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Assorted

How to be happier

Keep long lists, and short accounts

*****

As I pad down the hallway to my home office, sometimes I’ll look down and remember that the laminate planking I’m walking on was laid down with the help of friends. I’m not the best with a hammer or saw, so while I did some of the sweating, my friends brought the skill. I was so very thankful at the time, and now whenever I remember it’s a warm feeling still.

As of late I’ve been remembering these friends more often because of a curious book. It’s about a guy who set out to personally thank every person involved in getting him his morning brew. There’s the barista, of course, but a farmer had to grow the beans, and then there’s all the people in between – it turns out there are an astonishing number of people involved in a simple cup of coffee. Who picks the blend? How many are involved in the actual roasting? Someone had to design the lid (there’s quite some engineering to it), and then there’s the coffee cup sleeve – there wasn’t always a sleeve – and when we remember that coffee is about 1 percent beans and 99 percent water, then there’s a whole municipal water department to thank too. And who makes the pipes that carry the water? We haven’t even gotten into the boats and trucks involved and all the crews who man and make them.

A long list to be thankful for

This guy wanted to personally thank everyone involved but quickly realized that might amount to millions. So he narrowed it down to the one thousand most directly involved.

G.K. Chesterton said that, “When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude,” and this book was an eye-opener for just how many blessings I’ve been taking for granted. If thousands – millions – are involved in making a cup of coffee, how many could I thank for everything I find even on my short journey from bed to shower each morning? How many designers, engineers, miners, and factory workers were involved in making the Kindle that wakes us up each morning? And what about our bedding, the bedroom carpet, bathroom tiles and that long-shower necessity, our tankless water heater? I normally clomp past it all, but I could choose to start each day just looking around in amazement. As Chesterton reminds us, “gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”

The author of this book is a sometimes-blasphemous atheist (which is why I’m not sharing his name - I don’t want to promote him) but even as an atheist he recognizes that his disposition to grumpy ingratitude isn’t good… for him.

“…gratitude is the single-best predictor of well-being and good relationships, beating out twenty-four other impressive traits such as hope, love, and creativity. As the Benedictine monk David Steindl-Rast says, ‘Happiness does not lead to gratitude. Gratitude leads to happiness.’”

But why is thankfulness next to joyfulness? He doesn’t seem to know, but we do. God created us to glorify Him and then gave us innumerable reasons to do just that. And because He loves us, He so fashioned mankind that when we do what we were made to do, it is good for us. And He’s so gracious that even when we do a half measure, thanking the people around us, but forgetting the God Who made us, it is good for us still.

Sometimes we need a Jordan Peterson or Elon Musk – someone outside the Church – to remind us of what we have, and what unbelievers don’t. I was struck by that here, when this author shared,

“…I’ll occasionally start a meal by thanking a handful of people who helped get our food to the plate. I’ll say, ‘Thank you to the farmer who grew the carrots, to the truck driver who hauled them, to the cashier at Gristedes grocery story who rang me up.’”

This fellow is “praying” to people he knows will never hear him because he feels such a need to express gratitude. To quote Chesterton again, “The worst moment for an atheist is when he is really thankful and has no one to thank.” When I look around the dinner table at the food that’s there once again, and the family gathered around, and when I really stop to think of all I’ve been given here, my heart can’t help but swell, but now there’s another blessing I can bring to my giving, loving Father – I can thank God that I can thank God!

Keeping short accounts

But if Christians have so much to be thankful for, why aren’t we more joyful? Why am I too often grumpy, sullen, and short to the people God has gifted me?

Part of it is that we take so much for granted. We easily forget what we have, so there’s something to keeping a thankful journal. Around Thanksgiving each year my wife gets some notecards and encourages us each day to draw something we’re grateful for, and then we put the cards up on the hallway wall. It’s quite the display by month’s end.

But even more of it is taking for granted the biggest gift we’ve been given: forgiveness.

In his booklet How to Maintain Joy in Your Life, Jim Wilson shares how, upon his conversion, he experienced joy liked he’d never had chasing after the world’s substitutes. But as this Navy midshipman set out on his Christian journey, he found that joy diminishing. And it continued diminishing for the next three years. Sitting in the stateroom of an American destroyer stationed in the Sea of Japan, he was struck that for the 3 years since his conversion he hadn’t really been confessing his sins. Oh, sure, he’d confessed some sins, but there were many he hadn’t taken to God for all sorts of reasons. When he confessed his sins, God forgave him, and once again he started feeling that same joy.

Guilt is a weight. But, thanks to Jesus, it’s one we don’t have to carry. Guilt is also God’s way of getting our attention. As it says in Hebrews 12:11:

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

Jim Wilson was trained by that discipline, but like the rest of us, he was a slow learner.

“I would again disobey, get disciplined, and lose my joy. This time, instead of not confessing, I would confess after a while… ten hours, a week, 2 weeks.”

Eventually he realized that he didn’t have to wait to confess his sins – he could “keep short accounts.” Then, instead of a series of ups when he was forgiven, and downs when he wouldn’t go to God (or at least not yet), he started to experience ongoing joy.

“Sometimes I went for a while before confessing, but generally I would confess right away or within a couple of hours. I’m not saying I have not sinned in those years…. But I have a low tolerance for discipline. I do not like it. As long as I am unrepentant, the discipline stays on me, the hand of the Lord is heavy. I can remove the discipline of the Lord by repenting now.”

For those of us who’d prefer to stay miserable, he concludes his booklet with a list of what you can do instead of confessing your sin. You can justify, excuse, or hide it. You can blame someone else, procrastinate, or stand on pride. A favorite for many is “generalization,” where you readily admit “mistakes were made” without really getting into the dirt of what you did. But tricking yourself doesn’t trick God, and you can’t enjoy Him if you are hiding from Him.

Conclusion

If you want to be happier, it isn’t complicated.

Open your eyes wide, and see the world as it really is. There are troubles, but then there is God, and He continues to bless us beyond any measuring. And the biggest of those blessings is that we can know for certain – we can count on Him – that when we come to our Father with our sins, He will always and forever forgive.

That’s got me a little verklempt but I can assure you, they are happy tears.



News

Saturday Selections – Jan. 11, 2025

Music as the fingerprints of God (6 min)

George Steiner here is lecturing on the wonder of music and is not trying to argue that music points us to God. But he does believe it points us beyond materialism – our response to music shows that we are more than what we are made of.

" speaks to us that there is something else which, paradoxically, belongs to us profoundly but somehow touches on a universal meaning and possibility that we are not only an electrochemical and neuro-physiological assemblage; that there is more in consciousness than electronic wiring."

Evolution can't explain eggs

This is a bit of a technical one, but even if you get only the gist, you'll understand just how amazing the seemingly simplest things around us really are. It's only because we take God's engineering for granted that we can overlook the wonder that is an egg shell.

Evolution has to explain how they could come to be in some step-by-step evolutionary process? As if.

Trudeau is gone, so who is going to replace him?

The Liberals are about to run a leadership campaign, but have this worry:

"One of the key concerns that is out there is that the party could be prone to something approaching a takeover, or could be prone to a lot of people who don't give a hoot about the Liberal party who might be termed single-interest activists signing up and having a very real impact on the selection of our next leader."

Is anyone plotting a pro-life takeover? Should we be?

Abortion was the leading cause of death worldwide in 2024. And it wasn't even close.

45 million unborn babies were aborted last year – so relayed Jonathon Van Maren. That number is more than the population of all of Canada.

In the US abortion accounts for 60% of all African American deaths.

To put this number in a different context, COVID killed approximately 7 million in total over 4 years and in response we shut down the world. Six times more die each year from abortion and no notice is paid.

Who will stand up for the unborn? Will you? Will any politician? Will you vote for a politician who won't?

The danger of being a sermon critic

As Tim Challies explains, if you focus on what you think should have been there, you run the risk of missing the fruit that is there.

Amazing information packed inside you (12 min)

This video makes the point your DNA coding is more incredible than even the most complicated computer code, but it also kind of reduces us to just that information.... as if we could make a human if we only managed this same level of programming. So, as you watch, recall that we are more than our matter, being both body and an immaterial, eternal soul.

 


Today's Devotional

January 14 - Power over fear

“Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.” - Luke 12:32 

Scripture reading: Luke 12:22-34

So many in the world today begin this New Year with fear in their hearts. This life and the things of this world are all they care about and all they have. Consequently, they're afraid that their life might be >

Today's Manna Podcast

Manna Podcast banner: Manna Daily Scripture Meditations and open Bible with jar logo

Jesus' work continues: Acts

Serving #722 of Manna, prepared by William Den Hollander, is called "Jesus' work continues" (Acts).











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Assorted

Obstacles and roadblocks to having children

Some obstacles to having children aren’t entirely in our control. But there are also roadblocks that we can set up in our own way ***** On my 20th birthday, I flopped back on my dorm bed and told my mom on the phone, “I thought that I’d have kids by now.” So why didn’t I? First comes marriage The first and most obvious reason was that I was so busy studying at university I wasn’t even dating. I knew that God intended kids to be raised in a home with a mom and a dad. Since I was single, I wasn’t in a position to have children – even if it was my hidden desire. It was so hidden, in fact, that the girls I lived with voted me as “the most likely to never have children.” So I needed to start bringing what was hidden to the surface, and that began with praying for a husband. I prayed for a God-fearing man who was eager to provide for our family and I trusted God’s will for my life. In addition, I was now up for doing the other things I could to meet eligible men including: Putting myself in places where I was likely to meet eligible men by prioritizing my attendance at church events over other activities and entertainment, and by going to a Christian post-secondary institution, Speaking graciously to many new single men by listening well, being cheerful and kind in the content of my speech, and encouraging them in godly pursuits, Dressing modestly and attractively to avoid two pitfalls: being noticed for the wrong reason and being overlooked because my God-given beauty was hidden, and Being willing to go on dates and try new things, giving guys a fair chance. Over time and by God’s leading, I was married at 25. There’s waiting and then there’s waiting But we didn’t actively try to have children right away. There are some benefits to waiting for a time after marriage to have kids. It is not necessary, but it allows time to adjust to new roles as husband and wife without the added challenge of pregnancy hormones. Just as God typically allows 9 months for a pregnant couple to adjust to the idea of parenthood (and for the baby to develop in preparation for the transition to life outside the womb), my husband and I agreed to allow ourselves some time for the transition from being single to being married. I also saw this as a time that I could complete some life goals before the added responsibility of children. I was eager to complete my schooling for my professional designation. The final test was nine months after my wedding and required intensive studying. My husband and I agreed that it was ok to wait to try for kids until after the final exam. We felt that this was a reasonable amount of time to wait after marriage. However, there are some disadvantages to waiting. There is a risk that life goals snowball. After the exam was finished, I could have said I wanted to hold off trying for kids until I got a promotion, or had a down payment for our own house, or . I knew we would never arrive at the ideal situation prior to having children, but I was happy to have the big exam behind me. Another disadvantage to waiting is having an unhealthy motive. I knew God designed married couples to have children. If I chose to forgo having children to better be able to climb the corporate ladder I knew I would be disobeying God. My life goals would then be an idol, keeping me from loving and serving God whole-heartedly. Being open to God’s blessing of children keeps life goals from becoming idols. In my case, I was content to set aside my goal if I got pregnant before I passed my exam. Open still to the blessing of children Yet in the period of not actively trying for children, it is important to consider what method of preventing pregnancy the married couple is using. Three methods of birth control exist, and some Christians argue that any form of family planning is problematic because God so designed sex as to be procreative. They’d argue sex apart from procreation is a problem. I’m noting the objection, but I don’t share it. But I do think two of the three methods have problems. The first is simply to not have sex. While it is a highly effective form of birth control, it goes against God’s design for marriage. As the Apostle Paul puts in 1 Cor. 7:5 abstinence isn’t a good idea, except maybe by mutual consent for a short period, “so that you may devote yourselves to prayer” but then he encourages couples to “come together again so that Satan may not tempt you…” A couple devoted to prayer is different than a couple trying to avoid precreation; therefore, this is not a biblical form of birth control. A second method involves preventing ovulation – the release of an egg – by taking a birth control pill or using a birth control implant. If there is no egg, then there can be no baby; but it doesn’t always work. If ovulation does happen, then this chemical means of birth control has a secondary effect of making the womb less hospitable to a fertilized egg. A new life begins when an egg is fertilized, even before implantation. Therefore, this secondary effect would end this new life. A conversation with a medical expert using these layman terms would help when trying to clarify how your preferred birth control works. I felt that using this second method of birth control was like firing a machine gun at my sleeping baby’s crib. I wanted to create a safe environment for my children, even in the womb. The third method involves preventing a sperm from fertilizing an egg by using some sort of barrier, like a condom, or not going all the way. The timing of intercourse can also be done when the wife is less likely to be fertile. These forms of family planning prevent life from being created. Some forms of birth control are more effective at preventing pregnancies than others; yet Christians can rest knowing that God’s ways are not our ways and children are one of His gifts. I was comfortable with the “risk” of becoming pregnant before I met my milestone of finishing school. Wrestling with myself After I finished my exam (and before I knew if I had passed), we started trying to conceive, but there was still some wrestling that I had to do with myself before the throne of God. I knew that even though I may not meet this milestone of being professionally designated, there were other goals that I’d have to change or forgo in order to have a child. I started to “count the cost,” doing almost a cost/benefit analysis to see if child-bearing was “worth it.” Part of my wrestling was because I was inexperienced with babies. I was the youngest of two kids so I’d never seen my parents welcome a baby into the home. I also had limited babysitting experience. I had limited experience with the joys of children, but I could imagine all sorts of costs that welcoming a child would bring. Not only would my clothes be stained by gross baby fluids, my hair pulled, and my sleep drastically interrupted, but: my career pursuits would be put on hold, slowed or abandoned; my youthful body would stretch and become a different shape; my attention would be split by keeping track of someone else’s life; my free time to travel and enjoy hobbies would dwindle or include children; my friends and conversations would be different; and, my treasured possessions would be at risk of being damaged by curious children. Reasons for having children With all these worldly fears and reasons not to have kids, why did I do it? First, childbearing is the purpose of marriage. Malachi 2:15 says, “Didn’t the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union.” God wanted me to have children filling my home. It was my joyous duty to live in obedience to His command and trust Him to give children as He saw fit. Furthermore, I can trace back in my genealogy many generations of faithful Christians. I felt called to continue this tradition. The psalmist sings to God saying, “One generation will commend your works to another” (Psalm 145:4). I could tell the next generation of “God’s mighty acts” by teaching Sunday school, but I could do it when I sit at home, when I walk on the road, when I lie down and when I get up if I had children in my own home (Deuteronomy 6:7). It would be arrogant to think that all the sacrifice and obedience of my ancestors was for my benefit. No, my responsibility was to continue what they had done. God first blessed and commanded mankind: “‘Be fruitful and multiply’” (Genesis 1:28). I didn’t have to do a cost/benefit analysis. I could obey Him. Second, being a mother is a worthy calling, and better than so many of the pursuits the world focuses on instead, like trying to accumulate wealth and experiences. Being a mother involves creating a life that will continue into eternity. I thought of the author of Ecclesiastes complaining that all pursuits were meaningless and without purpose, like chasing after the wind. In contrast, a newborn has a soul that continues into eternity. All my other life pursuits (wealth, beauty, pleasure, etc.) would fade and be worthless. But people will live forever, either in heaven or hell. God uses women to create and nurture new life. He uses many of His people, by the guidance of His Holy Spirit, to win souls for Christ’s sake. Since children and people in general have eternal value, this makes the sacrifices of moms and all His servants “worth it” and is better use of their time and efforts than focusing on things of this world. Third, I trusted that having a child would bring joy. There are many women of the Bible who expressed joy upon holding their first born: Eve, the first mom, expressed awe at her firstborn son (Gen. 4:1). Sarah said, “God has brought me laughter” (Gen. 21:6). Hannah prayed and spoke of God lifting up her heart: “‘My heart exults in the Lord; my horn is exalted in the Lord’” (1 Sam. 2:1). Naomi and Ruth both rejoiced at the birth of Obed, speaking of how he’d nourish Naomi in her old age and be a restorer of life (Ruth 4:15). Elizabeth’s joy in giving birth to John the Baptist was so great that it bubbled over to her neighbors and relatives (Luke 1:58). Mary “treasured up” Jesus’ birth and pondered it in her heart (Luke 2:19). These biblical women described such meaningful happiness at holding their bundles of joy that I wanted to know that experience for myself. Furthermore, these women were from a span of history that covered 4,000 years, yet all expressed similar joy. Childbearing is a gift God has given women that transcends cultural expectations. Life has eternal value. Childbearing is a joyous gift of God and He commands it of Christian marriages. Therefore, the benefits of having children were far greater than my list of costs. Wrestling through this helped me to pursue conceiving a child with joy and peace, but again I did not get pregnant right away. One last barrier The last barrier I went through to having a child was an ability to conceive as quickly as I’d expected. I was actively trying to get pregnant, but it wasn’t happening. Every month that I wasn’t pregnant I was disappointed. Reading medical articles about fertility helped me to better understand the typical time it takes to get pregnant and I learned that it takes longer the older the age of the mom: “When a woman is younger than 30, she has an 85% chance to conceive within 1 year. At the age of 30, there is a 75% chance to conceive in the first 12 months. This chance declines to 66% at the age of 35 and 44% at the age of 40. This is due to the effect of aging on the ovary and eggs.”1 I learned that a 1-2 year wait to get pregnant was within the range of normal. My experience fell into this category. However, I know there are more complexities to the issue of infertility than time. Many seek medical advice. Christian couples pray and search Scripture for wisdom as they consider the various options available, including fostering and adoption. My struggle to conceive was a monthly challenge, but I am thankful for this trial. It produced peace as I learned to surrender to the Lord’s authority and trust in Him to provide. My first child was born on a Monday morning, just as the sun was coming up. It was a girl! She was dainty and muscular. We gave her a name that means “strong” and the middle name “joy” to remind us and her that “the joy of the LORD is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10). The Lord led me through the barriers blocking my way to childbearing and blessed me with the joy of motherhood. Endnote 1 “Knowledge about the impact of age on fertility: a brief review” by Ilse Delbaere, Sarah Verbiest, and Tania Tydén, in the Upsala Journal of Medical Sciences, Vol 125 (2), 2020, pages 167-174...