If you have a family, you know that your loved ones are greatly affected by your decisions around time management – and your children are watching and learning, too. Here are a few insights from wise Christians, including the women I talked to.
Emotional impacts of busyness
As Kevin DeYoung shared in Crazy Busy, “Busyness attacks joy…. When our lives are frantic and frenzied we are more prone to anxiety, resentment, impatience and irritability.” The stress that busyness can bring affects the emotional climate in our homes – and our relationships.
- “I would say the negative effects are usually not obvious, but subtle. Even when I’m too busy, I can usually keep all (most?) of the balls in the air, but it comes out in things like impatience or grumpiness. A child will ask a question and instead of patiently responding back, I will snap back a quick response…. I also find that in these too-busy times, there is no ‘wiggle room.’ We are managing to get by, but if something pops up like a lost PE shirt or a forgotten band instrument at home, then it’s not handled in the most loving way!”
Is busyness the best choice for our kids?
A lot of our busyness at certain stages revolves around our kids’ needs and activities. This is a tricky area to navigate; yes, extracurriculars add busyness, but they also add richness and joy. So where’s the line of sanity?
In Crazy Busy Kevin DeYoung has a lot to say about the “second-hand stress” that we often inadvertently expose our kids to. He shares that most kids wish “their parents were less tired and less stressed” and he concludes, “By trying to do so much for them, we are actually making our kids less happy. It would be better for us and for our kids if we planned fewer outings, got involved in fewer activities… and made parental sanity a higher priority.”
Reassessing our habits – and our thinking
The good news is that we can, of course, make changes. Maybe it’s a good time to sit down with your spouse and reassess your family commitments and their effects on everyone?
- “For me, Covid was a huge blessing because it forced many things off of our plates and we consciously chose not to automatically add them again afterwards.”
- “We constantly need to rejuggle/prioritize.”
- “‘Capture your thoughts.’ Why are you really feeling stressed or anxious today? Are you truly acknowledging that God is in control of your life?”
Our kids are watching us
For better or worse (hopefully better), our kids are watching and learning from our day-to-day decisions and attitudes.
- “Is our life ‘all about us’ – our fun, our activities? It’s important for our kids to see that things like service and hospitality (done with love) are priorities too.”
- “I have to be careful how I talk about ‘another night out’ for a church activity (especially when it’s about my husband, who is a busy elder). If I sound negative or resentful, my kids will certainly pick up on that, and it will shape their attitudes toward church and church commitments too.”
- “I’d like to think my kids notice how we prioritize so that they follow suit. I’d hate for them to chase after money, be a workaholic, etc.”
- “If I have FOMO (‘fear of missing out’), I am teaching [my kids] that they need to have their best life now. And if they miss an experience, it is a great cause for alarm. They need to see restraint in me, that my peace and satisfaction come from God and from the gifts He has given, and that we have an eternity to experience many amazing things.”
