but after reading what I have written, I hope you can say, “Some Christians don’t pray, but with God’s help, I pray.” John Barach has been a pastor and Bible college professor and still runs a biblical Greek tutorial website at GreekDoc.com. He and his wife look to celebrate their 60th anniversary in August....

Being the Church

God loves a cheerful giver

6 ways to restore the joy of giving ***** In one sense, the most faithful givers during the earthly ministry of Jesus Christ were the Pharisees, as He Himself said: “you Pharisees… tithe mint and rue and every herb” (Luke 11:42). However, a fuller look at this passage shows that Jesus was not pleased with their self-glorifying and joyless giving: “But woe to you Pharisees! For you… neglect justice and the love of God” (Luke 11:42). Christ wants us to give from the heart so we should never allow our generosity to become merely a dutiful routine. But it can easily happen. For example, one way to give responsibly to your church is to give by automatic or pre-authorized withdrawal. If you have a stable income, it’s an excellent way to commit to giving your first fruits each month… but it can also become almost invisible, to the point that you barely realize that you are giving at all. Yet, “God loves a cheerful giver” (2 Cor. 9:7). So how can we be more heartfelt, God-loving, and cheerful in our giving? Be more intentional – if you invest your time and thoughts, your heart will follow. So here’s a half dozen ways to restore the joy in your giving. 1. See for yourself While our giving shouldn’t be motivated by our pleasure, it can be motivated by knowing the good it is doing. Paul demonstrates this when he shares with the Corinthians the blessing their gift will be for those in need in Jerusalem, and also shares what glory it will give God (2 Cor. 9:12-13). If you are giving faithfully to your congregation’s budgetary needs, invest some time as well. Read over the budget before the annual congregational meeting to see where your money is going. Focus carefully on the reports of the various committees in your congregation to see or hear what they have been doing and hope to be doing in the year ahead. When giving to other Reformed and Christian causes, get informed about them, and be sure to sign up for updates on the work being done by any ministry you are supporting. Visiting the building where an organization does its work can give you a better understanding of the value of, and the need for, its services. For example, when I recently visited Edmonton’s Hope Mission, Ryan Harding, the Mission’s manager of community engagement, told me of one client who had, more than a decade ago, actually threatened Ryan while high on crystal meth, but who was now ministering to others at the Mission. While I was there I saw the Mission was putting up wooden barriers around one end and one side of each bunk, so I asked about it. Ryan explained that many of the men they served had felt a lack of privacy, being exposed on every side – the barriers fixed that, and they also lowered the level of conflict among their clients. However, Ryan stressed that these barriers come with a cost. There’s the financial cost of installing them, and also the expenses involved in the increased need for more supervision because the barriers block staff’s view of the men in the bunks – now it is harder to see if men are using drugs or might be having a medical emergency. Being there, and being able to see and ask questions gave me a good sense of their need for funds and the careful use they are putting them to. And that certainly increases the joy in giving! 2. Let others know Share your newsletters from Christian charities and ministries with your friends and neighbors. Promote those same organizations on social media, being sure to open your posts with acknowledgment that their successes are due to God’s blessing and to His glory. If the leaders of the ministries you support have written a book or two about their work, request a copy, read it, talk about it, and pass it along to your nearest Little Free Library, or lend it to multiple interested people. The Westminster Shorter Catechism tells us, rightly, that “the chief end of man” is to “glorify God and enjoy Him forever,” so let the world know how the groups and people are bringing glory to God. “Blessings box” let’s light shine The “blessings box” pictured here has been built by Providence Canadian Reformed Church on the edge of their property in the middle of their residential Edmonton neighborhood. Church members share all kinds of blessings with their neighbors via the blessings box: canned goods (in the summer), dry goods, hygiene items, and, as mentioned in the article, good Christian books. Providence Church supplies stickers with Bible verses to put on the items shared. The church members’ goal is for the neighbors of Providence Church to see it as, by the grace of God, a blessing to their neighbors, and to encourage their neighbors to check out what makes this church so willing to be a blessing. For more information, see ProvidenceReformed.ca/the-blessings-box. 3. Get your hands, or feet, involved Consider giving more than just your money. Put in some sweat equity to, again, have a better idea of what your money is supporting. In your church, volunteer to provide coffee and other refreshments on Sunday; buy supplies for your church’s Little Free Library or Blessings Box; join your church’s outreach to the neighborhoods around the church building; become a member of the church’s Committee of Administration or sound crew; and either step up to allow your name to stand as a candidate for office-bearer or support your office-bearers with hospitality, or errands, or meals to support their families during the busy times of an office-bearer’s term. As far as spending volunteer time outside your own congregation, the idea of regularly volunteering for a particular organization may seem scary or impractical for you. Perhaps you are feeling a mismatch between your talents and the organization’s needs, or maybe you have bigger commitments right now to your church and/or your family. “If so, perhaps you can support others’ efforts: encourage your kids to get involved (and commit to driving them if needed), or help make it possible for your spouse to free up some time to contribute to this cause.” Getting together with others to support your favorite organization spreads the joy, and promotes the glory of God, that much more. For instance, if you only have time to make one visit to see what an organization is doing, you may still be able to bring others with you. Organize a group to tour the headquarters or the sites where the ministry does its outreach. If you can only commit to one afternoon or one evening a year for the organization, see if you can help get a team together, or make a date of it with your spouse for the group’s annual fundraiser. And if that fundraiser is a walkathon, it gets you into the fresh air, gives you exercise, and promotes your fellowship for a morning or afternoon together – win/win! When a number of Canadian Reformed school staff and students organized a team to walk for the Union Gospel Mission in Winnipeg, the competition to raise more funds than the other teams was just plain fun, but it also promoted God’s glory by spreading around the knowledge of what God was doing through the Mission. 4. Follow the money Another way to feel good about your giving is to know that the funds are being used in a stewardly way. So check the accountability of the organizations you are contributing to. Visiting them might be the best way, but you can also look over their public budgets (especially comparing planned spending and revenue to actual spending and revenue), and their online ratings. For example, if the organization is American, you can visit the Ministry Watch 1000 Database to see the financial accountability and efficiency of the one thousand biggest Christian charities in the United States. Ministry Watch has tough standards for financial accountability, and a willingness to report on Christian organizations that are not living up to their Christian mission, or are even involved in actual abuse of those that they are supposed to be serving, but it also highlights Christian organizations that combine Christian ministry with financial accountability. 5. Don’t underestimate the urgency Another way to restore the joy of giving is to realize the ultimate purpose and the urgency of what you are doing. In his article on ChristianStudyLibrary.org, Glenn D. Jerrell reminds us that: “We are the church militant! Do not underestimate the enemy! After all, ‘your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour’ (1 Peter 5:8). The Scriptures also teach us to ‘take every thought captive to obey Christ.’ Your whole life is engaged in this struggle – and that includes your giving. Resources for gospel ministry are needed now! “….The warfare between God and Satan should generate a life-and-death sense of urgency to support and sustain gospel ministry with all the means that God gives us and to do so from generation to generation.” We are in the midst of spiritual warfare! Faithful giving equips our fellow warriors to proclaim how our God “has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins” (Col. 1:13-14), and to help see others rescued as well. 6. Remember the chief part of our thankfulness Finally, we need to remind ourselves of the spiritual dangers associated with giving: a sense of self-reliance and self-glorification. We may be tempted to think that we have done so much for God’s kingdom. The best way to avoid those dangers is to bring the organizations God has given us the resources to support before Him, in both thankfulness and supplication for their work (Phil. 4:6). After all, the Heidelberg Catechism says that prayer is the chief part of our thankfulness, and thanking God for His work through Christian ministries, and seeking His help to make their work fruitful, kills our innate pride in our own generosity and brings glory to Him and joy in His work. It is easy to lose track of the ways in which God is working in the world. One way to avoid that is to make a list of everything you are giving to, as well as other worthy organizations, and to put them on your own personal prayer calendar – for instance, intentionally thanking God for, and interceding for, specific ministries each day of the week. Finally, in all your prayer, as the ultimate pride-killer and joy-giver, remember how much more God has done for you in Christ than you could ever do for Him: “Thanks be to God for his inexpressible gift!” (2 Cor. 9:15)....

Being the Church

A principled (and practical) guide to tithing

Twice every Sunday the offering plate comes your way. What do you do? Do you chip in whatever you have in your wallet, do you have a cheque already written out, or will you send an e-transfer later in the week? Do you abide by whatever tithing tradition your parents instilled in you, or look around to see what everyone else does, or do you have your own rationale of how to give? How we tithe is an intensely practical question for everyone, but perhaps one that you’ve not given much thought. Here are some biblical principles for tithing, followed by some practical suggestions, from my experience as a deacon and as a manager of a personal household budget, of how to apply these biblical principles in our offerings. 1. God owns everything The first principle that we need to recognize when we consider tithing is the fact that everything ultimately belongs to God and not to us. As the Creator and Sustainer of all things and the Redeemer of His people, God not only is the ultimate owner of everything, but we owe Him everything. Like the servants in the parable of the talents (Matt. 25:14-39), we are merely temporary stewards of the blessings that God has given us. The tithe – 10% – is a reminder of that fact. Abram offered the first recorded tithe in Genesis 14, when he gave a tenth of the spoils from the defeat of Chedorlaomer to Melchizedek, the priest of God Most High. Jacob also vowed to give God a tenth of everything (Gen. 28:22). This voluntary tithe was enshrined in God’s law in Numbers 18:21-24, when God commanded the Israelites to give a tithe every year to support the Levites and the tabernacle. The disposition of our heart should not be “how little of my hard-earned money do I have to part with” but “how much of God’s blessings am I able to give back to Him?” 2. Our heart (not just the %) matters We see cheerful and abundant giving throughout Scripture, whether it was the Israelites giving overabundantly for the construction of the temple (Ex. 35:20-36:7), the early Church freely sharing their possessions (Acts 4:32-37), and later congregations collecting for needy churches (Rom. 15:25-28, 1 Cor. 16:1-4, 2 Cor. 8:1-5, 2 Cor. 9:1-15). It is entirely possible to give large sums of money to the LORD but without the right motivation. In Acts 5, Ananias and Sapphira sold a piece of property and gave some of the proceeds to the disciples. And yet they wound up dead because of their dishonesty. Instead, in 2 Corinthians 9:7, Paul famously reminds believers that “each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” While it may be relatively easy to change our giving patterns, changing our heart from being a reluctant, to a cheerful, giver may be far harder. Yet we serve a God who delights more in a pure heart than external sacrifice, and we need to recognize that our giving should come from gratitude over God’s grace delivering us from our guilt. So we must set our hearts in the right direction when we give. 3. First fruits The Bible also speaks to when we give. Men like Abel gave “the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions” (Gen. 4:4) Throughout the books of the law, God commands the people of Israel to bring to Him the first fruits – not their last fruits – of their field and their flocks. Calling upon His people to bring their first fruits was a way that God set the priorities of His people: give to Me first and provide for yourselves after. This practice also fostered a trust in God’s people that He would provide if His people obeyed Him and gave their first fruits to Him. In the days of Malachi, when the people of Judah were robbing God of their tithes and contributions (possibly because they thought that they were too poor to afford to tithe), God calls the people to: “Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need” (Malachi 3:10). Questions to consider With these general biblical principles established, here are some more practical suggestions of how we can live out these principles in our tithing. A. How much should I give? This is everyone’s biggest question as well as the one that will impact our lifestyle the most. And the usual Christian response is to tithe (to give 10% of our income). But, interestingly, most Israelites were commanded to give more than a 10% tithe. God also commanded a second tithe every year to fund ceremonial feasts and festivals (Deut. 14:22-27). And every three years, the people were to give a third tithe that was to go not only to the Levite but also the poor (Deut. 14:28-29). They were also to provide for the poor in other ways that would have a financial cost, such as allowing the poor to glean the droppings and corners of the field (Lev. 19:9). So, in reality, the Israelites arguably tithed as much as 23.33% annually. (I say “arguably” because some theologians like John Calvin thought that the tithe to the poor every three years was simply a further explanation of how to spend the first tithe to the priests and Levites.) We live in a different time period today. The civil and ceremonial law apply differently to the Church today. We don’t support one thirteenth of the population of the Church with our tithes (as the twelve tribes had to support the tribe of Levi in the Old Testament). We don’t have a calendar of feasts and festivals that require another tithe. Various institutions of society, such as the government, do a lot of the work of providing for the poor (through the taxes we pay). And so that strict command to give away 10% (or 20% or 23.33%) of our income may not bind us today. But I still think that a 10% tithe is a good minimum for us all to strive to give. Even if you’re a student working a part-time job, an unemployed man collecting EI, or a retiree living off a pension, aim to give at least 10% back to the LORD. In Mark 12:41-44, Jesus watched many rich people putting large sums of money into the temple treasury. We have no idea what percentage of their regular income they brought. Perhaps some brought 5%, thinking that the sheer amount of money that they gave was more important than the relative percentage of the income they gave. Perhaps some brought exactly 10%, giving just as much as the law required, no more and no less. And perhaps some brought 15%, priding themselves on exceeding the demands of the law. But then a poor widow comes in and gives two small copper coins. Jesus says to His disciples: “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.” In other words, the widow gave 100%. While we may not be called to give every cent that we earn to the Church, in The Ministry of Mercy, Timothy Keller calls Christians to give “sacrificially, until their lifestyle is lowered.” Following the call in Galatians 6:2 to bear one another’s burdens, he suggests that “we must give so that we feel the burden of the needy ourselves.” In support of this, he quotes Jonathan Edwards, who said, “If we be never obliged to relieve others’ burdens, but when we can do it without burdening ourselves, then how do we bear our neighbor’s burdens, when we bear no burdens at all?” Keller’s book is a real challenge to Christians to give more than just 10%. Those more well off could and should give more. In 1 Corinthians 16:2, Paul commands the Corinthians “to put something aside and store it up, as he may prosper.” Those whom God has prospered are in a position to give more than those who are struggling. To use an example, those of us who earn the median family income in Canada of $98,390 and tithe 10% would give away almost $10,000. Those who earn double that – nearly $200,000 – and still give 10% would give $20,000. The rate of giving is equal. And the richer family gives away more. But who feels the impact of that tithe more? The average family. They might have to give up a vacation, live in a smaller house, or pass on enrolling their children in organized sports. The comparatively richer family probably doesn’t have to give up these things and could give far more before they really began feeling it. B. Tithing pre-tax or post-tax? If you do decide to give a certain percentage of your income regularly to the Church (say, 10%), some might ask, “should that 10% be pre-tax or post-tax?” Our response to this question may reveal where God and His Church are on our priority list. Most of us don’t get the full amount of our paycheque. Even before our earnings are deposited into our bank account or we pick up our paycheque, the government takes its share, roughly about 25% of our salary through income taxes, CCP contributions, and EI premiums. If we give 10% of our take-home paycheque, what are we implicitly saying? That the government is entitled to its share first and in full and God gets a tithe of our second fruits (and a lesser amount to boot). So consider giving of your income pre-tax, before the government claims its share. C. Tithing at the beginning or end of the month? Perhaps this isn’t a significant question in your mind, but again it may reveal your heart. If you write a monthly cheque or pre-authorize any bank withdrawals to the Church on the last day of the month, what does that say about your priorities? Are your priorities to make sure that you have enough money to pay your rent, your grocery bill, and your credit card statement and then give some of whatever is left over to the Church? Might this be how you implicitly think about giving? And so, consider determining, as soon as you get your paycheque, what you are going to give back to God and His Church, giving to God of your first fruits rather than your leftovers. D. Can I let the offering bag pass me by? This is another question that many people would raise an eyebrow at. As long as I give my 10%, who cares when I give it? As a deacon, I saw some people would wave away the offering bag during a service, implying that they had nothing to give that service. Others would write a few (though substantial) cheques a few times a year but give little during the remainer of the year. When December rolled around, we would often collect three or four times our usually monthly donations in a single month, suggesting that some people only gave at the end of the year. A handful of people in the congregation gave much smaller amounts every week. We as deacons often thought to ourselves that we’d save a whole lot of time if we didn’t have to count as much cash, or input a lot of small cheques, from these frequent givers. But this attitude of giving a little bit every week again reflects a heart that always has giving back to the LORD written on it. And again, there are Scriptural and confessional hints that we shouldn’t let the offering bag pass us by each Sunday. As already quoted in part, 1 Corinthians 16:2, says, “on the first day of every week, each of you is to put something aside and store it up , as he may prosper.” Based in part on this passage, Lord’s Day 38 of the Heidelberg Catechism, speaking of what God’s will for us is in the Fourth Commandment, says “that the gospel ministry and schools for it be maintained, and that, especially on the festive day of rest, I diligently… bring Christian offerings for the poor.” In the Old Testament, there are also a few warnings against appearing before the LORD empty-handed, even if these passages are not strictly related to tithing (Ex. 23:15, 34:20; Deut. 16:16). So don’t let the offering bag pass you by. Even if the total amount that you give in a year doesn’t change, give often. E. How can my tithing go the furthest? Finally, we can be good stewards of our money by taking advantage of charitable tax advantages. Our federal and provincial governments give significant tax credits (typically 40-50%) to encourage charitable donations. That means that you can get up to 40-50% of your donations back on your tax return every year. If you are the average Canadian family earning $98,390, tithing 10%, and giving away almost $10,000, that could mean a return of $4,000-5,000. We are called to give taxes to whom taxes are due (Romans 13:6-7, Mark 12:13-17, Matthew 17:24-27), but if there are organizations that spend their money more efficiently or that labor more in the Kingdom of God than the government (and I’m sure we can think of many such organizations), making use of our charitable receipts is good stewardship. Through these tax benefits we can give even more generously to the most effective and godly organizations around us. The key to getting that tax credit is that your donations need to bear your name so that your church can issue a tax receipt. So write cheques or donate cash in envelopes with your name on it. Cash tossed in the collection bag won’t get you a tax receipt, but I’ve heard of some churches allowing congregation members to buy “tokens” through cheque or directed cash so that they can get a tax receipt. This allows parents and children to still donate via the offering plate while taking full advantage of charitable tax receipts. Conclusion However you decide to give to your local church, consider both where your heart is and what your hands are doing. As James 2:18 says, “Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.” That includes our tithing....

Being the Church

Being thrifty and finding hope

In his “science of happiness” class at Harvard Business School, Arthur Brooks teaches that of the five things you can do with money, four could make you happy. What are these four, and what’s the fifth one that can’t bring joy? As Brooks explained on The Ramsey Show: “You can buy experiences, you can buy time, you can give it away, or you can save it…. your brain is telling you to do the one thing that won’t bring happiness, which is to go buy stuff.” Although Brooks is generally correct, a recent visit to the Hope for Children Thrift Store in Langley, BC, taught me that there is an important exception. There I experienced how buying and selling “stuff” can bring more than happiness. It can bring hope. That isn’t because it is a bargain, regardless of how much that may make our heart sing at the till. Rather, it is because of the people and mission that drive the store. Peel away the surface and you discover that by buying “stuff” at this thrift store, you end up accomplishing all the other ways that Brooks says your money can buy happiness: buying experiences and time, saving, and giving things away. In other words, this thrift store reveals the secret to how our “stuff” can be used to bring lasting hope and joy. Saving a dollar Taking a few steps into the thrift store, the first thing I noticed was people. Everywhere. The place was hopping. Customers were swarming the clothing racks and the till. I watched as one lady, who appeared to be homeless, asked the volunteer at the till to show her a piece of jewellery that caught her eye in the display case. The item was only a dollar or two, and the would-be buyer was eager to try it on. The store wasn’t entirely new to me. My mother-in-law has volunteered here for years and, when we visit the area, my family frequently shops at the store. Even when we aren’t in the area, my mother-in-law often has a list of items to keep an eye out for – things our family needs, like a pair of boys’ running shoes, or winter mitts. Coming from a family of ten, I was raised on thrift store finds, and I became a thrift shopper myself when I moved out of the home and attended university. I have grown to love thrift stores, not just because of the cost-savings, but also because they accomplish so much more. That is why I went to Hope for Children – to pull the curtain back on the side to thrifting that so many don’t see. Saving vulnerable children I turned away from the till to be greeted by the store’s bright-eyed manager, Fiona Jansen. She took me to the one small place in the building where there wasn’t a bustle: the volunteers’ coffee room. Jansen explained why the thrift store was first started 10 years ago. About 17 years ago, Jeremy VanBeelen and Duane Visscher, two young men from the local Reformed community, had traveled to an orphanage in Mexico for a short-term mission project. The work pulled on their hearts so much that they stayed, devoting their lives to the orphanages. “We had a couple of families connected to the ministries that were serving in Mexico,” Jansen explained. “The thrift store is a really great way to raise money…and so people got excited.” With the help of some people who had experience running a thrift store, a core group got “Hope for Children Thrift Store” off the ground. The store was named after the organization overseeing the orphanages in Mexico. Indeed, the thrift store has been a great way to raise money. Around seven years in, they had raised over a million dollars for Children of Hope, and the total is now well over $1.2 million today. “We don't support any day-to-day or salaries… because if something were to go wrong, all of a sudden the children couldn't eat or a family wouldn't get their salary.” Instead, they fund infrastructure projects, including dorms, solar panels, vehicles, and security walls at the nine orphanages and soup kitchens in Mexico. Jansen was able to witness the impact of the support first-hand, joining a tour of the orphanages. “I went as the thrift store representative, and then we toured all the different ministries that we were supporting. That Sunday we had a service at Pan de Vida and I was sitting beside a Mexican lady. I didn't know her, and I couldn't speak with her, but afterwards they introduced us. ‘These are the members of the board from Children of Hope, and this is Fiona. She's from Hope for Children, the thrift store,’ and this lady turned to me, and she was just crying. And she's , thank you, thank you. “It was quite amazing to see the gratitude, and then to see the good things that are going on there. God is doing amazing things there, and to hear the stories of the children: what they've been rescued from, how they're growing, and that they're safe and learning about the Lord. It's amazing.” The joy of meaningful work Some of the crew from a typical Thursday morning. The thrift store blessings don’t end with the recipients of the money. It extends to over 80 volunteers who keep the store running. Jansen explained that they welcome volunteers from all walks of life, from high school students looking for volunteer hours on their resume, to adults who are seeking community and a chance to make a difference, and seniors who are eager to bless others with the skills and experience that God has given them through their lives. A core group of these volunteers has served with Hope for Children since its beginning. One of these volunteers is Jake Bredenhof, who stepped into the coffee room while Jansen and I were meeting. Bredenhof started working at the thrift store in 2015, as he was in the process of selling the family’s chicken farm in the neighboring community of Cloverdale. Although Jake and his wife Lee later moved to Abbotsford, they both are happy to make the 25-minute commute to continue serving at the store. Jake works in the back, where new donations arrive. “Every day is a little bit like Christmas because you don’t know what is in the next box,” he explained. He sorts the books, jewelry, bedding, clothes, appliances, and is “basically the front-runner of all the donations that come in.” “You meet a lot of really nice people, who have been donating to the store for years already.” Jake and Lee aren’t the exception in his congregation, the Aldergrove Canadian Reformed Church, which has over 60 seniors. Some drive for the Cancer Society, others for Meals on Wheels, and others volunteer at the local food bank and other thrift stores closer to Abbotsford. “It is a stewardly way of giving back to the community,” he reflected. Jansen also pointed to a picture of a lady on the bulletin board of the coffee room, who recently passed away. “She was 80, and she was feeling blue, and her doctor said ‘you need to find something to keep you busy.’’’ The answer was right around the corner. “She was walking home from the doctor's office, and she saw this store, and she said ‘they do things to help kids. I love kids. I'm going to see if I can volunteer.’ She volunteered here till she died.” I asked Jansen if there was anything surprising that she’d learned working at the store. “I would say that I gained a whole new understanding of age. So many of my volunteers are well into their 70's and even 80's and yet here they are working hard and loving it. Retirement doesn't mean sitting on a rocking chair and watching the world go by. I have been amazed at how active and selfless volunteers are, at any age.” Jansen also shared that some of their volunteers aren’t Christians, though they open the day with devotions. “But most of the time people sit there and participate, and we've had positive things come from that too.” She gave the example of a girl who had drifted away from church but, through the fellowship at the thrift store, came back and was baptized. Bredenhof noted that allowing non-Christians to volunteer has “never been a problem.” When I asked Jansen what in particular the volunteers enjoyed about serving at the thrift store, she shared that some simply enjoy interacting with the community, being able to hear the stories of those who come in and even being able to share the Gospel with them. “People love to tell them about where the money's going, and then they can share stories about what's going on in Mexico.” A volunteer wearing very cool thrifted pants. “When I was in need you fed Me and clothed Me” The thrift store doesn’t just provide for the needs of those in Mexico. The clothing and used goods provide critical relief for those in need in their own community of Langley, including some of the homeless who frequent the store. “At certain times of the month they are coming and paying, and other times of the month they're not. There are times when people will ask and I will always say yes.” Jansen also explained that for those who ask frequently, she will only provide free clothing once a month. “I've had a woman come, and she says ‘I have to go to court. I have nothing. Can I have an outfit?’ We gave her an outfit.” In addition to the clothing and merchandise, the thrift store has a shelf with free food. “We have a guy who started on his own picking up food. I think he saw it getting chucked at Safeway. So now he goes to a few different places every day, and then he brings it to us, and then we put it out on our free shelf.” Because of the free food, every day there is a lineup outside the door, waiting for the store to open. That said, Jansen explained that the majority of the shoppers aren’t in that kind of need. “We get a lot of crafters who come specifically for our crafting department because we have an exceptional craft department for our thrift store.” To add to this, “we get young people who are just out having a good time together with their friends.” Overall, there aren’t as many low-income people as she expected. Lasting hope Arthur Brooks is correct that “buying stuff” generally won’t bring happiness. God made us with hearts, souls, and minds, all of which were made for so much more than consumption. We were made to experience fellowship with God and our neighbors. My visit reminded me how that is exactly what Hope for Children, and so many other thrift stores, accomplish. Stuff fades and eventually is thrown out. But the relationships forged through service and generosity abide eternally. So, if you want to buy happiness, visit your local thrift store. Pictures graciously provide by Fiona Jansen....

Being the Church

Wise and Innocent

“Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” – Matt. 10:16 ***** My children ...

Being the Church

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Being the Church

Christians don’t retire

Retirement is unbiblical. Before you think that I’m accusing everyone over the age of 65 of unbiblical behavior, let me lay out the case for why ...

Being the Church

On encouraging courage

Part of God’s equipping us to courage also involves rightly understanding what real courage is ***** Fear. We all feel it at times. We might be...

Being the Church

Solving loneliness

“ revealed that 46 percent of American adults report feeling lonely sometimes or always. In that same study, younger adults reported feeling lonelier than their elders, with those aged between eighteen and twenty-two the loneliest of all.” – Jeremy Nobel in Project UnLonely ***** I used to latch onto quotes like this, because they made loneliness acceptable beyond the regularly-discussed groups of the sick, the elderly or the widowed. Loneliness is devastating for anybody, but I had the sense it was more acceptable for some people. “Normal people” – by which I thought of people like me, people on the younger side with their life ahead of them, who had jobs and knew lots of people – weren’t supposed to be lonely. But in the last decade, talk of loneliness has exploded for everybody. Loneliness has been declared a “pandemic,” there is a “friendship recession,” and “deaths of despair” are rising. Everyone in modern society is lonely, even the young, and it’s getting worse. This means that if you look around you, many people are probably lonely, including people who don’t look like your idea of the typical lonely person. If you’re lonely, chances are many others you meet are too. And it means that even though your loneliness can feel like it is “all your fault,” there must be something about our modern world that is making the rates of loneliness increase. If the obvious answer to loneliness is community, then being part of the church community should solve the problem of loneliness. So why are so many church people lonely as well? Let’s take a look at: what loneliness is what you can do what the Church can do about it 1. LONELINESS HURTS When I felt the most alone in my life, it felt like pure agony. Until that moment, I did not realize the depths of loneliness could feel like that. But why? First, what is loneliness? A simple definition of loneliness comes from Harvard professor of psychiatry, Robert Waldinger: “the sense that I am less connected to other people than I want to be.” This makes it different than just being alone. After all, some of us enjoy being alone, and some of us feel lonely in a crowd. Loneliness is actually the feeling of being alone or isolated, and so loneliness is something subjective. It’s something you have to ask others if they’re feeling. This is what makes loneliness tricky, because it’s not always obvious on the outside. And circumstances that might make you feel lonely might not make someone else feel lonely in the same way. Uncovering loneliness requires actually connecting with someone, ironically. The amount loneliness hurts can be underestimated unless you've experienced it yourself. But why would it hurt? Humans weren’t created to be alone. We know this from Genesis 2. But we also know this from the extreme difficulty of surviving entirely on your own. While there are survival stories where someone is lost in the wilderness for months, in general those separated from their group struggle to survive. So it’s no wonder we feel vulnerable when we don’t have anyone to rely on because we are vulnerable and in danger – not as vulnerable as if we were lost in the woods, wondering where we can find our next meal. But our bodies still perceive the lack of other people’s presence around us, and for many, that’ll get their brain screaming at them, danger, danger, danger! You might know intellectually that you are never alone because God is there, but can you feel it? Sometimes you can, and sometimes, like Adam in the Garden, you can’t shake the feeling of being alone. Not only does it logically make sense that we’d react to the vulnerability of being alone, there’s evidence that our bodies seem to register loneliness like pain too. Scientists have found that areas of the brain that “hunger” for food react similarly when you “hunger” for social connection. MRI studies have found that areas that light up when you’re in pain also light up when you’re rejected by others. It’s not totally crazy that loneliness can feel like pain either – like pain, it can signal us to change our behavior. Perhaps God meant to remind us through these sensations that He created us to care for and live in relationship with other people. Unfortunately, loneliness can lead to a negative cycle. You become less trusting of unfamiliar people when you're lonely, and more likely to view them negatively. You imagine they view you negatively too, and this doesn't get disproven because you pull away from others. And in turn, people can find you unpleasant to be around, since you’re more protective and less trusting. This cycle works to keep you lonely and isolated, and it takes great energy to break that cycle and open up to others again. This explains why sometimes you reach out to someone you know is lonely and they’re not receptive. It’s not easy to climb out of isolation once you’ve fallen into it. Lastly, what makes loneliness complex is that it’s not a single experience. You might think, I know what loneliness is, it’s uncomfortable but I don’t know what she means when she’s talking about pain. Well, everyone’s experience of loneliness is different. Why, after all, do some feel lonely when surrounded by people? They’re experiencing the crowd differently than the others in the crowd. Or take the vastly different life experiences that can lead to loneliness – a senior who can’t leave her nursing home, a husband who lost his lifelong companion, a child who just started at a new school – do all these types of loneliness feel the same? Do all people react to them the same way? So the label, loneliness, on its own doesn’t always explain exactly what a person is experiencing. Loneliness matters because it causes us to really suffer, even before we start to count the health problems that often stem from it. And it takes effort to break the cycle. 2. YOUR ROLE It’s not “all your fault” if you’re lonely. The common advice given can make you feel that way because it’s so action-oriented. You’re told: Just put yourself out there even if you’ve been doing that for years and haven’t seen many results from it. Invite people over even when it feels like pulling teeth to find a time slot on people’s calendars when they’re free to visit. Just be content even when the person giving you advice has no idea how tiring it can feel to make every single life decision alone. And reaching out to others for help can be difficult too. To say you are lonely can feel like you are opening yourself up to the scorn of the world, like a stamp on your forehead: No one likes me. It’s the pain of rejection, combined with the judgment that maybe you’re lonely simply because you weren't doing enough. Much of the rising problem of loneliness comes from the world around us. We don’t live in small communities where it’s possible for everyone to know everyone, and people now move from place to place a lot more. You might just be getting to know someone and then they get a new job across the country. Some of it is the pace of modern life, and the burnout many of us are experiencing just trying to keep up with rising bills and inflation. It’s hard to make friends when you work long hours, or if you’re wrangling two toddlers and caring for your elderly parents 24/7. Some of it is the way our cities are built, with a lack of places for us to casually run into our acquaintances often enough for them to become friends (which is actually the most common way to make friends – simply seeing them frequently). And some of it is the faceless technology we use every day which strips away personal connection in favor of apps, chatbots and algorithms. So no, it’s not all your fault. But that doesn’t mean you are helpless. As with so many other things in life, it’s about letting go of what you can’t control, and working with what you can. We can’t remake the modern world. At the same time, change can only start with ourselves. Our ancestors knew this, every time they spread the seed and prayed for rain. We can only do what’s in our control. So back to loneliness. What can you do? You can take the risks, and make the sacrifices. Accept the friction of living in community Loneliness is painful, but connecting with others can be bitterly painful too. The simple truth is, it’s hard to live with other people. We can have a negative view of “people” for good reason. People aren’t trustworthy, people do hurt us, people can irritate or insult us. Relationships involve friction, and we’re getting less and less used to that. Friendship is both being vulnerable with someone, and managing the tension of hanging out with someone who doesn’t always think like you. So having connections and relationships can feel like a burden, and a burden is heavy when we’re already burnt out by so many other things. Maybe because we think of community and relationships as being fun and easy, then when they’re hard we’re stopped in our tracks. Maybe because we know community is a blessing, we forget about the thorns and thistles. Then, when the beginning of building community is often so very hard and fruitless, we think we’re doing something wrong. After all, through technology, we’ve made “connecting” easy. You can find people with the same specific interests as you, however niche they might be. And you can talk to people without leaving your house. You can see people’s faces from far away. You can remove people you disagree with. As relational psychotherapist Esther Perel puts it: “We do not have the practice at the moment. Everything about predictive technologies is basically giving us a form of assisted living. You get it all served in uncomplicated, lack of friction, no obstacles and you no longer know how to deal with people.” In fact, because technology makes it easy to find “someone else,” and because it seems possible to find people who think exactly the way we do, we are more likely to expect others to adapt to us. We become less used to the flexibility we need to live among people with differences. But community is hard. Community is not finding someone who thinks identically to you, and spending all your time with them, but instead about feeling that friction, sometimes living in the discomfort, sometimes changing your mind and other times agreeing to disagree. It’s about learning what parts of yourself you hold loosely, as well as learning about the more difficult parts of yourself. Community isn’t meant to not take sacrifice. As Stephen Junger puts it in his book Tribe, after describing the quiet life of someone who worked hard for his community: “He understood that belonging to society requires sacrifice, and that sacrifice gives back way more than it costs… That sense of solidarity is at the core of what it means to be human.” So yes, it can be painful to live in community, but unlike the pain of loneliness, it can pay off in the end. Despite the effects of sinful human nature, belonging to society reminds us of what it means to be human, of what God created us to be. You see yourself reflected in others, you attempt to build new things alongside others, and your ideas are shaped by bumping up against what other people think. The first step is to take the risk – to make that sacrifice without knowing what the “pay-off” looks like. The sacrifice of time One of these sacrifices is time, because it takes time to know someone. This was admittedly easier when you’d interact with the same people frequently (such as back when you were in school). Then it was just built into your daily routine. When you’re lonely but busy, it can be exhausting to think of adding another thing to your “to do” list, to fit in regular contact with someone new. But you cannot build community without investing time. Sometimes there simply aren’t enough hours in a day. But when you can free up time to get to know someone new, it can re-energize you in ways your tired brain didn’t expect, through the different perspectives and fresh outlook on life that other people can bring. The sacrifice of effort without knowing results It’s a sacrifice too, to put in the effort even when there’s no guarantee of results. If we knew we’d always feel great every time we talked to someone new, we’d probably do it more often. (In fact, studies have shown we underestimate how much enjoyment we’d get out of talking to a stranger.) But when talking to someone new, there is often a stage where it feels like we’re going through the motions, politely making small talk. And worse, this investment in conversation might not “pay off”– this person might not turn out to be someone we connect with as friends. But while it might sound exhausting, it might not be as exhausting as you think to smile at the cashier or make small talk with strangers you meet. Even if not every interaction rises to friendship, you’re open to the possibility that they could. We want friends that are comfortable, that we can just show up for and not need to put in the effort. But to get there takes an investment of effort without any guarantee you will ever connect on that level. The sacrifice of opening up Lastly, you’ll need to take the risk of being vulnerable. There’s no connection without true vulnerability with another person. You do not have to be vulnerable with everyone you meet, and there is an argument that people sometimes reveal too much about themselves too quickly in our age of authenticity. It is wise to choose whom you talk about the deepest parts of your heart with carefully. But the only way outside of yourself is to open yourself up. This can be as simple as admitting loneliness to someone else. You’ll need to act in hope to overcome loneliness, because loneliness sucks you into negativity. Loneliness can convince you there's no way out – that the world is hostile and everyone hates you. Instead, climb towards hope. You don’t need everyone to like you, you just need a few to connect with, and to know that they do exist out there somewhere. Proceeding in hope will have you continuing to put yourself out there to find them. In the current climate, optimism is in short supply, but as Christians we know there’s hope no matter how bad things get. We have the freedom to be optimistic. I’ll stop there with the suggestions before it does start to sound like loneliness is all a result of what you do (or how you think). In the end, it’s about looking at what is in your control, working with that, and letting go of what’s not in your control. Letting go and letting God – we plant our seeds and pray for rain. We can’t solve everything And here’s one last painful truth – not all loneliness can be fixed. You can’t ever replace someone’s lost spouse. You can’t resolve everyone’s life experiences – there are sometimes reasons a person will feel alone even among other people, because no one else has seen the things they’ve seen. Things like burnout, and bad finances, and people moving or dying, can get in the way. It’s even possible that the community you happen to live in is dysfunctional in a way that isn’t healthy, and you can’t adapt yourself to that. Sometimes we can't control everything, we can't “fix” everything, and loneliness will hurt us. “Darkness is my closest friend,” laments Heman the Ezrahite in Psalm 88, and so we know even this feeling was well-known to Christians before us. In this broken world, not all things are fixed, but we always always can hang onto hope, knowing the perfect fellowship that is to come. 3. THE ROLE OF THE CHURCH We can think of loneliness as a problem “out there” because here in the Church we have community. But the Church is not immune to the impact of modern society – its faster pace of life, more technology and distractions, and increased individualism. When I mentioned I was writing this article, I received a flood of comments from Church members who could relate to loneliness for a variety of reasons. Yes, members of the Church shouldn’t have as many reasons to feel lonely. But that doesn't mean that we don't experience it. So what can the Church do? Be the Church A recent article by Derek Thompson, “The True Cost of the Churchgoing Bust,” argues that the loss of social ties might be connected to declining religion in North America. Churches (and other religious buildings) provide a communal gathering space where people meet regularly, giving them a space to interact and see others often enough to make friends. They also provide religious rituals (such as the Lord’s Supper) that take people out of the virtual world of their phones and into the here and now. “he religious ritual,” Thompson says, “is typically embodied, synchronous, deep, and collective.” You have to be present to experience it. So one way the Church can help is simply by existing and continuing to do the things it has done for centuries. But a hard truth is that showing up week after week for two services provides opportunity for community, but not community itself. Yes, you have come together with other people in an objective way, but if the connections don’t go deeper you may not feel very connected to other human beings at all. The rhythm of the Church community can be nice, because you don’t have to “make plans” for the activities that have happened in the Church for centuries. But sometimes you need to pour your heart out to a listening ear, and that kind of activity still does need to be scheduled. Recognize the problem What more can the Church do? One thing the Church can recognize is how deep the problem runs. We can be aware that the existence of a congregation might not be enough to erase loneliness among us. When you’re lonely, you feel invisible, and by recognizing loneliness is a problem, the Church can begin to help the lonely feel seen. However, this is more than just sympathy – too often an admission of loneliness is met with sympathy and nothing more. Sympathy is not companionship, and can be isolating. It’s companionship that heals loneliness. To say “I am lonely” is to be vulnerable without any guarantee of protection. Can we make it safer to admit loneliness to each other? Can we make it easier? Another side to this is understanding the challenge of loneliness, and the negative cycle that can reduce lonely people’s trust in other people. To bring a lonely person into community might take more time than we expect. We will have to show them they can trust the Church, and that they’re safe opening themselves up to others again. Show people where they belong Next, a church can also give someone a “place.” A better way to say it might be a “sense of belonging.” Modern life has brought not just a change in technology and urban sprawl, but also a change in our sense of belonging. In the past in our villages or tribes, we knew who we were and what we were expected to do. We knew who everyone else was, and we knew our role. Now we have gained a lot of freedom, but we’ve lost something too. We are able to constantly reinvent our “roles,” and even our “selves,” but in the end the burden of figuring ourselves out is laid on us. But in the Church, there is opportunity to be reminded of where we belong once again. We’re brothers and sisters, we’re elders or pastors or members. You might have a task, or you might have a place to use your skills. Your place in the community is recognized by others – you are needed and seen by others. But we can be more deliberate about this, especially for those who aren’t “in office.” There are many who don’t fit into the traditional Church roles (pastor, elder, deacon, pianist, bookkeeper, etc.) who still need a place, and perhaps we can be more creative in finding ways for those who fall through the cracks to still feel they fit in in an important way. It’s those on the edges of the community who don’t feel like they belong, who don’t think they have a role and who maybe even think no one would miss them if they weren’t there. Reaching out and showing someone how they can grow into who they’re meant to be can make a big difference. Be a community that accepts social friction If we’re going to turn away from niche, online communities to real, face-to-face communities in the real world, we will have to get comfortable with the friction that living in community can bring. Since the Church community is built on truths that can’t be changed, differences among us can feel destabilizing. Of course we should never compromise the truth, but we also have to accept God-created individuality among us. If there is any place where iron can sharpen iron, it should be in the Church, but it is a challenge to find ways of doing this wisely. We can start by accepting the possibility of discomfort, as well as practicing charity to others when we can. Sometimes friction may come from people’s past experiences, or past hurts. We can be patient, and not take all disagreements personally. We might need just a little more patience (and love!) than we thought. Be a social space Lastly, a church community can provide regular ways to connect beyond the worship services. Most of our churches already have many social events. But one thing to consider is the length of time it actually takes to make new, real friendships. This has been characterized as the 3-6 rule (three meaningful interactions with someone within six months), or as the 11-3-6 rule, described by Madeline Dore as “eleven different three-hour-long encounters, over the course of six months or so, to turn an acquaintance into an actual friend.” How many of our social events provide this level of connection for integrating new members or new friends into our circles? This is a pretty high commitment when you think about it! Of course, it's not all on the Church itself to provide this, but a community can certainly think about whether it is making these kinds of deeper connections easier or harder to establish, as well as whether the current social events are easy for those on the fringes to be involved with (the singles, for example, or the elderly). Inviting someone to your house once every couple of months might not address the loneliness in their heart if that’s the only social interaction they’re getting. We need to find the will to build communities again, or strengthen the ones we do have. In a world where social ties are crumbling all around us, this is more important than ever. But building community requires optimism, which is in short supply right now. It’s hard to build when we feel anxious about the future, vulnerable to threats, and divided. There’s a fear that what we build might not last. But the Church has faced worse times before. And it was always by clinging to each other– and God – that we came through the storms. CONCLUSION If you’re lonely, I’ve been there. I know life can feel like it has a gaping hole in it if you're on your own. I know the comfort faith can bring while still feeling the intense longing for the presence of a human being beside you. I know how even the enjoyable things in life can feel pale when you don’t have anyone to share them with. The Church is a community of broken people stumbling as we journey to heaven. We fail so often at providing the needed support to each other, we fail at being real and vulnerable with each other, and giving each other what will support us as we grow in faith. By making some small suggestions for where to start, I hope our Christian communities can see ways to open themselves up to the need around them and begin to heal the pain of living in a sinful world. The first step is recognizing and understanding the problem. From there, we can all grow as individuals and as the Church to become the kind of community that draws others in, simply because of the warmth and belonging that exists inside it....

Being the Church

Advice for young women … from A to Z

The late teens and early twenties are an exciting time for young women, but with so many opportunities to be considered, and big decisions to be made, they can also be unsettling. How can young women live wisely now? How can they best prepare for their future when that future may feel very unknown? As I discussed these questions with family members one Sunday afternoon, I was intrigued by my relatives’ different thoughts and perspectives. And I wondered what kinds of responses I’d get if I extended the same questions to a wider group of Reformed women. So I asked for thoughts from the women in my own congregation, and also reached out to colleagues, friends, and extended family members near and far, some of whom then shared or discussed these questions with others. I asked things like, If you could go back in time, what advice would you give your 20-year-old self? Are there things you’re glad you did at that age, or wish you’d done differently? In the end I received responses from a broad cross-section of Reformed women of different ages and life experiences – and on a wonderful variety of topics. What came through beautifully, again and again, was the reality of God’s Fatherly hand in their lives – guiding, teaching, sustaining – and the wisdom they’d gleaned from lifetimes of studying and applying God’s Word. What follows is an A-to-Z collection of advice and encouragement that these women wanted to share with their young sisters in Christ, on everything from inner beauty to good habits, relationships to prayer. ASPIRATIONS “Choose your occupation with your heart in mind. A job may pay well but may not be what you are looking for. Family businesses are great, but may not be where you want to be.” “Now I look back and wish I had thought more about what I would love to do as a job and getting paid for what I love to do.” BEAUTY “Measure your beauty not in pounds or compliments (which fluctuate, fade and are false) but through small acts like smiles and joyful eyes, through kind words and becoming humble and quiet in spirit. These are what make a woman beautiful, for beauty is found within.” “A beautiful heart rooted in God is more beautiful and lasting than a beautiful body.” COURAGE “Have courage to do difficult things and to grow as an adult – such as moving away from your parents. It is incredible what growth awaits – and how much you realize the extent of love and care your parents provided!” “Be open-minded. Go explore and travel and make friends instead of always doing what's easy or comfortable.” “Needing to do things out of your comfort zone is a life-long reality, so start practicing now. At middle age, I still often need to take a deep breath before I make that phone call or strike up that conversation. Difficult things are often necessary and also worthwhile, so be brave!” DATING “When looking for a boyfriend/husband, keep doing the things you love to do and keep running the race for Jesus. As you are running this race, you will (hopefully) look beside you and see that someone is also running the same race and has the same priorities and goals.” “I was once told about a father who said this to his children: ‘When entering the dating scene and seeking a life partner, find someone who loves Jesus more than he/she loves you.’ Very wise words for generations to come.” “Romance is exciting but one cannot be hopelessly in love and also wise. So become wise first in knowing who you are through God's eyes, how He loves and cares for you, before you enter into any relationship. If you have a solid relationship with the Lord, a beautiful relationship can be nourished with another human being.” “Be obedient to and focused on God first before 'looking for' a husband, and make sure the potential Mr. Right is doing the same.” “It’s far better to be single than to be with the wrong person (especially someone who isn’t truly a spiritual ‘soulmate’). Don’t settle!” “There is not a perfect age to get married. Don’t set an age goal to be married by. Be content with God’s timing. If you are waiting to meet that special person in your life, perhaps to settle down with and hopefully start a family together, remember that should not be your main goal in life. Some marry in their 30s, 40s, 50s and even for the first time in their 60s. Some missed the opportunity to have children because they married later in life; some were not blessed with children no matter what age they married at. But their marriages are still blessed with the love they have for each other and the time they can devote to extended family, church family, community and kingdom opportunities. Some never marry and are quite content with their single life which gives them other opportunities to serve. (Think of the Apostle Paul). Seek God’s will for your life. Pray for God’s guidance. Be content.” EDUCATION “Develop the talents that God has given – you have them for a reason. Getting some training now will give you options down the road. Whether it’s an academic degree or practical training, if you have the opportunity, take it!” “Some people love to learn and continue to do so. There are so many expectations around this now, though. If you find a job you love, it's not always about continuing your education. You can learn as you go! On the flip side, with the cost of living now, we highly encourage our girls to seek jobs that may allow them to work from home or have flexible hours as they may need to help support their family.” “If you have college plans, try to avoid student debt! Apply for bursaries; work part-time (consider taking fewer courses per semester, even if it takes you an extra year to finish); and commit to living frugally. (That can be hard when all your friends are working and have money to go out, but think long-term!)” “When I was heading into my twenties, part of the reason I chose the nursing program was that while I hoped to get married and have a family, I didn't actually know if and when that would happen, so I wanted to prepare for the possibility of being single for a long time or for life. It seemed like an interesting and worthwhile career, and I knew I would earn enough to support myself. Even though I didn't actually do that career for very long, I don't feel it was wasted or have any regrets. The years I spent at university and the four years I spent as an RN were valuable ones for me, helping me grow in many ways. I was also able to be a blessing for numerous people in those years through that job. I think I would follow the same line of thinking if I had to do it again.” “I didn’t know if my degree (English and creative writing) would lead to a career, but I was prepared to do something else for my job and do my writing on the side if needed, so it still seemed worthwhile. I was able to live at home during college, work part-time, and avoid debt, which was also a factor; it wouldn’t have felt responsible or stewardly to go deeply into debt for an uncertain outcome. You have to think all these things through, and find that right balance of being practical while still pursuing what’s important to you. So be wise, but don’t be too quick to dismiss a dream either!” “Even if you are in a serious relationship, I would recommend still getting some education as you will never regret it. I never did finish my degree, and always wish I had as it's so much harder to do when you are older.” “If at all possible, I’d encourage women to get a post-secondary education, whether that be a degree, diploma or a trade. There may come a time you will need to supplement your husband’s income or you may not get married or you may marry much later in life. An education often gives you an opportunity to work in a field that you love and enjoy before, after or during the child-rearing stage in life.” FAMILY “Maintain a good relationship with your parents, as they are the ones who love you, and want what is best for you. They have the wisdom of life experience. They are not ‘old-fashioned.’” “Spend time with your grandparents. Ask them questions about their younger lives.” “If God blesses you with children, plan to make the job of nurturing and teaching your children a priority. From personal experience, I have no regrets being a stay-at-home mom. When we had our first child, we considered the cost of me going back to work (childcare, transportation, clothes, convenient meals) and concluded it really wasn’t financially worth the added stress and busyness it would add to our lives. Plus, I wanted to be the main influencer in our children’s upbringing.” GOOD HABITS “Eat breakfast!” “Be at home by 10:30. Asleep by 11.” “Cultivate the habits that will keep you healthy – physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally. Moving toward independence means you (not your parents) are responsible for you not skipping breakfast… or Bible study.” HELP “It is ok to not be ok. Seek help, accept offered help, and take it to the Lord in prayer.” “‘Keeping up appearances’ – We’re all tempted to do it, and there’s even a British sitcom with that title! Be real! Be genuine! Be honest. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Ask for help and guidance if you need it.” “Life is hard. Accept this and work through the challenges. Ask for help when you need it (so many struggle in silence). And remember, God will carry you through.” “What comes easy to one, may not to another. Help out where you can. It's okay to say NO to things now and then, you don't have to do everything.” IDENTITY “Consider your identity! First and foremost you are a child of God! Your identity is in Christ. So often we are introduced as so-and-so’s wife, the daughter of _____ & _____, or so-and-so’s mom. Growing spiritually and closer to God in every season of our life is key to all our other relationships. Focus on the vertical relationship with God first and then horizontally with all other relationships.” JOY “The world promises happiness and pleasure and excitement without God, but don’t be fooled. True joy comes in living with Him and for Him.” KINDNESS “Be thoughtful, be kind. Don’t just focus on yourself. Everyone you meet is struggling with something; everyone could use a smile or a kind word.” LIVING WELL NOW “Don't wait for your life to ‘really start’ once you graduate, or start working, or get married, or have children. Those are all exciting prospects. But our God is sovereign and has a purpose for our lives exactly where He has placed us in this moment. Consider how you can live as a daughter of God right here and now. Don't put your life on pause until everything is perfect. It never will be until the New Creation. But God does great work with us, despite our imperfection and our imperfect circumstances. And in so doing, all the more glory goes to Him.” “Pray continually for God to guide your steps and then do the work He has before you, in whatever capacity that is, whether you are busy developing a career, a relationship, or raising children. The Lord is shaping your heart, your character, and the talents you have. Honor Him by not continually looking at the future, but instead put your hand to the task at hand and trust that God will answer your prayer and guide and direct your life.” “Work on your character, and daily habits. Continually seek God in prayer. He loves you, and you are very worthy to Him, and He will grant you all things you need.” MONEY “Give joyfully what is rightfully the Lord's when it comes to tithing.” “Make relationships, not stuff your priority. Don’t bemoan what you can’t afford; take pleasure and be content with what the Lord has blessed you with.” “Save your money when you are young, and don't waste it on frivolous things. Don't focus on materialistic things, or things that don't really matter.” “Simply put, live within your means. Never look at the ‘minimum balance’ on a credit card; always pay it in full. If you can’t pay your credit card then you can’t afford what you put on there.” “With finances, I used to make sure bills were paid before I would write my check for church (giving back to God), and there was always a shortfall. Only when the first fruits were given to the Lord, followed by bill payments, groceries, etc., it was then that there seemed to be a little extra at the end of the month.” “Practice good stewardship with finances but also with your time, talents, possessions…. All belong to Him. It’s good to re-evaluate how we are doing as stewards.” NOURISHING YOUR BODY, MIND & SOUL “Be deliberate about the media (music, movies, books, online content) you ingest; these things affect you more than you realize. Choose options that are good for your mind and soul. Philippians 4:8: ‘Whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.’” “One thing I wished I had done differently was pursued sports or a hobby or done something more often with friends. After I married, my husband’s job entailed many long hours, often leaving me at home to deal with children on my own for breakfast, lunch, dinner and bedtime. Even more time was spent away when he served as an elder. In hindsight, we should have discussed how we could have carved out some time for me to exercise and socialize.” OPPORTUNITIES “Now is the time in your life when you have energy, you are generally not too ‘tied down’ by commitments – so take advantage of this time! It’s a season with its own unique blessings from God, so accept and use these blessings to His glory. When you look back, you won’t regret taking the chance to go on that mission trip, explore/develop a talent He’s given you, or take opportunities to stretch yourself and grow!” “I did not always have the job I loved. I would have put some more thought to it, now looking back. I did learn that eventually when I would be looking for work and all the ads would want experience, during interviews I would say that I would never get any experience if no employer would take a chance on me, and ask them to allow me to learn the job and guarantee them that I was eager, willing, trustworthy, and would rarely take a day off. You have to learn to communicate the attributes of your personality and strong will to learn to achieve the goal of getting the job. It has worked for me for getting a number of jobs over the years.” PRAYER “Pray, pray, pray. I started praying in the car when driving and I found it remarkable how much I would be able to pray about in that 15-20 minute time of quiet in the car, just me and the Lord. I still do it!” “After profession of faith, your faith will be tested. Be on your guard. Stand firm, read your Bible daily, make prayer your first point of action in the day, and your last at night. Go to Him in everything.” “Ask for the Holy Spirit to work in your heart, and to direct your steps. He will open and close doors throughout your young adult life, so don't be too distracted by non-stop outside entertainment, such as movies, scrolling on social media, etc.” “Do your devotions earlier in the day, even when you’re busy. It’s a way of trustingly giving God the ‘first fruits’ of your time. I struggle with this, especially when I have a lot to do, but it’s a much better way to start my day.” QUESTIONS “As you mature, you should be finding yourself asking fewer ‘How can I get…” questions, and more ‘How can I give/help/serve’ ones.” “You don't have to have everything for your life figured out – you have more time than you think and things tend to fall into place.” RELATIONSHIPS “Surround yourself with people who will hold you accountable and challenge you. There was a (thankfully very short) time in my life where my group of friends and I went to bars/clubs. It took a good friend to call me out on this, and I'm so thankful she did.” “When you are having a girls’ night, challenge yourselves to not gossip. Make a pact before the evening starts that no one will gossip, and call each other out if someone does.” “Spend time alone, as well as with your friends/family, and talk about deep and meaningful things sometimes too, not only shallow talk, or gossip.” “Your spouse (if you marry) should be your friend, but not your only friend. Christian friends, for both you and your spouse, are treasures along life’s journey. Some will be in your life for only a season; others may be lifelong friends. Take time to nurture friendships, whether you are single or in a romantic relationship.” STRESS “A super helpful thing for me during the middle of the day or during a stressful moment is to take three deep, slow breaths and thank God for something(s). It helps me relax, acknowledge I’m not alone in anything, and that while my ‘problem’ may be important it's not the most important thing in the grand scheme of it all.” “Don’t add stress by expecting perfection from yourself. Not everything has to be done absolutely perfectly every time. You are not God who alone makes all things perfect.” “Give yourself grace as you would others.” TRUST “As I reflect at this age, I realize that in my journey with all of its highs and lows, God was leading me. My God sought to strengthen me in my faith and trust Him in all things, whether that be hardship, sorrow, happiness or joy.” “Times of waiting and uncertainty are hard, but God can use them to build patience and trust. Don’t get discouraged!” “We don't always see the tougher roads on life's journey as a lesson from the Lord until much later in life, as age brings with it reflection on one's life. I wish I would have had the strong faith I now have as an 18-year-old. But then I think of how all the mountains and valleys traversed throughout my life strengthened my trust and faith in the Lord.” “Be content and enjoy each stage that you are in! Doors open to new roles and opportunities throughout life! When I was at home with my young kiddos I was busy – with being a mom and volunteering for church/school. I enjoyed it (most days! :) ). I didn't have much education so didn't know what would come ‘next.’ I could never have predicted the wonderful new tasks that the Lord has opened up for me for the stage I am in now. Looking back I see that many of the skills I have now are from my role as a stay-at-home mom. I am now called to tasks that would not have been right for me years ago. Trust God and His calling, timing and leading in your life!” “Above all, always trust the Lord. He has your life in His hands and will not lead you astray. You will be tested over and over on your life's journey; the devil works overtime seeking the souls of those committed to God. Be wary of the pitfalls. Always ‘let go and let God.’” “Our Oma would often say, ‘What the Lord does is good.’ She would say that in good times and hard times, and I still find myself saying it as well no matter the situation.” “Be confident in the Lord. I went through a period in my dating years where I was just so unsure. I did pray a lot but didn’t quite trust the ways in which the Lord was leading me. It took a few years to be filled with that certainty. But those years, as well, ended up being so beneficial. Think of what the Lord wants for His children, who He is and how He wants to be served. It can be easy to focus on ourselves so much that we forget the big picture.” UNIQUENESS “Base your self-esteem on your worth in God’s eyes. The world prizes certain traits over others, and sometimes we wish we were more outgoing or capable or attractive, but God didn’t make a mistake when He made unique you! He will use you and work for your good and the good of others, even through your weaknesses.” VALUE “Don’t undervalue the role of wife and mother! Society tells us that we should focus on personal fulfillment, and that children are a burden that stop us from doing more ‘important’ things, but God tells us the opposite.” WALKING WITH GOD “Spend time in the Word every day.” “Think more eternally. Remember Who you belong to, and act with the promise and call of your baptism in mind.” “Always continue to read and learn, especially your Bible, and be devoted to a close relationship with God, as He directs your life.” “Pray always, sing praises all day long. Never be reserved about being a Christian and sharing the message of salvation.” YOUTH “As someone wiser than me has said, ‘Remember your Creator in the days of your youth’!” ZEAL “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart.”...

Being the Church

...but I have a couch

Rosaria Butterfield's The Gospel Comes With A House Key came highly recommended, and after reading it I understand why. Rosaria is honest and insightful. She shares examples of hospitality gleaned from her own experiences, from feeding popsicles to the neighborhood children, to squeezing as many people as possible into their home on a snowy Sabbath when church was canceled. It seems that there are extra people in the Butterfield home so often that they expect to see non-family members at their dinner table and regularly make too-large meals to accommodate the guests. Upon finishing the book I felt inspired to be more hospitable, to invite all my neighbors over for chili and Bible reading. So I put down the book and looked up – up at the small kitchen/living room of my one-bedroom apartment, and my heart sank because there's no way I could fit fifty people into my home, and this truth became incredibly clear: I cannot do hospitality like the Butterfields. So what do you do, when you feel convicted and inspired to obey God but you just don't know how to do it? You pray. Well, I prayed, and as I sat on my couch, asking God how to do hospitality for Him, a new concept came to me. There is a reason I cannot do hospitality like the Butterfields. God has not put me in a house with a husband and given me the occupation of a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom. He has put me by myself in a one-bedroom apartment with a schedule that requires me to work at least two evenings a week. In short, I can't do hospitality like the Butterfields because I'm not a Butterfield. But God's command to be hospitable does not say "be hospitable like the Butterfields" (nor does Rosaria say that in her book) but simply "show hospitality" (1 Peter 4:9). The question we all have to answer is how? Perhaps the most helpful and practical thing to do is to look around and recognize what you have, and then be intentional about using what you do have to obey God. For example, I don't have a large space, but I do have a couch. So, I now invite women to come share a pot of tea and sit on my couch and talk. That couch is just an ordinary, everyday thing, but it has become a tool to enhance the Kingdom of God. If it could talk it would tell you stories that would make you weep and laugh and weep again. When we take the daily things God has given us and deliberately use them to serve Him, they cease being plain objects and start being tools consecrated to generate heavenly treasures. We get intimidated by hospitality thinking that it has to be big and fancy. It doesn't. It can be as simple as Oreo cookies and water, along with ears that listen. It can involve folding laundry and making soup, along with ears that listen. It can be shown around a campfire in your backyard or on your front patio or around your kitchen table or sitting on the floor…with ears that listen. People don’t care much where you are or what you serve them, as long as you prove yourself to be a safe person that they can share their lives with. Sharing life usually doesn't happen over the first cup of coffee, but it's a beginning, and we'll never get anywhere if we don't start. Hospitality requires you to be intentional and loving and available, and it needs to be shown to fellow saints and neighbors and the least. Jesus showed hospitality by making people sit on the grass and by divvying up five loaves and two fish among them (Luke 9:10-17). His first concern wasn't physical comfort or meeting social expectations, but to show people the Father. By His Spirit, may we follow His example and bring the living Savior to our dying world....

Being the Church

In the right place to serve: Christians are leading the way in helping one city’s homeless

By God’s providence, Christians are often in exactly the right place at the right time to do the good works that He prepared for us! For nearly 100 years, the Lighthouse Mission has worked with the down and out on the streets of Bellingham, a university city near the Canadian border, preaching the Gospel while lending a material hand to those in need. As homelessness and despair due to drug addiction have grown in the last ten years, local government officials have begun to lean more and more on the work done by the Lighthouse – work that is helping pull people off the streets, and into productive lives through the power of God’s Word. Hans Erchinger-Davis is the Executive Director of the Mission. Hans grew up near Bellingham in a Christian home with loving parents who shared the Gospel wherever they went, including a memorable one-year trip through communist eastern Europe when Hans was a boy. Erchinger-Davis studied at Regent College in Vancouver (where Professor J.I. Packer was among his teachers), but his first career was in technology, and later in film. On the cusp of a career as a documentary filmmaker, Hans was offered a job at the Lighthouse Mission in 2006, and his life, and the lives of thousands of others, was changed forever. Help given in the Name of God Executive Director Hans Erchinger-Davis has been working at the Mission since 2006. Erchinger-Davis estimates that there are between 800 and 1,000 homeless people in Whatcom county at any one time, with the majority living on the city streets of downtown Bellingham. Volunteers and employees of the Mission make regular contact with these struggling men and women, giving out coffee and clothing, and inviting them to “base camp” for a hot meal and shelter for the night. Already at “base camp,” counselors share the good news of Jesus Christ, and offer resources and referrals, letting the new arrivals know that there is a way out of the despair in which they find themselves. Those who are willing to move up from “base camp” into a formal program of recovery must commit to being off drugs and alcohol before they are admitted to recovery houses that build on the foundation of drug-free, value-filled living, to begin training towards a productive life. “The Christian message is always part of our teaching,” says Erchinger-Davis. “Ninety-nine percent of our graduates are Christians or become Christians.” “We follow Jesus onto the streets and encampments in our community. The message of Jesus cannot be separated from the services we offer. It is in our DNA to carry out the mission of healing homelessness with Christ’s power and love,” said Erchinger-Davis. “It’s because of this that the Lighthouse Mission declines any offers of government funding for programs and services that might limit the ability for us to provide our homeless friend voluntary participation in prayer, worship, Bible studies and basic Christian discipleship.” Eager to do even more Now, in 2023, the Lighthouse Mission is in the middle of an ambitious construction project: the building out of which the Mission did its main work was in rough shape, and the Mission’s board decided that the most cost-effective solution was to tear it down and re-build a more suitable facility, with room for more training, more beds, more cooking facilities, and room for small retail businesses that those in the program can operate. Whatcom County (in which Bellingham is located) has a fairly liberal governing “county council,” although there are believers among the county representatives. Officials have acknowledged publicly and privately that the Mission does invaluable work among the homeless that local government is not able to provide. As a result, both the city and county had committed to helping fund portions of the construction project that were centered on humanitarian aid (things like shelter, meals, and vocational training). Setbacks, but no compromise The Mission provides hot meals, but they don’t stop with providing for the physical. It is always delivered in the context of the Gospel. Recently however, one of the county council members made it her personal mission to deny any funding to the rebuilding project due to the Mission’s “discriminatory” hiring practices. (The Lighthouse Mission requires that all of its employees acknowledge the organization’s Christian roots, including a Biblical understanding of human sexuality and the sinfulness of homosexual relationships.) The council member won a temporary victory, as the body decided not to provide funding for any of the Mission’s rebuild (even the portions of the work that could be described as humanitarian aid). Again, by the grace of the Lord, this temporary setback was overcome in God’s providence. Just a few days after the council made its decision, a local donor contacted Hans to let him know that he and his family would be donating $400,000 to help cover the shortfall. But that was just the beginning! Kathy Kershner, a Christian who serves on county council, lobbied the other members of council, reminding them of the valuable services that the Mission provides to Whatcom County. Kershner moved to rescind the motion denying funding, and a majority of council agreed. Hope for future rests in the Lord Despite many victories and successes for the Mission, Erchinger-Davis’ personal life has been visited with tragedy. His father, a faithful Christian, struggled with bi-polar disorder. His best friend from high school became a drug addict, and despite intervention attempts and help that was available so close by, died of a drug overdose a couple of blocks from Hans’ office. Echinger-Davis’ sister was a victim of domestic violence, and recently took her own life, leaving behind two young children. While some might despair at these tragedies, Hans is able to rejoice in God’s goodness, and to accept that God has a plan that he can’t fully understand. “It’s hard! My friend died, and I was not able to help him, but partly through my own work, the Mission has been able to help thousands who have escaped lives of brokenness through God’s love.” The Lord has put His people where they are needed to fulfill His gracious plan. Hans summarizes: “We aim for healing homelessness both in the present, the future, and for eternity with the tender love of Jesus Christ in Whatcom County.” Assistant Editor Marty VanDriel is a board member of the Lighthouse Mission Ministries Foundation, which provides long-term funding for the work of the Lighthouse Mission Ministry, and was asked by the editor to profile the organization. Pictures have are frame captures, taken with permission, from Lighthouse Mission Ministries Foundation's 5-part video series "Hope for Bellingham: Response to Homelessness," the first of which you can watch below. Find the rest here. ...

Being the Church

Making hospitality easier: how onion dip changed the world

Being the Church

“good” vs. good

Our political leaders think they know what’s best for us. But by what standard are they judging what’s good? ***** Why should Christians part...

Being the Church

Hospitality hacks for folks who want to be, but keep finding excuses not to be, hospitable

Being the Church

God wants young men to be brave, not crazy

Bravery, like most things in life, is learned. To develop it, one must practice. However, it is the very rare young man who wants to practice being...

Being the Church

Quotes on the single life

Singles are not second "…the nuclear family should not be the center of church life. Rather, the family of God is the center…. It is the church (not married people) that provides a home where all of us find the stability and rootedness that we need." – Peter and Ginger Wallace, “The Church and Singles” in New Horizons, Jan. 2016 "…in the covenant community of God there are no singles. God calls us family: brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers in Christ. We are each to be wonderfully connected to the other as part of a church community, where each person is needed and attached to others in her own family as well as to the broader church family." – Nancy Wilson, Why isn’t a pretty girl like you married? …and other useful comments "The Bible is clear that singleness is not a second-rate status in the church (1 Corinthians 7:8), and it provides several compelling portraits of singles (Paul, Mary, Martha, Lazarus, Lydia, and possibly John the Baptist and even Timothy.)" – Carolyn McCulley "…the Bible refers to Ruth as a virtuous woman (Ruth 3:11) with the same Hebrew phrase used in Proverbs 31. Two uses of the same Hebrew phrase give us data points so that we can better understand the term. We can examine the narrative around these data points and use it to draw conclusions. I totally changed how I thought about Proverbs 31 after seeing the data (for you left-brainers) and story (for you right-brainers) of the virtuous woman of Ruth. Once you see that Ruth was known as a virtuous woman when she was a barren widow from a foreign land, we understand that our ability to be a virtuous woman doesn't depend on a husband and children…" – Wendy Alsup, “A Post Mortem on A Year of Biblical Womanhood” posted to TheologyForWomen.org on Jan. 26, 2016 On seeking a spouse "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." – C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves "If you want God to provide you with a husband, you have to consider whether you are the kind of woman that the kind of man you want to marry would want to marry. Shall I go over that again? What kind of woman is that kind of man looking for? Are you that kind of woman?" – Nancy Wilson, Why isn’t a pretty girl like you married? …and other useful comments "One of the dangers with male/female friendships is that more often than not, one of the two wants something more from the relationship. In the end, usually either a heart is broken or, at the very least, the person with the crush is wasting time not looking elsewhere. If you are holding on to a long-term friendship in hopes that one day it will magically turn to love, you are lying to yourself. The chances that your friend will wake up one day and see you in a totally different and romantic light are miniscule. Save yourself the heartache. Keep friendship with the same sex and save the opposite sex for love." – Hayley & Michael DiMarco, Marriable Men, are you taking the servant-leader role (Ephesians 5:25) in the relationship right from the beginning? In any guy-girl dynamic, someone has to be the first to say "I like you" and with that comes the very real risk of being the only one to say it. When that happens, it stings. Are you willing to stick your neck out for this woman? Are you willing to risk looking the fool, so she doesn’t have to? Or are you waiting for her to take the lead and ask you out? – Jon Dykstra, “Marriable Men” in Reformed Perspective, Dec. 2012 One means… "Marriage is a means, not an end. It is one of the means God uses to glorify His name among us, but it is not His only means." – Nancy Wilson, Why isn’t a pretty girl like you married? …and other useful comments Jesus never had sex "The most fully human person who has ever lived, or ever will live, is Jesus Christ, and He never once had sexual intercourse. This can be powerfully liberating to single people who may think at times, “This is one thing I will never have, sexual relations, and in not having it I will not be all I was meant to be.” To this thought Jesus, the virgin, says, “A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher” (Luke 6:40). We will always have mountains of truly human Christ-likeness yet to climb, but sexual intercourse is not one of them. For He never knew it. And He is infinitely whole." – John Piper, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, Foreword xix. Singleness has its own challenges "I was almost thirty-four when I got married, so I know something of the loneliness of adult single life. And even after marriage I struggled with discontentment at our son’s soccer or basketball games because I was at least ten years older than the other parents around me…. I do want you to know that if you struggle with discontentment, I’m right there with you. Whatever situation tempts us to be discontent, and however severe it may be, we need to recognize that discontentment is sin. That statement may surprise many readers. We are so used to responding to difficult circumstances with anxiety, frustration, or discontentment that we consider them normal reactions to the varying vicissitudes of life….When we fail to recognize these responses to our circumstances as sin, we are responding no differently from unbelievers who never factor God into their situations." – Jerry Bridges, Respectable Sins "There is nothing in the world wrong with wanting to be married. It is only wrong to be miserable about it. And wanting to be married does not equal discontent. Many women are feeling false guilt about this." – Nancy Wilson, Why isn’t a pretty girl like you married? …and other useful comments "The apostle Paul, who himself was single, provides encouragement for the unmarried by noting that he himself had to learn the secret of contentment (Phil. 4:11). Paul was not born content, nor was his discontentment eradicated at conversion…. How then did Paul learn this contentment? Like his Lord, he learned contentment through the things he suffered (Heb. 5:8). The apostle admits to the Corinthians that while under Satanic attack, he prayed three times for deliverance. Yet the Lord denied his requests and told him, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:8–9). Singleness may be one of those afflictions tailored to you, but his grace is perfected in your weakness. The single Christian who suffers weakness through unrealized marital aspirations and the disappointments of unanswered prayer may yet find grace at work through the unhappiness." – A. Boyd Miller IV, “Contentment in Singleness” in the January 2016 issue of New Horizons "Avoid trading marital distractions for other distractions. Paul may have been right about our freedom from spousal concerns, but in an iPhone, iPad, iPod, whatever iWant world, single people never have trouble finding their share of diversions. In fact, if you’re like me, you crave diversion and tend to default there, whether it’s SportsCenter, Downton Abbey, working out, fancy eating, endless blogging and blog reading, surveying social media, or conquering the latest game. We might call it resting, but too often it looks, smells, and sounds a lot like we’re wasting our singleness." – Marshall Segal, "Single, Satisfied and Sent" "A discontented woman is also very vulnerable when it comes to receiving attention from men that she knows full well are wrong for her. She rationalizes….she will be more likely to consider someone who will maker her far unhappier than she is now." – Nancy Wilson, Why isn’t a pretty girl like you married? …and other useful comments "To quote another , 'The main difference (between singles and married folk) is a heightened risk of loneliness, and heightened temptation to self-absorption, leading to selfishness.' The cure for both of these is hospitality and incorporation: being invited to participate in everyday life, and being expected to contribute to everyday life – in the church and in particular families in the church.” – Peter and Ginger Wallace, “The Church and Singles” in the January 2016 issue of New Horizons Singleness has its own opportunities "I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs – how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world – how he can please his wife – and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world – how she can please her husband." – 1 Cor. 7:32-34 "I was single when I was senior pastor of a church on the west coast of Canada, and there were all kinds of advantages to that. There were some disadvantages too. But there were some wonderful advantages in terms of the hours I put in, evening visitation, calls when I could get people at home. So there are advantages to being single in the ministry, and singleness should not be despised." – D.A. Carson "Look for ways to serve in the church....What are some ways that you can serve because you are single?" – Peter and Ginger Wallace, “The Church and Singles” in the January 2016 issue of New Horizons "Say “yes” to the spontaneous. It’s just a fact, marriage murders spontaneity — not entirely, but massively. If you haven’t learned this yet, I doubt any of your spontaneous friends are married. One of your greatest spiritual gifts as a single person is your “yes.” Yes to a random phone conversation. Yes to coffee. Yes to help with the move. Yes to stepping in when someone’s sick. Yes to a late-night movie or the special event downtown. You have the unbelievable freedom to say “yes” when married people can’t even ask the question. When the spouse doesn’t exist, you can’t hurt them with your selfless, impulsive decisions. Be willing to say “yes!” and bless others, even when you don’t always feel like it." – Marshall Segal, "Single, Satisfied and Sent"...

Being the Church

A more generous ministry of mercy?

The Lord loves his church and gave her the gift of the ministry of mercy. But is this blessed ministry as active as it can or should be within the communion of saints? Let’s consider the following scenarios and the possibilities they present. 1. After a miscarriage A sister has had a miscarriage or stillborn child. Initial visits by the elder and/or minister have taken place. There is concern that it will take some significant time before the sister will have the energy and emotional strength to take on the regular management of the household. The husband has a good paying job so doesn’t think to ask the deacons for help. A few sisters have dropped off meals, and this has been a godsend. Nevertheless, laundry is piling up, the kids are not bathed, the house is not getting cleaned. The sister knows that this is not the way it should be, but that only makes her feel more guilty and incapable of taking next steps. Her husband has tried to take on more responsibilities, but now he is also starting to feel overwhelmed and is afraid of coming across as insensitive. They need more help! Do the deacons know that there is a problem? Maybe not, but perhaps it should be expected that they inquire again two or three weeks after the loss of the child, to see how things are going. If the deacons were to follow up with the brother and sister, and to inquire how things are going, they might find that while there isn’t any help need financially, the family does need to experience the love of the communion of saints in other tangible ways. 2. In the face of cancer A brother has been diagnosed with cancer. He is sixty years old. The news is shared with the congregation and the minister/elder come to make a visit. After the initial shock is over, the couple decides that it is best that they move out of their large home and into a smaller place. They have children all over the country but who here in town can help them move? Members of the congregation can get together, but the deacons can also take a lead here. They can ensure that this couple, under their care, has the physical help they need. And, of course, the deacons will want to ensure this couple has adequate financial means after the cancer diagnosis led to the brother’s necessary decision to stop working. 3. An unplanned trip A brother in Ontario has a father deathly ill in British Columbia. The deacons or close friends in the congregation know that this family does not have a lot of financial resources. The brother takes his wife and three children to BC to make a visit. He can afford this trip because he has a line of credit, and feels such a trip justifies the expense. Who would disagree? This brother would not be likely to ask for assistance from the deacons because he has a full-time job. But might it be good if the deacons (or other church members) made a visit? Could they, or other members, inquire as to the cost and conceivably gift the family with a signed cheque to help cover some of these unexpected costs? Was this family in dire straits? No. Could they use the help? Absolutely! **** I am sure we can come up with a plethora of other examples in which the minister of mercy, led by the deacons, can be administered within congregational life. Nevertheless, let’s return to the question we began with: is this blessed ministry as active as it can or should be within the communion of saints? My hope is that this article causes all of us to reflect on God’s Word to determine the answer to the question: Is the ministry of mercy equipping all the saints to live in the joy of being redeemed? Loving and caring as God does I strongly recommend Dr. Van Dam’s book “The Deacon” available at Amazon and elsewhere. The New Testament church of our Lord Jesus Christ is blessed to have a formal ministry of mercy as ministered by men serving in the office of deacon. As Dr. C. Van Dam notes in The Deacon: Biblical Foundations for Today’s Ministry of Mercy, seven men were originally chosen in Acts 6 with the task “to see to it that there were no needy so that everyone could rejoice and celebrate the salvation and freedom given in Christ.” As the number of followers was increasing, there seemed to arise a tension between the Hellenists (Greek-speaking Jews) and Hebrews because the Hellenist widows were being neglected in the daily distribution. In order to ensure that the ministry of the Word was not hindered, brothers were appointed to an additional office to begin exercising the ministry of mercy. These men were “set before the apostles, and they prayed and laid their hands on them” (Acts 6:6). And so the ministry of mercy is initiated. How does this office function today? In the first place, this ministry of mercy proceeds from the love of our God and Saviour. While he was on earth, Christ fed the hungry, healed the sick, and showed compassion to the afflicted. And while the formal ministry of mercy was not initiated in the Old Testament, the loving covenant God provided numerous laws to ensure that the poor and afflicted were cared for in generous ways (e.g., gleaning, labor, and marriage laws). God loves and cares for his people. That is a consistent characteristic of our covenant God throughout scripture. In Matthew 26:34-40, Christ teaches that on judgment day: “the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’” “The Form for Ordination of Elders and Deacons” used in many continental Reformed churches summarizes Matthew 26 with the conviction that “no one in the congregation of Christ may live uncomforted under the pressure of sickness, loneliness, and poverty.” Living uncomforted is not an option for the Christian community; rather, we should be living in the joy and comfort of our freedom in Christ. And so, the Form explains, it is for the sake of this service of love, that Christ has given deacons to his church. Diaconal work is made possible by the congregation sharing their resources, monetary and other gifts, with these office-bearers, for distribution in one’s home congregation and beyond. Sharing resources is rooted in our love for each other. We love each other because Christ first loved us. Scripture also teaches that God loves a cheerful giver (2 Cor. 9:7). And it remains an important principle that collections are done in such a way that members can give in secret, without sounding the trumpet and making a public show of their generosity (Matt 6:1-4). When we give generously, there is no need for brothers and sisters in the Lord to experience the burden of poverty or the suffering of want. Not waiting to be asked However, while there is no need for poverty and suffering of want in Christ’s church, for some of us, it is a challenge to ask for help, especially financial help. When we lose our job, become seriously ill, or struggle with frailty, we are often not prepared to ask for help. In The Deacon, Dr. Van Dam suggests (insists) that deacons should be visiting the members under their care in order “to give those he visits the opportunity to feel comfortable with him.” The idea is to build mutual trust. The deacons can learn a lot about family life when they make a visit, and can quickly learn to trust a member in their ward when they have the courage and humility to ask for help. Likewise, when a member trusts the deacon, confident that neither an audit or interrogation will take place, he can ask for help without shame or fear. In addition to building this trust, deacons can also ascertain “whether church members have any needs, financial or otherwise, that are not being met… ideally can see or anticipate needs and offer to help rather than waiting for those in need to come to them.” Love is the greatest command within the congregation of Christ. We love, because he first loved us. It remains important that office-bearers practice servant-leadership as they serve the congregation in which they are appointed. Love requires a servant’s attitude. This means that when they hear someone has lost their job, deacons make a visit and offer help; when a member is diagnosed with a serious illness, deacons should make a visit; when a baby is born and requires a lengthy stay in the hospital, the deacons should ensure the parents have sufficient kinds of help during that challenging time. Deacons do not wait to be asked for help, they need to take the initiative to offer help to the members. Deacons need help too At the same time, deacons do not always know when there are needs. Communication is a two-way street, and the members can also take initiative. When we lose our jobs, we confess that this is under God’s providence. There is no shame in asking the communion of saints for help. This can be done by asking members directly, if a solid relationship of trust has already been established. There is no rule that suggests that members should not help each other directly, rather it should be encouraged. Nevertheless, the ministry of mercy is there to provide for the financial and physical needs of those in need. A relationship with deacons helps members ask for such assistance. The ministry of mercy is a gift – it bears repeating. Do we make good use of this gift? And, yes, like all good gifts, we can abuse them, but let’s leave that for another article. Let’s first commit to making good use of this godly gift of our Lord for His children. For more on the ministry of mercy, be sure to check out the episode below of the Focal Point podcast where Dr. Chris deBoer, along with special guest Dr. Cornelis Van Dam, discuss the why, what, how, and where of the Church's ministry of mercy. ...

Being the Church

Improving the elders' home visits

It is October and as “home visit season” ramps up, my thoughts turn to how home visits are being conducted and whether our methods serve well to accomplish the purpose of the visit. I believe that elders visiting members in their homes is biblically based and has for long stretches of church history been implemented to the good of the church. However, are they today as effective as they could be? In Reformed churches of Dutch descent we have our customs in the way such visits are conducted, but are these truly “best practices”? A typical home visit What exactly are our customs? Well, in my own denomination, the Canadian and American Reformed Churches, most homes see the elders once per year in the annual home visit. Elders duly prepare themselves for this visit by studying a passage of Scripture and praying for the family. Many godly and sincere elders have thus entered numerous homes with every intent to build up and bless. And no doubt the Lord has used their efforts to bless his people (including me and my family) and yet I can’t help feeling that, despite the best of intentions, something is off kilter with our practice. A typical home visit goes something like this: two elders enter the home and are invited to sit with the family. Small talk follows for a few minutes. Then one elder clears his throat to “open” the home visit with prayer and Bible reading. An air of formality fills the room and the family falls quiet. The passage chosen could be out of the blue or, as is often the case, the Bible reading is connected to the “home visit theme” adopted by the consistory and perhaps preached on by the minister. That theme could be centred on one of the ten commandments, a petition of the Lord’s prayer, worship, Christian lifestyle, living membership in the church, or the like. The lead elder then begins to expound on this theme out of the Bible passage and starts directing questions to the children and parents about either the passage’s meaning or how it might apply to that person’s life. The bulk of the visit is spent conversing about this Bible passage (and/or chosen theme) and how the family works out this biblical teaching in practice. Toward the end of the visit the elders may or may not ask more general questions of the kids and parents, but time-wise the thrust of the visit is spent explaining and applying the teaching of a particular Bible passage to that household. While discussing a Bible passage can certainly be beneficial, I ask myself: is this the purpose of a home visit? For elders to enter and teach? To the family it can feel like they’re being tested on their knowledge on the Bible passage in question. When a theme is chosen, members and families are often asked to read the passage in advance and “prepare for the home visit.” Again I ask: is this the intention of a home visit? To have a mini Bible-study on a passage and ascertain how well parents and children understand and apply that particular passage (or theme) in their lives? And if a passage is “sprung” on the family and questions are asked of them, it can be a very intimidating experience for children and parents alike. It seems to me that we are missing something significant in this approach to home visits. The purpose of home visits As churches and as elders we have made a promise to make home visits. That promise, captured in Article 22 of our Church Order, summarizes the purpose of such visits as well: “The specific duties of the office of elder are... to faithfully visit the members of the congregation in their homes to comfort, instruct, and admonish them with the Word of God.” There are three verbs here: comfort, instruct, and admonish. From the above description it would seem that elders have the second verb in the forefront of their mind and so they come prepared to instruct. In itself this is commendable. Scripture tells us that elders should be “able to teach” and should indeed “be able to give instruction in sound doctrine” (1 Tim 3:2; Titus 1:9). And no doubt many families have learned and benefitted from what elders have taught. But should that teaching be “out of the blue” or with little understanding of the particular circumstances and needs of the family (or individual)? That’s where I think the way we conduct our home visits has gotten out of focus and become imbalanced. Elders enter the home focussed on conveying a scriptural message, intent on teaching and applying the doctrine of the passage they’ve been intensely studying on their own, without having first listened carefully to what’s going on in the home. While gentle admonitions and words of correction might come out of the teaching passage, almost forgotten by the elders on a home visit is the duty to “comfort.” That shows that something is out of whack. There’s been a largely one-way period of instruction on a pre-chosen topic instead of a careful application of God’s Word to the specific circumstances of the family. All of this, I’ve observed, often creates an unintended disconnect. After an hour dialogue with the family about the passage where the kids and adults could gamely answer questions and make comments, the elders come away with a favourable impression. In the car they comment to each other: “that went well, don’t you think?” But meanwhile, in the home, the kids feel as if they’ve been in school for an hour and the parents feel frustrated that the elders didn’t inquire more personally into each family member’s walk with the Lord. The elders may have a good feeling that the family is on a solid footing in the faith but the family feels like the elders hardly know them and don’t “get” them. Maybe the worst of it is that those visited fail to see how God’s Word speaks into the concrete reality of their day-to-day lives. We need to fix this. Listening Here is where the art of listening and seeking to understand needs to find a fresh place in our thinking as elders. Though the Church Order does not mention the need to “listen,” it is clearly implied in the duty to “comfort, instruct, and admonish.” How can elders comfort a member or a family if they don’t first know what difficulty or misery they may be experiencing? Of course, every person as a sinner experiences the general misery of sin and its consequences, but almost always individuals or families are feeling the effects of sin in very particular ways. They have their own troubles and for the elders to bring comfort to that household they must first take the time to ask about and understand those troubles. It is the same with admonitions. To admonish is to gently give reproof or words of correction to someone who’s acting, thinking, or speaking in an unbiblical way. How can elders correct a member unless they know if, how, and where he is going astray? In a conversation on a single Bible passage or theme, a certain limited area needing correction may come out, but there is so much to life and so many possible areas needing correction that a wide-ranging conversation (more than one even!) is needed before meaningful admonition can be brought. If the Bible passage is too much in the spotlight of the annual home visit, much of the family’s personal views and practices may remain in the shadows, unseen by the elders. Elders need to bring those out of the shadows by asking good questions in order to get a clear picture of a person and/or a family. Of course, it’s not to be an interrogation like with police officers but it ought to be a caring inquiry like that of a concerned father, who truly wants to help his son to stay on or find his way back to the pathway of life. Teaching or instructing by elders in the home, too, is meant to come on the heels of listening. Certainly, members are instructed (and admonished and comforted) in a general way from the pulpit by the preaching of the Word. Although the Holy Spirit definitely applies the preaching to individual lives in personal (and often surprising!) ways, the minister can’t single out a particular family or individual and their needs from the pulpit. But elders can when they enter someone’s home. That’s one of the privileges elders have, to bring God’s Word into the specific, individual lives of the members they visit. That means they must come to know these sheep very well, up close and personal, so they can skillfully apply God’s Word to the particular needs of the household. It seems to me that too often elders are replicating what the minster does from the pulpit: they enter the home and the first thing they do is give a mini “sermon” on a passage with some pointed questions to the family. That’s like prescribing a certain medicine for a person without knowing the extent of his ailment or his overall condition. Wouldn’t it be far better if elders first took time to listen to all that’s going on in the lives of the parents and children and then came with the instruction, encouragement, comfort, and admonition of God’s Word? Wouldn’t that be establishing a genuine pastoral connection between elders and members that would be profitable for members and under-shepherds alike, upbuilding for the church, and glorifying to the Lord? A revised approach To bring this about I would suggest two things. First, elders make it a point to get to know the individuals and families in their ward as soon as possible after they are appointed to office. One home visit per year is hardly sufficient to get acquainted beyond the surface of things. Elders normally come into office in the spring. Home visits start in the fall. Why not use the summer months to drop in for a more casual acquaintance visit? Consider hosting a social for those under your direct care. You might think: that’s a lot of extra work! Yes, it is. But it’s the Lord’s work and it’s good and beneficial. Besides, it doesn’t have to be a huge burden. Elders generally oversee a ward in pairs, so the two partners could divide the ward in halves with each taking responsibility to getting to know one half over the summer months. A casual visit to become acquainted plus regular chats in the church parking lot will do a lot to establish both a bond and a base level of understanding of the person/family. That will set up the home visit to be a time of deeper connection and thus more genuinely helpful for the household. The second thing I would suggest is that elders re-order the flow of a home visit and change the focus of the visit. Instead of the customary: prayer Bible reading instruction conversation/listening prayer …which focuses on teaching a pre-conceived lesson, why not try: prayer conversation/listening Bible reading instruction/application prayer …which focuses on understanding the family’s needs in order to aptly apply God’s Word to their situation. Remember that neither Scripture nor the confessions nor the Church Order prescribe the order or manner of home visits. It is left to us to apply the principle of God’s Word (i.e. shepherds caring for the sheep) to the situation. As far as I can see, it would be a great improvement to the effectiveness of home visits if elders began with a brief prayer for the Lord to bless the visit with openness, honesty, a willingness to share what’s in the heart along with a good understanding for the elders and the ability to bring God’s word beneficially for the family. Indeed this is something those visited should pray for in advance as well – the ability to be vulnerable with the elders and for the elders to give wise counsel from the Word of God. The next and larger part of the visit would be spent inquiring about the family’s daily life and their walk with the Lord, listening carefully to their struggles and joys, to what really lives in their hearts and home. Equipped with an understanding of where the person/family is really at, the elders could then open God’s Word to apply its teaching directly to their realities. The concluding prayer can then bring to the Lord the details of thanksgiving/praise and needs that were raised in the visit (drawing in also what came out of the Scripture passage). In this way the individual/family will experience that Christ’s appointed shepherds have understood them well, genuinely care for them, and are using God’s Word to help them grow closer to the Lord. In this way Scripture (and prayer) can more truly and fully be used to comfort, instruct, and admonish members for their good and the glory of God’s name. Too difficult? At this point an elder might say: but I can’t think that fast on my feet! Every household is different. How am I supposed to have a Bible passage that I can quickly pull out that will speak to the particulars of a given family? I realize this may sound daunting but it’s not as bad as it seems. Even if an elder only prepared one text thoroughly in advance, he would be better able to apply it meaningfully to the people after hearing what lives in their home than if he read it before all of that was discussed. However, many elders already have the habit of selecting two or three passages to use at home visits throughout the season. They study them so they know them well enough to use as needed. This allows both variety and flexibility to use a certain passage in a home where they have an inkling it will better fit than another passage. Elders can simply build on this approach. Even if a home visit theme is selected by consistory (and I’m not sold on the idea that this is the best way to go), experienced elders know that they need to be flexible and that the theme just doesn’t work in some situations. I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch if an elder would work in advance to be very familiar with five distinct passages, each with its own accent. One passage could highlight the comfort we have in Christ as forgiven sinners; another the ability that Christ works in us to lead holy lives and his calling to do so; another could be the glorious future the Lord is preparing for us; still another could be a reflection on the love, power, and grace of God (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit); a fifth could deal with our task as living members of the church. After listening and grasping the nature of a person’s (or family’s) situation, the elder could mentally select one of his five passages, read it, and go to work applying its message to them specifically. Elders should not feel intimidated by this, as if selecting a text to match the needs of the visit is beyond their capability. Not so. I have always found it amazing how so many Bible passages can be applied in a variety of circumstances and do good to God’s people. His word is living and powerful. It always has something to say to those who belong to him. When elders, prayerfully relying on the Spirit of Christ, seek to bring his Word to meet the needs of his people, they will be blessed in doing so. The voice of the Good Shepherd will be heard by the sheep and they will be fed and led by him to continue walking in his way. In this way the home visit may be revitalized and experienced by all as a blessing from the Lord. Rev. Peter Holtvlüwer is pastor of the Ancaster Canadian Reformed Church and editor of the 4-volume commentary "Christ's Psalms, our Psalms." This article first appeared in Clarion, Issue 16 (Vol. 69) under the title "Improving home visits" and is reprinted here with permission....

Being the Church

Singleness: on being active and included in the body of Christ

Singleness. I often think there should be some kind of thunderclap after that word. This word and what it entails has caused unnumbered tears from the people of God. But while there are prayers and sermons for children, mothers, fathers, seniors, spouses, and young people, I have yet to hear a sermon on singleness. It is very possibly the most forgotten aspect of Christian living within the Church. Christ and the Church When we talk about singleness, as in everything, we need to start with Jesus and what He has done for us. Christ’s death removed our sin, ended our separation from God, and changed forever our status to one another. This is one of the first things that Nancy Wilson touches on in her book, Why isn't a Pretty Girl like You Married?…and other helpful comments. Because of Christ reconciling work, singles are not on their own: "Our individualistic culture wants to label unmarried people as singles, but in the covenant community of God, there are no singles. God calls us family." Family. Our Trinitarian God is not individualistic. God does not save us and then declare "every man for himself." We are family. Just as every family contains members of differing ages and abilities and is not complete when someone is missing, so it is with the family of God. You need the Church and the Church needs you. You do not become a member of the Church after marriage vows, you become a member at your baptism – married and single we are all parts of the body, which is something we would all do well to remember. With that thought in mind, I would like to discuss some of the struggles in singleness and how singles and the rest of the Church can face these things together. When one member of Christ's body hurts we all hurt (1 Corinthians 12:26), so this is important for all of us. Feeling Incomplete Singles can struggle with not meeting their own and others’ expectations. People in our churches typically get married in their early twenties so this is the expectation we place on ourselves and others. Then, when marriage isn't part of the picture, we wonder what's wrong with us, and start to realize that others are probably wondering the same thing. With this combination of our own and others’ disappointment means that some questions and statements can impact us quite painfully. "How can it be that a nice young man like you still hasn't found a wife?" "This will be good practice for when you're a mom." "Maybe if you weren't so picky you wouldn't be alone." For a long time I felt (and sometimes still feel) like I wasn't meeting everyone's expectations for my life, that I was not on par with the rest of the world. It wasn't until I realized that I didn't need to meet the expectations of others – my only requirement is to live before God as He commands – that I started developing a gracious attitude towards things some said that used to bother me. (I still have a long way to go.) Jesus' blood makes us complete – through Him, we now measure up to God's standards. And since this is so, then why does it matter what requirements others place on you? This is why we need to forgive other’s thoughtless comments. Some people are sincerely clueless and don't realize that questions like "why are you still single?" hurt. Pray for a gracious spirit every morning when you get up, smile, and respond with kindness. And tell your hurt to God. The rest of the Church can do better here. Comments like “why isn’t a nice man like you married?” rarely come across as a compliment, but rather a reminder to your single friend of what is not there. He would probably like to be married, but God has written his story a different way. We get it that you want us to be happy. Thank you. But reminding us of what we are missing is not helpful. Rather than say such things please encourage singles where they are at now. Did a single someone bring you a meal after your baby was born? Instead of saying how lucky her future husband will be, express your thankfulness and compliment her cooking. Loneliness Singles struggle with loneliness, which is partly their own fault and partly everyone else's. "How is it my fault? I can't help being alone!" you ask. Well, you are part of a church family, so go fellowship with them! Not just with the other single people around your age but with the widows, children, older people, married couples – all of them. As a member of the Church, you are responsible for its edification and wellbeing. Don’t be self-centered. Don’t presume others need to reach out to you first. Be hospitable by inviting people into your home (yes, single people can invite entire families over for Sunday lunch) and by being willing to go to their homes, even if it means going by yourself. Be brave. But what about the rest of the Church? Remember, a single person cannot be his or her own companion. Being on their own all the time is not healthy or wise (no lone rangers), so the Church body needs to embrace singles. Embrace them in your hearts, conversations, homes, and families. This means being interested in each other and not envying each other. The single person may need to ask a young mother if her new baby is sleeping through the night and the young mother may need to ask what the single person did on the weekend. One thing that has greatly endeared my pastor's family to me is that when my brother (who I lived with for almost two years) got married, my pastor told me that I should feel free to come over, whenever. Some times during the week can be more lonesome than others. Ask. Maybe Friday nights are hard – try to get together and do something. Being known Now, being lonely as a single person is not just about sitting at home alone on a Saturday night with a bowl of popcorn, a Hallmark flick, and a box of tissues (though that can be part of it). It's also about no one knowing you. This is something we tend to forget. God gave Eve to Adam as a helpmate because he was alone (Genesis 2:18) and she not only helped him physically but also spiritually and emotionally. Single people don't have that. Our souls get lonely. This is a struggle that I don't believe will leave us until we reach Heaven, which is actually a good thing. My soul's loneliness has caused me to reach out to God more than any other reason. God understands your heart and He is closer than you can imagine – so bring all the sorrows and struggles to Him. He is the only One who can fill up the lonely hole in your heart to overflowing. Preach His promises to yourself even when the emotions don't agree. I understand that everyone has this kind of loneliness to one degree or another, but with singles it can be a bit different. If you are married, you have your spouse to relate to in a deep way. With single people, it’s the feeling that no one has your back. Not every day is a lonely one, of course, so don't assume the singles you know are in dire need of a heart to heart chat over a cup of cocoa. Just be aware that the struggle is there. Please pray that Jesus will be the One who fulfills us and that we would be content in Him. Grace is key It doesn’t matter what church you attend, it’s going to be full of sinners. That means there will be people who annoy you and hurt your feelings, and you will do the same to others. So before you jump into the mix after the service, take a deep breath and pray for grace. Then decide to be interested in others. Rejoice in their joys and try to understand their struggles. Ask questions. Care about their lives. While on the subject of fellowship, let me put in a quick plug for hospitality. The commands of the Bible are given to the Church, and so hospitality is a requirement for single and married persons alike. This is where singles need to be brave. Inviting people into your home is intimidating. I recommend that you have more than one family over at a time. I know, that's more people to seat and feed – but the more people there are, the more they can talk amongst themselves while you prepare the food or do whatever you have to do. Going to someone else's home also requires you to be brave. Since I moved out of my parents' home, I have done a lot of things by myself, from sitting in church to going to weddings, and these things can be very daunting. Something I do is remember that Jesus is with me and I am not alone. I talk to Him in the middle of an awkward conversation and smile with Him at a young family's craziness. Where we end One day the entire Church – made up of countless generations and people of differing age, mental ability, race, and marital status – will comprise the Bride of Christ at the marriage supper of the Lamb. The Church, this wonderful thing we call family, our Lord calls His Bride. As we look forward to His return may He grant us the grace to live together in unity and love. And may He bless us with joy as we seek to serve each other and our King....

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