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Assorted

How to be happier

Keep long lists, and short accounts

*****

As I pad down the hallway to my home office, sometimes I’ll look down and remember that the laminate planking I’m walking on was laid down with the help of friends. I’m not the best with a hammer or saw, so while I did some of the sweating, my friends brought the skill. I was so very thankful at the time, and now whenever I remember it’s a warm feeling still.

As of late I’ve been remembering these friends more often because of a curious book. It’s about a guy who set out to personally thank every person involved in getting him his morning brew. There’s the barista, of course, but a farmer had to grow the beans, and then there’s all the people in between – it turns out there are an astonishing number of people involved in a simple cup of coffee. Who picks the blend? How many are involved in the actual roasting? Someone had to design the lid (there’s quite some engineering to it), and then there’s the coffee cup sleeve – there wasn’t always a sleeve – and when we remember that coffee is about 1 percent beans and 99 percent water, then there’s a whole municipal water department to thank too. And who makes the pipes that carry the water? We haven’t even gotten into the boats and trucks involved and all the crews who man and make them.

A long list to be thankful for

This guy wanted to personally thank everyone involved but quickly realized that might amount to millions. So he narrowed it down to the one thousand most directly involved.

G.K. Chesterton said that, “When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude,” and this book was an eye-opener for just how many blessings I’ve been taking for granted. If thousands – millions – are involved in making a cup of coffee, how many could I thank for everything I find even on my short journey from bed to shower each morning? How many designers, engineers, miners, and factory workers were involved in making the Kindle that wakes us up each morning? And what about our bedding, the bedroom carpet, bathroom tiles and that long-shower necessity, our tankless water heater? I normally clomp past it all, but I could choose to start each day just looking around in amazement. As Chesterton reminds us, “gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”

The author of this book is a sometimes-blasphemous atheist (which is why I’m not sharing his name - I don’t want to promote him) but even as an atheist he recognizes that his disposition to grumpy ingratitude isn’t good… for him.

“…gratitude is the single-best predictor of well-being and good relationships, beating out twenty-four other impressive traits such as hope, love, and creativity. As the Benedictine monk David Steindl-Rast says, ‘Happiness does not lead to gratitude. Gratitude leads to happiness.’”

But why is thankfulness next to joyfulness? He doesn’t seem to know, but we do. God created us to glorify Him and then gave us innumerable reasons to do just that. And because He loves us, He so fashioned mankind that when we do what we were made to do, it is good for us. And He’s so gracious that even when we do a half measure, thanking the people around us, but forgetting the God Who made us, it is good for us still.

Sometimes we need a Jordan Peterson or Elon Musk – someone outside the Church – to remind us of what we have, and what unbelievers don’t. I was struck by that here, when this author shared,

“…I’ll occasionally start a meal by thanking a handful of people who helped get our food to the plate. I’ll say, ‘Thank you to the farmer who grew the carrots, to the truck driver who hauled them, to the cashier at Gristedes grocery story who rang me up.’”

This fellow is “praying” to people he knows will never hear him because he feels such a need to express gratitude. To quote Chesterton again, “The worst moment for an atheist is when he is really thankful and has no one to thank.” When I look around the dinner table at the food that’s there once again, and the family gathered around, and when I really stop to think of all I’ve been given here, my heart can’t help but swell, but now there’s another blessing I can bring to my giving, loving Father – I can thank God that I can thank God!

Keeping short accounts

But if Christians have so much to be thankful for, why aren’t we more joyful? Why am I too often grumpy, sullen, and short to the people God has gifted me?

Part of it is that we take so much for granted. We easily forget what we have, so there’s something to keeping a thankful journal. Around Thanksgiving each year my wife gets some notecards and encourages us each day to draw something we’re grateful for, and then we put the cards up on the hallway wall. It’s quite the display by month’s end.

But even more of it is taking for granted the biggest gift we’ve been given: forgiveness.

In his booklet How to Maintain Joy in Your Life, Jim Wilson shares how, upon his conversion, he experienced joy liked he’d never had chasing after the world’s substitutes. But as this Navy midshipman set out on his Christian journey, he found that joy diminishing. And it continued diminishing for the next three years. Sitting in the stateroom of an American destroyer stationed in the Sea of Japan, he was struck that for the 3 years since his conversion he hadn’t really been confessing his sins. Oh, sure, he’d confessed some sins, but there were many he hadn’t taken to God for all sorts of reasons. When he confessed his sins, God forgave him, and once again he started feeling that same joy.

Guilt is a weight. But, thanks to Jesus, it’s one we don’t have to carry. Guilt is also God’s way of getting our attention. As it says in Hebrews 12:11:

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

Jim Wilson was trained by that discipline, but like the rest of us, he was a slow learner.

“I would again disobey, get disciplined, and lose my joy. This time, instead of not confessing, I would confess after a while… ten hours, a week, 2 weeks.”

Eventually he realized that he didn’t have to wait to confess his sins – he could “keep short accounts.” Then, instead of a series of ups when he was forgiven, and downs when he wouldn’t go to God (or at least not yet), he started to experience ongoing joy.

“Sometimes I went for a while before confessing, but generally I would confess right away or within a couple of hours. I’m not saying I have not sinned in those years…. But I have a low tolerance for discipline. I do not like it. As long as I am unrepentant, the discipline stays on me, the hand of the Lord is heavy. I can remove the discipline of the Lord by repenting now.”

For those of us who’d prefer to stay miserable, he concludes his booklet with a list of what you can do instead of confessing your sin. You can justify, excuse, or hide it. You can blame someone else, procrastinate, or stand on pride. A favorite for many is “generalization,” where you readily admit “mistakes were made” without really getting into the dirt of what you did. But tricking yourself doesn’t trick God, and you can’t enjoy Him if you are hiding from Him.

Conclusion

If you want to be happier, it isn’t complicated.

Open your eyes wide, and see the world as it really is. There are troubles, but then there is God, and He continues to bless us beyond any measuring. And the biggest of those blessings is that we can know for certain – we can count on Him – that when we come to our Father with our sins, He will always and forever forgive.

That’s got me a little verklempt but I can assure you, they are happy tears.

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Assorted

A New Atheist loves that old time Religion

In 2007, four now fairly famous atheists – Christopher Hitchens, Daniel Dennett, Sam Harris, and Richard Dawkins – met to discuss their views. They filmed the discussion, titled it “The Four Horseman,” and when it went viral, they became known as the “Four Horseman of New Atheism.” The name of their group was ironic, since they certainly had no interest in the book of Revelation, in which four horsemen bring God’s judgment on the rebellious world; however, it was also fitting, since the Four Horsemen of Revelation are destructive, as are the New Atheists. Even they seemed to understand the destructive nature of their godless stance. Daniel Dennett saw Darwinism’s Dangerous Idea (the title of his 1995 book) as “a universal acid" that would eat through whatever it came into contact with. The despair of our current culture supports that, though in a way that Dennett did not intend. Cultural Christian? Of these “horsemen” the most famous today is Richard Dawkins, who is best known for his book The God Delusion. His prominence is partly because he is one of only two still living: Christopher Hitchens died in 2011, and Daniel Dennett died just this past April. But Dawkins’ fame is also because he has repeatedly made news for embracing aspects of the very Christianity he’s made his name attacking. And God has allowed Dawkins to live long enough to see some of the impact of his own form of atheistic evangelism, so that the lead horseman could begin to understand the destructiveness of his godless stance. This past year, in an interview with journalist Rachel Johnson, Dawkins declared that he “was slightly horrified to hear that Ramadan was being promoted instead” of Easter, because: “ culturally a Christian country. I call myself a cultural Christian. I’m not a believer.” Dawkins noted that “there is a distinction between being a believing Christian and being a cultural Christian.” But as British evangelist Glen Scrivener noted, Dawkins has maintained his “cultural” Christianity for quite a while now. Dawkins offered to read a chapter of the King James Bible for the Bible Society during the 400-year anniversary of the publication of the KJV back in 2011. Dawkins wasn’t paying tribute to the truth of God’s Word – he was only expressing a “historical interest” in the KJV, equating it to a similar appreciation for Richard Wagner and the Greek gods, since all three give us a better understanding of English literature. He also said that “it is important that religion should not be allowed to hijack this cultural resource.” Scrivener also noted that in 2018, Dawkins tweeted a picture of himself with the following caption: “Listening to the lovely bells of Winchester, one of our great mediaeval cathedrals. So much nicer than the aggressive-sounding ‘Allahu Akhbar.’ Or is that just my cultural upbringing speaking?” Dawkins was more pointed in his 2024 interview with Rachel Johnson. He said: “I love hymns and Christmas carols. I sort of feel at home in the Christian ethos. I feel that we are a Christian country in that sense,” And later in the interview he added: “Christianity is a fundamentally decent religion.” Comparing the treatment of women and homosexuals in both religions, Dawkins admitted that Christianity’s treatment of all people, whatever their sex or sin, is fundamentally more decent than that of Islam. But he still cannot, or will not, acknowledge why it is more decent. And that why is rooted in Christianity's working out of the truth of Genesis 1: that all people are created in the image of God. There is no fruit without the root Glenn Scrivener makes a great point about Dawkins’ inconsistent positions: he said that Dawkins is like the birds pecking at the seeds of the gospel in Jesus’ Parable of the Sower (Matt. 13:1-8). You can see such pecking in his Easter conversation with Rachel Johnson. He kept pecking at her own limited faith, asking, repeatedly, whether she herself believed in the virgin birth or the resurrection of Jesus Christ (she could only reply that she’d like to believe it). Scrivener says that Dawkins wants the fruits of Christianity without the root that brought it into being. He makes a connection to a later parable in the same chapter: the Parable of the Mustard Seed where a giant tree grew out of a small seed (Matt. 13:31-32), and suggests that Dawkins is one of the birds that is allowed to perch in the branches, enjoying the earthly fruits of God’s kingdom, even while he saws at the root of the tree. Every knee shall bow (Phil. 2:10) So what is the good news in Dawkins’ claims of cultural Christianity, even as he continues to deny the objective truth of Christianity? Let’s go back to the first Horseman we looked at: Daniel Dennett, who saw evolution – Darwin’s dangerous idea – as the acid that would transform everything it came into contact with. Dawkins has been admitting the terrible truth of Dennett’s boast. Evolution’s attack on the root of Christianity has left the West vulnerable to false gods, like Allah and trans ideology – two things that horrify Dawkins. Dawkins’ confused, but stubborn and hostile, attitude toward Christ shows the truth of Galatians 6:7-8: “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.” And some people have, unexpectedly, been brought by the Spirit to begin sowing to the Spirit. For instance, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, who first embraced atheism in her rejection of her Muslim upbringing, has seen, like Dawkins, how the New Atheism helped open up the West to destructive gods, and how atheism had nothing to counter them. She has been brought to acknowledge both the fruit and the root of Christianity – Christ himself – and in a conversation with Dawkins, opened him up to at least admit that the existence of God is “a dramatic important idea.” The good news is that the lead horseman has to acknowledge that what he and his friends have been sowing – the wind – is reaping the whirlwind. Even better, that whirlwind is preparing some to be blown over by the wind of the Spirit that Jesus tells Nicodemus about (John 3:8). In that way, willingly or unwillingly, they already have to fulfill the truth of Philippians 2:10, and bend the knee before the King....

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Higher Ed advice: 34 women, 6 principles

After connecting with at least thirty-four women about their experiences considering higher education, I discovered several key themes running through their responses. Read their advice below! Keep in mind that any advice here is just that – advice, not a command. Learn from observing women who’ve had to decide whether to pursue higher education or not, but lean on God and His Word to determine your steps! Flexibility is key Most women prioritized flexibility when choosing a career path, but flexibility could mean many different things. It could mean shortening the length they studied for, or changing their studies to a career that could be easily “paused” and then started again after a few years. This actually means that some women found jobs with specific licensing requirements (such as nursing) can be a bit more challenging for some to stay up to date in, though these jobs were flexible in other ways. It could mean a job with flexible schedules. It could mean studying something that could be used in multiple ways, instead of one specific field only. It’s worthwhile to think about what kind of flexibility matters most to you, and consider how to achieve that in your life. Less debt is less stress While debt can sometimes be worthwhile, in general the less debt you carry the more freedom you have to make choices later in life, such as the choice to pause your career or stop working. Women financed their education in a variety of ways, including scholarships, grants, jobs, help from family, and yes, debt – so take the time to consider all the options. Your passion can be a starting point Many women “knew” from a young age that they wanted a specific career. For some, it was a practical career like nursing or teaching, which were easy to pursue since these are traditionally female-dominated careers anyway. You can be called to something obvious! For others, it was a passion for something less practical, like art. But it can still be worthwhile to discern whether to pursue this, because career paths are not always obvious when you’re a teen unfamiliar with an industry. For example, many who studied art have found careers as graphic designers or illustrators. Other academically gifted sisters have pursued higher degrees and stretched their intellect, and found employment that matched their education. Some even spoke of the freedom they felt to pursue what they loved, because they didn't expect to have to support a family on their income. If it is truly a gift God has given you to use, you can lean on God and see how He will use it. It might not be something you’re called to study, but it might be an option to explore if you’re not quite sure where to start. Practical concerns Many women reported choosing their course of study specifically because it led to a specific job path. For them, it didn’t make sense to invest in something that they wouldn’t be able to find a job in. If being able to support yourself is a goal, this is helpful to keep in mind! One thing to consider though is getting “stuck” on a career path you don’t like – it can take quite a bit of time to retrain from engineering to another career (for example) because the subject is quite specific. A love of learning can guide Don’t be afraid if your passion is a love of learning rather than a specific job. For some women, the priority was developing the mind that God gave them, and learning more about their dear Father as a result of their learning. Many women spoke of how learning is never a waste, and the academic world can use more Reformed minds! However, if you pursue this path, it’s good to combine this with responsible views on debt, as well as with wisdom on how well you can stand firm in a secular environment. The higher levels of education can raise many questions in believers’ minds, and everyone should have a strong system of support for questions if they choose to study in secular environments or at these higher levels. Consider the future, but not with fear Many women mentioned how education could come in handy during difficult times in their lives, such as if they had to support their family on their own. Some said their husband could rest more easily knowing their wife could help out if anything happened to him. And of course, a higher-paying job was helpful for the women who never married. But while these are very logical reasons to pursue education (and they’re worth keeping in mind), if it is a fear of bad consequences that is driving you to a life path, it’s worth pausing and leaning into God to discern if it’s really a path you should take. Some women decided higher education was not right for them, and it’s not right for everybody. And if it is the path God is calling you to, then joy, a love of learning, and a passion for developing the gifts God has given you are better motivations than fear....

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RP’s guide to “adulting” – our top articles to help you gain the skills to feel grown up

Young people nowadays feel more anxious and overwhelmed about the future than ever. There are several reasons for this– a relentless onslaught of bad news in the media, the rising cost of living and the overcomplexity of our modern world, and our safety culture that restricts children from practicing independence when young. It’s telling that “adulting” has become a verb, that we feel a need to describe the actions adults take as a skill young people struggle to learn. In the past, young people had a more defined roadmap, and the community surrounding them guided them as they began to take their first steps into the big world. Young people today still can use that guidance from our elders who have navigated this before! That’s why we created this list of articles we have published in the past that offers guidance on different areas of life that young people face. Just click on each title to go to the linked article. Use this guide as a bit of a “roadmap” of options. SHOULD YOU GO TO POSTSECONDARY? We did a whole issue on this topic that’s also worth checking out. I’m graduating – Now what? – Graduating from high school can be a big crossroads – from that point on, your path isn’t so clear. You need to make a choice about the next steps, and here's some advice on how to decide what to do next once you've graduated high school. Thriving at a non-Christian university? – There are many choices of universities, but if you're thinking of attending a secular university, here's some advice! What about a Christian university? – Christian universities aren’t always perfect, but there are some benefits! If you're considering a Christian university, this article has advice for that. Podcasts to get you educated, not schooled – Formal schooling is not the only option for getting educated. Here are some options to learn even if you decide not to go to college or university. Learning can be lifelong, and is not limited to university! CHOOSING A CAREER Having trouble choosing a career? No one can tell you what you should do for work, of course, but it can help to get some insight into what a particular career is like. Your own path in a career will be different, but it’s still helpful to hear from the inside about what others have found. Here are some of the careers we’ve covered in the past, and what it’s like to be a Reformed Christian in these fields. Teacher: Paul Bartels: from carpenter to high school shop teacher Journalist: 87 – The Need for Redeeming Canadian Journalism – Alexandra Ellison (Real Talk Podcast) Comedian: Comedy as a calling Artist: Reformed Perspective has a series of interviews with artists to check out Illustrator: Stephanie Vanderpol has a zoologist in the house Book Publisher/Seller: Albert van der Heide’s passion for print Lawyer: Albertos Polizogopoulos: lawyer for the Lord Entrepreneur: What does a Reformed entrepreneur look like? Homemaker: “Homemaking is the ultimate career” – C.S. Lewis (sort of) MARRIAGE Marriage rates are declining worldwide, and yet many young people desire that loving, secure, lifelong partner in life. It’s just not that easy to find a good match! Here are some articles we’ve published to guide you along the way. How to get married younger – The trend is to get married later in life. But getting married is a worthy aspiration. If you want to get married younger, here’s some advice on how to do it. How I married your grandmother: dating advice for a young man – Sometimes it’s helpful to hear how someone else “did it,” so here’s a personal reflection on exactly how one young man found his wife. Obstacles and roadblocks to having children – Many of us desire to have children, but it’s not always as simple as wanting to have them. First, of course, you have to find someone to get married to. But even then, challenges and obstacles can come up. Here’s some encouragement that children really can be a blessing. BUYING A HOME Home ownership is one of the major things that feels out of reach for young people. It's harder than it used to be, but here are some tips on different ways to reach this goal. Home ownership for Christians: how it happened in the past, and how it might now Tiny home contentment FINANCES A common question is, why didn’t I learn more about finances in school? This is a gigantic topic that is important to learn about! However, a lot of advice depends on your situation and your goals. That said, we’ve covered some general financial topics before, and we encourage you to keep learning about this area. Frugalship: 37 ways to save a buck – on being frugal On investing, with Wade Van Bostelen …but I have a couch – on hospitality FINDING MEANING IN LIFE As Christians, we know the meaning of life, but there can be a difference between knowing in our head and feeling it in our hearts. A big part of growing up is figuring out what’s the “point” of everything we do, and how we as individuals fit into the big picture. Here are some links on finding that meaning and putting it into practice. How to live your best life: knowing, and participating in, the greatest (true) story C.S. Lewis on real happiness and real Christianity CONCLUSION No one can give you a complete roadmap for exactly what you should do with your life, but hopefully the perspectives offered in these articles help you through making decisions. Growing up can look daunting at times, but shouldering the responsibility of living well, and learning to use the gifts God has given you, is a worthwhile and fulfilling journey to take....

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Obstacles and roadblocks to having children

Some obstacles to having children aren’t entirely in our control. But there are also roadblocks that we can set up in our own way ***** On my 20th birthday, I flopped back on my dorm bed and told my mom on the phone, “I thought that I’d have kids by now.” So why didn’t I? First comes marriage The first and most obvious reason was that I was so busy studying at university I wasn’t even dating. I knew that God intended kids to be raised in a home with a mom and a dad. Since I was single, I wasn’t in a position to have children – even if it was my hidden desire. It was so hidden, in fact, that the girls I lived with voted me as “the most likely to never have children.” So I needed to start bringing what was hidden to the surface, and that began with praying for a husband. I prayed for a God-fearing man who was eager to provide for our family and I trusted God’s will for my life. In addition, I was now up for doing the other things I could to meet eligible men including: Putting myself in places where I was likely to meet eligible men by prioritizing my attendance at church events over other activities and entertainment, and by going to a Christian post-secondary institution, Speaking graciously to many new single men by listening well, being cheerful and kind in the content of my speech, and encouraging them in godly pursuits, Dressing modestly and attractively to avoid two pitfalls: being noticed for the wrong reason and being overlooked because my God-given beauty was hidden, and Being willing to go on dates and try new things, giving guys a fair chance. Over time and by God’s leading, I was married at 25. There’s waiting and then there’s waiting But we didn’t actively try to have children right away. There are some benefits to waiting for a time after marriage to have kids. It is not necessary, but it allows time to adjust to new roles as husband and wife without the added challenge of pregnancy hormones. Just as God typically allows 9 months for a pregnant couple to adjust to the idea of parenthood (and for the baby to develop in preparation for the transition to life outside the womb), my husband and I agreed to allow ourselves some time for the transition from being single to being married. I also saw this as a time that I could complete some life goals before the added responsibility of children. I was eager to complete my schooling for my professional designation. The final test was nine months after my wedding and required intensive studying. My husband and I agreed that it was ok to wait to try for kids until after the final exam. We felt that this was a reasonable amount of time to wait after marriage. However, there are some disadvantages to waiting. There is a risk that life goals snowball. After the exam was finished, I could have said I wanted to hold off trying for kids until I got a promotion, or had a down payment for our own house, or . I knew we would never arrive at the ideal situation prior to having children, but I was happy to have the big exam behind me. Another disadvantage to waiting is having an unhealthy motive. I knew God designed married couples to have children. If I chose to forgo having children to better be able to climb the corporate ladder I knew I would be disobeying God. My life goals would then be an idol, keeping me from loving and serving God whole-heartedly. Being open to God’s blessing of children keeps life goals from becoming idols. In my case, I was content to set aside my goal if I got pregnant before I passed my exam. Open still to the blessing of children Yet in the period of not actively trying for children, it is important to consider what method of preventing pregnancy the married couple is using. Three methods of birth control exist, and some Christians argue that any form of family planning is problematic because God so designed sex as to be procreative. They’d argue sex apart from procreation is a problem. I’m noting the objection, but I don’t share it. But I do think two of the three methods have problems. The first is simply to not have sex. While it is a highly effective form of birth control, it goes against God’s design for marriage. As the Apostle Paul puts in 1 Cor. 7:5 abstinence isn’t a good idea, except maybe by mutual consent for a short period, “so that you may devote yourselves to prayer” but then he encourages couples to “come together again so that Satan may not tempt you…” A couple devoted to prayer is different than a couple trying to avoid precreation; therefore, this is not a biblical form of birth control. A second method involves preventing ovulation – the release of an egg – by taking a birth control pill or using a birth control implant. If there is no egg, then there can be no baby; but it doesn’t always work. If ovulation does happen, then this chemical means of birth control has a secondary effect of making the womb less hospitable to a fertilized egg. A new life begins when an egg is fertilized, even before implantation. Therefore, this secondary effect would end this new life. A conversation with a medical expert using these layman terms would help when trying to clarify how your preferred birth control works. I felt that using this second method of birth control was like firing a machine gun at my sleeping baby’s crib. I wanted to create a safe environment for my children, even in the womb. The third method involves preventing a sperm from fertilizing an egg by using some sort of barrier, like a condom, or not going all the way. The timing of intercourse can also be done when the wife is less likely to be fertile. These forms of family planning prevent life from being created. Some forms of birth control are more effective at preventing pregnancies than others; yet Christians can rest knowing that God’s ways are not our ways and children are one of His gifts. I was comfortable with the “risk” of becoming pregnant before I met my milestone of finishing school. Wrestling with myself After I finished my exam (and before I knew if I had passed), we started trying to conceive, but there was still some wrestling that I had to do with myself before the throne of God. I knew that even though I may not meet this milestone of being professionally designated, there were other goals that I’d have to change or forgo in order to have a child. I started to “count the cost,” doing almost a cost/benefit analysis to see if child-bearing was “worth it.” Part of my wrestling was because I was inexperienced with babies. I was the youngest of two kids so I’d never seen my parents welcome a baby into the home. I also had limited babysitting experience. I had limited experience with the joys of children, but I could imagine all sorts of costs that welcoming a child would bring. Not only would my clothes be stained by gross baby fluids, my hair pulled, and my sleep drastically interrupted, but: my career pursuits would be put on hold, slowed or abandoned; my youthful body would stretch and become a different shape; my attention would be split by keeping track of someone else’s life; my free time to travel and enjoy hobbies would dwindle or include children; my friends and conversations would be different; and, my treasured possessions would be at risk of being damaged by curious children. Reasons for having children With all these worldly fears and reasons not to have kids, why did I do it? First, childbearing is the purpose of marriage. Malachi 2:15 says, “Didn’t the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union.” God wanted me to have children filling my home. It was my joyous duty to live in obedience to His command and trust Him to give children as He saw fit. Furthermore, I can trace back in my genealogy many generations of faithful Christians. I felt called to continue this tradition. The psalmist sings to God saying, “One generation will commend your works to another” (Psalm 145:4). I could tell the next generation of “God’s mighty acts” by teaching Sunday school, but I could do it when I sit at home, when I walk on the road, when I lie down and when I get up if I had children in my own home (Deuteronomy 6:7). It would be arrogant to think that all the sacrifice and obedience of my ancestors was for my benefit. No, my responsibility was to continue what they had done. God first blessed and commanded mankind: “‘Be fruitful and multiply’” (Genesis 1:28). I didn’t have to do a cost/benefit analysis. I could obey Him. Second, being a mother is a worthy calling, and better than so many of the pursuits the world focuses on instead, like trying to accumulate wealth and experiences. Being a mother involves creating a life that will continue into eternity. I thought of the author of Ecclesiastes complaining that all pursuits were meaningless and without purpose, like chasing after the wind. In contrast, a newborn has a soul that continues into eternity. All my other life pursuits (wealth, beauty, pleasure, etc.) would fade and be worthless. But people will live forever, either in heaven or hell. God uses women to create and nurture new life. He uses many of His people, by the guidance of His Holy Spirit, to win souls for Christ’s sake. Since children and people in general have eternal value, this makes the sacrifices of moms and all His servants “worth it” and is better use of their time and efforts than focusing on things of this world. Third, I trusted that having a child would bring joy. There are many women of the Bible who expressed joy upon holding their first born: Eve, the first mom, expressed awe at her firstborn son (Gen. 4:1). Sarah said, “God has brought me laughter” (Gen. 21:6). Hannah prayed and spoke of God lifting up her heart: “‘My heart exults in the Lord; my horn is exalted in the Lord’” (1 Sam. 2:1). Naomi and Ruth both rejoiced at the birth of Obed, speaking of how he’d nourish Naomi in her old age and be a restorer of life (Ruth 4:15). Elizabeth’s joy in giving birth to John the Baptist was so great that it bubbled over to her neighbors and relatives (Luke 1:58). Mary “treasured up” Jesus’ birth and pondered it in her heart (Luke 2:19). These biblical women described such meaningful happiness at holding their bundles of joy that I wanted to know that experience for myself. Furthermore, these women were from a span of history that covered 4,000 years, yet all expressed similar joy. Childbearing is a gift God has given women that transcends cultural expectations. Life has eternal value. Childbearing is a joyous gift of God and He commands it of Christian marriages. Therefore, the benefits of having children were far greater than my list of costs. Wrestling through this helped me to pursue conceiving a child with joy and peace, but again I did not get pregnant right away. One last barrier The last barrier I went through to having a child was an ability to conceive as quickly as I’d expected. I was actively trying to get pregnant, but it wasn’t happening. Every month that I wasn’t pregnant I was disappointed. Reading medical articles about fertility helped me to better understand the typical time it takes to get pregnant and I learned that it takes longer the older the age of the mom: “When a woman is younger than 30, she has an 85% chance to conceive within 1 year. At the age of 30, there is a 75% chance to conceive in the first 12 months. This chance declines to 66% at the age of 35 and 44% at the age of 40. This is due to the effect of aging on the ovary and eggs.”1 I learned that a 1-2 year wait to get pregnant was within the range of normal. My experience fell into this category. However, I know there are more complexities to the issue of infertility than time. Many seek medical advice. Christian couples pray and search Scripture for wisdom as they consider the various options available, including fostering and adoption. My struggle to conceive was a monthly challenge, but I am thankful for this trial. It produced peace as I learned to surrender to the Lord’s authority and trust in Him to provide. My first child was born on a Monday morning, just as the sun was coming up. It was a girl! She was dainty and muscular. We gave her a name that means “strong” and the middle name “joy” to remind us and her that “the joy of the LORD is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10). The Lord led me through the barriers blocking my way to childbearing and blessed me with the joy of motherhood. Endnote 1 “Knowledge about the impact of age on fertility: a brief review” by Ilse Delbaere, Sarah Verbiest, and Tania Tydén, in the Upsala Journal of Medical Sciences, Vol 125 (2), 2020, pages 167-174...

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The five Ws of funeral planning

I can think of many times I’ve answered the phone at the funeral home and the person on the other end of the line expressed a need to plan a funeral, but didn’t know where to start. They wanted to have the conversation, but did not know what questions to ask or how to begin the conversation. Hopefully, by asking and answering some basic questions I can help prompt your thoughts and ideas about end-of-life planning. Who? Funeral planning can be done by anybody. At some point in the Christian life, we are confronted with our own mortality and that gets us thinking about our exit plan. Christians should give careful attention to funeral planning, since a funeral is a final witness to those left behind about what we believe and hold dear, and is an opportunity for the gospel comfort to be presented to our family and friends and leave a lasting impression. My father, a retired pastor, has said on occasion that he prefers to preach at a funeral rather than a wedding, because those in attendance at a funeral are usually listening more closely. A great question to ask yourself is, “What do I want my funeral to communicate?” Funerals are for the living, so funerals must be relevant and meaningful to those left behind. Planning ahead for your own funeral may be the only time you arrange an event for everyone in your life to attend but not yourself. Funeral planning is often done by the recently bereaved. Death comes sooner than expected many times, and a sudden, tragic loss can cause us to go numb, and feel like we are going through the motions in a daze. A trusted funeral director is vital to help you navigate all the decisions that need to be made and help you to stay within budget as plans are formulated. Ultimately, your executor (or if there is no will, your closest kin) has legal authority to make your funeral decisions. They should be carefully selected and clearly informed of your wishes. What? Planning ahead can take many forms. It can simply be a conversation between spouses, parents and children, or friends about wishes a person may have regarding a funeral. It could also involve a conversation between a parishioner and a pastor about what text, songs and message should be incorporated into the funeral liturgy. Planning ahead can also involve some more practical steps, such as purchasing cemetery interment rights, selecting a funeral home to assist your family, choosing services and other items like a casket, cemetery vault, marker or monument, and even setting aside the funds to pay for them. In many areas you can research some of this information ahead of time from a funeral home’s website to educate yourself. There is typically no cost for a funeral planning consultation appointment and recording your preferences on file at a funeral home. If a death has already taken place, decisions need to be made rather quickly. There could be as many as 25 or more things to decide in a short period of time about a loved one’s funeral, ranging from which funeral home should look after the arrangements to what outfit he or she should be dressed in, to who the organist or pianist should be. Choose a funeral director who you know is going to be a helpful guide through all the decisions that need to be made. When? Funeral planning should be done at your own pace. Any cemetery or funeral provider who is aggressively pursuing you or pressuring you should be avoided. Your funeral provider should provide plenty of information and choices and show a long-term commitment to your local community. Look for a referral if you are new in town. Planning ahead for a funeral is often done in conjunction with retirement planning, or when a family home or other assets are sold, or when conversations about aging and end of life tend to come up naturally. Funeral planning without making a will is like building a chair with only two legs. These things should be done in tandem. The timing of funeral planning conversations can be difficult to navigate, especially when one party is more willing to discuss the topic than the other. But talking about it doesn’t make it happen any sooner, it only helps you to be more prepared. Maybe that sounds cliché, but there is truth to this statement, especially as we confess God’s providence in life and in death. Involving other family members, such as adult children, in the conversation can be helpful to move along in a productive way. Funeral planning should be done earlier than you might think. For those who are married, funeral planning is a mutual gift that you can give to your spouse (kind of like when my wife and I signed our wills on our anniversary). It allows you to make decisions together. I have seen many surviving spouses burdened with making the final decision on all the details when nothing has been planned ahead of time. If you are single, planning ahead allows you to have some control and say over the details of your own funeral, rather than leaving everything in the hands of your executor. Planning early also allows you time to consider all the options, and plan for the expenses. Where? Conversations can be shared anywhere. They can happen while on a drive, over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, at a family gathering, or while sharing a quiet moment. Somewhere along the way you need to capture the content of the conversations and put it on paper. We often sit around the family kitchen table to help people, whether for planning ahead, or when someone has died. Arrangements can also be discussed at the funeral home by appointment. Why? Planning ahead has a financial benefit, as a prepaid funeral arrangement offers guarantees and the investment of funds that protect the family from any future inflation of costs. Planning is preparing. It allows you to face difficult realities with loved ones, and to say confidently that even though it will be so hard, we will be able to face death, that last enemy, standing on God’s promises, as they are boldly proclaimed to us as part of a well-planned funeral. Having those conversations ahead of time can really make all the difference and set us off in the right direction on the grief journey when the time comes to say goodbye to a loved one. Garnet VanPopta Rick is a funeral director at Kitching, Steepe & Ludwig Funeral Home in Hamilton, Ontario. You can email him at [email protected]....

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Write your own eulogy

Crystalize what’s most important in your life **** My neighbor wrote my eulogy last week, or what I hope will be at least a part of it. It was her daughter’s birthday, and I had popped over with a present. Neither mother nor daughter was surprised when it turned out to be a couple of books, and that’s what prompted the mom to say: “Jon, when you die, I think everyone at the funeral will have gotten a book from you.” I’d like that to be true. I do think birthdays and anniversaries are a wonderful excuse to pass along a good book, and while I haven’t reached near everyone yet, the Lord willing, I do still have time. So, yes, “book giver” is something I’d love to have included in my eulogy. What would you like included in yours? Eulogies are most often written for us by our family after we have passed on, but some years back Dr. Gary North challenged his readers to write their own eulogies. He first wanted them to write up a good resume to detail what they’d already done, and then they were supposed to write their eulogy to lay out what they intended to do. After both were complete, North challenged his readers to focus in on the differences. “How well does your résumé match what you would like said in your eulogy? If there is a big discrepancy, work on both…. There should be more to your life than your résumé. If there isn't, start working on improving your eulogy. Then work backward.” This talk of dying is all about bringing focus to how we can live out our purpose. God created us to glorify Him, and to best do that we need follow just two commands: to first love God with all our heart, soul, and mind, and second, to love our neighbor as ourself (Matt. 22:37-39). So writing a eulogy is really just casting our eyes to the future to see how we might go about loving God and Man. Write it when you’re young While North’s proposal was an exercise aimed at everyone, there’s distinct benefits for young and old. Young people writing eulogies? Yes, because there’s benefit in asking, “How would I like to be remembered?” sooner rather than later. The earlier we get to it, the more time we’ll have to live out whatever goals we set. Like to be remembered as a generous donor to missions and Christian schooling? That might be achievable if you start charting this course in your teens. Would you love to be known as a nurturing parent? Best to write that down long before your kids move out. Want to be called a doting grandmother to dozens? It’s more realistic if you’re busy having, and loving, your own large family now. It’s a different twist on goal-setting, because eulogies don’t focus on our typical aspirations. A big house is nice, but have you ever heard that mentioned at a funeral? We’d all love to be able to explore the globe, but who’d want to be known simply as a world traveler at the end of their life? What priority do you want to give to your job? There are all sorts of careers that’d be worth a mention as your son or daughter sums up your time on earth, but only so long as they were a means of serving God, and hadn’t become a god to you. That’s how writing a eulogy early can show you what sort of goals are worth setting. Typing it out when you’re young is also a reminder to not put off what you can do today, since none of us have a promise of tomorrow. In his book Seasons of Sorrow, Reformed pastor and author Tim Challies wrote about his son Nicholas’s sudden death. The young man was just 20 when he died, and at the time was attending seminary and engaged to be married. While those plans were cut short, his father could take comfort in being able to write in his obituary: “ eventually became convinced that Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world, and that he ought to be a follower of Jesus.… All who share his faith commend him for running his short race well and anticipate the day when they will see him again.” Worth doing when you’re old There’s a different value in writing your eulogy when you’re older. It may be less about setting major new goals – limits on time and strength don’t allow a man in his sixties to take on studying to be a doctor, or starting a pig farm. But new ventures are still possible since retirement may bring time to do activities that just weren’t possible before. I know a man who took up painting and got quite good at it, leaving works that adorn the walls of family and friends. When infirmity took that away he turned to crafting poetry, glorifying his Maker in an entirely new way. But in these later years one benefit to writing a eulogy comes in the clarity it brings to revisions that should and could be made. A young man can fool himself into thinking he has all the time in the world to make amends. But once there’s no denying death’s approach, we can’t miss the need to make the most of the short time we might still have. It’s only fiction, but in Where the Blue Sky Begins, a terminal cancer diagnosis is what gives the main character her clear mission – she’s put it off for years but she’s sure God wants her to ask forgiveness of seven people she’s wronged. The very reason we might not want to write our eulogy at this age – all the regrets we don’t want to think about – is a big reason to do it. Sin has stained all our stories and what we’ve done can’t be undone. But it can be forgiven. Ships may have sailed, but course corrections are always possible because our God is merciful. Just think of the thief on the cross. We don’t know how old he was, but we know he had no strength and no time to offer – stuck as he was, he couldn’t do anything other than profess Jesus as righteous. But that was quite the plot twist, and whatever his story’s beginnings, he had such a spectacularly God-glorifying final chapter it was included in the Bible (Luke 23:39-43). Not all revisions are going to be this dramatic, but we all have sins we can flee from. Think of common examples: a stern mother can’t get back those early years, but she may now have time to craft a different entry as a grandma. Maybe you spent too much time watching hockey, or obsessing about the royals, or reading trashy fiction? Whatever our sins, so long as breath remains, we can repent. And then possibilities will exist still to glorify our Maker. For many a faithful saint these final chapters can also be about etching deeper what’s already been put down. My parents have gotten to a stage where getting out of bed has become an accomplishment, but they continue doing what they’ve always done, showing what a great marriage and sacrificial love looks like. It comes out in small ways, maybe bringing another cup of coffee, or holding hands during Jessica Fletcher but it’s more of what’s been going on for half a century now. It was also quite something to see my wife’s grandmother holding forth on her deathbed, still loving on the people gathered around her, more concerned about how they were doing than the pain she was feeling. And knowing she had just hours and not weeks, she took the opportunity to share some pointed advice because it was clear she had no time but the present. When years and maybe decades may still remain, polishing can be done. A good young elder can continue on as an older elder. Retired businessmen can burnish their legacy by mentoring younger entrepreneurs. Paul tells us that older men and women are to teach the younger generation (Titus 2), and Asaph tells us to share with our children what God has done in our own lives (Ps. 78). So long as breath remains, opportunities to honor God continue. Writing a eulogy in our later years can be about adding on an exclamation mark to what we already have down. Conclusion When I first started writing this article, I intended to share my own eulogy as an example. But if this exercise is going to be as brutally honest as it is meant to be, the results aren’t really for public consumption. I will share a couple of broader lessons learned. Like every Christian parent, I want to make it easy for my kids to say about me – to know about me – “He loved his Lord.” And I want my neighbors to know it too. There’s that old joke that goes, “if the government ever brought up charges against you for being a Christian would there be enough evidence to convict you?” Would your neighbors be able to join in on the prosecution side? Maybe like you, I have some work to do here. I’ve also realized, at least at this point of my life, I can most glorify God by being a patient father. There’s all sorts of other things I can work on too, and goals I should follow through on (like a book I’ve yet to start). But right now, every day again – almost moment by moment – I have repeated opportunities to help or to hurt the mood of my household. I can do so either as a harried, slightly grumpy, justice- more than mercy-minded, busy dad, or as a happier, calmer, more patient parent who better reflects his Father in Heaven. This second option is easy enough to write down, but if it’s going to be a goal and not simply a wish, steps need to be taken, and what will that look like? This eulogy-writing is only useful if it leads to concrete actions. So if I’m grumpy because I’m too busy, then I need to either take less on, or take steps to be better at organization. I know I’m a better saint when I’m well rested, so bed time needs to become a priority. If I really want to be remembered as a patient dad, what am I going to do about it, and what am I willing to give up to achieve this goal? That’s what I’ve learned, but now how about you? What are your friends and family going to say about you when you’re gone? And what can you do about it still now?...

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Let the little children come

Children can’t be sheltered from the death of a loved one. But they can be comforted. ***** Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Matt. 19:14) A year before I was born, my oldest brother Sidney died in a car accident. My parents and nine siblings navigated the visitation and funeral as best they could. In 1984, death and grief were not as openly discussed as they are today. In hindsight, my parents wished they would have slowed everything down a little, giving themselves more time as a family to take in what had just happened and also to prepare my two youngest brothers for the experience. These brothers were kindly babysat by a lady from their church during the visitation and funeral. But now, as grown adults and parents themselves, they still have clear memories of that time and they wish they had been included in the funeral events. Ten years later, when I was eight years old, we lost my brother Justin in a car accident as well. This time, as siblings, we were able to experience things together as much as we wished to be included. Not everyone wanted to go to the accident site, but some of us did. There wasn’t a question of whether we were too young to attend his visitation and funeral; we all attended. From the oldest to the youngest, we shook hands with hundreds of people who came out from our church community to support us. My brother Reuben, who was 11, and I might have taken breaks to run around the funeral home for a bit, even getting in trouble from the funeral director just once. Sidney, Justin, and Jason, three of Diane’s siblings who died young. I share this to be realistic. I strongly believe that children need to be included in all family events in an age-appropriate manner. This starts with being truthful about what has happened. “Grandpa has died, and his soul has gone to heaven to be with Jesus.” We need to steer away from terms like sleeping or resting. Not being honest with a child can cause confusion and even unnecessary fear of what death actually is. Telling them they cannot see their loved one in the casket because “it is not appropriate for kids” only makes their imagination run wild, potentially leading to real fear and avoidance of death or funeral homes in adulthood. I know adults who were made to fear funeral homes and caskets as children, and now they struggle to attend visitations and funerals to support their own friends and church communities. This is unfortunate, as death is a part of life, as God speaks of this in Ecclesiastes 3:1-2: “To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted.” In 2014, we lost my brother Jason to cancer at 45 years old. Now, as an adult, I had also been a funeral director for over eight years. This was a different grief for me than when I was eight years old. I had this brother my whole life; he was my friend, and now it was time to say goodbye. Navigating the funeral details with my brother’s wife and ensuring his children felt included was crucial. They all came to the funeral home the day after his death to pick out his casket. They stood in the visitation receiving line and attended the funeral. Seeing their young friends come to support these grieving children was so special to see. I am glad that, as a society, we see more and more children coming to support their friends who have lost a loved one. This will help raise young people with a healthy perspective on death and dying and with the understanding that those who are grieving need their support. God has also made it possible for us to share these difficult experiences in a positive way! “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Cor. 1:3-4) Diane Vanderwoude Russell is funeral director at Kitching, Steepe & Ludwig Funeral Home in Hamilton, Ontario. You can email her at [email protected]....

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A funeral is a community event

Your presence alone can be a comfort ***** Not long ago I was directing a funeral, and the service was about to begin. The doors to the sanctuary opened to myself and the pastor, and, most importantly, the grieving widower and his family. Waiting for us were 400 guests in attendance. There was an audible gasp and fresh tears from the family, followed by a brief pause as they took in this overwhelming show of support. We walked down the aisle to the reserved pews, surrounded by a sea of compassionate faces, an earthly cloud of witnesses. I was struck by the visible comfort this community gave the family simply by showing up. Their presence was a gift I don’t think the family will ever forget. An experience like this highlights how funerals are community events. It also shows us the opportunity, and with that the responsibility, we have to be a support system. We can learn here, too, some practical ways we can care for the grieving family among us. Practical advice In our church tradition, it is typical that a family would choose to have a time of visitation prior to the funeral event. The visitation is often our first opportunity to show up for the family. This is a time where you are invited to share in the family’s burden of missing their loved one. It is a time to mourn with those who mourn, but also an opportunity to reflect on God’s faithfulness in their loved one’s life. In many ways, it is a sacred time. Maybe you have found yourself at visitation for someone with a particularly tragic circumstance surrounding their death: perhaps a child has died, or a sudden accident or illness has occurred, rocking the community and stirring your heart to express your condolences. Especially in those circumstances you may find you don’t have the right words to say. Know that first and foremost, your presence alone can be a comfort to the family member. Second, you may be at a loss for words, and that is okay. At times we don’t understand why God gives and takes away, and we can be tempted to overcompensate with our words, even though that may do more harm than good. While it may be tempting to say, “they’re in a better place” or “all in God’s timing” – even though these might be true – I find it more effective to keep things simple and say something along the lines of, “my condolences to you,” and maybe share a short memory about their loved one. If words escape you, do not be discouraged. Consider Job’s friends, who sat with him in silence for seven days and seven nights upon seeing his grief-stricken state. A grieving family needs your constancy and listening ear, not your ability to take their pain away. A visitation gathering is a visual representation of one’s community. It can be a vulnerable position for a family to receive visitors, while they are mourning and processing their grief, whatever that may look like, but it is healthy for them to see and experience that visible show of support. While your presence can provide comfort to the family, there are also benefits for the community that attends the visitation. Often times at these events, the casket is present and open for the public to pay their respects to the deceased. In this moment, we are encouraged not only to reflect on God’s faithfulness to this individual, but also His great promises to us in our mortality if we have surrendered our lives to Him. We can be reminded that when we ourselves suffer a great loss, this is the same community that will serve as a hand and foot to us in our time of need. Our gathering together becomes an illustration of something much greater and eternal! Our responsibility to the family does not necessarily stop at showing our support at the visitation. Attending the funeral also allows you the opportunity to experience the family’s memories shared in eulogies, as well as hear about God’s promises for His children through the words of Scripture read and meditated upon at the funeral service. Typically, you are also invited to share in a meal after the funeral events. Just as Jesus shared food and fellowship with many during His life leading up to His death, you are invited to break bread with the family, ensure they are nourished physically, and perhaps share stories about their loved one and offer words of encouragement for the days ahead. Mutual encouragement In my experience, I have noticed that our seniors in the community show up to visitations faithfully. I would encourage our younger generation to continue this tradition. While perhaps standing in line, or taking a night off from watching a show after work and coming to visitation instead may not sound appealing, this is a calling and responsibility we have as brothers and sisters in Christ. It is equally encouraging for the children and grandchildren of the deceased to have their friends share in their loss. Often these family members will comment to us how appreciative they were of their friends taking the time to show up for them. I remember a basketball coach being particularly moved when her whole team of grade 9 and 10 students came to the visitation for her late father. You may be thinking that these practical ways to support the family sound daunting and beyond your abilities. Perhaps you are anxious and don’t know where to begin in supporting the grieving. While I encourage you to attend the events, there are many roles behind the scenes that we witness at every funeral as well. There are individuals such as childcare providers at the church to support little ones in the grieving family, the livestream/AV technicians for the service, the individuals who make food and serve it for the reception, and the list goes one. Be encouraged then, to find your role when it comes to funerals and visitations in your congregation and your community: “As it is, there are many parts but one body” (1 Cor. 12:20). I would like to leave you with an excerpt from a prayer in Douglas Kaine McKelvey’s Every Moment Holy (Volume II). The title of this prayer is: “A Liturgy Interceding for Those Who Will Gather to Grieve for Me.” And so may the fellowship of those who assemble to grieve my passing become a sharing of sorrow’s burdens, and a celebration of your long faithfulness in my life, and still more a warm recollection of the gifts we were ever intended to be to one another. Kayla Ruggi is funeral director at Kitching, Steepe & Ludwig Funeral Home in Hamilton, Ontario. You can email her at [email protected]....

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The Colson Center: a sibling we look up to

Growing up as the second youngest in a family of ten, I learned a lot about life from my older siblings. Once grown, most of us continue to lean on our siblings in Christ as we navigate what it means to run a business, parent children, or serve in a church. We’ll get in trouble quickly if we think we can figure things out all on our own. That’s why, through the years, we have introduced our readers to some of RP’s “siblings” – organizations and individuals that we have learned a great deal from and aspire towards. If you appreciate what we are doing, you will probably like them too. I have already shared about WORLD Media Group, which covers the news from a solid Christian perspective via a magazine, video program for kids, podcasts, and more. RP is taking steps in that direction (with more journalism). But we don’t want to give up something that has always been core to our identity – worldview training. And the organization that best models this to us is the good folks at the Colson Center, a Christian organization which exists to “equip Christians to live with clarity, confidence, and courage in this cultural moment.” The organization is named after Charles Colson, whose books Kingdoms in Conflict (now retitled as God & Government) and Loving God have been very influential to both RP’s Editor Jon Dykstra and myself. Colson had served alongside President Nixon, before being thrown into prison for his role in the Watergate Scandal. By God’s grace, he repented and became a born-again Christian. God used him in a powerful way, first through creating Prison Fellowship (a ministry in prisons around the world), and then in developing Christian worldview training. He was concerned by the emphasis among evangelicals about “getting saved” without understanding the life of thankfulness we are saved to. The Colson Center trains Christians through many mediums including their daily Breakpoint commentary (on many radio stations), e-newsletters, podcasts, conferences, and intensive courses/programs. Over the past year, my wife Jaclyn and I have been enrolled in the Colson Fellows training program, following a curriculum that requires daily, weekly, and monthly training commitments that average about an hour a day. If you are looking to grow in your biblical worldview, I highly recommend it. Like WORLD, the Colson Center isn’t explicitly Reformed. But a Reformed perspective is very evident in both the underlying principles that guide them, and the teams that lead them. Both organizations seek to be faithful to God’s Word, applying it to the issues of our day, and waging war against Satan’s lies that abound in so many other resources. And they do so with grace, maintaining a positive tone that should always be found among those who hold to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and the sovereignty of God. I heartily encourage you to get plugged in to their short daily Breakpoint newsletter or podcast (available in both formats at no cost). You won’t be disappointed. To give you a taste, we included a Breakpoint article in the magazine on occasion, such as "When 'helping' kids hurts them" and "Is AI just another tool, or something else?" As Jon Dykstra explained in the March/April 2024 issue: Breakpoint has an American focus and is not specifically Reformed (though some writers are), so we differ in some notable respects: they are anti-evolution and RP is specifically 6-day creationist; we'll highlight problems with the Pope both when he is acting Roman Catholic and when he is not, while they stick to the latter. So, as with everything, there is a need to read with discernment. But when it comes to the hottest cultural battles of our day – sexuality, gender, the unborn, and God's sovereignty over "every square inch" of creation – they get it right consistently, and they are timely, often replying to events that happened just the day before. That's why Breakpoint articles have been featured in our online “Saturday selections” column for years now. You can also find more about them at Breakpoint.org and ColsonCenter.org....

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That I may declare it boldly

Therefore, take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the Gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak. – Ephesians 6:13-20 **** When I was a baby my mom dressed me, often in clothes which she herself had made. Gifted with creativity, she knitted sweaters, booties, skirts, jumpers (and you name it) – all for me. Later on, my oldest sister was given the task of helping me and I still remember sitting on the baby dresser, feet dangling over the edge, as she washed my face, chose my clothes and carefully decked me out like a precious doll before she took me down to breakfast. How blessed I was! Care, clothes and food – all provided for me before I even understood what great provisions these were. And later, after breakfast was finished, my Father would add to the list of benefits by awarding me with an unequaled present, the reading of the Bible. As I grew older, I learned how to dress myself. And so I did. Putting on undershirts, underpants, socks, skirts, tops, dresses, etc., all grew into skilled appareling techniques which I mastered with growing ease. As my Father kept on reading the Bible to all of us gathered around the table, I was continually instructed in the wearing of an armor. Although there were no mail accoutrements hidden under the dining room table, and no chain link vests hanging in the hall closet, nevertheless, I slowly imbibed the knowledge that I needed to be girded by this protection. 80,000 conversations Although it is somewhat of an impossible statistic, it has been calculated that the average person will meet approximately ten thousand persons in his lifetime. That is mind boggling! These people will not be intimate acquaintances. Rather, they will be people whom we meet once, perhaps twice, in our lifetime and then probably only in a casual way. Nevertheless, they will pass through our lives – in shops, at malls, on streets, on buses, in classrooms, at baseball games or in restaurants. Ten thousand folks, each with a beating heart and a living soul! Ten thousand people! Enough to populate a small town! When I was first married, I had to walk through the downtown streets of Hamilton each day to get to my place of work. No matter what the weather had in mind, sunshine, snow, rain or wind, every morning I would pass a woman at approximately the same spot. She was a thin, middle-aged lady with dark hair tied back in a severe bun. The woman always avoided my gaze and would never look at me directly. I began to say “hello” to her, but she never responded. I tried “good-morning” and “good day” and, after a few weeks, it began to be a sort of game for me. Will she react to me today? Will she smile back at me? What shall I do this morning to catch her attention? In the end, after about eight months, just before we moved from Hamilton to Guelph, she smiled back. And then, I never saw her again. ***** One piece of data I read posits the thought that if you have conversations with three new people each day for 73 years, an average life span, the number of conversations you would have during your lifetime would be 80,000. That's a lot of conversations! And this number of people are as many as would fill an Olympic stadium! Time to clear your throat, or rather, time to think about putting on the armor. Once, many years ago, my husband and I stayed in a small motel in Whitney, Ontario, a town bordering Algonquin Park. We were there for a few days of holidays and enjoyed ourselves immensely. The three children we had at that point were being looked after by family and we reveled in sleeping late and in long nature hikes. Next to our little motel was a small trading post with a lady proprietor. She was a very sociable woman and whenever we stopped in to make a purchase, she talked incessantly and enthusiastically about the beauty of the park and about the delight she took in the wildlife around her store. She also went out of her way to show us some of the unique artifacts displayed in her shop. Friendly, good-natured and personable, she made us feel special. On the morning we left to drive back home, we stopped in to say good-bye. After briefly chatting, another customer arrived and we slowly faded into the background towards the door. Behind us, the woman chattered away to the newcomer. And then she swore. Her voice had turned raucous, loud and exclamatory, puncturing the air. We went on our way. I distinctly remember that it was raining hard outside. My husband had the windshield wipers of the car going quickly. Back and forth they went, as if they were trying to wipe out the memory of that swear word. We never saw the woman again. What sort of letter are you? We are letters. Paul tells us this in 2 Corinthians 3. We are letters which are read. When people are more intimately involved with us, they are more likely to read us more carefully (and between the lines), than those who know us only a little bit. Yet all the people who pass us, and that includes strangers who only see us for a moment or two, will scan us to some extent. And what will they read? When I was in business college, there was a girl in my class. Her name was Ellie. She was a quiet girl with an appealing roundish face and glossy, bobbed, reddish-brown hair falling sleekly about her cheeks. Ellie gave the impression of vulnerability. Her large, brown eyes observed the world questioningly above a multitude of freckles. During one of those first days of school, we both chanced to be going down the elevator at lunch hour and somehow ended up eating lunch together in a local park. Ellie boarded in the downtown Hamilton YWCA. She had a room there and invited me to see it. Her family lived on a farm, too far away for her to travel back and forth every night, she told me. I thought nothing of it until a few weeks later, when it became obvious to me, naive though I was, that Ellie was pregnant. It was difficult to broach the subject, but I did. Ellie cried and told me that she had been adopted and that her adoptive brother was the father. She loved the baby growing within her, but her parents had told her that she could only come back home if she would give up the baby for adoption. Both empathetic and horrified after her revelation, I promised to help her. I was a Christian, I told her, and Christians always help others. It was a Friday and I went home full of plans, immediately contacting two local pastors to ask if they could help me find a solution to Ellie's problem. Neither was particularly enthusiastic and, thinking back on it now, I cannot really blame them. Although my eagerness to help knew no bounds, the information I had was scanty. When I came back to school that following Monday, Ellie was not in class. Walking to the YWCA during lunch hour, I discovered that Ellie had disappeared. No one at the desk was willing to give me her address. I never saw her again. ***** If you go shopping, it is inevitable that you will pass a great many people whom you will never see again during your lifetime. It is unlikely that you will hold a conversation with each and every one of these people. But the sheer breadth and width of the scope of individual lives who intersect with you for only the space of a moment is mind-boggling. It can make you conceive of yourself as part of a huge multitude; it can make you conclude that you are immensely small; and it can make you regard God as incredible beyond comprehension. For He knows the minds and hearts of all – every step, every thought, and every hair on their heads. Go out into the world, He said. We tend to hide behind devices now – we speak to a lot of people on these devices, without actually really speaking to them – and feel good because people respond to our trivial questions and remarks. There is a need for people to belong – the need to build up a facade of relationships – the need to look as if we are not alone. The sad truth is that most people don't know how to belong any longer. If there is any sort of pandemic in the world which is in dire need of a vaccine, it is the pandemic of perceived friendships with inanimate cellphones. It is a deafness, an inability to interact, and a numbed knowledge of what real fellowship actually means. Detached and indifferent, many have lost the wisdom of how to live in community, of how to love your neighbor as yourself. Catholic conversation A number of years ago, I accompanied my husband to Montreal where he had to attend several meetings. While he was participating in his conference, it was my privilege to wander through the streets of Montreal. It cost me five dollars to get into the Notre-Dame Basilica. And thinking about it, maybe the five dollars went to a wrong cause and I should have resisted the desire to see the insides of this monumental structure. But I didn't. I handed my ten-dollar bill over to a man behind a dark desk, a man who was neither friendly nor gracious and, after receiving my change, I pushed open the heavy, creaking door to the Basilica's sanctuary. An overwhelming smell of wax assailed me almost immediately upon entering. Electric light bulbs were hidden away high up on the ceiling or inside niches; and rows upon rows of flickering sweet-smelling candles were situated under every pillar. I made my way past these little flames with the wooden boxes in front of them, every one of them inviting poor, unsuspecting supplicants to put their dollars and dimes to bad use. Side aisles were flanked by stained glass windows. Haloed statues overshadowed these aisles every few steps. I strolled towards the front of the massive church. An English guide was stationed next to the first few pews, where she was giving a group of non-French tourists a brief history of the Basilica. The friendly, short-haired guide motioned to me that I should sit down with the rest of the group in those first few pews. She asked us, "Did you know that the Notre-Dame used to be just a small chapel?" The huge ceiling above our heads almost belied this fact, and we all stared up at the vast space above our heads because the guide made a sweeping upward motion with her arm. "Yes," she continued, "and by the way, my name is Gabrielle, you know, like the angel." This evoked chuckles. "Now we will just go around and everyone else can say their name and where they come from." There were people sitting next to me from Norway, from BC, from Michigan and California. "You know," the little guide went on, "you are in a place where many famous people have been." We did not respond but looked at her expectantly. We knew she would tell us who else had been there. And she did. "In 1873, Sir George Cartier's funeral was held here. And in the year 2000, Pierre Elliott Trudeau's funeral took place here as well. And in 1994, Celine Dion was married in this very church. The truth is that one hundred or more marriages and approximately one hundred and twenty baptisms are celebrated here every year. We have a special chapel attached to the Basilica. It is the Sacré-Coeur (Sacred Heart) Chapel, also known as the wedding chapel." We took all this information in silently. "And then, of course, in 1984, the Pope, that is, John Paul II, visited. He raised the status of Notre-Dame from church to basilica. He did this because of the church's historic, architectural and artistic value. It is very beautiful, do you not think so?" Heads nodded. Who could deny the architectural immensity of this place? A stooping figure hung on the cross straight overhead, surrounded by what I presumed to be the apostles. But above the cross was another representation – that of Mary being crowned by God. The guide was not long in pointing this out. "Mary has first place here," she said. "It is, after all, her church. That is why," and she motioned upwards again with her arm, "the ceiling is blue. Blue is her color, you know." We all gazed up once more. It was true. The magnificent ceiling was a sky-blue. The guide continued to recite a litany of cultural events which regularly took place in the Basilica and how the Montreal Symphony Orchestra had performed there several times. Then, after telling us we were free to walk around and browse, she excused herself and left us on our own. I never saw her nor any of that group again. A key conversation But then there is this story. A long time ago, a traveler reached the fork of an old Roman road. It was about suppertime and he, being quite weary, sat down. In the west, he could see a mountain and to the north was the city which today is called Nablus. There was a well nearby. In the present time, that well is surrounded by the walls of a convent, but at that moment it was quite out in the open. It was a deep well, almost 100 feet deep. The traveler was thirsty and when a woman appeared, a stranger, carrying a water-pitcher on her shoulder, he spoke to her. She had walked some ten minutes from the nearby city to get to the well and she was alone. "Give me a drink," the stranger said. His accent and pronunciation immediately told the woman that he was not native born to the area but that he was Jewish. And she was also quite aware that Jews were usually not of a kindly disposition towards people from her area. As a matter of fact, they wouldn't even use the same cutlery or drink from the same vessels. She was therefore puzzled by his request. "How is it that you," she countered his question, "a Jew, ask a drink of me, a Samaritan?" The stranger merely looked at her and then made use of her curiosity to further the conversation. He said, "If you knew the gift of God, and Who it is that said to you, 'Give me a drink,' you would have been the one to ask Him, and He would have given you living water." She said to Him, "Sir, you have no rope-bucket, and the well is deep; where do you get that living water? Surely, you are not greater, are you, than our father Jacob who gave us this well and he himself drank from it, and so did his sons and his flocks." To the west of the woman, Gerizim, the mountain of blessing, stood. And to the northeast of Gerizim stood Ebal, the mountain of the curse. And the stranger said to her, "Whoever drinks this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks the water that I shall give him will in no way be thirsty again forever, for that water which I shall give him will become in him a spring of water that keeps on bubbling up unto everlasting life." The woman, who had walked ten minutes in order to get to the well and who had to walk ten minutes down and back each day in order to satisfy her physical needs, immediately yearned for this water of which the stranger spoke. "Sir, give me this water," she pleaded, "that I may not get thirsty or have to keep on coming so far to draw water." The stranger responded, "Go, call your husband and come back here." Impressed by his friendliness, and by His interest in her life, the woman, who was usually avoided by the people of her town, responded. In offering the woman a few moment of His time, a moment which led to a taste of eternity, Jesus begins to quench her inner thirst. Spurgeon commented that Christ has different doors for entering into different people’s souls. Into some, He enters by the way of understanding; into many, by the way of the affections; to some, He comes by the way of fear; to others, by the way of hope; and to this woman He came by the way of her conscience. All sorts of conversations to be had After Jesus' encounter with the Samaritan woman, He told His disciples that the fields were white with harvest. He intimates that there are numerous multitudes ready for them to meet. He declares that there are countless people ready to be spoken to, ready to be brought into the kingdom of God. By knowing Him and by wearing the “so very useful” armor He gives us to wear, we also are able to meet with, speak to and listen to at least some of the host of villagers, innkeepers, musicians, businessmen, housewives, gender-lost and value-lost people we will meet on our way. Jesus never saw the Samaritan woman again. Or did He?...

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When “helping” kids hurts them

Why the generation accessing the most mental therapy is the most mentally unhealthy  ***** As the old saying goes, “to a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” Among the hammers today is psychotherapy, and too many wielding it are convinced that every human problem is a nail. However, the unprecedented rise of mental health problems in Generation Z suggests that the overuse of this tool has done as much harm as good. In a bold new book, Abigail Shrier confronts the idea of psychology as an all-consuming ideology. In Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren’t Growing Up, Shrier argues that much of what is now taken for granted about psychological and emotional “trauma” is wrong and has left millions of young adults more “traumatized” than if they’d had no therapy at all. This thesis aligns with that of her previous book Irreversible Damage, which exposed the reckless push to medically transition gender-dysphoric kids, especially girls. This push has been driven by the mental health industry. In Bad Therapy, Shrier points out the many indications that the whole approach of our therapy-obsessed age is awry. Most obvious is that despite living in one of the most objectively prosperous and safe times in human history, our young people are, en masse, mentally sicker and emotionally sadder than ever. In fact, over 40% of young adults have a mental health diagnosis, twice the rate of the general population. So, the generation most treated for psychological wellbeing is doing the worst psychologically. How did we get to this point? In a podcast with former New York Times columnist Bari Weiss, Shrier told the story of her grandmother, Bess, who grew up during the Great Depression. Bess was orphaned and so malnourished that her teeth grew in gray. She then contracted polio and spent a year in an iron lung. Yet, despite her suffering, she managed to recover, get married and have kids, go to law school, and become one of the first female judges in her state. She was also, as Shrier puts it, “One of the most optimistic and can-do women” she’s ever met. Today, doctors, psychiatrists, counselors, and teachers would tell Bess, because of her “trauma,” to lower her expectations for what she could achieve. They’d constantly watch her, waiting for confirmation of her permanent damage. Eventually, Bess, like millions of children today, may have even believed them. The central thesis of Bad Therapy is that the anti-adversity worldview that has been embraced by everyone from therapists to parents to self-appointed TikTok influencers hurts children. Therapy has become an ideology, an entire way of looking at life. Experiences that previous generations understood as a part of the human condition are diagnosed and “treated” and, in the process, a generation has been robbed of resilience, responsibility, and character—things that, as Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang recently noted, only come from facing adversity and, at times, failing. As she told Weiss, Shrier is “no more anti-psychotherapy than… anti-chemotherapy.” Interventions are necessary sometimes but, like chemotherapy, mental health treatments carry risks. Shrier believes we must begin taking these risks seriously, especially when it comes to the youngest patients who have neither the experience nor the authority to argue when adults tell them, “You’re sick.” For Christians who understand that human beings are more than matter that can be molded and medicated, the need for a book like this is even more obvious. Divine revelation and millennia of insight suggest that much of what passes for “psychological trauma” today is spiritual brokenness. Spiritual healing can take the form of counseling and medication, but to put it simply, no amount of psychotherapy alleviates our need for a Savior. In the meantime, Abigail Shrier has, once again, launched a cultural conversation that is a vital corrective. Not only can it help curb the excesses of bad therapy and pop psychology and make us better, wiser parents, but a book like this can help us rethink the true complexities of who and what we are as human beings. For believers, it is a chance to show what it looks like to live redemptively amid the groaning of this fallen world while using all the tools at our disposal. This Breakpoint was first posted to Breakpoint.org March 20, 2024, and is reprinted here with their gracious permission. We're sharing it because Christians need to understand where and why secular counseling can fall so short. The world understands Man as simply matter, and sees Man’s purpose as self-actualization, or perhaps the pursuit of our own happiness. Our "Owner’s manual," the Bible, describes Man’s nature as both body and spirit, and our purpose as being built to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. So, secular psychology could have tips and tricks and drugs to modify our behavior and feelings, but it misunderstands Man at the foundational level. No wonder then, that some of its help hurts instead. If this article caught your interest, then you may want to sign up (see the subscribe button on the top right of the page) to get their free daily commentaries delivered right to your inbox....

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What makes a person instantly unattractive?

I asked this question on a Facebook page for secular women over 60 years of age: “What makes a person instantly unattractive?” I was intrigued by the breadth of answers, but not surprised at those at the top of the list. Within two days I received more than 150 answers. There were trends – answers could be grouped together in 12 different characteristics, so I compiled what I had and ordered them according to the number of answers that were received for each characteristic. Why undertake such a study? I did it for a couple of reasons: A desire to share Christ – In this data, I was hearing from mainly non-Christians. So what types of behavior might make us immediately repugnant to them? Let’s take a look at ourselves and determine whether we are acting in loving ways in order to share Christ. A desire for friendship – Many people are lonely, and some have difficulty building friendships. While it isn’t always our fault, it might be helpful to compare these unattractive traits and prayerfully analyze whether we might find room in ourselves for improvement. Being attractive Proverbs 16:21 says: “The wise of heart is called discerning, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.” Here is a clue towards being a witness for our Lord. And Peter tells us in 1 Peter 3:15-16: “But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.” Being unattractive Let’s take a look at the top twelve characteristics that make a person instantly unattractive, in the order of the number of votes received: Bad attitude Potty mouth/cursing Smoking Body odor/poor hygiene/dirty or unkempt clothes Bad breath Arrogant/entitled/rude Lying Boasting/bragging Complaining/ungrateful spirit Being unkind Bad manners Being bossy/loud/yelling To be honest, years ago it never occurred to me that people might dislike my loudness and yelling, or what I eventually discerned to be my bossiness. These are the top twelve characteristics that may make us instantly unattractive to other people. Where might we improve? Is it possible that some of these characteristics are making us less lovely to be around? Do we come across in any of these ways to our neighbors, coworkers, fellow church members, or prospective friends? How is your attitude when life isn’t going as you would prefer? Working on it Think about 1 Corinthians 13: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.” This description of real love is a tall order, but it is not beyond what we can learn through the power of the Holy Spirit working in our lives. Without love, we are a noisy gong and a clanging cymbal; we are nothing. This chapter goes on to get rid of nearly half the list immediately: arrogance (6), boasting (8), unkindness (10), and being bossy (12). It pretty well covers bad attitudes (1), lying (7), and complaining (9) as well. Manners (11) are just a culturally agreed upon way to show respect and love for one another. For example, no one wants to watch someone’s food roll around inside his mouth, or be commanded without a please and thank-you. In regards to potty mouth/cursing (2) and hygiene (4), we could say that these come under the law of kindness as well. If we put others first instead of ourselves, we will consider the language that we use, and not make others uncomfortable. We will “do unto others as we would have them do unto us” by not causing others to have to put up with a stench in our presence. A smoker can at least be courteous around those who are sensitive to the odor of tobacco (3). And we can make the effort to clean our teeth and mouths as well as possible (5) to consider the sensitivities of others. Conclusion None of us enjoy being around people who exhibit unattractive characteristics. Now that we know what many other people find obnoxious, we can all take a look at ourselves to see how we can become lovelier....

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