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Striving to be godly men

A men’s conference that had to turn hundreds away can now be watched online

*****

I don’t think I can quite grasp the measure of tension that must have seized the hearts of those three young men on the morning of November 2. Months before they had together hatched the concept of a Men’s Conference pitched to encourage men to provide support to one another in the abundant strife of this mortal life. They’d cobbled together a web presence to push out the concept, had highlighted the featured speakers and invited expressions of intent to join the effort.

Slowly momentum for the event had grown. A few dozen said they’d come…, then a hundred, two hundred…, five hundred – and ultimately more than 750 men from across Ontario (and beyond!) raised a finger to commit to coming to Smithville to attend the 2024 Strive Conference! But the venue could seat only 550; the three spearheading the initiative had to tell more than 200 men that they were placed on a waiting list.

Why would three family men expend the effort to organize a Men’s Conference? Why seek to capture its purpose under the term Strive? And why would so many men give up their normal Saturday routines to seek encouragement to strive together? What was this huge interest saying?

This was autumn 2024. For months and years already Christian straight men had been told to sit down and shut up; it was time for women to give leadership, for people of alternate sexual orientation to shine, for minorities of all sorts to take the reins.

How were the sidelined meant to respond to that signal? The three men who birthed this Strive Conference saw the need to encourage men to push back against this effort to emasculate Christian men. As the autumn of 2024 unfolded, awareness grew across our civilization that men needed to dare to be men. Instead of sitting down placidly and passively, men should boldly strive to be the men God created us to be. More than 750 men from some 14 denominations understood the need and sought encouragement in the battle.

But planning a conference is one thing. Making sure it runs smoothly is another, especially when attendance demonstrates the Strive concept hit a nerve. Would the plans deliver?? I dare to say that Scott, Dan & Kevin had to be men to handle the nervous tension that invariably dominated their collective persona that morning.

Strive

The term “strive” appears in numerous passages of Scripture in the context of encouraging Christians in the battles of faith. The passage that featured in this Strive Conference was Phil 1:27f, where the apostle Paul instructed his readers:

“Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel, and not frightened in anything by your opponents.”

The concept of Christian men battling alongside each other in the face of serious opposition lies at the heart of God’s will for His people as we live in our present world. Such striving needs encouragement, equipping, arming.

Three speakers had been lined up to open the Word of God for us listeners eager to understand better how we can best strive side by side to be the men God wants us to be.

Speakers

Dr Will denHollander, professor of New Testament at the Canadian Reformed Theological Seminary, started us off with an address under the promising title: “Be Complete: the Word of God for the Man of God” (asking our attention for 2 Tim 3:16f). On the basis of that Scripture, he drew out that the “man of God” has all the resources he needs to “be complete, equipped for every good work” – for the Lord God has given us a God-breathing Bible that prepares us to handle all the hard questions of our day.

The obstacle we face is not a lack of resources to handle the battles of life but is rather that we too often choose to give some other activity greater priority over reading and wrestling with God’s divine Word in the face of today’s challenges. So we end up floundering in the dark in the midst of those challenges, unable to function as the men of God we otherwise can be. The speaker’s public admission to his own personal struggles added considerable credence to his encouragement to us to be men of the Word – both personally and side-by-side.

Dr. Ian Wildeboer, pastor at Mercy Christian Church in Hamilton, followed with an address that could not help but hold the attention of today’s men: “Men in covenant with God: Guarding our hearts and those we love from Sodom.” He ably laid a finger on the fact that Lot chose to live in Sodom and made his decision on the basis of present-day comforts. The potential price to his family did not seem to play a role in making the decision or in sticking with it.

We cannot get out of our world, but we can certainly take responsibility for how living in our world impacts our families. Here was a challenge to us to have our eyes wide open to the abundant attacks of our families and how we men can best strive side by side to protect those whom God has entrusted to our care so that in turn they flourish in God’s service.

After a hearty lunch of pulled pork on a bun capably served by a number of ladies from the John Calvin Christian School in Smithville (and the bonus of lots of valuable heart-to-heart conversations among the attendees), a third talk followed; Rev Al Besuyen, pastor of Zion United Reformed Church in Sheffield, encouraged us to “Strive for Godliness in our leisure time.”

Speaking from personal experience, he pressed on us that misuse of leisure time can become a trap that takes us to places where we cannot strive side by side as men of God. He urged us to recognize that the time we receive has purpose: it’s not for self and personal preferences but is opportunity to serve the other in service to the Master of all time. In service to others we’re also making ourselves available for another to encourage ourself.

A panel discussion followed the three speeches, under the capable leadership of Rev Rolf denHollander from Living Light Canadian Reformed Church of Grimsby. As he pulled the material of the day together with the assistance of the three speakers, perhaps the most unforgettable moment was when a brother, once a slave to alcohol, expressed the fervent hope that soon he could drink the wine new in the kingdom of God with Christ himself. Till then, total abstinence. Yes, it’s a fight, one in which we need one another. His public testimony was distinctly an inspiration to many.

Singing

Interspersed throughout the day were multiple opportunities for the assembled men to sing the praises of the God in whose service we battle. 550 men on their feet, under the leadership of capable musicians using various instruments – it truly was momentous, stirring, most heartening. And then the accompaniment ceased… and 550 men were on their own, side by side leaning into the privilege of raising voices and hearts to God Most High with eager abandon, each line building on the previous in volume and joy and enthusiasm – as here and there men reached up a hand to dry an eye at the sheer beauty and majesty of together delighting in the God whose servants we may be. To so many of us Ps. 150 will never be sung the same again.

Example

In concluding remarks, a grateful participant made mention of the fact that God’s first words to the man Adam was the instruction to guard and keep the garden – for God knew there was an enemy out there intent on hijacking God’s world. Where Adam failed, Christ Jesus did not. Now the task still to guard God’s world remains. Organizers Dan and Kevin and Scott set us an example in doing precisely that, striving side by side to pull off an excellent conference!

The 550 men then headed out in all directions. I dare say the conference sparked in every participant a renewed determination never to sit down and shut up, but instead to stand tall together in the battle, striving side by side in struggles against pornography, gambling, alcohol misuse, drug abuse, slothfulness and countless other vices seeking to emasculate men of God.

May Strive 2025 be just as successful.

Information on the 2025 Strive Conference will be posted to www.StriveMensConference.com as it is developed. 

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Dating, Parenting

Marriable Men

Two qualities dads should look for in boys who want to date our daughters ***** Here's a topic that's best to get to too early rather than too late - what sort of men should our daughters marry? Dads are going to have a lot of input in this decision, one way or another. If we actively try to influence our daughters – by example, through conversation, and by requiring interested young men to talk to us first – we'll point them to a certain sort of man. And if we don't talk about what makes a man marriable, if we aren't a good example of a godly man and good husband, and if we have no role in our daughter's dating life, then we'll point them to another sort of man. What kind of man do we want for our daughters? The answer is simple when we keep the description broad: a man who loves the Lord, and will be a good leader to his wife and children, who’s hardworking, and also active in his church. But what does this type of man look like as a boy? If our daughters are dating and getting married young, they'll unavoidably have a "work in progress." That's a description that fits all of us – sanctification is a lifelong process – but which is even more true for a boy/man in his late teens who hasn't yet shouldered the responsibilities of providing for himself, let alone a family. It's hard, at this point, to take the measure of the man he will become. How do we evaluate potential suitors when there isn't a lot of track record to look back on? We need to find out how they react to light and to leadership. 1. Light And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.” – John 3:19-21 Does a young man love the light? This is a characteristic that is easy for us dads to check up on. It's as simple as asking his parents if they know where he is on Friday and Saturday nights. Does he think it's no big deal to tell his parents where he will be? Or does he want to keep what he's up to a mystery? Does he have a problem with having his parents around when friends come over? Or has he introduced all his friends to them? When he goes out to other friends' houses does his group pick spots where parents are home? Or do they want their privacy? Many young men in our congregations are planning or attending events that take place late at night and far away from parental, or any other type of, supervision. They may not have a specific intent to get drunk or do other foolishness, but by fleeing from the light they've created the opportunity. A teen who tells his parents that it is none of their business where he is going is a boy who loves the dark. Another question to ask: does he have monitoring software on his computer – Covenant Eyes, for example – and would he be willing to show his smartphone to you? Would he be happy to let you know where he's been on the Internet? This would be a young man who is unafraid of, and loves, the Light. 2. Leaders Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... – Ephesians 5:25 There's a reason that young women are attracted to "bad boys." When the other young men they know are doing nothing all that bad and nothing at all remarkable, then an arrogant kid who doesn't care what anyone thinks can look like leadership material. He, at least, is not lukewarm. But this is the last man we would want for our daughters. His "leadership" recognizes no authority but his own. In contrast, God tells us that as heads to our wives we are called to serve, imitating Christ. Godly men don't dominate their wives; they die for them. So how can dads spot this sort of servant leadership in young men? It shows itself in big ways and little. In a church service, does he hold the songbook for his sister? Or does he have his hands in his pockets while his sister holds the book for him? Does he sing? Or is he too cool (too lukewarm) to praise God with enthusiasm? How does he treat his mom? If he treats her with respect – if he readily submits to authority – that is a good sign that he can be entrusted with authority. If he treats his mother shamefully, yelling at her, and ignoring what she asks, every young lady should beware! If he's a terror to someone placed over him, we don't need to guess how he will treat those under his authority. Another question to consider: did he take the servant-leader role in the relationship right from the beginning? In any boy-girl dynamic, someone has to be the first to say "I like you" and with that comes the very real risk of being the only one to say it. When that happens, it stings. So was this boy willing to stick his neck out for your daughter? Was he willing to risk looking the fool so she wouldn't have to? Or did he wait for her to take the lead and ask him out? How does he take correction? Any boy who dates our daughter is going to be, at best, a godly man partly formed. While we are all works in progress, not all of us recognize this – arrogant young men think themselves beyond the need of correction. If a potential suitor bristles at any suggestion from his elders, or if he's unwilling to apologize when he's wrong, then he is definitely the wrong sort for our daughters. We, instead, want the young man who, as we read in Proverbs 15:32, "heeds correction gains understanding." Conclusion Young men hoping to get married are aspiring to a leadership role. But while marriage makes a man a leader, it won't magically make him a good one. Fortunately, leadership is a skill that can be learned, and love of the Light something we can grow in. So fathers shouldn't be expecting perfection. But we also shouldn't settle for lukewarm. It's one thing for a young man to not yet be the leader he could be, and something else entirely for him to not be aspiring to this role or preparing for it. It's one thing for a young man to not be seeking the Light as consistently or vigorously as he should, and another for him to be fleeing from it. Fathers, we want our daughters to marry young men who love the Lord and want to honor Him in their roles as husband, father, and elder. Let's be sure, then, that we teach them to look for true leaders who love the light. A French version of this article can be found by clicking here....