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Real Talk: Recovering family worship

Below is a transcript of the episode. Please note that this transcript was automatically generated and may contain some errors.

*****

Opening
What if your home was more than just a place of routine? What if it became a place of worship? Family worship is not complicated, but it does require intention. We often say we don't have time, but the reality is we make time for what matters, and when we consider all that Christ has done for us, worship in the home is not an obligation, but rather a grateful response. Today, I'm joined by Pastor and author Dr. Brian Najapfour, and we're talking about what it means to intentionally lead our families in worship.

A big thanks to our official sponsor, Trivan, for making this conversation possible. Be sure to check them [email protected].

Now on to the show.

The world's changing fast, but what questions should we really be asking? You're listening to Real Talk, a podcast presented by Reformed Perspective, where we take God's word and apply it to the nitty gritty of life. Buckle up for real questions, real answers, and real direction. This is Real Talk.

Lucas Holtvluwer
We're glad to have you here.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Thank you.

Lucas Holtvluwer
And we're gonna be talking all about family worship, of course, but I thought you have a very interesting story coming from your father from Iran, and you growing up in the Philippines and coming to know Christ. Can you tell us a little bit just about your story in a brief few minutes before we're going to jump into the family worship. How did you become a Christian, and what was it like growing up in the Philippines?

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Yeah, so I grew up Roman Catholic, which is the predominant religion in the Philippines. Yeah, I think even today, about 80% of the population is Roman Catholic, but I imagine nominal. A lot of them, they don't really go to church, and that was the case with me when I was in the Philippines, when I was Roman Catholic. I would go to church probably five times a year, Christmas, Holy week, my birthday. And I remember back in 19, I think 1995 a Baptist pastor came to share the gospel with me and even today I have that relationship with that pastor, his name is Pastor Willie Cruz, and in fact, whenever I go to the Philippines, I would preach for his congregation, so he has been the pastor of that church for over 30 years, because the Lord saved me in 1996 by God's grace, and another pastor by the name of Pastor Bong Lug Tu, he discipled me. He was really the one who would spend time with me. I remember he would come and visit me at home, and we would jog, and he would pray for me, help me understand more the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ, and so when I, maybe this is a promotion, quick promotion of evangelism. Yeah, I wrote a book, which I entitled Every Christian Is an Evangelist: Biblical Motivations for Sharing the Gospel. I dedicated that book to those two ministers of the gospel, Pastor Willie Cruz, and then Pastor Bong Lugto. And so that was 1996 when the Lord converted me, and I remember having this realization that I basically wasted 16 years of my life, and I said, Lord, if it would please you, I want to serve you for the rest of my life. So, believe it or not, the next year, the following year, 1997 so I was a brand new Christian. I wanted to serve the Lord, and so I, I decided to attend a seminary, and I still remember when they interviewed me. One of the questions was, How are you going to finance your, your studies here, and I said, well, I don't have money in my pocket, but I have faith in the Lord here in my pocket, and sure enough, the Lord provided, and so 2001 I was only 20 years old, turning 21 I graduated in a local church called me, extended a call, which I accepted, and so I started pastoring in 2001 before I turned 21 years old. So I've been serving now the Lord for 25 years, so this year marks my 25th in the ministry. Only by God's grace.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Wow, congratulations!

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Yeah, thank you. And, like, what I mentioned, I was the first one to become a Christian in the family, and by God's grace, my mom came to know the Lord Jesus Christ after my conversion, and I have a half brother from my mom, and he too eventually became a Christian. Now, my father, who originally came from Iran, but he left Iran in the 1970s he's been in Australia now for 4040 plus years. I don't think he's a believer, and it's really my, my prayer that someday he too will enjoy the blessing of salvation in the Lord Jesus Christ. And I know nothing is impossible with the Lord, we will talk about family worship, and I want to encourage to those parents who might have the so-called prodigal sons and daughters, prodigal children, maybe they once grew up in the church, but they've left for some reason, and at the end of the day, we know that it is the Holy Spirit who will regenerate our dead souls. Salvation belongs to the Lord, and that happened to me when I grew up. There was no family worship, after all. I grew up in a broken family, and it's not easy. My mom had to work hard to raise us, to provide for us, and I also lived in an environment where drugs were there, I actually to survive before my conversion, before the Lord saved me. I even entered Jueteng. Jueteng is a form of illegal gambling in the Philippines, but when the Lord saved me, I gave up that gambling. Of course, we know that it's, it's not something that Christians should, should do. It's, it's against God's, God's will as revealed in His word. But here I am right now, sitting right next to you as a token of God's grace, and so if I may encourage to our viewers that at the end of the day it is the Lord who will save their children. Now, it doesn't mean that they should not pray, they should, and we will talk more about talk about the use of family worship.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Yep, wonderful. Well, thanks for sharing that. I appreciate that. It's a wonderful story. So, I guess we fast forward 26 years or 25 years there. So, we're sitting here today, we want to have you on because you had this Go and Teach conference, and you gave a speech there on family worship and the importance of it. So, we were chatting just before the show, we had Dr. Beeke on, and we kind of touched on this a little bit in that episode. So if the listeners are listening to this, you know, today in the future, they'll, they may have checked that out. So we touched on that a little bit in that episode, but in this one we want to go a little bit deeper and really like dive into, like, okay, what is this concept of family worship, and why does it matter? Why is it called like, why do you, why is God call us to do this, and how is that different from just reading the Bible, or just, just praying after a meal? And while those are important, there's, there's more to it there. So, maybe we'll just start from kind of where you started your talk at the beginning about this idea, the concept of family inside the church. Do you feel that we have a bit of a misunderstanding of, like, the importance of the family in the church, or how that kind of functions in relation to corporate worship and then family worship? Can you want to touch on that a little bit?

Dr. Brian Najapfour
When you say misunderstanding, what exactly do you have in mind?

Lucas Holtvluwer
Well, like, do we, I guess, do we think of worship as something that's more done, like, outside of the family circle, and don't think about it as, like, the family is almost like a mini church in some ways, and the not only the impact and the means of grace that can exist through family worship, and I'm sure we'll touch on that as well, but just the opportunity that is there to praise and glorify God in our, in our family life as well. Like, it's I think it's easy, especially in our Western culture, and perhaps you can speak to that, coming from the Philippines, as well as kind of an outsider to that, and then coming into it, of how, like, we can really like bifurcate and separate. Separate our different portions of our life, right, and compartmentalize, and I think sometimes the worship in the family home, in the family aspect, doesn't always get brought in there in the same way we think about it in church, so maybe just kind of speak to that about, like, okay, worship is not just for in church, you can also do it in a family context, why does that matter, and what's important about that?

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Thank you for clarifying that. I think it's helpful too to realize that worship has basically three aspects. So, first of all, there is what we call personal, or closet, or private worship, that's our personal worship with the Lord. You alone with the Lord. The Puritans would use the term closet, that's like being inside the closet when no one sees you, but, but, but the Lord. So that's very important, because the second aspect of worship is what we call family worship, and I think this is where we have the misunderstanding, especially with regard to worship. Sometimes we think that worship can only be done outside our family, thus we have the third aspect of worship, which is public worship, corporate worship, which we are very familiar with, because that's what we do. If you are a believer, you go to church twice on Sunday. In our tradition, we have two services. I understand that there are many evangelical churches today that only worship once on Sunday, and that's what we know when we think of worship, that's good, and the Lord has commanded that, commanded us, do not forsake the assembling of ourselves together, but let us not forget too that there is what we call family worship or family altar, and I remember what John Chrysostom said, that we should treat our family as a little church, and that idea was carried on by the Protestant reformers, like Martin Luther, especially the Puritans, even Matthew Henry would also strongly say that our family is actually a little congregation. And why is it so? Well, because our family, our home, is not just a place where we eat, where we sleep, where we have that enjoyment that we can enjoy from the Lord all the blessings, but this is also a place of worship where there is a tent. One Puritan said there is also an altar where you can offer sacrifices to the Lord, and I think that's where the misunderstanding comes, because a lot of us don't think of our home as a place of worship, but it is, it is, and that's why family worship is so crucial, because think about this, Lucas. Well, first I mentioned about the private worship, your personal worship with the Lord. If your personal relationship with God is weak, let's say as a father, that will reflect your family worship will be affected by that, because really, family worship should be an outcome, natural overflow of what you are inside the closet, and then at the same time, if your family worship is weak, that will eventually affect the congregation. Yeah. public worship, and I'm afraid that one of the problems, Lucas, that we have nowadays, you know, we often complain, how come that the attendance is declining for public worship? A lot of families are no longer worshiping the Lord, children, they are not worshiping young people. They would rather go to a baseball game or watch a hockey game on Sunday than be in the house of the Lord. Why is it so? Well, really, it's a reflection of what happened inside the house. Now, I'm not saying that that's always always the case, but if our family worship is shallow, weak, what do we expect? We will also have a shallow, weak corporate public worship.

Lucas Holtvluwer
And you see that as a real, like, pressing need, especially in today's society, like where things are at, because I would, I would say, like, even just in my experience growing up in Dutch Reform circles, yeah, like, there were consistent patterns of, you know, reading and praying at meal times, and some families would sing, like, if you go over to someone's house on a Sunday, like, certain families would, certain wouldn't, whatever, but this, like, when we had Dr. Beeke on, we were talking about this whole idea of, like, you go to a separate room, and like, you get the books out, and you do, yeah, you sing, and you read the Bible, and you discuss it, and you know it's like a whole separate event, almost, right? Is that kind of what? How do you practice that in your home? What does that look like exactly?

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Yeah, so my wife and I, we have five children, ages between four and 13, and what we do again, each family is unique, and sometimes, depending on the age, two of your children, so because we have five kids in the range is quite big, four to 13, so we have this practice where we make a rotation, we take turns as to who will open in prayer, so before we eat, let's say my oldest daughter will open in in prayer, and then we eat, and then we go to our family room, the living room, and we have seven bibles, because five kids, plus myself, and then my wife, we have, we have seven bibles, and each one will have a bible, now of course, our four year old daughter cannot read yet, but it's good for her to see, to observe, so we don't expect her to read yet, but those who can, they should read, so we will take turns right now, we have been reading from the book of Exodus, so let's say Exodus chapter 32 and each will read two verses. So I usually start, so I will start two verses, and then I guess this is my advantage too as a pastor. If there is something that I would like to stress underscore, I will pause, and then explain that to them. So, for instance, when we read about the Tabernacle, yeah, a lot of symbols there. Yes, so then you can, you can help them. Okay? Why do we have this? Because the goal also is that you look for Christ. Otherwise, when you just read and then give moral lessons, it will be moralistic and I think that's one of my concerns, by the way, too. In many family worship today, it becomes moralistic, and by that I mean they simply read it. Let's say if they read about the narrative or story about David and Goliath, so or Daniel and his three friends. Well, we want to be like Daniel, brave, courageous, and then you stop there, or like David, strong. Well, yeah, not really, but strong in the Lord, yeah, courageous, and we say to our children, you see, we need to be courageous like David, no, no, go beyond that story, look for Christ, and you can say that here, my child or my children, David really represents the Lord Jesus Christ, the greater David, who fought the greater Goliath, Satan. So you bring out of the text the Christology and pointing them to the cross and sharing the gospel, which the goal is really to share the gospel with our children, and another misconception, too. Sometimes we think, well, my, my child is already a believer. Praise the Lord for that. If your child is showing the marks of grace, but it doesn't mean that your child, your believing child, does not need the gospel anymore, because Lucas, I cannot imagine my life without the gospel. I need the gospel every day, when I, when I sin, I need the gospel. I need forgiveness, I need Christ, I need His blood. When, when I am down, I need the encouragement rooted in the cross of the Lord Jesus Christ. So that's one thing that we need to do also as we lead our family in family devotion, and so we read, and then the next person will read two verses also, until we sometimes it doesn't need to be long, so you play by ear also, sometimes the text or. The chapter will end naturally. There will be a division, and then you can pause there. You can say, "Okay, I think we can, we can stop here and then continue next time.” Let's say, if you're reading about the plagues, you may want to just read one plague or two plagues. Stop there and then after that you ask them what do you think, what can you learn from, from, from this passage, or better yet, where is Christ here? Where's the gospel here? How can we use this, and then you help them to apply it practically. Oh, you know, between, between siblings, there is a fight, mini fight. You probably know that. You have.. how many siblings? Five siblings. Then, then, as parents, now.. and my wife is so good at this. Yeah. Then, then she will help me. Then, okay. Then, how.. how can we apply this? How can we use this if we are angry? Yeah, how can we use this if let's say someone did this to you or that things like that. Again, let it come naturally from the text. Yeah, there are practical applications, but my point earlier, if all that we get are practical applications devoid of the gospel, then you will end up with moralism, and there's no power there.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Yeah, you need some heart behind it as well. You need the gospel.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
And then after that, we sing.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Yes. Okay.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
So the one who opens in prayer will have the opportunity to pick a song, so we're using the Trinity Salter hymnal, that the OPC and URC have produced. Excellent. What I like about that hymn book, you have psalms and then hymns together so in a good selection, really good selection of hymns, so we will sing one, and then I always speak the second. We sing two, and sometimes too, we just sing from memory. Let's say, for the sake of our four year old daughter, we can, we can sing in the name of Jesus. In the name of Jesus, we have the victory, you know, something like that, or read your Bible, pray every day, sometimes with, with actions, yeah, and you grow, grow, grow, yeah, so that the little ones can, can relate to it, bring them into it, but at the same time you can sing hymns where the old ones can appreciate better than read your Bible. Sometimes, for some reason, you know that, yeah, as you're entering the teenage year, you somehow feel embarrassed to read your Bible. And then we close in prayer. Yeah, we gathered the prayer request. Okay, do you have prayer requests now? Because they go to school, they, they will share something from the classroom. Please pray for my classmate, his dad is going to have surgery, or please, like one of our teachers, or not teachers, a librarian, she has cancer, Mrs. Chaytor. Okay, so the kids will say, Mrs. Chaytor, pray for Mrs. Chaytor always, every time, every time. To the point that if it is my turn and I'm coming near the end of my prayer, especially the youngest “Mrs. Chaytor”, it's like, don't forget that. Yeah, I hear you. Yes, I will get to Mrs. Chaytor. Yeah, yeah. So, probably 15 minutes by the time you, you're done.

Lucas Holtvluwer
So there's a kind of like four major parts. There's the Bible reading, there's like the explanation, looking for the gospel, Christology, yeah, and then there's the singing, and then prayer,

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Yeah.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Okay, and so when you were putting together this whole go and teach conference, and then you wanted to speak on this issue, what kind of caused you to say, oh, like this is a really relevant topic that we need to talk about, like today, especially like, is it the whole, like, whatever, entertaining ourselves to death kind of thing, like what is distracting us, or how did this habit kind of get lost over the years? Because I know, like, HRC Church, like you guys draw from the Puritans, and kind of that whole tradition a lot too, and there's lots of great things to learn from them as well, including this idea of family worship and trying to revive that and bring that back, but like historically, is that something you looked into at all? Like, oh, like, how did this practice kind of fade out, and why is it so important? I guess to bring it back in.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Yeah, it's actually interesting. I think when you look at church history, even among the earlier church fathers, I mentioned the name John. Chrysostom, he was big when it comes to family altar, family worship. Yeah, he would say that our home is a little church, little congregation, and the Protestant reformers, John Calvin, Martin Luther would carry that idea, and especially the Puritans. And then, for some reason, when we reached the 18th century, the rise of evangelicalism, I think the focus shifted from family to personal, and that's why…

Lucas Holtvluwer
It’s a whole like, expressive individualism.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
It’s interesting too, because even the hymnology hymns, you will see that, for instance, Charles Wesley, notice his hymns, very personal, Fanny Crosby, that thou, my God, should die for me. My, the me sort…

Lucas Holtvluwer
of the we in the us and all that.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
No, there's nothing wrong about that. I'm not saying because they were also reacting to the cold dry spirituality of the Church of England, then in the 18th century, and we thank God for men like George Whitefield, Charles Wesley, Joseph Hart. I did my dissertation on Joseph Hart; he was one of contemporaries of George Whitfield, Charles Wesley, and he himself, Joseph Hart, wrote several hymns, 222 in total. You will probably recognize one of them, Come Ye Sinners, Poor and Needy.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Oh yeah. He wrote that one.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
He wrote that one. So he's lesser known compared to other great hymn writers of the 18th century, but same, the focus was personal, and again, please don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong about that, but I think, too, as we moved forward to the 19th century, it became too personal, not familial, not the, not more family, so probably that contributed. I could be wrong, but that's one of my observations in church history. And, of course, fast forward now, 20-first century, with the rise of media, cell phone. You know what's sad, Lucas. I remember my wife and I with our children, we went to this restaurant, and I remember sitting right next to this family, where so the two kids and the parents, they were all holding their cell phones, and they were like this, there was no conversation around the table, so gently I said to my… I remember telling one of my children, I said, do you know this? Look, look at them. Yeah, because our kids, they're excited to have their cell phones. Like, when can I have my cell phone? Not right now. You're only 13 years old, or you're only 11 years old. You need to wait, but look at that. Maybe those children were only maybe 10, 11, 12. They had their own cell phones. There was no conversation.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Yeah, it's not good.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
And, and you know, Lucas, to another problem. Actually, my wife, who is a teacher, told me about this when she was in British Columbia, so she went to Fraser Valley University, and there was a course where they, the teachers had to be aware of this, that they, need to teach their students how to interact somehow. Kids, they don't know how to interact, they don't know how to converse, they don't know how to talk. Yeah, and why is it so well? First of all, each room has a television, so here you have a household, a family. If they have two children, three children, they have each will have his or her own bedroom, and there's a television. They, they rarely eat together. Lucas, one child will eat in his own room, the other one in her own room. There is no fellowship around the table. And so, this is, by the way, so common in the world. Like, family worship is so rare. So rare. And I'm afraid that even within a Christian community, and yes, Reformed community, it's becoming so rare too, and that's why we want to, and I'm so glad that you're taking the time to interview me about family worship, because it's a crucial, a very crucial topic, because think about this, if our family is broken, what kind of society shall we expect to have? And when? Because a society is composed of families. When you, when you have weak, broken families, you will have a broken society. And when you have a broken society, you will have a broken nation. And unfortunately our politicians don't see that problem, that we need to strengthen our families,

Lucas Holtvluwer
Or they come from a lot of broken families, probably.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Yeah, no, I did, like that's why I started with emphasizing God's grace, too, because at the end of the day, it's the grace of the Lord that will change us, transform us, but let us not also forget that God is using this means for conversion to save our children and to transform our children to strengthen our family worship.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Well, you mentioned Joshua 24, “As for me, my house will serve the Lord”, as kind of like a key text in this regard, for sure. And I mean, I think this was a bit later on the outline, but I think it's relevant to what we're talking about right now, in terms of as reform folks, we don't usually get into the language of like we choose to do this or we choose to that, right? We're kind of like allergic, but like in that way, like, why is it so important to say, like, no. As for me, at my house, we will serve the Lord and make that distinct choice, yeah? Like, for you and your wife, maybe you could speak to your experience or what you've seen as a pastor in general, but I don't know if we've, if we, and I say we, as like the collective reform, not like I'm speaking for them, necessarily, but just from in my own mind, maybe like thinking about that as like put your line in the sand, this is what we're going to do, that's kind of a new way of thinking, it's more just like, oh, I've grown up in this, this is yes, this is how our family kind of operates, and these are the things we do, but being very explicit about it and creating some of these good habits around family worship, that's yeah, that's a key choice you make. So, when you were kind of putting together this talk and speaking about this and writing on this, how important was it to say, "Hey, like, put a line in the sand and say, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord?

Dr. Brian Najapfour
It's a resolution, Lucas, that we need to make you don't make that on my behalf, that choice, that decision, you don't decide for me as a father of my home, my household, I make that decision, and even if I'm the only father in the world that will do this, I will, by the grace of God, make that decision, that no matter what happens, like in the context of Joshua, and by the way, really, when, when we take that verse within, within its context, you will appreciate better, because prior to that, Joshua has just reminded God's covenant people of what, what the Lord has done for them.

Lucas Holtvluwer
The whole history, yeah.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
The Lord has redeemed them from the land of Egypt, from bondage, slavery. The Lord has given them victory over their enemies, the Canaanites, Jebusites. The Lord has given them this promised land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and now Joshua is saying, now therefore choose you this day whom you will serve. In light of this, how can we not serve the Lord, like when we think of what God has done for us, when we think of what He has given to us. Now, of course, in the gospel, in the gospel, He has given us far better, far more better blessings than what the God's covenant people experience that time because in the gospel the deliverance that we have is not just from the slavery bondage of Egypt or Pharaoh, but deliverance from the bondage of sin and bondage of Satan. We have that freedom, not freedom to sin, but freedom to worship. We have been set free. The Lord has given us that, that liberty to worship Him. The Lord has given us this promised land, now the Beulah land, the celestial city that awaits us someday, that we. Will be dwelling in the house of the Lord forever, and not to mention all the spiritual blessings that we have in Jesus, the blessing of justification, that in Christ we have been justified by faith in Him. We have the blessing of salvation, that we have life everlasting blessing of sanctification, that we are being conformed to the image of the Lord Jesus Christ. Day by day, we have the blessing of spiritual adoption, that in Christ we have become the children of God. We belong to God's family, and, and not to mention all the physical and material blessings that the Lord is is giving to us. That's why, in our family, we do our family worship right after our supper. And so you have that natural way of reminding your children, children, the Lord has just blessed us with food. Are you aware that there are other children who are literally starving when we think of the children, for instance, in Gaza, I've seen a lot of videos, yeah, like they are starving, they need food, and, and we can say, my child, the Lord has just fed us, shall we not thank him, shall we not worship him as a family? Look at you. You have nice clothing. You live in a beautiful home. If it is cold outside, we have furnace. If it is hot outside, we have AC. You go to school, there is a school bus. You don't need to walk, whereas some kids will have to walk for five kilometers just to get to school with an empty stomach, they have no food. You can go to school with snacks, you are so blessed. And when we like what one hymn writer says, count your blessings, name them one by one, and it will surprise you to what the Lord has done. You know, we are quick to count what we don't have. Weare quick to count the afflictions and trials and problems, but the moment we pause Lucas, and think of all the blessings the Lord has given to us, then why shall we not choose to serve the Lord, to worship Him. This the least thing that we can do in return for what the Lord has given to us, to have our family worship, where all together we bow down before the Lord, kneel down and say, as a family…

Lucas Holtvluwer
Do it together.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
… “Lord, thank you so much. You have been so, so good to us.” I understand there will be a problem, affliction, cancer, loss, death in the family, and when you have that trial, it might not be easy to thank the Lord, but still, when we now focus on Christ and think of His suffering, His agony. Here you have Jesus, who cried out, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? He suffered, He did not sin. Now I deserved to suffer Lucas because of my sin, but Jesus never sinned, and yet He took my sin. He died, and yes, there will be loss - a loss, God forbid you might lose your child. Now, my wife and I, we had two miscarriages. It was not easy. I remember crying like, like a baby, but God, the Father, lost His son too. His son died on the cross, and He can very well relate to us at that moment, and say, Lord, please help me, sustain me as a family, help us as a family, help us to say with Job, the Lord gave, the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord, that's family worship.

Lucas Holtvluwer
It’s there during the highs and during the lows. How did you? Well, I guess maybe how did you, or how do you continue to keep that spirit of thankfulness in your family worship and not let it shift into one of obligation and duty, and having it just become rote

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Again, once we do our family worship as an expression of our gratitude to the Lord, I think that will change the way we do it. So, in other words, if one of my children were to ask me, "Dad, why do we have to do this? Why do we need to have family devotion, few families on earth do this anyway.” Now, if I, if I say, well, it's a good tradition, it's our tradition, by the way. Well, that's good, but it's not really convincing.

Lucas Holtvluwer
No.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
If I say, well, you see, if we don't do this, our elders will come in and maybe castigate me, especially I'm a pastor, I need to do this, set a good example. No, we can, we can give them a better reason, and the reason really is we're doing this because of what Jesus has done for us at the cross of Calvary, this is our way of saying thank you as a family. So, family worship is really a thank you to Jesus for all that He has accomplished for us on the cross of Calvary. Now, our children may not understand it that way, and that's why it's so important that we again help them focus on Christ, because if, if the reason for having family worship is merely material, material, or financial, or physical, well, let's worship the Lord, because the Lord has blessed us, the Lord has given us this food on the table. What if Lucas one day we come to the table and there's no food on it? We're blessed here in Canada, in North America, but think of other Christian families, let's say in, in many countries in Africa, where there is really starvation. How can you, how can you worship the Lord when, when you're so hungry? How can you worship the Lord when you don't even know if you have food tomorrow. How can you worship the Lord if there is severe, intense persecution that you know that that any, any time one of the officials of the government will come and arrest you because of the gospel? It's, it's not easy, but again, if we do family worship because of Jesus, then we have always the reason to do it, and that's really the reason, it's Christ, and so I would, I would encourage parents, families that when we do it, give, give that reason to our children. We do it to say thank you to Jesus for what He has done for us. Because think about this, as the psalmist says, the Lord is good. The Lord is good, and He's always good. And if we really believe that, then we always have a reason to thank him and praise him and worship him.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Amen to that. You talked earlier about the different areas that kind of correspond with each other, of personal devotion, and then you have family worship, of course, then the corporate worship within church and congregation, as a father, as a husband, as a leader in your home, how do you keep your personal devotional life strong, so that you have that overflow that can feed into, I mean, in your case also as a pastor, but obviously into the family worship, then into your church family as well.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Very good question. The key is to be consistent. Now, do I do it all the time? Of course not. There are times that, let's say, as a pastor, let's say you have a meeting, consistory meeting, elders meeting, and you have to go to bed late, sometimes 12 midnight, or something, something happens unexpectedly, or one of my children broke her two wrists. Emergency.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Oh, wow.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
So, I do my personal devotion in the morning, and yeah, it's hard to wake up early in the morning, so I had to skip because of what happened, so I might do it later that day, but you want, you want to be consistent, but let's set a time, so like in my case, if you don't set a time, it will never happen. Likewith this interview.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Yeah, we got a book it.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Exactly, exactly. And once you do it, it becomes a habit.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Yep.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
You to the point that if you don't do it, you know you're missing something. Yeah, it's like I go to the gym regularly and if I don't go to the gym, my body misses it somehow. There, there is, something is missing. I know that I need to go to the gym. It's the same with my personal devotion. I know that I need, I need to do it to spend time with the Lord. Now, there, there are dangers too, for us ministers of the gospel to substitute right sermon preparation, that that you now do this to replace your personal devotion.

Lucas Holtvluwer
That's just part of your job.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Yes, and I will discourage pastors for doing that. I think it's sacred that we need to protect our personal devotion again. It doesn't need to be long. Now, in my personal devotion, I pray for my children, obviously, and for my congregation also. I can, I can pray for this family, two families, or sometimes you have special requests that you remember. Again, I want to be realistic also, because easily you can spend time just praying. 30 minutes is too short if you want to pray for your members, and not to mention your friends and family members, so you need to say, okay, I need to focus on this time for just one family. I spend like five minutes, 10 minutes, and usually to for my prayer I use my passage, so if I read from Genesis, let's say Genesis chapter seven, chapter eight, let's say about Noah, then you use that in your, in your prayer, you thank God for the ark, for the Lord Jesus Christ, you use that as a basis, otherwise you develop a cliche. And I think that's another thing also that we need to watch as fathers, that we develop cliche cliches, and, and our children will notice that. Yeah, so it's good if your prayer is based on the passage that you, that you read for that devotion. So, yeah, I watch it, I watch my personal devotion, I fail, but I, I want to go back again.

Lucas Holtvluwer
If it's a habit, give up, you know, you're missing it, that's that's a good key point to take home for all.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Doesn’t need to be long.

Lucas Holtvluwer
But consistent.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Yeah, you know, Al Martin, he died recently, and he said in his, in his office, he had two chairs, one chair for his study and one for prayer, for his personal devotion. Well, I only had one chair, but I thought that that was a good way to make that distinction, that you have another chair that you use,

Lucas Holtvluwer
Your prayer chair.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
your prayer chair, your worship chair, right. Now, having said that, it should also be that whatever we do that day, whether you are a plumber, a doctor, or a nurse, or a builder, that you do what you do as an act of worship, and so in that case you worship the Lord every day, every single hour. For a mom, when, when you wake up in the middle of the night to change your baby's diaper, when you do it for God's glory, that's an act of worship. So, right there, changing a diaper, you're worshiping the Lord.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Yep

Dr. Brian Najapfour
So yeah, we, we want to do everything for God's glory. Start to finish of the day.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Agreed. What are some of these idols in our culture, specifically in family life, that we can kind of let get in the way of a habit of family worship, because, like, some of the objections you might hear to this would be I don't have the time for it, or I wouldn't know what to say, or isn't, you know, reading the Bible and praying enough. Why do we have to go take these extra steps? Now, you talked about that last one a bit with the idea of gratitude and seeing what Christ has done for us, but what are some idols in our culture today that you see that are inhibiting us from taking the necessary steps to have a healthy regular practice of family worship?

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Good question. So, generally speaking, an idol is anything that takes priority over over the Lord, it could be your sport, whatever it might be, hockey, hockey game, or basketball. I love basketball, but if basketball becomes my priority, more important. And then the Lord, then that becomes an idol, and I think the challenge too is that again, let's, let's be realistic now, so I'll give you a realistic scenario of our family, so my daughter, she needs to practice piano, and that's in the evening, so that's Monday night, every other Monday night, so that that night she won't be able to join our family devotion, and then my wife too, but I have to do it, so like my myself, and then the other four kids, now is that our preferred time for the practice? No, but that's the only time that she could, she could practice the piano lesson. Yeah, the piano lesson. So, sometimes, sometimes we will, we will wait for her. Sometimes also, let's say I have a meeting, let's say consistent meeting, and then let's say we happen to eat late that night, then the family worship will be shortened..

Lucas Holtvluwer
Expedited, yeah.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
But then I will say, love, that's how I called my wife, yeah, love. I need to go, please just close in prayer without me. But that's not ideal.

Lucas Holtvluwer
No,

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Sometimes too, my son, James, will practice baseball. Let’s say Saturday. They're practicing, although I think after for four for four weeks every Saturday night, then after that I forgot exactly which day of the week, because I don't like Saturday, because I protect my Saturday night for my sermon preparation, like final preparation for the Sunday, but anyway, so sometimes he has to go after supper, so then he will miss, but it's not ideal. So, that can be a challenge, by the way, Lucas. So, we need to be careful, because if you do it regularly every day, then something is wrong, but if you do it, let's say occasionally, and with the understanding that, okay, when you come back, we will still do it. You will join us. That's another story. But I think what we're seeing in many families is that, well, they will say they have no time for family worship, but in the meantime, the father has time to go out hunting for four days, he will be gone for four days, or five days. Yeah, he will even go to another province to look for elk or moose. And I have a problem with that, because if you, if you have time to hunt for five days, and you say to me you have no time for family devotion or fishing, they will be gone for two days, three days fishing, but no time for family devotion, that's some something's wrong right there.

Lucas Holtvluwer
It’s a misalignment.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Yes, what is your priority? You're right, or some people would say, well, I, we don't have resources, you know, I can't afford to buy that family worship Bible guide. Well, really, and you have money to buy cigarette or tools for fishing, which are more expensive than maybe tools for family devotion. Yeah, you need the Bible, and if you can afford to buy that guide, family worship Bible guide. So, I think the issue is priority. Is it really a priority? And it goes back to what Joshua said. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Choose you this day. We need to make a decision, because if we don't, then the world will make a decision on behalf of our family, and we may not be aware that the world is catechizing our children. Do you actually think that when, let's say, we watch a baseball game or hockey game, and during the break time, or before or after the game, they will, they will play a song. Do you actually think that our kids are not listening to those songs, the conversation that they over, that they overhear from other people attending?

Lucas Holtvluwer
Yeah.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
And the world is not neutral. The world has an agenda. The world will teach catechize our children, and we need to counter that. And sometimes we parents, we say, "Oh, what, what happened to my children? What, what have you done?” Sometimes you know, we ask that question to our children. Well, maybe we should ask the question, "What have I done?” As a parent, as a father, because maybe we have let them, we have surrendered our children to the world, and now the world is teaching them with things that are not according to the word of God, even having friends, right? So, if we don't train our children, they have no weapons. Yeah, someone actually said one Puritan, and when you don't have family devotion, family worship, it's like having a house with no roof.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Yeah.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
You're open to dangers.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Yep, yep, you're not protected.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
You're not protected, yeah.

Lucas Holtvluwer
But so, given your family circumstance, and you came from a family that was a broken family, and no Christians in that family, and you were able to come to Christ and become a pastor and lead the life you leave lead, rather, if someone were to critique that and say, well, you didn't have family worship growing up and see what the Holy Spirit was able to do in your life, isn't it all the Holy Spirit at the end of the day? How important is it to still take the time and effort to do family worship in light of the power of the Holy Spirit?

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Yeah, so we believe that it is the Holy Spirit that will regenerate our children, will circumcise their hearts, will save them. Salvation belongs to the Lord. And yet the Holy Spirit, in His word, has given us the responsibility. Also, it is our holy obligation to raise our children in the ways of the Lord, in the fear of the Lord, and one of those ways that we can raise them in the fear of the Lord is through family devotion, and we should not neglect it, but use it, actually take, take advantage of this gift from the Lord, this blessing, it's a blessing, and if let's say one of our listeners, let's say has not yet done this. It's not too late.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Yeah.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
You can start now, and that's why going back to the Joshua passage, choose you this day. It speaks of urgency. Joshua did not say choose, choose you tomorrow or next week. No, right now today it's so urgent. Why? Because time is of the essence. Our children, they grow fast.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Oh yeah.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Before you know it, they are out of our home, they are married, they live on their own. So, while we still have this opportunity, golden opportunity, let's take advantage of this, let's seize every opportunity that we have as parents to train them, to help them, to equip them, because we, they will not be forever living with us, they will be going to colleges, and guess what, some of their teachers, professors may not be Christians. How, if we don't equip them, then how can they respond to challenges? So it is our responsibility to equip them, and we can use family worship. I dare say that family worship is really one of the most important things that a father can do for his family. Family worship.

Lucas Holtvluwer
I would agree. Yeah, it's that daily, you're just again bathing them in the gospel, right? And those, those regular routines of coming together as a family, I mean, you hear it even just in a more general social context of people lamenting the loss of eating dinner together, right, and just in the society kind of breaking down around us, and like you mentioned earlier, families eating in separate rooms and broken families, and that sort of thing, so it's good to good to know that largely we have still retained that, I think, unless you're seeing that as a trend, I feel like people still eat dinner together.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Yeah, of course. You know, in my experience, to having been a pastor for 25 years, I have not yet heard someone say to me, someone who is dying, I wish I had worked more, or I wish I had visited this place or that place. When there is a regret, oftentimes it is something like this. I wish I had spent more time with my family. Always like that. I wish I had spent more time with my family. I remember Lucas, one of my professors in the seminary. He said to me, and he said this when his two children were not attending church, were backsliding, they were backsliding. And he said to me, I wish I had prayed more for my children. That was his regret. I remember hearing that. I said, “this is my professor regretting.” You look at him as a godly professor, but he himself has this regret, and he thinks that he had not prayed more enough for his children. Now, of course, we think of God's sovereignty, right? At the end of the day, if your children is not among God's elect, they will not be saved, but we don't use that as an excuse. We have the responsibility, and one of our responsibilities is to pray for our children, and part of our family worship is prayer.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Yep, it's a good reminder. You mentioned the hymn, I have decided to follow Jesus in your talk, and just how that's an example of family leadership. Can you expand on that, and just kind of explain for our listeners what that's like?

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Yeah, so there is one version that says this is the story behind this hymn. I have decided to follow Jesus. Several years ago, many, many years ago, there was a family in, in India, I believe, northern part of India, and this family was living in, in a village known for headhunting, really, really terrible, terrible village, pagan, pagan village, but a missionary from the West came, and to make the story short, through this missionary, this family of that village in that I think North East India came to know the Lord Jesus Christ, and when the chief of that village found out about the conversion of this family, especially the conversion of the father. He, he pressured him, he wanted him to recant his faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and he said, "If, if you don't recant, we will kill, we will kill your wife.” And basically he said, “I have decided to follow Jesus, not turning back, not turning back.” And again the chief said, “Well, if, if you don't really recant, we're going to kill not only your wife, but all your children as well.” And he added, “the world behind me, the cross before me, no turning back, no turning back.” In other words, “I have made this decision. No matter what happens, whatever you do to me, I will not recount my faith in Christ, because I have made this resolution to follow Jesus, no matter what.” And by the grace of God, by the way, they killed his wife, and they also killed him, and even when he was one, one witness said that as they were persecuting, or they were about to kill this father, they kept hearing him say, “the world behind me, the cross before me, no turning back, no turning back”. Now the chief of that village was so touched by the testimony of this father that he declared, “I too will follow Jesus”, and by the grace of God that village turned to be Christian, that pagan village as amazing story. Now, of course, that's a version I have a friend who challenged that. He's a hymnologist, but anyway, if that was true, beautiful story, really. And this will also help us appreciate this hymn, because a lot of people, especially from a Reformed tradition, would not sing that hymn. I have decided to follow Jesus. I think because they associate that with decisionism, or is it Believism? That no, we don't make a decision. Again, the idea of, you know, choosing, we react to that, we become allergic, but it's a biblical expression that indeed we make, we need to make a choice. Yes, we believe in the doctrine of election, but to believe in Jesus is your choice. I can't make that choice for you, Lucas. Yeah, through the spirit, it's my choice that I have to make that I need to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, but of course in that context here you have a believer who is making a decision to follow Jesus. Now, so it's really within the context of sanctification, and family worship should also be understood within the context of sanctification. In other words, we don't do family worship to gain God's favor. We don't say, "Okay, children, let's do this so that somehow in doing so God can save us.” No, there is no salvific power in family devotion, devotion, but God can use it in the context of sanctification to strengthen our faith. And, and also, God can use that if you have a child who is not yet a believer, as the child hears the gospel from that family worship. Then you pray that the Lord will use that for the conversion of your unbelieving child.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Yep, it's a, it's a powerful means, means of grace, right?

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Exactly.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Yeah, 100% In the home where the husband is not the strongest in his faith, or is not a great leader, but the wife desires her husband to be so, and if, if a wife is listening to this podcast, or whatnot, and thinks that, yeah, we should kind of get this whole family worship thing going, and you know, Dr. Najapfour is making some great points here, and we need to really do this in our home, but doesn't feel like her husband is able to lead her in that regard, or whatnot. What would you kind of say to a wife in that position to help foster some of these habits, even if the whole family's not bought in, so to speak.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
So interestingly, you brought that up, that question. One of the attendees at the Gointage conference was a mother whose husband doesn't want to have family worship at home, and so I said, “well, you do it, you do it, you lead it. If your husband will not do it, then you take the responsibility, and you pray that as you do that, your husband will be touched by it, will be convicted of his own sin”, because we should take lead, we fathers, that's our primary role, not our wives, but if we're not home, then the wives will take over the responsibility, that happens like in my case too, as a pastor, when I travel, if I speak at this conference. Sometimes I'll be gone for three days, four days. Obviously, I can join my family for family worship. Now, does it mean that we then stop? No, they will continue. So, what we do if I'm at home, they will read a different passage, because we want to save the series. So, our goal is to read the entire Bible. I don't know how long will it take us, but so be it. If it takes us five years, four years, I don't know when. It's okay. So then my wife will read another passage because we want to save the series. So, I would encourage that that wife to take the lead. Do it, do it, and pray to the Lord that eventually your husband will join you, will come to the saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ. And sometimes to Lucas, I think I'll give you an example. When I was in Michigan, I met this young man, well, not really young man, he was already in his late 20s, and he was married with kids, and I remember he said to me, "Pastor,” he said to me, "you know what really bothered me when I was growing up, I never heard my dad talk about spiritual things, I never heard my dad talk about the gospel. My dad would, we would have, quote unquote, our family worship, which simply means he would read, and that's it, and then pray, that's it. He would not expound it, elaborate it, nothing at all.” So he saw, he saw that as, as, as, as really a problem. Well, it's good to have that. That's as a blessing, because God could use the mere reading of His word for our conversion, but for him now as a father of his own children, he wants to also explain what they've read, and for him to do that, he needs to prepare, he needs to read, and that's why the idea of family devotion to requires preparation, it has to be intentional, and we need to be prepared as well, which means that, well, as a father, if you, if you can watch a movie for two hours, or if you can watch a baseball game. Now, I remember someone invited me to watch a baseball game, went to the stadium to Toronto Blue Jays. First time, I would not do that when I was in Michigan, no idea about Blue Jays, but so I remember I had to leave three hours before the time.

Lucas Holtvluwer
It’s quite a commitment to get there. If you go through Toronto.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Yes! I had to walk for 15 minutes, because of….

Lucas Holtvluwer
the take the train

Dr. Brian Najapfour
…station, yeah, train station, because we parked, we left my car, I forgot, not the older

Lucas Holtvluwer
At the older shot go station?

Dr. Brian Najapfour
No, somewhere here in Hamilton area, I think, and then what, oh yeah, Burlington station, yeah, so we left my car there to the train, yeah, and then the last stop, well, before the stadium, and then you still had to walk for 15, 10, 10 to 15 minutes, and then you had to be there before the time, before you know it, my whole day was gone just to watch this game,

Lucas Holtvluwer
Yeah

Dr. Brian Najapfour
One game, and I had to spend, because then the hot dogs and very expensive bottled water, so in my mind I said, “wow, it's really commitment.” Then can we not do the same, right? Can we not commit to doing this family devotion? You spend 30 minutes to read in advance, if you, if you're not confident where you, what you're going to say, then read it in advance, and read commentaries. There are many commentaries that you can buy, read books that will help you develop your skill in family worship.

Lucas Holtvluwer
There’s so much information out there.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
So, there's no really excuse now, Lucas. It has to be intentional,

Lucas Holtvluwer
it's a mindset,

Dr. Brian Najapfour
A commitment.

Lucas Holtvluwer
yeah, and like, as a young man leading his family, too, like, it's just, yeah, you see, like, I grew up with, with this sort of habit of family worship, but to, yeah, to think about it this intentionally, and to, to really, yeah, make sure it's a priority is, is definitely a mindset shift, which, yeah, seeps in from the culture, you don't realize it, but you have to, you really have to put your stake in the ground and be like we're doing this, and like, or…

Dr. Brian Najapfour
It will never happen.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Yeah, you're not going to just find your way into it, it's not a natural thing to do, right?

Dr. Brian Najapfour
And Lucas, to the more you do it, you get better, yeah of course, maybe your first, your first year, or first few months of doing it, don't expect to be an expert right away, because even myself, I'm not an expert. You always learn, and what's wonderful, too, your wife can help you. When you ask your children, they say things that I've never thought about. Oh, like it's amazing to use in my sermon preparation, too. I said, "Oh, I'm going to use that idea, precious idea. And even when kids ask questions, like they ask you, "Okay, why did God create the tree of the knowledge of good and evil? That's not fair. Why, if God knew that Adam would sin, why did He create Adam? Why? Why? There is hell? You know those questions now. There are times when to be honest and say good question, and I don't know the answer. Let me, let me study that, that subject. I'll maybe, yeah, yeah, and be honest. And then that, that should make you excited. Yeah, excited to do that. Okay, I have an assignment. My child is asking me this question. I want to, I want to answer it. Yep, so we can learn. We can learn.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Yeah. Well, it's nice that your kids always start young and then you get older, right? So, like, I have a two year old and three year old, and it's like, okay, you get some of the questions and you get it, you get a while to kind of grow in it, and as a teacher and explainer, and yeah, it's a blessing that way, for sure, too. Okay, I feel like I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing we're running tighter on time, so we get in the old wrap-up symbol here. So I'll hit you with a couple quicker ones to kind of end off. Yeah, I guess we kind of touched on this in terms of like people might object to the family worship to say, like, oh, this is too formulaic, and it's just like, you know, you put these inputs in, you get these outputs out. Where's the Holy Spirit in this? How do we.. how do you.. I guess keep that in mind when you're doing your family worship, or when you're pastoring other families to say, like, yes, put these habits in place, these are good habits, holy habits, even. They serve your sanctification in your sanctification process, but they are not the end all be all in themselves, either. Right? How do you kind of help people to kind of keep, keep both of those things in hand when they're thinking about family worship, that it's not this like easy formula, like your kids aren't guaranteed to be saved, because you're doing family worship, right? Yeah, how do you kind of guide people through that process?

Dr. Brian Najapfour
You just answered it on to the next. That will save us time.

Lucas Holtvluwer
That will save us time.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
It’s no guarantee. There's no guarantee, not because you have family worship, doesn't mean that all your children will be saved, but the Lord is pleased to use that means too, to save them. So,

Lucas Holtvluwer
And it's a calling.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Yeah, it’s a calling, our responsibility, our duty. So we, we do it mindful that at the end of the day it is the Holy Spirit who will bless this, this means, and that's why we prayed too. Yep, we pray before, we pray after. Lord, bless this family worship. If

Lucas Holtvluwer
If you had one closing thought, for maybe in particular, like for fathers in the home, a kind of a closing like charge to leave with them, what would that be?

Dr. Brian Najapfour
I would say maybe addressing those fathers who have not yet done family worship.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Yeah.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Do it now, don't wait. Time is time is too short, and think about this too.

Lucas Holtvluwer
You only have a few years to train them,

Dr. Brian Najapfour
By the time they turn 18, they want to be independent, they might move, maybe go elsewhere for college, then you don't have that opportunity anymore. So, basically, you have 18 years to train them, and if we think that, well, that's a lot of years. No, that means 18 summers, only 18 summers. So do it now, and if let's say you're doing it, but like what we discussed, maybe you're just reading, you're not really elaborating, guiding your family. Then pray to the Lord and look for tools that can help you. There are many books, resources, reform book services, they can always ask them, do you have books on family worship that I can, I can use, learn, or podcast, something like this, a similar podcast, for sure. They can google online also how to, how do it. Listen to messages on Family Worship Sermon audio.com is a good resource.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Come to your conference.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Yeah, come to our conference. So, my point is that there's no excuse. No, do it, do it now, and, and do it as an expression of your gratitude for what God has done to us, and for us, and in us, and through us in the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Wonderful. Well, Dr. Najapfour, really appreciate your time on the podcast. It's been a pleasure.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Yeah, thank you. Thank you, Lucas, and to our listeners. Thank

Lucas Holtvluwer
And to our listeners, thank you for listening along. And if you have any questions, comments, concerns, feel free to send them in, and maybe we'll have you back one day again too.

Dr. Brian Najapfour
Wonderful, I'll be delighted again.

Lucas Holtvluwer
Wonderful. Okay, it's been real talk. We'll catch you next time.

Closing
Thanks for tuning in to Real Talk. If this episode inspired you, please share it with a friend, so you can continue this conversation in your own life. We encourage you to send us your feedback, or let us know who you would like to hear on the podcast. You can email us at Real Talk at Performed perspective.ca This episode is produced by Tyler Vanderwood, Lucas Holtfleur, and Mariah Taminga in partnership with Performed Perspective. Until next time, keep having Real Talk.

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The slippery slope is real

Some weeks ago I wrote a piece about a San Francisco pastor, Fred Harrell, who had recently attacked the doctrine of penal substitutionary atonement. In doing so, I made a connection between Harrell's prior shifts  – first, adopting the ordination of women and, second, endorsing homosexual relations – and his most recent movement away from the clear teaching of God's Word. My conclusion was to posit this as evidence of a slippery slope, further noting that in our cultural moment the slippery slope is usually entered at the point of ordaining women to office in the church. It would be an understatement to observe that this post touched a raw nerve for some readers. (One well-known pastor wrote me privately to accuse me of being schismatic. It is a feature of our times, I am afraid, that to defend the consensus on which we have built unity is to be labeled as divisive.) Of the different reactions one that most surprised me was a denial that there is validity to the idea of slippery slopes. My initial response to this criticism is to marvel that people can take this position in light of recent church history. Still, the topic is important enough that I think it good to defend the reality of the slippery slope. Why is the slope slippery? First, let me define what I mean in referring to the slippery slope. The slippery slope simply notes that those who remove the restraint against worldly conformity place themselves in peril of further and more damaging accommodations. The slope becomes slippery when the source of friction is removed. Far from the logical fallacy of which it is charged, there is a logical basis for the slippery slope argument: when the authority of Scripture is yielded to cultural demands, the loss of that authority renders us vulnerable to further cultural demands. Herein lies the wisdom of Scripture: "If the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?" (Ps. 11:3). Indeed, the very first Psalm begins with a portrayal of the slippery slope, charting a progression from "the counsel of the wicked" to "the way of sinners" and ultimately to "the seat of scoffers" (Ps. 1:1). That it’s slippery doesn’t mean everyone slides In making these observations, I do not mean that anyone who changes his or her view in the direction of cultural preferences is irrevocably bound to further concessions. It is blessedly true that people and churches have taken a perilous step to the left (or right) and later reconsidered, and to note examples of this happening does not prove that their previous action had not been imperiled. It is because the slippery slope can be escaped by recommitting to Scripture that warnings of peril are of value. Moreover, I do not mean to suggest that those who make any concessions to culture over Scripture have already abandoned the atonement of Christ. I am suggesting, however, that the slippery slope is...well, slippery. Those who remove traction from their feet may very well slide much further than they first thought possible. As Fred Harrell's progression illustrates – together with those of the PC(USA), CRC, RCA, Church of Scotland, and other denominations – the abandonment of clear biblical teaching at one cultural pressure-point (women's ordination), imperils us with further capitulations (homosexual acceptance), and if unchecked will find itself challenged to avoid "touching the Jesus Box" (i.e. denying even the resurrection of our Savior). It starts with women’s ordination Second, I noted that in our time, the slippery slope is usually entered at the point of women's ordination. This tendency is not surprising, since the assault of secular culture against the Bible is most tenaciously focused on gender and sexuality. To uphold biblical gender norms, including the Bible's clear teaching on male-only ordination is the single most inflammatory position that Christians may hold in our culture. For this reason, it is hard to find an example in recent history when a Christian leader or church denomination moved from biblical conservatism to unbiblical cultural conformity when the slide did not begin with the ordination of women to church office. It stands to reason, then, that we should avoid thinking that we can conform to the worldly demands regarding gender and avoid further accommodations of greater significance. What about women deacons? This brings me to the topic of women deacons. Several critics accused me of asserting that to support the ordination of women to the office of deacon is to abandon the gospel. This response is noteworthy because I made no mention of women deacons in my original post. I will admit, however, to being unpersuaded that the move to ordain women deacons in the PCA is unrelated to a broader agenda of cultural accommodation. In saying this, I do not mean to question the sincerity of those individuals who advocate the position that women should hold the office of deacon. But I would note the growing tendency among these same persons to employ women in roles that are as associated with the office of elder. For example, in many churches pastored by ministers who are supportive of the ordination of women deacons, women are placed in the pulpit during worship services for the public reading of Scripture and to offer the congregational prayer. Women are assigned to distribute the elements of the Lord's Supper. These are functions associated with the office of elders, not deacons. Moreover, word has recently come that pressure is being exerted in one PCA presbytery to install a woman as its stated clerk, making her a member of a court composed exclusively of ruling and teaching elders. Where is the outcry against these tendencies from those who say that they are only wishing to ordain women as deacons? Conclusion The slippery slope, then, is real. And the sole restraint against it – against all our sin and tendency to compromise – is our obedience to the voice of the Spirit of Christ speaking in Holy Scripture. Therefore, the counsel given by Jeremiah at another moment of cultural of peril seems urgent: Stand by the crossroads, and look and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls (Jer. 6:16). In this way alone will we navigate the perils of our times, fortifying our fidelity to Christ. This article was originally published in the Sept/Oct 2017 issue of the magazine. Rev. Richard D. Phillips has been the Senior Minister of Second Presbyterian Church in Greenville, South Carolina (PCA) since July 2007. A version of this article first appeared on Alliance for Confessing Evangelical’s Reformation 21 blog under the title “Standing Firm on the Slippery Slope.” It has been reprinted here with permission....

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A theology of cleaning?

Solomon was a wise man. But as a king, he passed over some vivid illustrations in the futility chapter of Ecclesiastes. Allow me to add the mother’s version of “chasing after wind”: The dishes are cleared and hasten back to where they lie dirty. The laundry is washed, and returns to the dirty hamper – around and around goes the laundry, and on its circuit it returns. The children’s stomachs are not satisfied with lunch, nor their appetites with supper. Vanity of vanities… I don’t know how Solomon would respond to that, but honestly, as I chase after my three small whirlwinds with vacuum and cloth in hand, I’m overwhelmed by the futility of it all. I’d far rather be reading something… or making something … or doing something “important,” something better than this mindless pecking away at dirt. I needed a theology for cleaning. So, between the rubbing and scrubbing, I’ve been doing a bit of reading. I’ve found some good news for us belabored housewives: cleaning is kingdom work! Chipping away at that eternal pileup of toys in the living room, dirty laundry on the floor and handprints on the walls is eternal stuff because God is glorified by our cleaning. And in a small way, we work alongside Him in redeeming and restoring this broken world. Let’s dive in… God is pleased with our work We worship a God who loves cleanliness. If you don’t believe me, have a peek at the book of Leviticus, which sparkles and squeaks right down to the quarantining of moldy fabric (Lev. 13:47-59). Yet God Himself cursed work in the Garden of Eden, filling it with thorns and thistles... and dust, dirt, and ick. Even in a world of cursed ground, work – and housework – is also a blessing. God blessed Adam and Eve with a job in the Garden of Eden. When we serve Him joyfully and cheerfully, be it ever so mindless a job, we glorify Him through it. I like to picture our heavenly Father, smiling and pleased with me as I do battle with bathtub scum. Will my husband notice our scrubbed tub? Probably not, but God will! The Lord also urges us to invite Him into the daily grind. Paul’s instruction to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thess. 5:16-18) surely doesn’t stop at cleaning. It’s sandwiched right between rejoicing always and giving thanks in everything. The one leads us to the other. So I can thank God for the beautiful invention of a toilet while scrubbing it (and it is beautiful – imagine life without toilets! or washing machines, gulp). We Dutch women have a little saying we like to whip out on occasion –“cleanliness is next to godliness.” It’s found… absolutely nowhere in the Bible. But the desire to meet up to community standards and maintain a Pinterest-worthy house is definitely still there, and still one we have to battle regularly! So let’s apply Paul’s exhortation to work heartily as for the Lord and not for men… or for mothers-in-law, picky friends, or nosy neighbors. God is honored in both our work and our resting When my oldest was about three, she came up with this brilliant idea. “Mommy,” she said, “we have should have two mommies. Then one can do all the work while you play with us!” And on that particular day, I was almost ready to agree with her. Thankfully, rest isn’t just given but even required. There’s a pitfall I find myself slipping into on occasion – viewing myself a bit like a slave (yes, there’s some over-the-top exaggeration there!). But it can feel like that – some seasons are a long marathon of cleaning and caring for everyone else. Our all-knowing God actually commanded the Israelites to rest. Commanded, as in, not optional. In Deuteronomy 5 He reminds them that they were slaves in the land of Egypt, and He rescued them with a “mighty hand and an outstretched arm.” Freedom comes with the luxury – the prescribed luxury – of rest. God uses the term “rest,” not “me-time.” We live in a hyper-entitled world that constantly tells us, “You deserve it, mama, go settle on the couch with your phone and a glass of wine.” While these things aren’t bad of themselves (in small doses!), they aren’t rights. And I find myself quick to claim them as rights (not the wine, but the doom-scrolling). But rest is above me-time as Greek salad is above ramen noodles. God built rest into the rhyme and rhythm of creation, to be enjoyed on the Lord’s Day as worship and praise to Him. It’s a foretaste of the eternal rest which Christ has won for us. When we rest, we worship Him. We need to guard that rest or it will slip away! Enlist your kids! My mom always wanted to hang this proverb in her kitchen: “Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.” Comparing us kids to oxen was, well, rather accurate. As a good Dutch mom of six she had to embrace a lot of mess! She went beyond this to a complete application of the proverb: she faithfully harnessed her “oxen” up for work. This was probably a lot harder on her ears than it was on our hands, but it taught us to work faithfully and well. It was one of the best things she gave us, and I’m grateful for it. I remind myself of that as my four-year-old moans and groans through his daily task of putting away the clean silverware every day. We clean alongside God Himself That’s a truth so glorious it almost sounds heretical, but there are multiple levels to this. First off, there’s the cleaning of creation. It’s truly incredible how God has built cleaners into creation to maintain and purify it. Tides sweep the shorelines, scavengers and fungi devour rotten materials, rains wash the land, trees filter the air. There’s even a bacterium that can turn massive oil spills into harmless carbon dioxide and water within weeks. These are God’s janitorial taskforce on earth, restoring, refreshing, redeeming creation. As we beat back weeds and submit the garden to order, as we scour scum and change diapers, as we restore peace and order once again to our belabored homes, we join God in the redemption of creation. That’s a pretty incredible calling. It’s all a reminder The constant demands of cleaning also point to our spiritual state. As Christians, we are in a constant cycle of conviction, confession and repentance. We come to God, the purifier of our souls, for redemption on a daily basis. He doesn’t get tired of the same old work on the same old soul. So, when we pick up our kids’ dirty undies off the floor for the umpteenth time, may it be a reminder to us of God’s faithful cleaning. One day, the oxen will be gone and the stall will be (moderately) clean. And we’ll miss those dear little cows with all our hearts. But for now, we get to share in the glorious, everyday task of redeeming the universe with God. So if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a kitchen to redeem!...

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Blessed are the caregivers

For they will be given care ***** Although we don’t get a diploma and cap, many of us graduate from the role of caregiver when our youngest child spreads their wings and leaves our home. For Ed and Alice Hoogerdyk, their caregiving journey began in 2000, when God blessed them with their one and only child: Zach. Two decades later, shortly after Zach spread his wings and became engaged to a wonderful girl named Megan, a sudden illness and anoxic brain injury changed everything. Ed and Alice were called back to full-time caregiving. Ed and Alice aren’t alone. Ed shared that 160,000 Canadians sustain brain injuries each year and a quarter of older adults are family caregivers, with projections that this will increase significantly in our lifetime. Although we may have other plans for our lives, the LORD’s plan is sovereign. We then must decide whether we will run alongside the Zachs in our lives, or run away from them. Zach ran hard as a little guy. He’s running just as hard now. A string bean becomes a man Ed and Alice were married on August 1st, 1998. Ed was a school teacher, and after they married, took a position in Alice’s hometown of Carman, Manitoba. On July 23, 2000, God blessed them with the joy of their life: a healthy boy whom they named Zach. Two years later, they moved to Calgary as Ed took on a new role as school principal, and they have made that city home since then. Zach was shy. “He didn’t leave my side,” said Alice. She tried to make him more social, but he preferred to stay close and sit on her lap. Someone from her church reminded her to treasure this time, because it doesn’t come back. “He wasn’t Mr. Popular in the class. You could tell he was an only child,” she added. But he had a caring heart, looking out for kids who were left out. This carried on as he became a teen and then a young adult. He despised cliques and was intentional about spending time with young people on the margins. Although he wouldn’t have put the label on himself, Zach was a caregiver. As he grew, so did his love for sports, particularly ball hockey, and then running. He got his love of running from watching Ed. “He came to all my races, or most of them,” said Ed. “The next thing you know, he starts running. His goal was to beat my best running times.” As a young adult, Zach got his friends off their couches, organizing activities like skiing and, you guessed it, running races. He didn’t know what he was going to do as a career until he met a gentleman at a school career fair who pointed him to the masonry trade. “He went for an interview, and as he drove off all the other guys at the masonry industry laughed and said, ‘That kid ain't gonna last a week. He's such a little string bean,’” Ed shared. But Zach ended up flourishing in the trade, to the point that, when his boss had to downsize his crew from 40 to 5 not long after hiring him, Zach made the cut. Ed reflects that this was a stage where the whole family was thriving: Alice was enjoying her job as a controller at a construction and building supply company, Ed was experiencing a “whole new lease on life” with a position as Grassroots Director of ARPA Canada, and Zach was flourishing in his new career as a brick layer, with a boss commenting that “people like you come only once every 25 years.” That is also when Zach met Megan at a young adults’ conference in Calgary on a February long weekend. The two clicked, and in due time they were engaged, looking forward to a life together. But the LORD had different plans. From full of life to life-support In March of 2024, Zach made a trip to Megan’s hometown of Winnipeg. When he left, he had a really sore throat and was losing his voice. Ed encouraged him to go to the doctor, but Zach didn’t think it was necessary. “We dropped him off , and I still have the vision of him walking through the doors, pulling his little carry-on,” recalled Ed. That was the last time they saw him walking. Zach spent the weekend at the home of Ed’s brother and sister-in-law, but he wasn’t getting better. On Monday, Megan took him to a clinic, but by that point he could hardly walk out of the house. From the clinic he went straight to critical care in the hospital, and immediately needed assistance with his breathing. At this point, Alice was at home in Calgary, unaware of any issues, and Ed was just starting a two-week speaking tour in southern Ontario. Megan let them know that Zach was checked into the hospital, and Alice was able to talk with Zach on the phone. He told her he was all right, would likely stay overnight, but would be just fine. An hour later a phone call came that Zach had just had a cardiac arrest. Alice immediately went to the airport and was able to catch a flight to Winnipeg because it was delayed. Ed dropped everything and joined her at the hospital soon after. The news they received wasn’t good. “The doctor put his hand on my shoulder and Megan’s and told us to prepare for the possibility that Zach may lose his life.’” Ed and Alice later learned that Zach was going through a combination of strep pneumonia, influenza A, septic shock, bacterial infection, and then the cardiac arrest. The following hours were a blur of medical care, as the team worked hard to get Zach’s temperature down and his oxygen up. They packed bags of ice all over his body. “I still sometimes do it where I go to my phone and scroll up to the 2024 pictures,” shared Ed. “When you look at March, I'm at this gig and that gig. It’s all go, and lots of hype, and all of a sudden there's a picture of Zach laying in this bed.” “Your whole life perspective changes in a second,” added Alice. “You hear stories from other people. You don't know what it's like until you have it yourself.” Although their life changed in a blink, their Foundation didn’t. “It's amazing. Amazing how the Lord held us up through all of that,” Alice testified. She proceeded to share how they were surrounded by loving care from family, friends, and the church community. “It was always just at the right time to build you up again.” The nurses and others asked “how are you handling this?” To this they replied: “Only by the grace of God.” In the proceeding days, weeks, and months, as Zach’s life hung in the balance, there were points when Ed and Alice asked the LORD to spare him from further suffering and take him home. Zach was still on the ventilator, intubated, and endured multiple instances of septic shock. Eventually his hand was amputated, followed by both his feet. He hadn’t spoken since the cardiac arrest, and it was difficult to know the extent of his brain injury and how aware he was of what was happening around him. But when they wheeled him off to surgery to have his feet amputated, Zach was very emotional. Through this journey the family kept loved ones updated through a blog, titled “Running with Zach.” It didn’t take long before countless people from across the country were journeying with them, reading the health updates, meditations, and accompanying Scripture verses, praying for Zach and his loved ones. A new calling He won’t let go of his mama! It wasn’t just Zach’s life that changed, Ed and Alice were given a new calling: caregiver. Ed knew very quickly that he couldn’t carry on with his job, as it required him to travel regularly. He recalled calling his boss and informing him that “it's obvious to me that this is my new calling. It's as simple as that.” Alice, meanwhile, was able to carry on with her bookkeeping work, as it could be done remotely. Ed admits that they went through some dark valleys in the weeks and months following the hospitalization. “But when the time came, we had to be up at Zach's unit and be there for him.” And just like the early years when he needed his mom close by, Zach needed them in the same way now. “If he needed to get changed, or any kind of care, he needed one of us there,” shared Ed. When Zach no longer received one-on-one medical care, he needed Ed or Alice to be close by. “So, we took turns sleeping in his room. And he definitely needed it. He would look, to make sure I wasn’t leaving, then he would lay down and sleep.” When Zach’s health stabilized, it took Ed and Alice some time to find a good care home for their son in Calgary, as some of the care homes for “young adults” (under age 55) were sketchy, filled with rough music, rough language, and even drug trading. A successful physio session sitting up in the prone position. The Hoogerdyks found something special at AgeCare Seton, particularly with the staff. “If you want to learn about care from a culture, look to the Filipino culture. These people get care. They just live care. Young or old,” explained Ed. “They love Zach and a lot of them go to church. They talk about God and faith.” Zach also receives great care from the rehabilitation he is getting at the Association for the Rehabilitation of the Brain Injured (ARBI). “It is a great place. The team is very, very caring,” Ed commented. “He's gained a lot of muscle back,” Alice said. “I can't put my fingers around his arm anymore. He can ‘beat us up,’ and he takes great joy in that.” Lately, Alice has been challenging Zach to give better hugs, and he squeezes her hard, “laughing his head off.” “That’s not good, Zach,” she responds. “That is not loving your mother,” she jokes and then Zach responds with a laugh. Although he remains non-verbal, Zach is now using a tablet to communicate with his caregivers. “The best time of each day is 4:30-5:00, giving him supper, until we leave between 8:30 or 9:00,” explained Ed. “It is almost as if the family memories are all back. You can say certain sayings we used to say at home and he starts to laugh. So he is in a good mood, with lots of laughs.” They always read a devotional together and pray before leaving for the night. “He is dialed in when you’re reading. I try to keep my finger on the words.” He is also able to make it to church some Sundays. “He is listening,” Alice explained. She gave an example of the pastor sharing a one-liner joke and “Zach was even laughing without prompt, where it’s like he sort of gets it.” Blessed is he who considers the poor Having a good laugh with his pappy. Ed and Alice testified that their loving Father has been caring for them every step of the way. “God gives you strength for every day. Not for the next year, not for the next…. No, he gives it for today. It is a real thing,” emphasized Alice. Both Ed and Alice see God’s hand particularly in how He prepared Ed for this new role with his recent career. A lot of Ed’s work was related to protection for the vulnerable. The transition was from advocating for this protection, to actually providing it themselves. But the work experience had deeper application. It didn’t take long and Ed was convicted, particularly through a family member, to advocate for other caregivers through setting up a platform called “Running for Zach”. “We aren’t the only ones doing this. There is a brain injury every three minutes in Canada and it is the leading cause of disability and death in adults under the age of 35. There is a real, real need.” Ed pointed particularly to Psalm 41:1: “Blessed is he who considers the poor.” He explained that the word “poor” means much more than those without financial means. It is the vulnerable, the weak, those who can’t help themselves. “To consider the poor means to pay close attention to them and then to spend significant time and energy changing their lives.” Always one for a quip, Ed proceeded to connect this Psalm to a quote from Dr. Seuss: “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not!” This goes beyond the Zachs of the world. “We are all vulnerable in one way, shape, or form. We’re all weak. The church should be a haven of caregivers and a haven for caregivers. It should be caregiving central.” I asked Ed and Alice how we, as a church community, can better care for caregivers. Ed said the first step is to overcome the fear of approaching and speaking with the caregivers. “It’s fear. Fear that you are going to say something stupid, fear that you are going to cry. If you are exiting church, don’t try to find a different route to bypass the caregiver.” “Quit stewing too much over ‘I’m not sure what to say’ or ‘I’m not sure what to do.’ Doing something or saying something is better than nothing.” He added that “if you can go to the fellowship hall and talk to somebody about your fishing trip the previous week, surely you can go to a caregiver and find out what’s going on in their lives.” Ed and Alice are grateful to be part of a church community where the leadership led by example in this regard, with an elder or deacon coming to visit them every week. Ironically, it has often been the elder or deacon who leaves feeling lifted up. Kion Foundation First trip back to the mountains since the injury. Ed is now working on building a charitable organization called “The Kion Foundation.” Kion means pillar, and the foundation hopes to be a pillar of hope for families navigating acquired brain injuries. Beyond awareness, the goal is to help fill the care gap between a hospital discharge and home, providing things like centralized therapy and support spaces for caregivers to go to and receive help. Ed shared that it would take 2.8 million full-time equivalent workers to replace the 5.7 billion unpaid hours that family caregivers provide each year in Canada. That is a lot of people, including Christians, who are humbly serving outside the medical system. They need support. The Kion Foundation’s board includes Ed’s brother-in-law, Ed Tams, an entrepreneur, as well as Dr. Stephen Neal; Alisa Lieuwen, whose brother was diagnosed with a rare neurological condition that resulted in him becoming quadriplegic and non-verbal; and Wanda Knol, a business owner and volunteer serving the vulnerable. Designed to be a burden Although we can look forward to a world without the effects of sin, we can trust that God has a good purpose for where we find ourselves today. That includes the burdens He gives us. Ed quoted pastor and theologian John Stott: “We all are designed to be a burden to others. You are designed to be a burden to me, and I am designed to be a burden to you.” Instead of doing everything possible to run from these burdens, we can take to heart our LORD’s calling to “carry each other’s burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2). Zach isn’t running like he used to. But he is running the race marked out for him. Running alongside him, we can look forward to crossing the finish line, where we will not just run, but soar like eagles. “Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.” (Heb. 12:1-2) “Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Is. 40:30-31)...

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How to catch Ice Age Man using digital reindeer

What would happen if we assumed ancient man was intelligent? One man did just that, and I haven’t been able to stop talking about it since. Which, incidentally, is a substantial reason to have 10 children, all of whom you homeschool. Captive audience. Professor John O’Shea is an archaeologist with the University of Michigan who likes to read. (It’s a good habit. Highly recommend.) One day, he was reading a book about subarctic reindeer* hunters and the stone structures they use to direct the animals. He was also studying a topographical map of the bottom of Lake Huron. The map included a feature known as Six Fathom Shoal, a continuous underwater ridge connecting southern Ontario to northeast Michigan. During the last days of the Ice Age, that ridge would have been above water, separating Lake Huron into two lakes. As John studied the map and read about the hunters, he realized that the ridge would have been a great place to hunt reindeer thousands of years ago. So he took a team and scanned the lake bottom. It wasn’t easy. The underwater ridge encompasses hundreds of square miles of lakebed, and just reaching the site required a 60-mile trip over unpredictable water. Expectations were low. Often the weather was too dangerous to even think about sailing, but on the rare occasions when they could get out of their port in Alpena, they used side scanning sonar to create a map of the lake bottom. One day, by “dumb luck” they stumbled upon something that maybe only John would have expected or recognized; a line of rocks. Stick with me here. On the leftside, of course You see, reindeer are essentially British. They like queues. Lines. Geometry, one might say, is their love language. To direct reindeer, a hunter can create a line on the ground, usually with stones – sometimes it amounts to a low fence This is called a “drive line.” When the reindeer encounter the line, even though they could easily jump over it, they will often walk alongside it wherever it leads. Not unlike Harold and the Purple Crayon. The line of rocks John O’Shea found on the bottom of the lake looked a lot like a drive lane. Further investigation by a tethered, unmanned underwater robot, and later, divers, revealed it was indeed a man-made drive lane, pointing towards a corral and a blind where the hunters could wait to kill the animals. An incredible, career-changing, history-making discovery. But it gets better. Next, John teamed up with Bob Reynolds from Wayne State University, and together they created a digital topographical map of Six Fathom Shoal during the Ice Age. They simulated rain, and the map filled with rivers, lakes, waterfalls, marshes and creeks. They enlisted botanists to look at the landscape and predict where different plants would have grown. And once the computer world was complete, they did the next sensible thing. They turned an entire herd of AI reindeer loose on the landscape. Initially, the AI reindeer had an annoying habit of walking off cliffs, gliding on stiff, pixelated legs to a swift digital death. The programming took a while to tweak, but as the weeks went on, the AI reindeer took on an increasingly lifelike set of behaviors. The herd was sent from one side of Six Fathom Shoal to the other, and patterns emerged as they learned which routes were best. Then John’ team asked modern reindeer hunters from Alaska and Canada to walk through the virtual landscape on computers, pointing out the best locations for blinds, campsites, and caches. They took intelligent human beings and asked them where they would hunt and then assumed that ancient man would hunt in the same places. Shocking. With this information in hand, they returned to inspect the sea floor. And that’s how they discovered a hunting structure they called “drop site 45.” Right in the location pinpointed as a choke site for the AI reindeer. This hunting site is the most sophisticated of its kind discovered to date. It includes a drive line, blinds, fire pits, and stone rings that indicate places where the hunters may have camped. They also found stone structures identical to those used by modern subarctic hunters to store caches of meat during the freezing winter months. Further investigation revealed stone tools, including one made with obsidian from Oregon. Yep. Oregon. Wagontire, Oregon, to be exact, over 2,000 miles away from the underwater ridge where it was found. Not bad for Ice Age hunters. “None of this matches the models we had about peoples in this region… you have to go back and be like, ‘All right, now we have this new data, what does that mean for what we thought about peoples that were living in the Great Lakes?’ You have to rewrite the story.” – Ashley Lemke, Professor at the University of Wisconsin Milwaukee Breaking down or evolving up? She’s right, of course. The models she’s talking about are based on the assumption that humans evolved from ape-like creatures, stumbling out of the dull fog of an animal existence to come to a shocking realization: “Fire… hot?” Of course we had never looked for evidence of Ice Age structures at Six Mile Shoal before, because the odds of such a creature building anything were slim. But what could we accomplish if we started with the assumption that man was created intelligent and capable, as the Bible teaches? Adam and Eve, coming straight from the hand of the Creator, had perfect genes. Those genes have only deteriorated a little more with each generation that passes. So those Ice Age hunters could well have been more intelligent than you or I. Computer models and sonar can recreate the Ice Age shorelines along the entire globe. What would happen if we looked at those maps and asked where we would build our cities, ports or villages? In some places, accumulated sediment has probably buried any Ice Age structures, but some remain. At the moment, our preferred method of finding these sites is dumb luck. That’s how we discovered a similar hunting drive line under the Baltic sea. The entire underwater world of Doggerland was also discovered by a series of accidents. What if we trusted the Biblical account enough to use less accidents and more “AI reindeer”? Shannon Skaer is an ancient history aficionado, homeschool mom, science nerd, and beekeeper. She lives in a small logging town in Oregon with her very own hero and their ten children. Her life could best be described as a love affair with beauty – which explains the number of babies – and her greatest joy is to know God, from whom all beauty comes. Find out more about her at www.shannonskaer.com. ***** *Reindeer is the fun name for Caribou. For this article, I refer to them as “reindeer” because I’m not a party pooper, and neither are you....

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Blessed are the busy?

Should we be trying to be less busy or be busy better? ***** It’s not really the worst problem to have: too many good things to do, and not enough time to do them all. Maybe that's why, when I talked to so many women about busyness, they admitted to stress and struggles around their busy schedules, but also expressed gratitude for all the things that fill up their days. The question for most of us isn’t whether or not we’re busy (and sometimes too busy). Rather, we wonder if we’re always busy with the right things, and for the right reasons. We want to figure out how to cope with the reality of busyness, and maybe find a way to bring a little more balance and sanity to our lives. BUSYNESS: A HEART ISSUE “I don’t want to miss out on opportunities, mess up relationships by disappointing people, or misstep right out of God’s will. I struggle with keeping some sense of balance in my life. I struggle with worrying about what others think of my decisions...” – Lysa TerKeurst, The Best Yes For better and worse, busyness is as much a heart issue as it is a physical one, and maybe that’s why it’s such a hard one to grapple with. It’s difficult to untangle our motivations for the choices we make with our limited time and energy. Sometimes our busyness is driven by the wrong things, like a desire to please or earn admiration, or by misplaced priorities. Often, though, we’re acting out of a sincere desire to serve God and others, and to be good stewards of the time and opportunities God has given us. We feel keenly the weight of others’ needs and expectations. At the same time, we constantly fight the temptation to compare – and judge. These struggles of the mind and heart lead to a lot of soul-searching. And, as was made clear by some of the thoughts that were shared with me, they are the cause of very real distress for many Christian women. “It can be really quite hard to assess if I am truly called to a new thing or if I should stay the course on what I am doing. It’s hard to assess my motives. And even when I make a decision, I easily second-guess myself.” “Do we make ourselves busy to avoid judgment from others who look at us and think we should be doing more? I feel that sometimes.” “Too often we connect our personal worth and value to the stuff we are busy with.” “... this is what drives me: If I don’t do it, I’ll disappoint someone who matters – or even who doesn’t really. If I don’t do it, I’m lazy... or I’m unstewardly: I can save money by canning and baking and freezing. I’m failing my kids: if I don’t bake, and can, and preserve, I’m feeding them cancer or other diseases. I’m not letting them grow to their fullest potential by taking their sports and music from them... Will I fail my calling and deny my promises at baptism if I don’t do all these things? ... where am I trusting God in all this?” We really do want to be “Proverbs 31 women,” capably accomplishing all our tasks (and then some) with a godly heart and a serene smile on our face, but there just isn’t enough time for everything. We’re only human, but sometimes feel guilty about our very natural weaknesses and limitations. When can we legitimately say that we are “busy enough”? As Kevin DeYoung puts it in his excellent book Crazy Busy, we’re constantly told that: “we should pray more, give more, show hospitality more, share our faith more, read our Bibles more, volunteer more.... Where do I start? Where do I find the time? How can I possibly meet all these obligations?... I think most Christians hear these urgent calls to do more (or feel them internally already) and learn to live with a low-level guilt that comes from not doing enough.... That’s not how the apostle Paul lived (1 Cor. 4:4), and it’s not how God wants us to live either (Rom. 12:1-2). Either we are guilty of sin – like greed, selfishness, idolatry – and we need to repent, be forgiven and change. Or something else is going on. It’s taken me several years, a lot of reflection and a load of unnecessary busyness to understand that when it comes to good causes and good deeds, ‘do more or disobey’ is not the best thing we can say.” PRIORITIES “I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer.” - attributed to Martin Luther When the author to the Hebrews encourages God’s people to “run with perseverance the race marked out for us,” he doesn’t just tell us to throw off “the sin that so easily entangles,” but also urges us to lay aside everything (or “every weight”) that hinders. These “weights” aren’t necessarily bad in themselves – they’re distinct from the “sin” that’s also mentioned – but they draw our attention away from the race that’s in front of us. At its most simple, figuring out a way forward comes down to priorities. If we’re not able to do everything (and we’re not!), we need to identify and prioritize the most important things, the things that can’t be left undone. I think, at heart, most of us know what those most important things are: our relationship with God, our relationships with those closest to us, the daily calling God has put in front of us in our different roles, our own wellbeing (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual). But sometimes taking time for devotions can feel like a leap of faith (“How can I sit down now if I hope to get everything done this morning?”) or, worse, like just another chore; and it’s easy to brush off “relationship time” or adequate sleep when other things feel more urgent. The women I talked to also pondered the importance of well-ordered priorities in their lives, and how to stay focused on the things that really matter. Their helpful suggestions included asking ourselves some pointed questions. “How does my time use match, or not match, what I’ve identified as my priorities?” If God is number one in my life, does my daily and weekly schedule reflect that? Or do things that are far less important, but feel more urgent, keep crowding out Bible study or church activities? “What are my personal non-negotiables?” For one woman, these daily must-do’s are “devotions, going outside into God’s creation (even if it’s just for a short time), and making a good dinner. These are non-negotiables for me because they’re all very important for my physical, emotional and spiritual health as well as my family’s.” Others’ lists are different, but making conscious, deliberate choices about our priorities is key. “Is any one part of my life drastically out of balance?” We’re complex beings, and the different parts of our lives and selves – mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, social, work – affect each other. A Christian counselor shared with me that the biggest cause of stress, in her experience, is an imbalance between these areas. We need regular sleep, exercise, and healthy food. We need relationships that rejuvenate us (especially when other relationships in our lives are more difficult or draining). We need Sunday rest, breaks, and times of quietness. “Am I minimizing ‘artificial busyness’?” Some of the things that make us feel busy actually lack substance. Social media is a big one for many of us. As one woman commented, “This isn’t natural human connecting and working on relationships, this is a substitute” – so we’re better off focusing on the people in front of us, rather than on the virtual relationships and conversations that can divert so much of our time and energy. “Am I too worried about what others think?” Peer pressure, and others’ expectations (real or perceived), are a huge factor in keeping us busy – sometimes with the wrong things. Maybe if you’re willing to raise some eyebrows by challenging or resisting an unhealthy trend, others will gratefully follow. “Am I bringing my decisions, and my struggles, to God?” Many women emphasized the key role of prayer and time in God’s Word in their decisions around time use, and their struggles with feelings like guilt, discouragement and inadequacy. Making time for personal devotions actually is a leap of faith – one that not only honors God, but also grounds us, reminds us to trust God (and humbly recognize our own limits), and helps us make wiser decisions. So how can you have a Mary heart when you have a Martha to-do list? Start by knowing your priorities, focusing on them first, and trusting God to help you sort through the rest. As Kevin DeYoung put it, “The antidote to busyness of soul is not sloth and indifference. The antidote is rest, rhythm, death to pride, acceptance of our own finitude and trust in the providence of God.” WHAT DOES GOD REALLY WANT FROM US... AND FOR US? “It is extraordinary how little the New Testament says about God’s interest in our success, by comparison with the enormous amount it says about God’s interest in our holiness, our maturity in Christ, and our growth into the fullness of his image.” – J.I. Packer, Rediscovering Holiness We all want to be faithful and fruitful... but this desire can easily veer off course. What is it that God most wants from us, and for us? The fact that He made us with very real weaknesses and limitations tells us something. He created us to need sleep, and in fact a substantial number of hours of it. He sometimes gives us extended, enforced periods of waiting and inactivity. These realities can be very frustrating for us. Couldn’t we accomplish so much more for Him if we didn’t have these limitations? But evidently – and amazingly – God is more interested in us, and the sanctifying work He’s doing in us, than simply in our raw productivity. We’re not merely servants with long and burdensome lists of tasks; we’re loved children. What a freeing thought, and what an undeserved honor! When we start evaluating ourselves (or others) based on how much we can accomplish, we’re using a skewed measurement – and not the one God uses. On a personal level, we may be showing Pharisaical tendencies, trying to earn the favor of God and others. On a larger scale, we’re starting down a very dangerous path, as we buy into a worldview that equates worth with ability, leading to devastating social consequences. By all means, let’s do our best to be faithful stewards of the time, energy, resources, and opportunities God has given us, and let’s be busy with many good things for Him. But let’s not forget His priorities for us, since “we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God” (1 Cor. 2:12). STEWARDING OUR TIME “Stewarding my time is not about selfishly pursuing only the things I’d like to do. It’s about effectively serving others in the ways I’m best able to serve and in the ways I’m most uniquely called to serve.” - Kevin DeYoung, Crazy Busy Sometimes we live at the pace of craziness because of unconsciously wrong priorities or confused expectations; other times it’s because of factors that really are outside our control, and we just have to hang on for a season that’s busier than feels ideal. (Often we learn a lot in these seasons, and God certainly uses them too.) But sometimes we bring the craziness on ourselves, and change is needed. It takes mature self-discipline, planning, and some self-denial to be good stewards of our time. But, by God’s grace, these things are within our reach. So let’s take the steps needed to curb our bad online habits. Let’s stick to a reasonable bedtime, or maybe meal plan (I know that makes some of us shudder), or say a polite “no” to something good so we can say “yes” to something better – whatever it takes in your particular life and circumstances. (See the sidebar article “Taming busyness” for more practical tips from other women.) One helpful but sometimes hard-to-implement principle is to leave room for “margin” – defined by Christian author Dr. Richard Swenson as “the space between our load and our limits.” For most of us, there’s rarely a week or even a day without some unexpected interruption, need, or crisis – a fender-bender, a lost pair of glasses, a washing machine malfunction, an unwelcome visit from the flu bug – and if we don’t have any “wiggle room” in our schedule, these unexpected problems can quickly derail us and cause disproportionate stress. Again, knowing our priorities helps us in this area too; if our secondary to-do’s don’t get done because of a sudden change of plans, we’ll be less fretful if we know we at least made time for our key tasks or goals. We also need to realize that using our time well doesn’t always look like we think it should. As Kevin DeYoung points out, caring for people – which should be a priority for all of us – is “often wildly inefficient. People are messy, and if we are going to help them we will wade into a lot of time-consuming messes.” Many of the most important things we’re busy with don’t fit nicely on a to-do checklist. Finally, being stewardly with our time means making constant choices, big and small, based on our priorities and on other factors. We may care about a lot of things, and be concerned about a lot of things (and people), but that doesn’t mean God is calling us to meet every need. So how do we decide if a new commitment should be a “yes”? Here are a few questions that other women have found helpful to consider: “Have I counted the cost?” Like the builder in Luke 14, we need to “count the cost” before we start a project. As one woman commented, “The task itself is always only a fraction of the commitment”; but too often we aren’t realistic about what something will required from us. Most activities involve not only a time cost, but also a mental/emotional energy cost – which affects both you and the people in your life. “Does this fit with my strengths – or, if not, will it stretch me in a positive way?” It’s okay to play to our strengths. One woman I know dislikes making meals for other families, but enjoys cleaning and organizing. For years she would feel stressed every time a church meal request came out – and either sign up and dread the whole experience, or not sign up and feel guilty. Now she offers to help in other ways: “I often will say “what is causing you stress right now?” – and then see if I can help in that area. I’ve done anything from researching and buying an iPad for someone to re-organizing a pantry or cleaning out a shed.” Another woman agreed, “When we use our strengths, things tend to go more smoothly and with less stress.” Of course, there are times when we might be ready for a helpful “stretch,” so it’s good to keep an open mind – and a prayerful heart – about new opportunities as well. “Do I feel passionate about this?” Although some things aren’t particularly exciting and simply need doing, we’re naturally drawn to some tasks more than to others, and it’s okay to factor that into our decision-making. Do I believe this activity is really worthwhile? Does this activity “fill me up” or drain me? Do I feel energized when I think about doing this? BLESSED TO BE BUSY “Lay your life down. Your heartbeats cannot be hoarded. Your reservoir of breaths is draining away. You have hands, blister them while you can. You have bones, make them strain – they can carry nothing in the grave.” - N.D. Wilson, Death by Living Busyness means life – the blessings of relationships, of talents, of energy, of opportunities, of good tasks to do. As Kevin DeYoung puts it, “the reason we are busy is because we are supposed to be busy.” We are blessed to be busy. It’s okay to work hard; the Bible has nothing good to say about “the sluggard.” It’s okay to be tired – as long as we recognize the line between healthy fatigue and unhealthy exhaustion. It’s okay to be stretched; often it’s how we grow. So let’s be busy carefully and deliberately, prayerfully and peacefully – not taking on burdens we were never meant to carry, and not because we find our self-worth or our life’s meaning in the things we’re busy with. And let’s give grace to ourselves and others – the same grace God extends to us in our weaknesses. We can never truly know what our neighbor is dealing with, or what limitations he or she grapples with, so let’s be careful about judging, pressuring, or comparing. “For each will have to bear his own load” (Gal. 6:5). A quick note to the married and mothers among us: don’t add to the strain of your single/childless friends by assuming they have all kinds of time you don’t. They may not have a family to take care of (though they may well be caring for parents, without the help of a spouse), but they also aren’t sharing the daily tasks of cooking, shopping, car maintenance, and so on. Let’s “bear each other’s burdens,” not add to them. “Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls.... So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God” (Rom. 14:4, 12). “So let’s do what needs to be done with a happy heart, thankful for each of these opportunities and the evidence of life they represent. Whistle while we work. Do a great job.... Just remember not every responsibility can be your responsibility.” - Lysa TerKeurst, The Best Yes...

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Assorted

My journey with books

It has been a long journey of books for me. I grew up with books, and as a child read from The Book of Knowledge encyclopedia, the Bobbsey Twins series and Grace Livingston Hill’s books. It was my own love for books which had me keep my nursing and my Bible College textbooks. But it was not until I met my husband-to-be John that I really discovered what it was to have books in the house – here was a man who loved books! On our very first date, when I mentioned that I had Berkoff’s Systematic Theology, John asked if maybe he could borrow it some time. I thought to myself, “There is no way he is going to get that textbook - I’ll never see it again!” For our first 3 months of marriage we lived with John’s parents in Oshawa, Ontario before we went to Grand Rapids, Michigan, where John was to study at Calvin Seminary. During those 3 months, I decided to straighten out John’s bookcases. That meant I put the books all in neat rows according to height and size – I was tired of look at those messy shelves. John was not a happy camper when he came home and found out that his books were not in subject order. Oh well, live and learn, in those early marriage days. More and more books Throughout his ministry, the supply of books increased. John mostly bought books at garage sales, library sales, or people would kindly give him books from their collections – he would never say no to that. But then we would need more bookshelves and more space. In all our moves the books came with us. From Vernon, BC to Wellandport, ON they came by train in the deep of winter. None were lost. He took about 400 books with us to the Philippines – ones he needed for teaching at the seminary. It was a challenge to sort and choose. He took some Dutch books as well, only to find that the bok-bok worm liked the glue in his Dutch books (but they had no interest in his cheap paperbacks). In all our pastorates John has his study in the house, taking up a bedroom for his books. In Wellandport the church built a special addition on to the parsonage for his study. That was much needed – our family of six needed the room. And the quantity of books continued to grow. All sorts John was happiest when he had a book and pen in his hand to make his own personal notes and scribbles – he did not use a highlighter for his markings. And he was quite an eclectic reader, his reading ranging from The Communist Manifesto to Francis Schaeffer’s writings. One of his favorite books to read again and again was Augustine’s Confessions. Right up there among his favorites were C.S. Lewis, Chuck Colson, Martyn Lloyd-Jones, and A. Kuyper. There was no end of his favorite special writers. I could tell when John was tired – that’s when he would pull out a good Dutch novel. Though he was a serious reader, John enjoyed a good mystery, the likes of Agatha Christie or G.K. Chesterton. Tools in his toolbox John was often asked if he had read them all. Yes, he would say. Mind you, some of them were strictly reference material for his sermons or articles. Did he keep every book he got from day one when he started his ministry? Believe it or not, he gave away a good number to future seminarians and threw out others that were no longer relevant or falling apart. Did it make a dent on the shelf? Hardly. At one point I had to put my foot down and say I did not want bookshelves in our bedroom or kitchen. Looking after all these books was a challenge, especially when it came to dusting and straightening up the shelves. Books are real dust collectors so every year around Christmas or New Years I would take them down, shelf by shelf, and give them all a good dusting. I would find pieces of paper stuck in a book, along with clippings, articles, and any other kind of paper for his notes. Yes books were part and parcel of John’s ministry and our married life. Books were his tools, just like that of a carpenter or painter. They had to be accessible somewhere, even if that meant a pile on the floor by his chair and not in a box in the cupboard. Passing on the tools The time came in John’s last 2 months when he could not hold a pen or a book, let alone have the stamina to read. That was a blow to give up something he loved dearly all his life. One of my hardest times was to go into his study where I saw piles of books he had gathered for his articles, his pens his notes and the discarded scraps of paper in his wastebasket… all just where he left it to the point of no return. A year later I sorted out John’s Dutch books, computer filed each title and author, boxed 1,300 of them and took them to the Canadian Reformed Seminary in Hamilton. I did the same with his English books, computer filed each title, and author, boxed 3,600 books, and took them to Redeemer Christian College University in Ancaster, Ontario. A few books went to family and to several of John’s colleagues. That was John’s wish and prayer – that his books would be used for God’s glory and His Kingdom. So this is my journey with books – from a few boxes when we arrived in Vernon, BC in 1966 to our life in London, ON where I took out over 200 boxes of books. The journey has been long and good and I certainly have no regrets living surrounded by books! For 13 years Rev. Johan Tangelder (1936-2009) – John – wrote articles for Reformed Perspective. You can find many of those articles here, and many more on his website. This article first appeared in the July 2011 issue....

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Navigating failure

Fear of failure can paralyze you. There’s a lot to be said about how, in order to succeed, you need to be comfortable with failure – but that doesn’t erase the fact that failing feels painful and shameful. Who wants that? Better to avoid it. Suddenly success becomes less important than “not failing.” And the only sure way to avoid all the feelings that come with not being able to do something is to not try it at all. Not trying assures you of not failing. But in trying to avoid failure, you can hold yourself back from doing things in your path that God has given you to do. So what’s a good way to navigate failure? There are two different approaches I've taken at different times of my life to deal with this fear of failure. They both begin with a question. What would you do – or attempt – or explore... 1) …if you knew you couldn’t fail – that it was impossible? 2) … if you were free to fail?” 1. What if you could not fail? “What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?” I first came across this question in a book called Launching a Leadership Revolution, but asking this kind of question is a pretty common approach to working with a fear of failure. Why? Because this question can be clarifying: stop thinking about what’s holding you back and start thinking about what you’d really want to do if you could. Once you know what you really want, then you can think about how to navigate the obstacles that might come up. If you never stop to think about what you really desire to accomplish, you could spend your whole life doing things that feel safe just because they feel safe, and miss what you might be uniquely suited to do. But this question can also be disheartening, and it certainly was for me back when I first read it. Because the answer was – a lot more than what I was doing at that moment. I can’t count how many times the fear of terrible things happening to me stopped me, all because I couldn’t count on these terrible things not happening. And I’m not alone in dreaming of a world of failure-free achievement, judging by the number of self-help books that use this quote. It is true that many successful people plowed on despite failure and in the face of more failure, but I couldn’t shake the nagging awareness of people who did plow on after failing and just kept on failing. I know failure isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But it can feel terrible. And there’s no guarantee that “keep trying” will lead to success. So I found it difficult to ignore the thought of failure, as this quote seemed to advise me to do. Or even to accept failure as part of the process. The quote did, however, inspire me to dream about what I’d like to achieve with my life. It helps cut to the chase of what you really want to do, even if you feel at the moment that it’s unachievable. Which brings me to the second approach. 2. What if you were free to fail? “When you’ve been found, you’re free to fail.” – James K.A. Smith, On the Road with St. Augustine When you’re young, life is more about trying to make choices about what you want to do, and that must’ve drawn me to the first question years ago. Maybe I’m drawn to this second quote more now as I’m older and navigating the result of my own and other people’s failures. Here’s the full quote in context: “Resting in the love of God doesn’t squelch ambition; it fuels it with a different fire. I don’t have to strive to get God to love me; rather, because God loves me unconditionally, I’m free to take risks and launch out into the deep. I’m released to aspire to use my gifts in gratitude, caught up in God’s mission for the sake of the world. When you’ve been found, you’re free to fail.” Rest, rather than striving. Release rather than control. And the peace of God’s love, rather than approval conditional on success. Humans judge on achievements. We compare each other, and we compare ourselves to each other, and in the age of social media it doesn’t take long to see how much we lack in comparison to everyone else. But if life is about what we produce, what we show, and whether we’ve made good on the promise or potential we showed at one point, how can we ever find peace? Good questions both I still like both questions though. What would you do if you knew you could not fail is for young people deciding what to do with their lives. They’re making decisions about paths to take. They’re trying to diagnose their passions. What if you’re free to fail is for when you get a little older. It’s for those days when you’re dealing with the knowledge you have failed at various things. You DID fail. What does that mean? How do you handle it? Failure hits us because we take it as a reflection of who we are and what we’re worth. But we’re urged to start from a place of acceptance – God’s acceptance. Sometimes failure weighs on us because we know our sin is involved. Our feelings of guilt add to the pain of failure. But the beauty of this quote is that it prevents us from relying on “fixing” ourselves – God makes us acceptable. God loved us even when we were dead in our sins, and He promises us no sin can come between us if we turn to Him. God doesn’t ask us to overcome our failures before He loves us. He makes us new, and we can rely on that. So this is not only about the type of failure you can learn from. It’s not just the kind of “failing so you know what to do better next time.” Not the kind of failing that life coaches advise you is good for you (“fail fast and fail hard!”). No, this applies to the kind of failing that seems completely futile, that seems to have no meaning and no lesson to learn. The kind of failure that can crush you and make you too paralyzed to do anything more. You need the promise you’re accepted no matter what. What we really need Because here’s the thing about failure: you won’t avoid it. In a broken world, you will crash and burn at some point. But maybe we face failure for a reason – to be reminded that we cannot go through life on our own. Failure forces us to face the reality we’re dependent on God. He has to take us through the next steps. Both of the above approaches to failure are quotes from human authors. But the Bible reminds us that God promises to be there in all our shortcomings. In 2 Cor. 12:9 we read how God reminded Paul that, “My power is made perfect in weakness,” and in Phil 1:6 Paul reminds us that God “who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” What God started, He will finish, and we can rest in that assurance. In the end, none of us will be failures. What we really need is not to reach certain milestones, to earn anything, or to look successful in the eyes of the world, but rather to learn that utter dependence on God. If you can let go and let God work out His plan for the world, you can trust He will bring everything to good. You can trust He knows the way even when you don’t....

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Taming busyness: practical tips

“If I’m caught up on my laundry, does that mean I’m not doing enough for the church?” “Am I allowed to fit in time for exercise, or only if it’s between 6 and 7 AM?” “Can I say ‘no’ to the women’s Bible study if it’s the only night this week that my husband and I are both home?” Even when our hearts and minds are in the right place, there are still to-do’s and deadlines, crises in our life, and decisions to be made (and, occasionally, goofy questions that cross our mind). Here are some of the tips women shared with me (quoted and paraphrased) to help tame the inevitable busyness of life. Be deliberate about the complications you add Be deliberate about the complications you add to your life… Our gadgets, our wardrobe, our extracurriculars, how we celebrate holidays – can we simplify? How busy are we with details that don’t really matter, or that add more stress than joy? Every commitment or complication you add to your life (joining a sports team, getting a pet, opening an Etsy shop, growing a garden) adds busyness – often more than we anticipate. Embrace these kinds of good opportunities, by all means, but choose the ones that will truly enrich your life and that fit in with your other priorities. Know your limits Don’t cheat your body – it really does need sleep, healthy food, and exercise (and maybe not quite that much caffeine). Recognize not just your limits of physical busyness, but also of being mentally/emotionally “used up.” “I used to ‘push through,’ but there’s always a payback time eventually.” “Develop healthy habits and trust God to care for you.” “When I cross the line to too busy, I start to take myself too seriously, I lose joy in my task, and the people that I presumably love the most in the world become burdensome to me. That is always my sign that I have to slow down.” “If I can’t help with something I can always pray for that person, activity, situation. I’m saying no but I trust that God is already there providing.” Know what’s important You will miss out on some good and worthwhile things – and so will your kids. If you know you’re saying “no” to something because you’re committed to what you’re saying “yes” to, it’s easier to let opportunities pass you by. “I decided that, at this stage of life, healthy meals are more important than a perfectly clean house. Maybe one day I’ll have time for both... or, maybe not.” “Sometimes ‘done’ is better than ‘perfect.’” “Accept a bit more chaos.” “There are times when I suddenly realize that all the kids are overdue for haircuts again, and the boys’ pants are showing a bit too much sock. But they’re all loved and fed so I try not to stress too much.” Know what “fills you up” Some things deplete us (and we can’t entirely avoid these things), while other things recharge us. Recognize the things that energize you, and find opportunities to do them: coaching a school team, baking cinnamon buns for a stressed-out friend, bringing flowers to shut-ins, writing an article? Start your day right What do you reach for first in the morning: your phone or your Bible? Treasure Sundays and breaks that refresh Sunday can bring its own busyness. If you’re not refreshed and refocused by your Sunday habits, does something need to change? Breaks are good, but sometimes they’re not truly rejuvenating. The last time you let yourself mindlessly scroll on your phone for a mental break, how did you actually feel afterwards? What if you took a short walk or picked up your devotional instead? Identify your biggest time-waster(s) Where or how do you get most distracted and waste the most time, without any significant benefit to yourself or others? Reclaim some of this “lost time”: set time limits for yourself, ask for accountability from a loved one, or remove the source of a temptation. Do the small thing when you can’t do the big one No time for that visit? You can send an encouraging note. Never seem to make it to the gym? Find a ten-minute online workout. Something is (almost) always better than nothing. “Do a little and trust that God will use it.” Spread the load If you’re a mom – kids and chores: how well acquainted are yours? Your investment of time in teaching your kids helpful skills will pay off for everyone, not least for your kids themselves. Do you have a friend or sibling with different strengths than you? Could you swap some tasks in a way that benefits you both? Get extra mileage out of your time “I listen to the Bible on audio while driving, or cooking.” “We use our dinner times to intentionally check in with our kids, try to have meaningful conversations and stay connected.” “Turn all those driving time (sports, appointments, etc.) into one-on-one ‘dates’ with your kids. Often great conversations happen when it’s just the two of you in the car.” “If you’re running an errand, always take one child along.” Kids and chores: are yours acquainted? Recognize there are different seasons in life Although balance is a good overall goal, there are seasons that will feel out of balance. There are also times when certain things we’d love to do just aren’t possible because of the pressing needs of the moment. One mom shared with me that she used to get frustrated because it was hard to find quiet time for devotions with her young kids around. So she started doing devotions with them instead – reading and praying out loud, and letting her kids “take notes” in their own little notebooks while she journaled. It’s been a good solution for this stage of her life. “Looking back, the time when my kids were small and were all at home was so short. Why was I so impatient to try to fit in all kinds of other things?” Count your blessings “Sometimes when I feel complain-y about all the things I have to do, I think about my immigrant grandmothers. I have choices and conveniences they never would’ve dreamed of. It’s a good reality check.” ...

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Why Charlie Kirk’s death hit so hard

For a time, in September, my Facebook feed – I’m sure yours too – was full of tributes to Charlie Kirk. At this point, I don’t need to tell you that Kirk was big. He was the founder of Turning Point USA, an organization maybe best known for setting up tables at university campuses across the USA, with Kirk, and sometimes his friends too, willing to debate anyone who would take the mic. Some give Kirk credit for Trump’s win in 2024, because of the way Turning Point was so effective in its outreach to young voters. I felt a weight when I heard about his assassination. And the weight increased as I processed. Maybe that’s how you felt too. If you track the news, it’s been a heavy year. Overdoses. Transgenderism. Abortion. Stabbings. Euthanasia. Shootings. Never mind the economy. Now this. But why is this hitting so hard? I only watched Kirk’s videos occasionally. Why am I mourning someone who had so little impact on my day-to-day life? Of course, you have to feel sad for his loved ones – but it’s not that kind of grief. Assassinations are jarring, by nature. Not that I’ve lived through too many. But this is different. Charlie Kirk’s murder crystallized the hatred that I’ve been seeing directed towards Christian ideas and towards prolife activists. The hatred that activist Christians have felt directed our way through the condescension and the shouts, now manifested through murder. Across America, and Canada too, thousands celebrated. Mocked. Laughed. Who watches a man die, and laughs? That scares me. The apostle John equated hatred with murder (1 John 3:15), and I’ve never felt how close that link is until now. In her video commemorating Charlie, Christian commentator Allie Beth Stuckey put it, “We’re bringing words. They’re bringing weapons.” Ultimately, Charlie Kirk was murdered for views that I hold. Probably not all of them, but the fundamentals. Many of those views are non-negotiable Christian convictions that you and I and all God’s people hold. Christianity wasn’t a part of Kirk’s message: it was the driving force behind it. The gap and the bridge For a while, it’s been pretty clear that Christianity stands at odds with secular beliefs. Now, two seemingly contradictory things come to mind: 1. It’s not an “us” versus “them” We can’t just write off everyone on the other side. Christ came and died for us while we were still His enemies (Romans 5:8-10), and if not for Him, we would be enemies still. So, if God can do that for us, what might He be working in those folks over there? So we need to talk. As Charlie put it: “When people stop talking, really bad stuff starts. When marriages stop talking, divorce happens. When churches , they fall apart. When civilization stops talking, civil war ensues. When you stop having a human connection with someone you disagree with, it becomes a lot easier to want to commit violence against that group.” The Christian response is to treat everyone with dignity (Matt. 7:12), and pray for anyone who hates us (Matt. 5:43-44). 2. There are two sides We can’t be confused about how there are two sides (Josh. 5:13-14): God’s side, and everyone else’s. As God’s people we are, and are called to be, fundamentally different. To me, the spiritual battle was brought to light by this assassin’s physical act. Are these two conflicting views? No. These both make sense when we recognize what we share with our enemies: we’re all made in the image of God (Gen. 9:6), and we’re all in desperate need of a Savior. We can look across the divide in humility knowing there but for the grace of God, go I. Social media makes both sides think, “Duh!?” The algorithms selecting what’ll show up in our social media feeds only sharpen the division, making it difficult to actually have compassion for others. Everyone wonders: How can anybody support ____? It’s just so obviously wrong! Then we all click on what we want to see, and afterwards the algorithm feeds us more and more of the same. My liberal friend commented, “He shouldn’t have been killed. But he said the gun deaths are worth it, so it just feels ironic.” Worth it. Worth what? Did he really say that? What did he mean? But the internet clip stops right there. “Hah,” laughs an anti-gun activist. The assumption is that had Charlie known he would be killed by a gunman, then his tune would’ve changed. I disagree, largely because I got to see what else Charlie said. Another thing Kirk said was: “I don’t believe in empathy,” and since his murder that quote has been pasted across the Internet. “How heartless can you be?” thinks the social studies student. Missed is the next phrase that isn’t included: “I prefer sympathy.” And Kirk went on from there to explain why. One student asked him, “If your ten-year-old daughter was raped, would you want her to have the baby?” Kirk answered: “Yes.” Some stop listening at “yes.” Those who listen longer hear a compassionate “why.” Explanations on immigration and marriage aren’t heard, but clips “proving” xenophobia, transphobia, and homophobia dominate YouTube. Charity is dead. Assumptions of good intent are gone, and undiscerning scrolling forms a worldview. Those who hear only what they want call him a hateful, dangerous fascist. When that’s your belief, then all redeeming qualities fail. They’re not redeeming qualities at all – they’re manipulation tactics. And assassinating a fascist is a heroic act. One spray-painted billboard read: “Death to all Charlie Kirks.” That’s enough Internet for me today. Can we get back to normal life? It’s tempting to dismiss this as a one-time event. A crazy person shot a MAGA activist. We’re not American. Most people aren’t crazy. Right? Maybe we could start to be discerning again. More neutral. The words “He had it coming,” will always be wrong. But we might reflect, “Should he really have linked his Christianity so closely with partisan politics?” or “He was unnecessarily controversial… if he just spoke the Gospel, this wouldn’t have happened.” Not quite victim blaming, but maybe we should adjust the halo a bit? Should we really call him a martyr? If he is one – if that’s what we were to conclude – we’d also have to conclude that Christianity itself is hated, not just some Christians who don’t put a good face to it. Then it’s not just about Charlie; you and I are hated. And I think the 100+ church burnings across Canada in the last 5 years bear witness to Who is really hated. So no, this wasn’t a matter of tone. We don’t look at prophets in the Old Testament, and suggest perhaps their tone was off. Sorry, Jeremiah. You were a bit harsh there - a little too blunt on that one! Watch any of his videos – in whole – and listen to those who knew him; Charlie Kirk was incredibly patient and well-versed. He was grounded in the Gospel, in both public and personal life. Many young people attribute their own shift to conservatism to Charlie Kirk, and many are now opening their Bibles for the first time while navigating the loss. Charlie Kirk was targeted because he was effective. The turning point I’m not the first to say this – it’s ringing all over the Internet: in the bullet, hate took a physical form. And this is how Charlie’s wife responded: “You have no idea what you have just unleashed across this world and across this entire nation.” Erika Kirk is right, God has so used this that in Charlie’s death his voice has been amplified. His videos are being watched even more. And I’m excited for all the new voices who have been emboldened to speak. Christian voices. As I’m writing this, a lot has already been said. An insane amount of commentary. But the hate felt personal, so I wrote too. I’ve done outreach – speaking up for the unborn – some of it on university campuses. My life hasn’t been in danger, but the hate’s been the same. The people in Kirk’s videos are the same sort that pro-life activists talk to every day on the streets. Like Charlie Kirk, I enjoy talking to someone who radically disagrees with me; I get to show my own humanity, and I get to tear down the image of heartless, ignorant pro-life monsters that they’ve crafted about us in their minds. Conclusion Charlie’s assassination brought it home: they hate us – they really hate us. And there are so many of them. I wrote a poem a few years ago, while struggling with the weight of others’ opinions of me. I find it a good measure for checking my own heart and actions. Am I doing something wrong, or am I just scared of being ridiculed? Am I hesitant to speak because I think it’s prudent, or because I fear the opinions of others? Strive, at the end of the day When fingers are pointed my way, To have no fault but Thine. Let them hate my faithfulness, I say. Your laws, they laugh at. Your love, they despise. I pray, they find those in me, And be not me, they criticize. You and I both know we’ll do it imperfectly. But that’s not the calling. We don’t have to worry about perfection – Jesus has accomplished that for us. The outcome of evangelism isn’t on us either. But obedience is. May God grant us the courage to speak out boldly and patiently to a world that so desperately needs to hear His Good News. Picture is adapted from one by Gage Skidmore and used under a CC BY-SA 2.0 license....

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Dominee’s friend

There is style and there is class. Dominee may not have had much style, as the world considers style, but he had class. Dominee had accepted a call to another church. At such a time we cover up the pain of separation with laughter. How could we be happy? This was the man whom God had sent to us to speak to us the Word of God every Sunday. We heard the voice of the Great Shepherd through His under-shepherd twice every Lord’s day. Because Dominee’s voice was so familiar, and his sermons somewhat predictable, we thought we knew him. We knew from the cadence of his heavily accented sentences when he was wrapping up the sermon — just the final song yet, and the benediction, and we’d soon be outside chatting, swapping stories, and laughing. Dominee was not what you would call an especially stylish man. During all the years he preached to us he wore a grey suit. He may have replaced it with a new one once in a while, but we never noticed because the new one was identical to the previous. Nothing stylish about Dominee. Even when he would drop by because of illness in the family or if someone needed encouragement, he’d wear a grey suit. We thought we knew him, until his farewell evening. As I said, when we are sad, we turn to laughter. To cover up our sadness. The farewell evening had begun and was evolving in a predictable way. There was only one unusual thing that immediately caught everyone’s attention. Near the front of the church sat an old Sikh gentleman and his wife. We could tell he was a Sikh because he was wearing a turban. The turban happened to be pink. Later I was told it was, in fact, lavender. The chairman of the men’s society, a serious man, ascended the pulpit. He read some Scripture, prayed, and invited us to sing a well-known Psalm. On behalf of the men’s society, he spoke some kind words of farewell to Dominee, his wife, and the children, and then presented them with a gift, a beautiful painting of local scenery: “We don’t want you to forget this beautiful part of the country!” This was followed by several presentations — women’s, young people’s, youth. And on it went, predictably and comfortably. The presentations alternated between funny, sad, and poignant. But mostly we laughed. When the elders and deacons performed a humorous skit about Dominee’s typical way of leading a meeting, we laughed heartily. When one of Dominee’s local colleagues told a story about Dominee at a classis meeting, we laughed so hard we thought our sides were going to burst. After several hours, when everyone was good and ready for coffee and cake, the chairman of the men’s society ascended the pulpit once again. With gravity, he thanked everyone for coming, bade Dominee farewell once more, and asked if there was anyone whom he had missed, or who had not been on the program but yet wanted to say something. The Sikh gentleman stood up. Well, this was interesting. Slowly, with age and dignity, he walked to the front of the church. He began to speak. This was very interesting. No one could remember a Sikh speaking in our church. He began to tell a story. It had been a hot summer afternoon when he and his wife were walking along the sidewalk. Suddenly overcome by heat, thirst, and exhaustion, he sat on a stone wall in front of a house. That house, as it turned out, was the Manse. Dominee was sitting in the shade reading a newspaper from the old country that had just come in the mail. He noticed the Sikh man sitting at the end of the driveway on the stone wall, and the man’s wife bending over him with a look of concern on her face. Dominee got up to see if he could help. “My husband is very thirsty,” said the lady. “Could he please have some water?” Dominee went to the house and came back with a pitcher of water and some glasses. He poured two glasses of water, and then he took a moment to speak about the other water, the living water that Jesus provides. On that day Dominee and the Sikh became friends. The Sikh gentleman and his wife would drop by more often to talk with Dominee. We never knew. We thought we knew our Dominee. We all listened intently to the Sikh as he told us the story about our kind Dominee. He considered it an honor to count him a friend and wanted to give him a parting gift. The Sikh explained that it was their custom to give the turban they are wearing to their departing friend. The turban would be a reminder of their friendship. With that the Sikh removed the turban from his head, reached forward, and placed it on Dominee’s head. Dominee was mostly bald and had a smaller head than his Sikh friend, and so the turban sank down over Dominee’s forehead. It was a sight to behold! Our Dominee clothed in his trademark grey suit, the only way we had ever seen him in all the years he had ministered to us, wearing a lavender-colored turban. No one laughed, snickered, or tittered. Instead, after a moment during which you could have heard a pin drop, the congregation slowly rose and began to clap. We did not know whether we were clapping for Dominee or the Sikh. Likely, we were clapping for the Lord. We had seen a remarkable thing. Our immigrant congregation may not have had much style, but on that evening we had class. Dominee wore the turban for the rest of the evening, during coffee and as we all came by his table to say farewell. He wore it with pride. Dominee did not have much style, but he had a lot of class. And we thought we knew him. There is style, and there is class. This is a true story, which I experienced as an adolescent boy at the departure of a neighboring minister. The references to style and class were inspired by Sietze Buning’s “Style and Class” collection of poems. This first appeared in the January 2015 issue....

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Veya’s story

The fight for her life in a broken and biased healthcare system – one that sees doctors perpetrating euthanasia and abortion and calling them both medical care. ***** “Our sweet Veya Hope ran into the arms of Jesus yesterday.” So shared Veya’s mother, Krystal Vanderbrugghen, on her Instagram page on August 2, 2025. Krystal continued: “Her name was her calling – Hope. She carried it with her every single day she spent inside those hospital rooms and gave it to all who knew her.” Veya was first introduced to the waiting world, and to the arms of her parents Krystal and Jeremy, just a year and a half earlier, on December 4, 2023. Although the LORD didn’t have many days allotted for Veya here on Earth, her life touched tens of thousands of hearts. And her experiences here also exposed just how difficult it can be to fight for care in a broken world and medical system. “We pray that Veya’s story continues to encourage other families who are given this same precious gift – the gift of loving and raising a child with Down Syndrome,” Krystal explained. Hope born Jeremy and Krystal, along with their other children Ivylee, Irelyn, and Lincoln, live in Caledonia, Ontario. In the fall of 2023, as they were eagerly awaiting the birth of another child, they learned that their baby had a congenital heart defect which would require surgery at some point after birth. “While this is a lot to process, we know without a doubt God truly has a perfect plan for this baby even though the road ahead is filled with uncertainties.” That’s what Krystal shared at that time on Instagram, not realizing just how true these words would be for her and her family. She would continue to share, with all who took an interest, the challenges of the road they were on. In an appearance on RP’s Real Talk podcast earlier this year, talking with Lucas Holtvluwer, Krystal explained that hospital stays brought their own problems. “She was born with Down Syndrome and a cardiac defect – pretty straightforward – but she has now encountered some medical complexities from living her life in a hospital this long and from delayed treatments.” One complication and delay led to another, and Veya was transferred from Hamilton’s McMaster Hospital to SickKids Hospital in Toronto, which is one of the leading children’s hospitals in the world. Crumbling care “Our journey started off really great, like we had teams that were really invested,” Krystal explained to Lucas. “But then we experienced her care declining January of this year, so that kind of set her on a totally different trajectory.” “Specifically with her last ICU admission, you could just tell through the conversations with the doctors that they were really just trying to wrap things up with her and kind of coerce us into letting her go rather than help her,” she shared on the podcast. “I feel like the team coach, trying to keep the spirits alive…. But they all just kind of vanished.” Krystal was particularly confused when Veya was denied a necessary liver transplant. She asked their Pediatric Advanced Care team if it was Veya’s Down Syndrome that was influencing their decision-making. “They can never say yes or no, but they said, ‘Mom, I think you know the answer to that deep down in your heart.’ And I said, ‘well, that is the confirmation.’” One particular incident really broke Krystal’s trust in Veya’s care. “Right after her liver surgery, she got RSV , and then a few days after that, she got overdosed with a lethal amount of potassium. It wasn't just a little bit, it was 10 times the regular amount that she normally gets, and it was during the evening when none of us were there.” Veya’s heart rate went to 350 beats per minute, and she had to be shocked three times to stabilize her. “I do have questions whether it actually was an accident or not, because these sorts of things happen when families step away. So, the timing of it, but also the amount. You know, it's one thing, if you gave a little extra, but 10 times the amount, like, an actual lethal dose?” Growing support Krystal shared the ups and downs of Veya’s journey on her Instagram account. Her photos, videos, and touching words lit a fire in many hearts around the world, and she ended up with close to 40,000 Instagram followers, many of whom were praying for Veya, and encouraging Krystal and her family. “For me, social media was like an open diary and a way for me to process but also a way for me to be able to connect with others that were raising children with Down Syndrome, because I knew nothing about it, and so it's been a really great place for resources and connecting.” But the care hasn’t only been virtual. Krystal and Jeremy are members of Trinity Canadian Reformed Church in Glanbrook, Ontario. And as she told Lucas back in July, “Our church community, they're phenomenal. I'll tell you this, we had a meal train set up for Veya when she was born, and we are 19 months into this and that same meal train is still going.” She added that the amount of support they have received allowed them to be fully present and to advocate for Veya, because everything else was being taken care of. The many prayers that were raised for their family carried them. “I don't think my husband and I really understood that till we lived this experience. Like you really feel carried by prayers. There's just this indescribable peace that comes with it.” Growing faith We read in James 1:3 how “the testing of your faith produces endurance” and Krystal attested to this when speaking about their journey prior to Veya’s death. “As much as we want to enter the next season of life and be off of this medical journey, there's a part of you that doesn't, because of the experience you have with God's nearness. Because it forces you to slow down and really lean into Him. “….The ways we've experienced God's goodness and care over these 19 months, we're forever thankful for that. Faith is not without pain. It's there to give you the courage to face it, right? And a lot of times this journey has really forced us to our knees.” She later added that, as hard as it has been, they have seen so much good come from this journey already, particularly with the many interactions with people in the hospital. Seeking justice After Veya’s promotion to glory, Krystal shared with Reformed Perspective that they hope to have further meetings with SickKids Hospital regarding the neglect that Veya experienced, which Krystal sees as a push to end Veya’s life rather than care for it. “What was happening was the team was trying to 'stealth euthanize' Veya through means of denying life-saving measures.” They are working with other families who experienced similar harms for their medically complex children at the same hospital, seeking to raise their concerns collectively. Her hope is to see a formal acknowledgement of harm, public reporting requirements, independent investigations, disability rights training, and whistleblower protection so that staff can report unsafe practices without fear of losing their jobs. Although she has devoted much of her past couple of years to being an advocate for Veya and others with disabilities, she also understands that she can only do so much. And that is OK. “Our God, The Creator of Life has the final say.” Advice for others When asked by RP what advice she would have for other families who may face similar situations, she urged them to document everything, including conversations and decisions, names, and copies of medical records. She also advised to never go into important meetings alone. Bring someone to witness and support you. Further, use clear and assertive language like “can you explain in writing why you are denying this treatment?” And if there are concerns, escalate them by asking to speak with a patient’s relations person or ombudsman, or even filing a complaint with the hospital leadership or licensing board. She encourages others to seek a second, or third opinion, and not be afraid to transfer care to another institution, even if it feels scary. And “trust your instincts – God gives them to us for a reason!” You know your child best so “if something feels wrong, it probably is.” Most soberly, she warns “know that Canada has become a death culture.” In an age where it has become legal to end the life of someone who requests it simply because they are suffering, it becomes all the more important to be on guard for the care of our loved ones, particularly those who are more vulnerable. “Instead of offering care, too many hospitals offer ‘comfort care only.’ Instead of fighting for life, they push families towards giving up and will blame you for your loved one’s suffering.” Her final advice is most encouraging. “You are not alone, God goes behind you and before you…. When you are battling the medical system for your child never forget to stop and ask God for guidance, strength, wisdom and peace. He sees, He knows, and He will lead you step by step.” A tribute for Veya In the weeks following Veya’s death, Krystal paid tribute to Veya with these words: “I didn’t have to look into your eyes to fall in love with you. I didn’t need to hear your soft, raspy cry to know you loved me too. I didn’t have to hold your hands to cherish you forever – because from the very beginning, within my womb, our hearts were already intertwined. “Veya, you changed me. Through you God gave me a deep perspective. You touched my soul and awakened a love so deep that can only be explained by His goodness. You gave me countless memories that I will hold close for the rest of my life. My heart aches in a way words can’t fully capture, and I know that ache won’t leave until we’re together again. …Though the longing never fades, each day moves me closer to the joy of holding you in Heaven.” Pictures used with permission of the Vanderbrugghens....

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A hill to die on

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a public lecture by Dr. Jordan Peterson at the University of Western Ontario. For those of you who don’t know, Dr. Peterson has found himself the target of transgender activists, some of whom actually claim that his refusal to use recently-invented “transgender pronouns” constituted violence. Labeling someone a perpetrator of violence for refusing to use the words you just made up, of course, also allows you to begin perpetrating real violence in response, and this has resulted in Peterson’s lectures being shut down by angry mobs. After the lecture, one student asked Peterson an interesting question. You’ve articulated at great length the dangers of post-modernism and political correctness, the student pointed out. But why this issue? Why choose transgender pronouns as the proverbial hill to die on? Peterson’s response was striking. “Why not?” he replied. When you’re fighting a war, there’s very rarely a compelling reason to die for the next yard of soil – but that’s how wars are won, and that is how the line is held – yard by yard. You have to pick something, and this is what I chose. His response reminded me of something I wrote about at length in my own book The Culture War: the tendency of Christians to count the cost and decide to opt out of fighting. Secular progressives are willing to fight a bloody war of attrition for every crimson inch of soil, from prayers at city council meetings to nativity scenes in public to launching cyber-lynch mobs on little old ladies who don’t want to bake cakes for gay weddings. Christians, on the other hand, often cave at the first sign of pressure. Douglas Wilson commented wryly on this habit on his blog in 2015: Whenever we get to that elusive and ever-receding “hill to die on,” we will discover, upon our arrival there, that it only looked like a hill to die on from a distance. Up close, when the possible dying is also up close, it kind of looks like every other hill. All of a sudden it looks like a hill to stay alive on, covered over with topsoil that looks suspiciously like common ground. So it turns out that surrendering hills is not the best way to train for defending the most important ones. Retreat is habit-forming. Now granted, as I’ve written before, Christians are often too busy raising their families and trying to live their lives to take a stand in the culture wars. For every baker or florist who gets targeted by gay rights activists, you can bet there are hundreds of others who quietly knuckled under to avoid becoming the center of a noisy lawsuit. But we need more men like Dr. Jordan Peterson. He may not be a Christian, but he is, as one writer so eloquently put it, “the frog that wouldn’t boil.” Each yard of ground we give up without a fight is another step closer to being backed into a corner. Dr. Peterson was willing to take a stand. He was willing to stop, look around, and say “Here. This is where I fight.” Each of us will have to make that decision sometime in the near future. And better now than later – it is easier to defend territory than it is to reclaim it. Jonathon Van Maren is the author of The Culture War and blogs at The theBridgehead.ca This article was first published in 2017....

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