These 10 questions were crafted for Reformed Harmony by Taylor DeSoto, with the hope that they could provide guidance for prospective couples to get to know one another more deeply. He encourages singles to keep their emotions low at the outset, until compatibility on the most meaningful levels has been established. The questions are reprinted below with DeSoto’s permission, and my commentary accompanies them in the brackets.
1. When did you know your sin and misery and when did you feel the love of Christ in your life?
2. What are the core tenets of your theology? What are the secondary tenets of your theology? (Which issues are important to you, or not?)
3. What political views do you hold? (Do you have strong views regarding political parties, poverty, abortion, the environment, or list any other topic important to you).
4. How do you view the husband-wife relationship regarding headship, chores, division of labor?
5. What are you passionate about? What are your hobbies? How do you spend your time?
6. How is your relationship with your parents and family? Do you want your parents to be involved in our relationship?
7. How do you serve your church as a single person? (This is geared to rooting out the people who don’t go to or participate in church in a meaningful way. DeSoto believes that if you are not serving your church while you are single, then you are not going to serve it as a married person OR serve your family).
8. Do you hope to have children, and how many? How do you want to raise them – what type of schooling or catechism? Do you believe in the baptism of infants?
9. What are your deal breakers in a relationship? This covers everything – where to live, job to have, smoking, drinking alcohol, sports – he encourages people to make a list.
10. How do you want to manage finances when married? This includes views on spending money, finances, credit/debt, and how to share assets.
DeSoto adds that an eleventh question could be: May I contact your pastor if I want to? This may seem extreme, but if you are going to live with this person for the rest of your life, his or her character should be known objectively, as well as possible. And if you have nothing to hide, why would it bother you?