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Adult non-fiction, Book Reviews

On comforting suffering Christians

Christians are called to mourn with those who mourn. How can this be done well, when a comforter’s experiences differ vastly in type and degree from the sufferer’s? These three books can help.

Don’t Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart offers advice and perspective for the close friend or spouse of a person battling cancer or long-term pain. Someone I Know is Grieving educates all Christians in the art of comforting compassionately. And A Small Book for the Hurting Heart is a devotional for those grieving, gently pointing hurting hearts to God.

Don’t Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart:
How to relate to those who are suffering
by Kenneth C. Haugk
2004 / 154 pages

When we see someone suffering, we might tend to think of them as fragile as crystal, and see our own words as the proverbial bull let loose in the china shop. Author Kenneth Haugk explains why this is often the reality, but, thankfully, he also explains what the Bible calls us to say and do to comfort others well.

As a clinical psychologist (who is also a pastor), Haugk researched this topic for years, and also ran studies with participants who have experienced all sorts of trials. This book is reflective of what thousands of suffering people have to say on the topic. Thus, it is a great resource for anyone who is at a loss for how to serve others through trials.

The title is taken from Proverbs 25:20, and like the title indicates, this book cautions us to speak carefully when comforting others going through trials. Haugk explains that our temptation in uncomfortable or painful conversations is to encourage people to look at the bright side – whether by reminding them of their future hope, or by simply refusing to share in their sorrow. Such talk tends to alienate sufferers. While we know that only “the heart knows its own bitterness, and no man shares in his joy” (Prov. 14:10), this doesn’t excuse us from trying to be compassionate and faithful listeners. Haugk emphasizes that we share in Christ’s sufferings by weeping with those who weep (Rom. 12:15). It is a command, but it is also a privilege, because as we meet other Christians in their sorrow, we can expect to find Christ there as well!

Haugk has done a great service in bringing in so many different voices to the discussion. Unlike many resources on suffering, this book is not tied to one person’s experience of sorrow. Haugk’s goal is to catalogue and then express how many people feel during seasons of deep pain.

This book is especially meant for Christians walking alongside a friend or spouse who is experiencing grief or facing death. However, it is also a beneficial read for all Christians, since we are all called to “mourn with those who mourn” (Rom. 12:15). Haugk’s goal is to help Christians understand how their words can affect those who are suffering. The insights you gain from this book will give you confidence to face other people’s grief and walk alongside them compassionately, giving words that build up, “that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Eph 4:29).

Someone I Know is Grieving:
Caring with humility and compassion
by Edward T. Welch
2023 / 80 pages

If you’ve ever been at a loss for words when comforting a hurting soul, you are not alone. Someone I Know Is Grieving is a short book (though part of a large, 14-book “Ask the Christian Counselor” series). It was written to give direction to anyone facing the daunting task of caring and comforting a fellow Christian who is in a difficult trial or is grieving. Author Edward T. Welch is a licensed psychologist and a Biblical counselor serving at the Christian Counseling and Education Foundation (CCEF.org). His goal here is to answer this question: “What can I say to my friend who is going through a painful trial or grief?”

His short book is rather closer to a booklet, but comes complete with questions to prompt deep thinking, and blank space where you can write down your answers and reflections. Within the 65 pages of instruction, questions, and tips, you will be asked to reflect on your own experiences of pain and hurt, so as to become more equipped to empathize. Welch, of course, turns to Christ for instruction – Jesus, as our sympathizing great High Priest, understands our suffering on Earth, and it is His wisdom that equips us with the words and actions to show compassion to others.

While the first chapter considers our calling to minister to those who are grieving with compassion – it makes the case that we are all called to comfort – the rest of the book teaches us how to do this work.

We are to proceed humbly, not relying on our own gifts, but relying on the grace of the Spirit. Humility teaches us to know when to refrain from offering advice – to not assume we have all the answers – because there are some things better left unsaid. Humility also teaches us not to shirk our responsibility to comfort and care for a suffering soul. Welch reminds us that we are not God, which is both a humbling and freeing thought.

Compassion helps us to ask wise questions in an effort to know someone better and thus care for them well. True compassion ultimately points the suffering Christian to their true hope: Christ. Welch reminds the reader that you will also be encouraged as you learn more about God in the way He relates to His hurting children. And in your comforting role, Christ’s glory will be revealed to you as well, as He brings healing in His time to your friend.

While no book other than the Bible can fully counsel a hurting Christian, this small book is a powerful tool for that will leave you feeling more equipped and encouraged as you journey alongside others in their grief. The last page in the book includes recommended resources, so this is not intended to be the end-all be-all of grief counseling. That said, you will likely find it a very useful stand-alone resource, especially given its compact, easy-to-read form.

A Small Book for the Hurting Heart
by Paul Tautges
2020 / 192 pages

Have you been asked by a friend who is suffering for some resources on grief? Are you looking to encourage a family member as they go through trials? While many books on suffering give advice and perspective for those supporting fellow believers in their trials, that’s not the target audience for this book. This is a little devotional you can pass on to the person who is grieving.

Small, and short, this book includes 50 brief devotionals, in no particular order, which replicates the ups and downs of grieving. Titles like “The Unsearchable Ways of God” and “How Long Does Grieving Take” address real fears and deal honestly with pain. The author is brief and direct, a useful quality when our minds are clouded with grief. Trials as well as grief take time, and this book is not attempting to bandage pain with biblical platitudes. Rather, it’s intended as a companion for sufferers that directs their gaze to Christ as they digest their grief over time. At the end of each mediation, the author gives a Bible passage to read and reflect on, and a prompt for prayer.

Because this book addresses real fears followed by biblical counsel, this could still be very good for anyone who wants to be better equipped as a comforter. It would be a great resource for pastors, elders and deacons who are struggling to find the appropriate passage to bring encouragement or express sympathy on a home visit. Tautges offers wise and compassionate words that you can borrow so you can better respond to deep pain.

There are also books to help children deal with their grief. See our reviews of “The Moon is Always Round” and “Henry Says Goodbye.”

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Pro-life - Adoption

Considering adoption

God is concerned about orphans (Ex. 22:22, Deut. 14:29, Ps. 10:14,18, Ps. 68:5, Ps. 146:9, Prov. 23:10) and He wants us to care about them too (James 1:27). That means His Church should be full of adoptees and full of adopters, and full of people encouraging adoption, and people enabling adoption, and people praying for the many orphans that remain. God’s concern for orphans means we should all consider adoption. But it doesn’t mean we are all called to adopt. Paul writes in 1 Cor. 12 about the members of the Church having different gifts, and that those with one gift should not look down at those with another. The same is true when it comes to adoption. We don’t all have the same callings. We’re not all ministers. We’re not all homemakers. We’re not all mechanics. We’re not all volunteering at the local pregnancy center. We have different giftings – God has given us different talents. So, not everyone has to adopt. But the Church should be a refuge for the fatherless, and a home for the orphan. So everyone should consider adoption. And here are a few key points to consider. Adopted kids don’t always turn out the way we hoped As Ashley Whittemore notes in her article "The Ugly Side of Adoption: Not easy, not simple. Painful. Confusing. And Christ-like." back in the April 2015 issue: “Be it death or abuse or abandonment, intentional or otherwise, there is a tragic reason this child is in need of a different family.” The tragedies orphans have suffered can leave a lasting impact that parents, no matter how loving, might not be able to overcome. That means adopted children may be more likely to get into the sorts of trouble that will have their parents prematurely gray. However, this isn’t so much a reason not to adopt as it is a reason to re-evaluate what we expect from adoption. From a cost/benefit analysis adoption has no guaranteed pay-off. If it’s only about our parental happiness, then adoption is a risky proposition. But what if adoption is also spiritual warfare? Many times adoption involves taking a child from a godless situation and bringing them into God’s covenant, into a Christian home, where they will be sent to a Christian school, and taught about all that their baptism entails. We can be sure the devil hates Christian adoption! And what if adoption is about rescuing a child? Adopted children may cause their parents stress – we don’t know how this will all work out in the end – but when we bring an orphan into our family, we do know she won’t be neglected or lonely, and will be far less likely to be exploited. Getting adopted means fewer troubles ahead for her. And what if adoption is about imitating God? We’ve never had anything to offer God – there was no reason for Christ to die for us, but our need. Yet we were adopted as God’s own sons and daughters (Rom. 8:15-23, Gal. 4:4-6, Eph. 1:4-5). Adoption is an opportunity to go and do likewise, dying of ourselves in service of another. Adoption comes with no guarantees…but parenting never does. We can only do so much The world is a broken place, with so much that needs to be set right. But God created us as finite beings. In addition, we are fallen beings. That means that not only do we have limits, we sometimes won’t acknowledge them. Then an arrogant sort of guilt can consume us as we see orphans uncared for and it seems up to us to do it all… whether we actually have the ability to care for another child or not. The fact remains, we all have our limits, and that includes limits on our time, energy, health, emotional stability, money and more. As we consider adoption, we also have to consider the children we already have and what they need from us. But while we each have our limits, God has placed us in a community of believers. Not all of us are called to adopt, but we are all called to support one another, and what we cannot do alone we can do together. We can all be a help to adoptive parents, supporting them with our money (some churches have adoption funds), or our time (free babysitting?) or our energy (our kids can mow their lawn). Some of us can promote adoption by reading up on it (see the book reviews in the April 2015 issue) and sharing that information with others. We can all pray for orphans, and for adoptive parents. Some can foster children. And some can donate to Christian adoption agencies. We’re not all called to adopt, but we can all play our part. Orphans aren’t the only ones in need Widows and orphans are a pressing concern for God, so they should be for us to. But what of the many others in need? What of the other spiritual battles for us to contend? One excellent reason not to adopt is because God is calling us to something else. There’s no shortage of good works that God has laid out for us to do. However, if we don’t nail down what that something is, “something else” can easily become “nothing at all.” We need to figure out what God wants us to do with what He has given us. We’re not all called to adopt, but we are called to make use of our talents. Conclusion There are many excellent reasons not to adopt – it isn’t something everyone should do. However, God has called on his Church to care for the orphans. There are millions around the world who have no mother or father to look after them. That means there are millions of reasons for all of us to promote adoption and millions of reasons for us to consider it....

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News

Saturday Selections – Mar. 15, 2025

House of David show is making things up Wretched TV's Todd Friel doesn't hold back on Amazon's new biblically-based series about King David. His arguments are both theological and practical. Even the best-intentioned scriptwriters, in writing a series about the family life of David, will need to make all sorts of stuff up. Even for events that the Bible lays out in more detail, as happens with The Chosen, which has four Bible books to work with, they still have to make all sorts of things up. The indiscipline of overwork I read this at first thinking it was by a Christian (it probably isn't) because it just made so much sense: don't abuse the gifts God has given you. What Spiderman got right and Wicked got wrong Today's stories – the movies (and books too) that Christians will feed their children – are more and more often blurring good and evil. As John Stonestreet writes: "In Maleficent, the bad queen is working through her trauma of not being invited to Sleeping Beauty’s christening. In Wicked, the wicked witch is a victim of discrimination and corruption. Likewise, Mufasa explores the sympathetic backstory of Scar and offers good reasons why he became evil. In this brave new world, the heroes and villains aren’t all that different after all." As dissenters exit, the CRC resists same-sex affirmation We can praise the Lord that the CRC seems to be taking steps back from liberalism, which has been made easier by the exit of some of the most liberal congregations. But while these congregations' exit is something to rejoice over, they need our prayers that God may yet turn them back from their sinful arrogance. And we should pray, too, that the Lord will keep us from succumbing to arrogant pitfalls of our own devising (1 Cor. 10:12.). Besides being our new prime minister, who is Mark Carney? ARPA Canada on Carney's view of government, and what values he thinks should guide it. Trump's tariffs didn't help the US last time he was in power The last time Trump was in office, he implemented tariffs then too. And while it helped the American steel industry, it hurt the other parts of the American economy that use steel: car manufacturers, construction companies, washing machine makers, and more. All of them had to raise their prices and, consequently, saw fewer sales than they might have otherwise. So, as this video explains, America's tariffs hurt their country much more than they helped it. That means our former prime minister Justin Trudeau got one thing right when he said tariffs are "dumb." But if tariffs are dumb, why would Canada try to counter them with our own dumb tariffs? And export tariffs on our energy? That's akin to punching yourself in the face to save the bully the trouble. Free, unfettered trade – on our part, even if others don't reciprocate – recognizes that what Canadian citizens produce and what they buy is their business. A government that thinks it should limit what cheese you can buy is a government that recognizes no limitations to its reach. ...

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News

Can you build it? Yes you can!!!!

Sometimes things go better than we could have hoped, to the point of being overwhelming. Our “Can You Build It?” contest not only proved to be popular, it was so much so we almost couldn’t handle the volume of responses. We received a staggering 514 entries from over 500 children/youth and 10 adults. And the entries were incredible – they represented thousands of hours of effort and ingenuity. Why do we organize contests like this? Reformed Perspective is not a product to sell, like so many other magazines. It is a mission that is centered on helping Christians think, speak, and act in line with our confession. We can write about an important topic like God as our Creator, and our calling to likewise create. But a contest like this one resulted in over 500 people being creative and experiencing the joy of doing what God made us to do. And the medium of this magazine and our website allows us to take this all a step further by letting their work inspire others to creativity. These mediums also promote unity – showing children and adults alike that we aren’t on our own. We are a part of a big group of Christians – God’s children. We aren’t just aligned in our confession. We have so much more in common. We wish we could share all of the entries with you but 500+ videos is, well, a lot. So we hope you enjoy this small taste of the creativity we saw (You can also watch the 32-video playlist on RP's YouTube page here.) ***** Adults 18+ WINNER Peter Vogel – Church No words suffice for how amazing this build is. “Based on a number of older church buildings that I’ve appreciated over the years,” Peter gives us an art, architecture, and history lesson as he opens up his building for better viewing. From hammer-beam trusses that vault the ceiling, to the beautiful stain glass windows, the spiral staircase leading up to the truly awesome organ, and even a nursery tucked in the basement, there’s no end of detail and depth.  HONORABLE MENTION Henry B – Flying City The wonder of what might be – a flying city that gives every resident a penthouse view. You sure wouldn’t get bored living here! 14-17-years-old WINNER Benaiah, 16 – Snow Plow As the judges noted, this is a “very technical design” – six-wheel drive, working lights, dump function, suspension, and a differential in the drive train, all integrated into a remote control to create a snow plow that can get work done.  HONORABLE MENTIONS Jaxon, 15 – Dagobah Jaxon has captured several key scenes from the Star Wars films that take place on the planet Dagobah. The forest and river landscape are very realistic, with all sorts of texture and color.  Travis, 15 – Plymouth Superbird A gorgeous model of a colorful legend of a car. As Jonathan explains, “it has the distinct wing of the Superbird” with functioning doors and hood, and moving pistons in the engine. It is steerable from the rear, and the trunk includes accessories that can trick it out as a supercharged dually.  Carson, 17 – Semi truck and trailer A gorgeous black semi that can be remote-control-backed into its car trailer, with the connection automatically clicking in, ready to go. As the judges note, “very authentic looking.”  10-13-years-old BOYS WINNER Everett, 13 – F-14 Tomcat This fighter jet is equipped with retractable landing gear, fully-loaded armament, openable cockpit, and, of course, swing wings that can move forward for lower-speed stability, and sweep backwards for high speeds. Lots to see here, but the nicest touch might be the light-up afterburners. GIRLS WINNER Mikella, 12 – Chicken Who knew you could make a mostly round chicken look this good using mostly square blocks? A very fun 3D rendition.  HONORABLE MENTIONS Logan, 12 – Horse Farm So much to see in this farm setting, from the classic red horse barn, to the semi-truck unloading hay into the loft, and the flower garden on the backside of the barn – everyone body is working hard!  Brad, 13 – Working Candy Dispenser This has to be seen to be believed – it really does work. Push in your dime, and out comes your selection – four candies to choose from! Fantastic engineering and creativity!  9 and under BOYS WINNER John, 9 – Battleship This enormous model dominates the coffee table it is displayed on. But don’t get too close – those guns actually shoot. Great job!  GIRLS WINNER Carina, 8 – Snowman If it’s too cold to make a snowman outside, that shouldn’t stop you from making one inside. A very nice 3D look.  HONORABLE MENTIONS Chase, 7 – Super Mario 3D World Game Two different game-scenes, and some great replicas of the different game controllers, might have you wondering if you’re building with Legos or playing your favorite video game. Gabriel, 7 – Stanley Cup playoff game Could this be more detailed? There are fans are the stands, a Zamboni waiting in the wings, change rooms, and even a penalty box. Oh, and a Stanley Cup ready to be awarded!  Some of our other finalists! With the abundance of entries, we knew we couldn't share them all. But with so many great builds we did have to share at least a few more – here are some of our other finalists, arranged by the age of the builder from youngest to oldest.              ...

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Assorted

How to write

…for Reformed Perspective ***** Everyone has at least one article in them – I’m convinced that’s true. It doesn’t matter who I’m talking to, they all have a story, some lesson, a piece of wisdom earned or received, that is so valuable they should feel obligated to share it with the rest of us (Ps. 71:17-18). Sure, we aren’t all writers, and yes, there are other ways of telling “the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord” (Ps. 78:4b). Sharing can happen via chats at church, over coffee, or in the car with the kids. Maybe you can start your own podcast – that could be brilliant too. But there is something about putting pen to paper and just pondering, what has the Lord been teaching me? And if it’s something you’d share with your spouse, friends, or kids, then couldn’t a few thousand others benefit too? You don’t even have to be the writer to get it down on paper – one of my favorite Reformed Perspective articles is Alice Kuik’s World War II remembrance “War through the eyes of a child,” as told to her writer friend Jane DeGlint. Together they crafted something that should be read every single Remembrance Day. The point is, we all have our God to glorify, and we all have a story to share, and pulling out your laptop and typing away might be a really good way of doing both. But what if you’ve never written much of anything before? Well, then you’re like the new homeowner who has to figure out for the first time how to get your shower draining like it should. There’s nothing to it but to start, turn to whatever advisors you might have at hand (“Hey dad, have you ever…?”), ask YouTube and ChatGPT for a few tips too, and then slog through until something works. Yes, there are master plumbers out there who could do it better, and master writers too – folks who can just churn out poetic, punchy stuff – but for the rest of us, it is just a matter of putting in the sweat and time. And I’m here to help too. While I can’t make it easy, I can make it easier. What follows are my own best tips, the same half dozen I’ve been sharing with aspiring writers, and repeating to myself every time I’ve run stuck, these last 25 years. I’m not sure I like the acronym (so if you think up an alternative let me know) but I’m going to run with it – let’s see if we can get your writing to pass the SMELLS test. 1) Specific detail (or, Show, don’t tell) If I told you that Wes Huff is a witty Christian apologist, you’d have to take my word for it. But what if I showed you? In his recent appearance on The Joe Rogan Experience, Huff explained why it’s not enough to respect Jesus as a great teacher: “I have a friend, Andy Bannister. He’s out in the UK, and he says if you take Christ out of Christian, all you’re left with is Ian. And Ian’s a great guy but he’s not going to save you from your sins.” Now, instead of just taking my word for it, you’re a witness – this guy is funny. Specific details like this key quote help a writer to show, rather than tell. Specific details that liven up your writing could include pertinent statistics (so long as it isn’t just dry data), on-the-ground facts, setting-the-scene descriptions, and the right biblical text. The key here is specificity. The difference between an insightful blog post read by only dozens and an insightful article read by thousands can come down to whether the writer is talking in generalities, or whether he is willing to dig up specific examples and illustrations and facts and figures. So, it’s one thing to say abortion is devastating and another thing entirely to say that it may account for 52% of all deaths worldwide. It’s one thing to say we are facing a demographic crisis, and another to explain, as Mark Penninga recently did, that “if we look at Italy, in just 30 years it is projected that 60 percent of Italians will have no brothers, no sisters, no cousins, no aunts, and no uncles.” It’s specific details that catch our attention and drive home the truth. 2) Murder your darlings In her latest book, Upheld, Christine Farenhorst remembers when her husband Anco was taking classes in veterinary school, and they were thankful for folks who’d take compassion on their poor student status and invite them over. The Pots were an example, but “rather impoverished themselves.” So when Mrs. Pot offered her a pastry, Christine was grateful for the treat. But after a few bites, she was horrified to discover her pastry was full of mold. Should she say something? The elderly woman was quite delighted with her own piece: “Isn’t it good? I’ll bet you haven’t eaten anything like this for a long time!” “Mrs. Pot beamed at me again and a patch of sunlight caught a faded spot of the carpet. I knew she considered both Anco and myself underfed, and had taken great pains to buy something special for us.” And so, Christine ate it all down as quickly as she could, and when asked whether she’d like another piece, she “croaked a trifle hoarsely” that no, she did not, “but it was delicious.” “ appeared very pleased with the comment, and I knew that my statement, strange as it sounded to my stomach, was Gospel truth to my heart.” I love this exchange, and since reading it I’ve wanted to use it in an article about how Christians’ love of the truth needs to be better understood. The point I want to make is that it would be no lie for a high school boys’ basketball team to identify as girls for one particular game against that team – the one with the “girl” with the 5 o’clock shadow who’s been dominating the women’s league. In trouncing that team, our boys would be highlighting the truth that men are not, and cannot become, women. I wanted to use Christine’s story because here too, a lie is no lie at all – the cake was both disgusting and also delicious; stomach-churning, and heart-warming all the same. But try as I might, I can’t make Christine’s story fit smoothly. It is a fantastic story, but to include it and explain its relevance will only complicate things, distracting from my point, rather than illustrating it. And so, for my purposes, I need to cut it (though in Christine’s book, it is perfectly placed). This is what G.K. Chesterton meant when he said “Murder your darlings” (or was it Faulkner?). Every line and paragraph in your piece has to advance your plot or argument. If it doesn’t, it can’t matter how much you like that passage – how well written it is, or how funny – it needs to go. So yes, you must be able to “murder” your favorite lines, paragraphs, and examples. 3) Evocative God’s Word is evocative – He calls us to not only hear, but to live out what He’s told us (Matt. 7:24-27; James 1:22-25). That’s what we want in RP articles too – there needs to be a call to action. The reader should not, once the conclusion is consumed, be able to simply file this away for information. We are trying to pass along wisdom, not just knowledge, so an article has to evoke a response: it needs to become wisdom used. 4) Lead (or lede) line The most important sentence in your article is the first one, with the second almost as much so – if you don’t grab readers right from the start, flipping the page is really easy to do. That’s why your lead line and lead paragraph have to start things off with a bang and it’s also why I spend the bulk of my editing time on just the first few lines of each article. What’s the key to a good lead? A question can draw a reader in – here are examples from the last couple issues: • How do you buy a house when you are 19? • Want to reduce your chances of being depressed? A pithy quote (both, again, from last issue) can also be a strong start: • “How we see is who we be.” – a wise pirate • “The public school has become a counter-church” – Abraham Kuyper And a solid standby is to begin with an anecdote – pull us in with a story. But while there are all sorts of tricks, it’s really about effort. Flip through a few RP issues and study how each article begins, and jot down the openers you like best. Then figure out what you liked about them. Grab a Christian Renewal or your local paper, pull up your news feed, and start collecting the best beginnings. Learn by just opening your eyes to the writing you are reading every day. 5) Less is more Blaise Pascal quipped this apology in one of his articles: “I have made this longer than usual because I have not had time to make it shorter." Brevity takes time, but it’s key to readability. If you could have said it in two pages but take four, you either won’t get your article accepted in the first place, or your double-stuffed piece will get half the readership it might otherwise have. So a key to good writing is to be a good editor who can cut away all the fluff and confusion. Fortunately, if you are a reader (as every writer should be), you have all the makings for being a pretty decent editor – you can already tell when something is wordy, confusing, or repetitive. So get your first draft down, put it away for a week, and then with fresh eyes get to cutting, cutting, and more cutting. 6) So and but, not and Not all your paragraphs should begin with “so” or “but” – that would get repetitive fast –but it’d be good if it was at least possible. These are transitional words that show there’s a tight linkage from one paragraph to the next. In contrast, if you could only begin a paragraph with “and,” it would indicate that this paragraph isn’t all that connected to what came before it. You can test that out on this article, and here are some sentences that illustrate the same point: • I ordered a chicken burger and an egg salad so I could see which came first. • I tried to write a joke about procrastination but I never got around to it. With “so” and “but” the second part of the sentence is responding to the first. We end up with what’s basically a very short story, and that’s great because stories are great. But substitute the word “and” in either case and you just have a series of unrelated events. I ordered a chicken burger, and I ordered an egg salad, and I could see which came first. If that’s how your article sounds, you need to work on your transitions, tightening up your story or argument so it’s clear how it flows from one paragraph to the next. Conclusion This SMELLS Test is just a half dozen tips that should be taken for the helpful suggestions they are intended to be, and not as some sort of unbreakable rules. Shucks, sometimes these tips conflict. For example, in writing up Tip #2, I wanted to use some “specific detail” to “show rather than just tell” what it would look like to have to “murder your darlings.” All that showing meant it became one of my longer tips, ignoring Tip #5, that “Less is more.” However, in this case I judged that more was more. Some of these tips are more important than others, and #3 is a big one, so I don’t want to end without issuing my own “evocative” call to action. So, how about it? Will you seriously consider writing for RP? Yes, not everyone is a writer… but it sure does seem like we’re all storytellers, and that’s almost the same thing. If you’ve got a story you’ve just had to share with all your kids or grandkids, or if you’ve been sharing business tips or marriage, parenting, mentoring, and general life lessons, how about sharing them with a few thousand more? If God has gifted you a lesson, pass it on. We’re not all writers… but that doesn’t mean we can’t be. ***** You can send your queries or articles to [email protected] and I’ll try to get back to you within two business days. If you want to dig deeper into the topic of writing as a Christian, you can’t go wrong buying a copy of Marvin Olasky’s “Reforming Journalism,” which offers all sorts of thoughts and lessons. For more tips in a much shorter format, see ReformedPerspective.ca/write-for-RP....

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In a Nutshell

Tidbits – March 2025

C.S. Lewis on the danger of indulging in “outrage porn” The term “outrage porn” was coined by a New York Times writer, Tim Kreider to describe the way our culture seems addicted to seek out things to be offended by. More than 60 years ago, in his book Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis offered up his own assessment on this tendency in us. "Suppose one reads a story of filthy atrocities in the paper. Then suppose that something turns up suggesting that the story might not be quite true, or not quite so bad as it was made out. Is one’s first feeling, 'Thank God, even they aren’t quite so bad as that,' or is it a feeling of disappointment, and even a determination to cling to the first story for the sheer pleasure of thinking your enemies as bad as possible? If it is the second then it is, I am afraid, the first step in a process which, if followed to the end, will make us into devils. You see, one is beginning to wish that black was a little blacker. If we give that wish its head, later on we shall wish to see grey as black, and then to see white itself as black. Finally, we shall insist on seeing everything - God and our friends and ourselves included - as bad, and not be able to stop doing it: we shall be fixed forever in a universe of pure hatred." Gay rights are not civil rights "...the gay revolution is not the successor of the civil rights movement of the 1960s; it is the successor of the sexual revolution of the 1960s. Getting a grasp on this, we get a grasp on where our culture is really headed, helping us recognize that our embrace of homosexuality (even the more committed, less promiscuous kind) is part of our larger descent into sexual anarchy." – Michael Brown, in Outlasting the Gay Revolution On campaign promises “The politician’s promises of yesterday are the taxes of today.” – Mackenzie King “The politician's promises of today are his taxes of tomorrow.” – Jon Dykstra Best pro-life slogan ever In defending the unborn it’s important we not be defensive. Ours is not some regrettable, embarrassing position; it’s the obvious one. And we need to act like that, making it clear to all who are confused that the only sane position is to be against killing babies. Too often we’re scared to defend the unborn. What if someone whose had an abortion reads our pro-life shirt and starts yelling at us? What if someone sees our pro-life bumpersticker and just goes off on us? Though the other side is defending the indefensible we let them go on the offensive, screaming us into silence. We need to set this debate aright putting the baby-killers in their proper place: the defendant’s bench. This slogan “Yes, I’m anti-abortion. Why aren’t you?” crafted by Students for Life does just that, first making it clear that of course we’re against killing babies, and then demanding an accounting from those who hold the pro-death position. What possible reason could anyone give to justify killing babies? Abortion is a great and obvious evil. This is the way we need to talk. Mensa jokes What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? A photon was going through airport security when security asked him if he had any luggage. The photon replied, “No, I’m traveling light.” A German walks into a bar and ask for a martini “Dry?” inquires the bartender. “Nein,” the German replies, “just one.” SOURCE: Andy Simmon’s "25 Jokes that make you sound like a genius” in the Sept. 2014 issue of Reader’s Digest. “But the Bible promotes slavery!” “The answer to such people is that if they cannot understand books written for grown-ups, they should not talk about them.” – C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity on how we should approach people who attempt to ridicule the Bible by taking a small bit of it out of context (he was specifically addressing ridicule directed at the thought people playing harps in heaven – Rev. 14:2 – but his appoint applies more broadly) Psalm One Hundred and Sixty-Six Anyone who knows anything about Corrie Ten Boom knows that this was a woman of great faith – she hid Jews in World War II because she trusted the Lord would take care of her, no matter what might happen. In her autobiography The Hiding Place she also shows herself to be a women of great humor, recounting a version of this joke/riddle from those days. Do you know how Psalm One Hundred and Sixty-Six begins? But there is no Psalm One Hundred and Sixty-Six! It goes only to 150. Shall I recite it for you? Please do! “Shout for joy!” Ah, but that’s only the beginning of Psalm One Hundred! And Sixty-Six too! Words that mean their opposite (or close to) Stylist to customer: "I can clip your hair, certainly, but would you like me to clip it off or together?" The general manager was tired and wanted to resign. But the money was too good, so instead he decided to resign, this time with a four-year deal. Giving Forgetful Fred oversight of the packing led to many oversights. The UN gave us sanction to impose sanctions on Iran. It is scientific to say the Sun goes around the Earth Some Bible critics say that Joshua 10:12-14 can be used to show that the Bible is not trustworthy when it comes to scientific matters. Here we read that at Joshua’s command the Sun stood still and as we all know it is the Earth that moves, not the Sun. So this passage gets it wrong, right? Not so fast! Even today we talk about the Sun as if it moves – setting and rising – and no one complains that we’re being unscientific when we do so, or doubts our ability to be clear about other matters. For example, when a house builder says his latest building project will be done in six days we won’t assume he actually meant six million years just because we also heard him talk about seeing the sun rise that morning. Days still mean days even when someone talks about the sun rising. But let’s pick nits for the moment and consider if there is any way at all we can find fault with Joshua’s statement. Sure, it makes sense in common terminology, but it still doesn’t make sense scientifically speaking, right? Not so fast! It turns out it is perfectly valid, scientifically speaking, to talk of the Sun being in motion around the Earth. Why? Because motion is relative – i.e. it is measured compared to some other object. Most of the time the other object we are comparing our motion to is not explicitly stated – when we go driving, or running, or even biking, we are measuring our motion relative to the ground but we never actually state that. So when we say a train is traveling 20 miles an hour east, it would be more precise to say it is traveling 20 miles/hr. east relative to the ground. But the ground isn’t the only frame of reference we use – we can choose to use another. If a fellow was on this train, and walking 10 miles an hour towards the back (westward) we could say he was travelling 10 miles an hour eastward relative to the ground, or we could say he was moving 10 miles an hour westward relative to the train. Both are valid and true. When it comes to our Solar System we most commonly – because it has the strongest gravitational pull – speak of motion as it is compared to the Sun. And relative to the Sun it is the Earth that is doing all the moving. But we could choose a different frame of reference. Relative to the center of the Milky Way Galaxy the Sun is also moving. Now, if we chose the Earth as our frame of reference (a logical choice, since this is our vantage point) and described all motion relative to the Earth then we could say, scientifically and accurately, that it is the Sun that goes around the Earth! And that’s the reference point that Joshua chose to use. So Joshua 10:12-14 can’t be used to undermine the clarity of the clear six-day creation account in Genesis 1 and 2. In fact, if you find someone trying to do just that, we should instead understand this attempt as undermining the critic’s credibility! Innerancy: a small huge difference In his book Everyone’s a Theologian, R.C. Sproul notes how two very different positions on inerrancy can seem quite similar at first glance. He writes: "...note the difference in the following two statements: A. The Bible is the only infallible rule of faith and practice. B. The Bible is infallible only when it speaks of faith and practice. "The two statements sound similar, but they are radically different. In the first statement, the term only sets Scripture apart as the one infallible source with authoritative capacity. In other words, Scripture is the rule of our faith, which has to do with all that we believe, and it is the rule of our practice, which has to do with all that we do. "These words change their orientation in the second statement. Here the word only restricts a portion of the Bible itself, saying that it is infallible only when it speaks of faith and practice. This is a view called 'limited inerrancy,' and this way of viewing Scripture has become popular in our day. The terms faith and practice capture the whole of the Christian life, but in this second statement, 'faith and practice' are reduced to a portion of the teaching of Scripture, leaving out what the Bible says about history, science, and cultural matters. In other words, the Bible is authoritative only when it speaks of religious faith; its teachings on anything else are considered fallible." Jesus never said? In a guest appearance on the Piers Morgan Live talk show that used to run on CNN, the host asked Dr. Michael Brown about Jesus’ thoughts on homosexuality. PIERS MORGAN: "Can you point to a single public utterance by Jesus Christ – the Christ in Christianity – about gay people or about a gay lifestyle? Can you name one single thing?" DR. MICHAEL BROWN: "I’ll name you three for you Piers. Number one, in Matthew 5 Jesus said he didn’t come to abolish the Torah but to fulfill. He takes the central morals of the Torah to a higher level. In Matthew 15 he says that all sexual acts committed outside of marriage defile a human being, and in Matthew 19 He says marriage as God intended is the union of one man and one woman for life. Look, Jesus did not address wife-beating or heroin-shooting, but we don’t use that argument of silence .... We should love our neighbor as ourself, but that doesn’t mean that we approve of everything of our neighbor."...

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Life in bloom: The gift of flowers

“Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.” - Luke 12:27 When God created the first humans, He placed them in a garden. So it’s natural enough that, since then, people have not only cultivated plants for practical reasons (food, medicine, clothing), but have delighted in the beauty of plants and flowers. Our love of flowers seems to be built into our DNA. In a sense, a garden is our natural habitat. I was reading an article recently about all the ways flowers are good for us (which include lowering stress, improving mood, and boosting memory and concentration). The article quoted from a 2005 Rutgers University study that investigated why exactly humans have the seemingly innate positive relationship with flowers that they do – which is, after all, hard to explain from an evolutionary perspective. I was struck by how the researchers (with their evolutionary assumptions) seemed baffled as they summarized their findings: “For more than 5000 years, people have cultivated flowers although there is no known reward for this costly behavior.... There is little existing theory in any discipline that explains the findings. We suggest that cultivated flowers are rewarding because they have evolved to rapidly induce positive emotions in humans...” But what baffles evolutionists simply delights Christians, teaching us about our Creator. Surely our love for flowers points us to a God who made the world more extravagantly beautiful than it had to be, a God Who takes pleasure in His creation and invites His image-bearers to do the same. Surely flowers are one of His good gifts to humanity – a gift with many different facets. Flowers are good for us Flowers do more than bring us passing joy; their impact can go much deeper, offering benefits in a variety of ways. Mental, emotional, and physical benefits As the Rutgers study, among others, found, flowers are good for people – mentally, emotionally, and even physically. The positive response of humans to flowers seems to be universal, crossing age and gender lines, and going beyond cultural associations with flowers (for example, the idea of flowers as gifts representing affection or gratitude). As the Rutgers study summarized it, “The presence of flowers triggers happy emotions, heightens feelings of life satisfaction and affects social behavior in a positive manner far beyond what is normally believed.” Exposure to nature in general, and to flowers in particular, can contribute to many health benefits. Even the simple presence of a vase of flowers has been shown to reduce stress and increase wellbeing in studies of college-age women, male office workers, and hospital patients. Other research in multiple settings has shown that the activity of flower arranging can lower blood pressure and heart rate, and decrease stress, in participants (including the elderly and those struggling with mental health issues). Theresa Brouwer and Christine VanEerde, sisters who own a flower shop in Fergus, Ontario (and who happen to be my cousins), wouldn’t be surprised by the results of these studies. “Being in the floral industry can be quite therapeutic,” they told me. “We get to be creative and expressive using God’s creation. To be busy with one’s hands, creating floral designs, is a great way to spend one’s day.” The sisters agreed that flowers generally bring a lot of joy to their customers as well. “People typically leave the shop with flowers in hand and a smile on their face. Flowers tend to bring joy all around – whether it be the joy of giving them, or receiving them. To be able to assist others in ‘making their day’ is quite rewarding." John and Margaret Helder at Muttart Conservatory, where John served as director for many years. Horticultural therapy John Helder is a horticulturalist with many years' experiences working as both the long-serving director of Edmonton’s Muttart Conservatory and greenhouses, and as the city’s Principal of Horticulture. He and his wife, Margaret, a botanist, appreciate flowers both personally and professionally. Their beautifully planted front and back yards bring smiles to the faces of many passersby; and John has seen first-hand the far-reaching benefits of flowers in his work. “At Muttart , opportunity is provided for people to be exposed to and enjoy the beauty of plants of God’s creation. Many people come to relax and to be spiritually or emotionally refreshed in such a beautiful, calm setting.” His work with the city of Edmonton also involved working with plants for social improvement. “As Edmonton’s Principal of Horticulture, I worked with community beautification, school plantings, community gardens. Some projects were with various social agencies whose clients were helped through their volunteering in horticulture (planting and caring for floral beds) and using their activities for horticultural therapy.” “Horticultural therapy” was a new term for me, and I was fascinated to learn more about it. This type of therapy is generally designed for people with physical limitations, mental illness, or other particular challenges. Working with plants can stimulate, engage, and bring joy and satisfaction, as well as give opportunities for beneficial socialization. John described his work in helping establish community gardens and community planters in several low-income, troubled areas of the city. Over time he witnessed both personal and social growth for those who participated. Residents began to take pride in their neighborhood, interact more, and even support each other more (in one case by developing a cooperative babysitting service) as they built relationships and trust while working together. Community gardening was a catalyst with many ripple effects, providing “a non-threatening environment start to interact, socialize and counter their loneliness and grow as people.” John also told me about a member of his church who lives at a seniors’ home which started making planters available for residents’ use. “A number of people now gather at the planters and chat, interact and enjoy the growing or just observing and enjoying each other’s company.” Horticultural therapy can be a structured, formal activity; but everyone can benefit from growing or simply appreciating natural beauty. “In my mind, gardening, working with plants and soil, is enjoyable, and people should be exposed to horticulture from an early age to learn to appreciate flowers, plants, nature and beauty,” John concluded. He added, “This also goes for music, the arts, literature, culinary arts, and in whatever other ways we can stimulate our senses and our talents, enjoy life and God’s gifts, and through our interests serve and share with others. As per Philippians 4:8: ‘Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.’” Flowers teach us Like all of the “book” of creation, flowers teach us about their wise and creative Designer. And we can learn other things from them as well. Lessons from God’s Word In the Bible, flowers are sometimes used as a metaphor to remind us of the brevity of life. As David soberingly put it, “As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more” (Ps. 103:15,16). Flowers remind us to “number our days, that we may get a heart of wisdom,” as Moses expressed it (Ps. 90:12). Flower imagery in the Bible also gives us a vivid picture of the blessings God will pour out on His people: “I will be like the dew to Israel; he shall blossom like the lily; he shall take root like the trees of Lebanon; his shoots shall spread out.... they shall blossom like the vine” (Hosea 14:5-7). In Isaiah 58, when God promises restoration to His repentant people, He tells them, “you shall be like a watered garden” (Is. 58:11). In Isaiah 35:1, the result of the coming of the Messiah is described as the bursting into bloom of a dry and lifeless land: “The wilderness and the dry land shall be glad; the desert shall rejoice and blossom like the crocus; it shall blossom abundantly and rejoice with joy and singing.” These types of word pictures sink into our minds and hearts in a way that more dry, abstract teaching may not. “Working and walking in my garden... reminds me of God’s goodness, blessings, and grace,” says Gina. Learning experientially Working with flowers can also teach us lessons, and help us experience truths, that we wouldn’t as easily learn in a less tangible way. For myself, my (very small-scale) flower-growing is always a hopeful but also a humbling endeavor. So many variables are outside my control, and the final results are usually not quite what I’d pictured. When I do end up with vases full of vibrant flowers, I know I can’t really take any credit. The flowers from my garden – like so many of the good things in my life – truly are a gift. Gina is one of the women in my church who enjoys growing and sharing flowers on a somewhat larger scale. She shared how working in her garden is a powerful reminder that she has a choice every day whether to focus on all the weeds – the difficulties and discouragements of life – or on the flowers, the beautiful blessings in the middle of the messiness. “Working and walking in my garden full of flowers reminds me of God’s goodness, blessings, and grace,” Gina told me. “Just like life, my garden is chaotic, often a mess full of weeds. I can’t control the weeds or stop them from coming – they keep popping up – but in the midst of this messy garden I can see little patches of beautiful flowers growing. “I will need to deal with the weeds and mess on a daily basis. Sometimes it can be discouraging or overwhelming to keep going. So it’s the flowers in front of me I choose to focus on – like beautiful rays of sunshine of God’s grace and goodness.” Theresa and Christina, co-owners of Grand Floral, love helping their customers “say it with flowers.” Flowers communicate & express “Say it with flowers” is the slogan of Grand Floral (the Fergus, Ontario flower shop), and it captures this key communicative aspect of flowers. As co-owners Theresa and Christine explain: “There are so many things you can express to others by giving flowers…. Gratitude, love, thankfulness and celebration to what may already be a joyous occasion. Expressions of sympathy or simply ‘thinking of you’ to lift someone’s spirits on a difficult day. “Being able to help our customers convey this message to others is often a joyful task – either in meeting their needs or supporting them through any of these occasions. It is often through the difficult times (grief, loss) that we have the opportunity to provide a word of encouragement and support.” Expressing joy and gratitude Flowers have meanings, or can evoke emotions, which make them a beautiful way to express things like joy and thankfulness – also in the context of worship. Both the Old Testament tabernacle and temple included floral designs, and flowers can add a note of joy and vibrancy in our own churches as well. My church has enjoyed beautiful bouquets and arrangements at the front for many years. Mrs. Lenie Noort provided these for well over a decade. “Going to church should be a joyful thing,” she told me, explaining that it’s natural to express that joy with the beauty of flowers. “I loved using the flowers God created to make His house beautiful.” Kim sees her flower arrangements as a way to express and share gratitude and thanksgiving. Several years ago, Kim Kieneker took over providing flowers for our church. Kim, who comes from a family of flower growers and arrangers, loves all things green and colorful; she’s always had a perennial garden as well as a vegetable garden, and enjoys growing as well as foraging for beautiful flowers and plants, and then using them in creative ways. “I love the soil,” she told me. “I enjoy beautiful and created things, I enjoy creating with them.” As she described how she goes about putting together arrangements for the church, and her thoughts during the process, the words “thanks” and “thankfulness” came up often. Kim sees her work as a beautiful way to express, share, and inspire gratitude and thanksgiving in the congregation, giving glory to God for His bounty and blessings. “God gives us so much natural beauty around us,” she commented; “it’d be shame not to give a thank offering of it to Him.” Kim often subtly integrates meaning into her arrangements. She likes researching the meanings of particular flowers, and also thinking about the church season and significant occasions or celebrations in the congregation. She finds it interesting how different people often see different things in her arrangements, and she loves giving people something to reflect on. For example, in her arrangement for Good Friday last year, she made use of palms (looking back to Palm Sunday), thorns (representing the crown of thorns, “but pulled apart to recognize that Jesus no longer wears the crown of thorns”), white lilies (which are often association with Christ’s resurrection), and yellow forsythia (which evoke hope, joy, anticipation, and the coming of spring and new life). Even if we don’t consciously make all these connections, we as members of the congregation often experience an emotional response and are given something to ponder. More simply, some Sundays Kim just enjoys providing “seasonal bouquets from nature” – many of which she gives away to church members at the end of the day. She loves foraging for plants and flowers, wherever she happens to be – “I always keep a pair of rubber boots and a pruner in my vehicle” – and delights in creating from what she finds. Kim is drawn to asymmetrical designs and interesting shapes, finding beauty in the natural “quirkiness” of nature, rather than aiming for stiff, static perfection in her arrangements. Often the results are a bit unexpected or whimsical; I loved the flowers arranged inside a pumpkin last fall, and the blueberries peeking out of a bouquet early last summer when they were in season. “Sometimes it’s hard to find a way to use your talents and passions in a special way to serve in the church,” Kim commented. In her case, providing weekly flowers has been a beautiful and rewarding way for her to do just that. Flowers connect us Finally, flowers can connect us – with our roots, our families, and with our neighbors – sometimes in wonderful and unexpected ways, Connecting the generations My parents grew (and still grow) big, beautiful dahlias, while my father-in-law introduced me to colorful, sturdy zinnias. Both flowers have become standbys for me, and I enjoy how they remind me of people I love. And, although I’m several generations away from the Netherlands, I have a soft spot for tulips and like seeing these bright little reminders of generations of flower lovers before me. Similar experiences were shared by many people I talked to. As Theresa Brouwer remembered, “My Oma always had windows full of plants, and took such good care of her gardens. I spent a lot of time there and must’ve picked up on her love for ‘everything nice.’” Her sister Christine VanEerde felt the same way. Even before working with flowers at Grand Floral, she always had a love for them; “Often you could find fresh cuts on my table after a grocery run.” Mrs. Lenie Noort also reminisced about her flower-growing family when we talked. She says she inherited her love of flowers from her mother: “After the house was cleaned up, then the flowers went on the table. A table without flowers was nothing.” Gina has also found flowers to be a wonderful way to connect the generations. Her young granddaughters enjoy working in her garden with her, and Gina has especially loved helping them pick and prepare flowers as gifts for other family members. Gina described the rewarding feeling of “seeing the joy in whole being when she picked, arranged, and wrapped up a bouquet to give to her great-grandmother. I realize I am passing on the joy of giving. The anticipation of thoughtful giving by choosing the flowers from the garden, arranging them into a bouquet, wrapping them up and seeing the smile of the person receiving your hand-picked gift – it’s worth more than words can describe.” Henk and his daughter Shelley planting dozens of their yearly baskets together. In Henk and Ginny Vanderhorst’s family, planting baskets together in spring has been an all-day father-daughter tradition for twenty-five years now (although, with one of the two daughters having moved away from Langley, BC, where her parents and older sister still live, the tradition has changed over the years). The sons of the family don’t participate, and Ginny understands that, although she is politely welcome to bring coffee, it’s “dad and daughter” time. Preparations begin several weeks ahead of time, as the three visit favorite nurseries and select a variety of plants and flowers, which they’ll later share and exchange with each other. Back at the parental home on the designated planting day, the three use the back of Henk’s truck as their work surface, putting together countless planters and baskets – enough for all their homes, and often a few to give away. The running joke is that, while shopping for their plants, they “didn’t go over budget” – mainly because they didn’t have one. Some things are priceless. The Helders’ frame-worthy front yard, which features a diversity of ground cover, flowers, and shrubs, gets a lot of attention. Connecting with our neighbors The beauty of flowers and plants can also connect us to neighbors and even strangers around us. John and Margaret Helder have found that their beautifully planted (and unfenced) property has become a draw for acquaintances and passersby alike. At first, this “sharing” of their yard and garden was unintentional; “we never thought of fencing our yard because I (a cheap Dutchman) thought a fence to be an unnecessary expenditure,” John told me with a smile. As well, the couple liked having an open play area for their children (and a small collection of outdoor pet rabbits, pigeons, and a chicken), connected to the municipal grassed walkway and treed berm behind their property. “As the grassway became more popular for residents, our menagerie became a popular destination for the neighborhood: little children with parents, as well as school and child-care groups,” John explained. Over time, as their yard matured and the Helders made various changes and additions, including adding an experimental rain garden, “people continued to stop by.” A number of years ago, as part of a more dramatic makeover, they replaced all the grass in their front yard with “a wild diversity of ground cover, flowers and shrubs.” Especially in the spring, when all the front bulbs were blossoming, “we got a lot of attention,” John told me. Eventually the Helders started “sharing” their property in more deliberate, organized ways: “Along with the general public, school and summer camp groups stop by and learn about plants, composting, our rain garden, etc. We have invited specific groups to our garden as well” – including sending out an impromptu invitation to their congregation for a “yard open house” this past summer. “Many people enjoy our property and chat with us about our garden,” John concluded. “The conversations lead to a wide diversity of topics well beyond flowers and plants.” Connecting in Covid A unique example of connecting with the community through flowers took place in southern Ontario in the spring of 2020, during the first of the Covid lockdowns. During the “Covid spring” of 2020, the Ravensbergens’ full greenhouses (shown here this past February) called for creative solutions. Many wholesale florists, including P. Ravensbergen & Sons in Smithville, Ontario, found themselves with greenhouses full of flowering plants – hydrangeas, begonias, chrysanthemums – that were no longer needed by many of their regular buyers. Although Ravensbergen was already regularly donating surplus flowers to charitable organizations such as the Grimsby Benevolent Fund, Habitat for Humanity and others (as they still do today), the sheer volume of “extra” plants called for creative solutions. Staff searched for new and creative ways to sell and donate the plants. “We sold some from trucks by the side of the road,” said general manager William Ravensbergen, “and donated some to seniors’ homes and senior living neighborhoods in the area.” Help was received from a local business that wished to help scale up the distribution from the immediate West Lincoln area to create a larger impact. This involved reaching out to many local Reformed churches with an offer to sponsor flower distributions in the churches’ communities, if groups such as home mission and outreach committees were interested in organizing these activities. The response was positive – both from many churches, and from neighbors who eventually received the cheerful blooms, along with messages of support and encouragement, during that difficult and isolating spring season. Countless plants were delivered door to door or, to avoid physical contact, left on porches, and the gesture clearly made an impact. “We received literally hundreds of thank-you cards from those who got flowers,” William told me. I spoke to one young woman who had been part of the “flower drop” around Dunnville, Ontario. She described how her young people’s group knocked on doors around town, delivering the flowers along with encouraging notes and invitations to their church’s live-streamed services. She remembers it as a very positive experience; “you never got tired of seeing people’s reactions to the flowers.” One older woman broke down and cried when she received her flowers, explaining that she hadn’t had contact with anyone for days. The young woman who had brought them was struck by the older woman’s utter loneliness, and decided to maintain contact. The two of them continue to visit regularly to this day. Although the older woman has hesitated to accept her new friend’s invitation to church, she says she sees God’s hand in making their paths cross. Another friendly church family has recently moved in down the street, and the woman has also expressed that she now feels so much less lonely – surrounded by caring community. And sometimes during a visit the older woman will smile and say, “It all started with flowers, eh?” “O LORD, how manifold are your works! In wisdom have you made them all...” – Ps. 104:24...

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News

Saturday Selections – Mar. 1, 2025

Why we can't focus (12 min) This fellow is worried that moving from a text-based culture to a video-based one is leaving us all stupider – "we are amusing ourselves to death." He's not trying to make a Christian point, but as "people of the Word," we know there is a pressing need for us to not only be able to read, but be able to concentrate on a passage long enough to understand it. Tariffs – an entrepreneur’s perspective What should you do when your neighbor gives you lemons? Christian businessman (and CHPer) Dave Bylsma encourages us to start thinking lemonade – explore the opportunities, rather than fixate on a problem that we really can't do anything about. The biblical basis for such an opportunity-mindset is the assurance "that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). We didn't seek this hardship, but God is acting on us, and could be acting through us if we rise to this challenge. "The harm is staggering..." Jonathan Haidt on how smartphones and social media are fuelling the youth mental health crisis. He shares their four harms. Could this be the year’s most ridiculous idea about how life originated? Life may have started in space? They found some amino acids on the Bennu asteroid (at a cost of nearly $1 billion) so, the speculation has begun. Count the could haves and other fudge words in the paragraph below and ask yourself, if the prospect is so unlikely, why is this even getting covered? Well, because this level of rampant speculation is among the best prospects they have... "If a vast swarm of briny little worlds produced biological precursors, it could have mixed them together as they crashed into one another. The heat of the impacts could have fueled more chemistry, giving rise to even more complex molecules in their interiors, and perhaps even living cells. 'Could life have started there?' Dr. Rennó asked. 'I’m open to it. I like crazy ideas.'” Resisting gender ideology indoctrination in Canada’s public schools "Imagine that a religious cult had mysteriously swayed Canada’s schools to teach children that they are spirit-beings trapped in their physical bodies as some kind of curse. Imagine further that special staff were dedicated to ensuring schools were 'safe spaces' for kids to discover their true spirit-selves. Imagine special 'student clubs' to guide students in this self-discovery, with help from zealous adult believers from outside the school. Imagine students adopting new cultic names for themselves at school, which everyone else was required to use. And imagine at last schools keeping their kids’ new cultic identities secret from parents because 'children don’t need parents’ permission to be who they are,' to paraphrase Justin Trudeau. "I think Canadians would be appalled at this. And many would intuit that there was something legally suspect about it. But swap in 'gender identity' and this is what’s happening in Canada. A quasi-religious gender ideology is permeating our public schools, and most Canadian families have no opt-out..." Voddie Baucham's thoughts on voting as a Christian He's speaking in the context of the US, but there is crossover... ...

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People we should know

Chang Shen: grace to persevere

Like as the armèd knight Appointed to the field With Thy Word will I fight And faith shall be my shield. Anne Askew (1521-1546) ***** The Christian Daily International reported, at the end of December 2024, that two pastors had been murdered in Colombia. Both were shot by criminals who hated the preaching of God’s Word. The Morning Star News reported that same December, that authorities in Sudan barred Christians who’d been internally displaced by war, from conducting Christmas services. This news agency also shared that, in that same month, Hindu extremists in eastern India stripped and beat a Christian woman. Tying her to a tree, they tortured her till she lost consciousness. And the Emergency Committee to Save the Persecuted and Enslaved documented that 14 Christians were killed following a 2024 Christmas carol service in Nigeria. As it has always been Is there something new here? Not really! The history of Christians being persecuted for their faith, is an age-old history. Beginning with Abel, and traversing towards the ancient Roman Empire, it is a fact that martyrdom has always been present. Although more common under certain rulers than others, it has never really been absent. During the Middle Ages, for example, and with the rise of Islam, many Christian communities were subject to discrimination, violence and death. The Catholic Church’s Inquisition took many lives and this persecution swept through the Reformation era. Putting names and faces on these remarkable saints who withstood lies about the Bible, and who testified until their last breath, is helpful and a reminder that the Church is a flesh and blood body of believers – real people who form the essence of Hebrews 11. Anne Askew, a faith-filled woman whose poem is quoted at the top of this article, was one such martyr during the Reformation. The number of saints we will see the other side of this life, is large. As a matter of fact, we cannot even count them. John, in Rev. 7:9-10, proclaims: “…I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, ‘Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!’” The Boxer Rebellion A little closer to our time period are the Chinese Christian martyrs of the early twentieth century. Specifically, the time period of November 1899 through to September of 1901, were days in which many Christians were killed. This short time span was the time of the Boxer Rebellion. Chinese nationalists, known as the Boxers, fanatically rose up during this almost two-year time period, to protest western influence in China. At this time, many countries had spheres of influence in China, including Russia, Japan, the US, France, Britain and Germany. There were conflicts: the First Opium War, the Second Opium War, and the First Sino-Japanese War. Each war caused western powers to have more control over trade. In China, a feeling of resentment grew against the West, and against the western missionaries. The term “boxer” was actually first used by missionaries to refer to young Chinese men who were skilled in the martial art of boxing. These young men called themselves “The Righteous and Harmonious Fists” and they were especially hostile to Christian and western influences. As a matter of fact, they dubbed Christianity the religion of the foreign devils. Wanting to preserve their own pagan religion, a black magic ritual was performed on these young men which left them foaming at the mouth and which sometimes included human sacrifice. A potion smeared on them by “priests,” was supposed to render them bulletproof. The country’s dowager empress was persuaded to issue an imperial decree waging war on the foreign powers, which also emboldened violence against all foreigners. In the long run, an Eight Nation Alliance – consisting of Germany, Japan, Russia, Britain, France, the United States, Italy and Austria-Hungary – fought against and defeated the Chinese Imperial Army. It has been estimated that 136 missionaries were killed during this two-year time period and that 33,000 Christians were murdered. One of these Christians was a man by the name of Chang Shen. A blind heart sees Chang Shen was a man who lived in Manchuria, in north-east China during the mid to late 1800s. Although married, he treated his wife brutally, was unfaithful, and eventually drove his wife and his daughter from their home. He also gambled, and stole whenever he could, and was not liked by many in his neighborhood. When he was stricken blind in his mid-forties, his fellow villagers told him it was a judgment of the gods, because he obviously deserved to be blind. Miserable and dissatisfied, Chang traveled hundreds of miles to a missionary hospital, because he had heard that people who went there had received their sight back. When he arrived at the entrance to the hospital, however, he was told that every bed was occupied. In God’s mercy, the hospital evangelist took him in and gave him his own bed. Chang’s eyesight was, in God’s providence, partially restored. When he heard the Gospel story for the first time in his life, the eyes of Chang’s heart were also opened and he received Christ with joy. “May I be baptized?” he pleaded. “Go home, and tell your neighbors the Good News of Christ,” the missionary replied, “and tell them that you have changed because of Him. I will come and visit you where you live, and if you are still following Jesus, I will baptize you then.” When the evangelist arrived at Chang’s home about five months later, he found that there were hundreds of people who wanted to hear the Gospel. Consequently, he baptized Chang with great joy. When Chang went to see a local native doctor to continue care for his eyes, that doctor, not being skilled, undid what the missionary hospital had been able to partially remedy. Chang became blind – and this time permanently. Despite being sightless, the reborn man traveled from village to village, and God granted that his words did not fall upon the ground empty. Hundreds of hearts were won for the Lord. Chang praised God even when dogs were set upon him and when hateful mouths spit on him. He learned much of the New Testament by heart, and was able to cite many chapters from the Old Testament as well, and other missionaries following in his tracks were able to establish many churches. Willing to die When the infamous Boxer Rebellion began, Chang was spreading God’s Word in Taipinggou, Manchuria. Because local Christians were worried that Chang would be one of the first to be targeted by the Boxers, they hid him in a mountain cave. As they were doing this, a city close to Taipinggou was overrun by the militant Boxers who immediately rounded up fifty Christians. “You are simpleminded to kill these fifty men,” a resident of the city told them, “because for every one you kill, fifty more will rise up as long as Blind Chang is alive. But if you kill him, then you will truly kill Christianity.” “All right,” the Boxer leader replied, “take me to this Blind Chang and we will spare the fifty men here.” There was a long silence. No one wanted to be the Judas to betray Chang. Finally, when it appeared that the Boxers would kill the fifty Christians, one man slipped away and went to see Chang in the cave where he was hidden. Hearing the man out, Chang responded: “I’ll gladly die for these men. Please take me to the Boxers.” When Chang arrived in the village, the Boxers had left for another village but had vowed they would return. Chang was bound by the village leaders and was taken to the temple of the god of war. Then he was commanded to worship this pagan god. “I can only worship the One living true God,” he testified. “Then believe in Buddha,” they insisted. “I already believe in the one true Buddha, even Jesus Christ.” “Then at least bow to the other gods.” “No, I cannot do that. Turn my face toward the sun.” Blind Chang said this because he knew that at this time of the day the sun was shining toward the temple and his back would be to the idols. Obligingly, the village leaders did turn him around, and he knelt down and worshiped God. When the Boxers came back three days later, Blind Chang was put in an open cart and driven to the cemetery outside the city wall. As he passed through the crowds of people who lined the road, he sang. Jesus loves me, He Who died Heaven’s gate to open wide; He will wash away my sin, Let His little child come in. Jesus loves me, He will stay, Close beside me all the way; If I love Him when I die, He will take me home on high. The blind man’s voice rose and reached not only the hearts of the people he passed, but also the throne of God’s grace. At the cemetery, he was led to a place where he had to kneel. Three times Blind Chang cried out before he was decapitated: “Heavenly Father, receive my spirit.” Refusing to let the Christians bury his body, the Boxers forced them to pour oil on his remains and burn them. Fearful that the blind man would rise from the dead, they were certain that he would take revenge on them. Afraid, they fled the scene of their horrific crime and left that village. In this way, the Christians in that place were spared further persecution. Conclusion Everyone who believes in the Lord Jesus Christ is bound to face some sort of harassment or trouble in his life. 2 Timothy 3:12 tells us that all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. Charles Spurgeon said, "Christians are not so much in danger when they are persecuted as when they are admired." A good point to ponder. Whereas admiration and prosperity cause us to forget that all we have comes from the hand of God, distress truly causes us to rely wholly on God, to grab hold of the corner of His garment, and to hide in His Word....

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Being the Church

Aged saints can tell you what your peers don’t know or won’t say

In late 1785, the 26-year-old British Member of Parliament William Wilberforce secretly met with 61-year-old John Newton. Wilberforce had very recently encountered the grace of Christ. Deeply convicted about his squandered youth and self-serving ambition, the young MP seriously considered resigning from Parliament to enter the ministry. Uneasy of mind, he visited Newton – the slave-trader-turned-clergyman – under cover of darkness. Newton encouraged Wilberforce to remain in Parliament and continue his parliamentary career as a Christian. Newton would later tell Wilberforce, “It is hoped and believed that the Lord has raised you up for the good of His Church and for the good of the nation.” Following the meeting, Wilberforce stated that “when I came away I found my mind in a calm, tranquil state, more humbled, and looking more devoutly up to God.” Two years later, Wilberforce would boldly declare that: “God Almighty has set before me two great objects, the suppression of the slave trade and the reformation of manners.” Newton’s prescient advice to his younger brother in the faith shows us what it looks like to live out the biblical mandate for older Christians to mentor younger Christians. The much older Newton had turned to Christ three decades earlier and had much more experience in the Christian life than his newly saved counterpart. In consistency with the example of Scripture, he used his hard-earned wisdom to guide a young believer in need of direction. We need Newton, not Tate Sadly, our age has undermined the mentorship role of the elderly. Popular culture idolizes youthful attractiveness and athletic achievement over the wisdom gained in old age. Worse, the world portrays the outward decay of the elderly as an imposition on those who are still enjoying the fleeting pleasures of youth. As a result, care for the elderly is kept away from the family and offshored to a professional class. This is poignantly exhibited in the rise of euthanasia, now Canada’s 4th leading cause of death. If true life consists in beauty, youth, and health, then life itself must be ended once these qualities have disappeared. However, as with all other attempts to reorder God’s creative design, the removal of the elderly from societal influence has produced dire consequences – an emerging generation whose primary influences are their own peers rather than seasoned mentors. Popular online influencers, such as Andrew Tate, have filled the mentorship gap among young men with a false and sinful masculinity. Speaking to Tate’s growing influence, John Stonestreet writes, “young men, when left to be taught by assertive online influencers eager to avoid the feminist ditch, can be driven straight into the pimp ditch. They must instead be taught through real relationships with fathers, pastors, friends, and mentors who are willing to live out all that is distinctive about God’s design for men.” This problem is not unique to young men – social media is dominated by celebrations of a false femininity that devalues the dignity of godly womanhood and instead encourages young women to pursue licentiousness. Called to speak For the Christian, however, gray hair is not the gutting sign of approaching death, but the hard-won crown of a life spent in service to God (Prov. 16:31). With Heaven as the horizon, there is deep value in a life well-lived – the lessons from which may be shared with those who are young. In this way, the Apostle Paul instructs his own younger disciple in the faith, Titus, about the relationship between older Christians and younger Christians (Titus 2:2-5): “Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” The priority of mentorship between old Christians and young Christians is clear. Just as the eye cannot say to the foot “I have no need of you,” so also the young Christian cannot say to the old Christian “I have no need of you.” Rehoboam foolishly listened to the council of his childhood friends rather than the mature instructions of his father’s advisors. We too are susceptible to surrounding ourselves with similarly aged peers who affirm our decisions and never rebuke our errors. But godly young people require godly, aged mentors who are committed to speaking directly and truthfully. Wisdom earned in old age provides the mature Christian with the hard-earned right to speak difficult truths that may not as readily flow from the lips of a young Christian’s peers. The willing reception of this gift, however, is only one part of the equation. The gift must also be offered, which requires diligent instruction on the part of the aged and a refusal to listen to a culture which tells those in their final stage of life to hide away until death comes. Wise, aging Christians have been called to deliver godly exhortations to young believers. With such exhortations, mature believers are paving the way for a new generation of the Christian church and the never-ending proclamation of Christ’s glory. Gray hair truly is a far more noble crown than the fleeting bravado of youth. Keeping the fire flickering After nine years of laboring against the slave trade with very little success, a wearied, 36-year-old William Wilberforce wrote his old friend John Newton and questioned whether he could continue the fight. The now 71-year-old Newton replied: “It is true, that you live in the midst of difficulties and snares, and you need a double guard of watchfulness and prayer. But since you know both your need of help and where to look for it, I may say to you, as Darius to Daniel, Thy God whom Thou servest continually is able to preserve and deliver you.” Wilberforce did not quit and, on March 25, 1807 – some dozen years after Wilberforce’s disheartened letter to Newton – Parliament voted to abolish the slave trade throughout the British Empire. A society that scorns the exhortations of aging and faithful men is a society where young men such as William Wilberforce flicker out in discouragement. But, thankfully, God delights in using aging Christians to encourage young Christians in the faith. Godly old men and women must not relinquish that duty, and young men and women must not despise these lessons. In this way, aging Christian believers can fulfill their integral role in the victorious history of Christ’s Church....

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Theology

A serious problem 

God’s people should be confidently playful ***** As a mental health therapist, I once attended a workshop on developing and maintaining healthy attachments between parents and their children. The presenter’s information was given in a PowerPoint, and I found that I could put a Bible text to every one of his slides. At one point the speaker went as far as saying “if you want to read a great example of a healthy attachment, then read the book of Job.” Because of this workshop I came to the realization that the more a therapeutic modality is in line with biblical teaching, the more accurate and effective the therapy is. As I developed more in this field, I noticed how important play is as it relates to one’s mental health. That then got me toying with how play must connect with what the Bible teaches us about ourselves. And sure enough, when I started looking, I began seeing evidence of play and humor in the Bible, as well as in the character of God Himself. This further affirmed my initial thoughts on play and mental health and how playfulness is beneficial to Christians. Play defined But what do we mean when we talk about “play”? It’s volleyball games and soccer, but more than that too. It’s an attitude too – we can be playful in how we talk, move, and think. Play can be serious and intense – you can play hard! But it’s always about fun – getting to and not having to – and creativity, and just being in the moment. This last point is a big one: play is about the means more than the end. We play hockey for the joy of playing, and winning is awesome, but secondary. Or it isn’t really play anymore. Play in the Bible “Seriousness is not a virtue. It would be a heresy, but a much more sensible heresy, to say that seriousness is a vice. It is really a natural trend or lapse into taking one's self gravely, because it is the easiest thing to do. It is much easier to write a good Times leading article than a good joke in Punch. For solemnity flows out of men naturally; but laughter is a leap. It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light. Satan fell by the force of gravity.” – G.K. Chesterton I chose the title for this article because it is a play on words. It could be interpreted that there is a problem that needs to be taken seriously, and in our current times there are many things we are told are serious problems. After all, we are only a few years away from climate change killing everything on the planet, or, at least, if World War III doesn’t do us in first. Or might four more years of the Trump presidency be worse than both these scenarios combined? Another way of understanding this title is that there is a problem with being too serious. This understanding would suggest that even if the three threats to humanity just listed all somehow simultaneously occurred, that this still wouldn’t be too serious a situation to joke about. (I just knew an epic string of disasters like this would happen if I took some time off work!) In truth many a problem isn’t so serious, but rather being serious is the problem. Word plays like this are found throughout the original language of the Bible. One website suggests that in the Old Testament alone there are over 500 plays on words. The problem is that most of them are literally lost in translation. One example found in the New Testament is when Jesus tells Peter that “on this rock I will build my church” but even there the parenthetic adage that the name Peter means rock is required for it to make sense to us… otherwise it could be used to justify the concept of a Pope. It could also be argued that the Feast of Tents is mandated play. Every family was told to build a shelter out of sticks and branches to live in for 5 days. For me this sounds like so much fun. I can see kids counting down the days until this celebration, dads competing for the biggest or best designed tent, their children scavenging for branches and sticks and that perfect piece to make a door out of. It reminds me of making a mattress fort for my children (if there are any fathers looking to outdo me, my longest mattress fort was 38 feet long). The creation of music and lyrics is a form of play – that’s why when someone strums a guitar, we say they are playing the guitar. It’s the same with any instrument: we play them all. And when we look at the largest book in the Bible, we find it is dedicated to playing instruments. Also music-related, David was commended for playing when he danced as the ark was brought into Jerusalem and his wife punished for taking it too seriously (2 Sam. 6:14-23). The best evidence of God and play in the Bible is, in my opinion, seen in the way Jesus often responded to questions from the Pharisees. They would come to him with a very pointed question and, instead of getting a somber concise response that was backed with biblical texts, they got a story. It is also worth noting that when Jesus said, “Unless you repent from your sins and become like one of these you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven” (Matt. 18:3), He was talking about humble, playful children and not the stoic, serious Pharisees. God and play “The true object of all human life is play. Earth is a task garden; heaven is a playground.” – G.K. Chesterton Being created in God’s image means that we reflect the emotions and characteristics of our Creator, but because of our fall into sin we have corrupted these features. So, for example, God’s jealousy is holy and righteous (Ex. 20:5), whereas it is hard for us to think of a time or scenario where our feelings of jealousy were not sinful. But we can think of times in which we have played in delight and been the better reflection of God for doings so. Now if we, as the image-bearers of God, show our better nature when we are playful, then isn’t it reasonable to conclude that play may be in the Being of God too? To compound the point, play is found not just in humans but is also witnessed in the animal kingdom, and might that be because God reveals Himself in nature too? Not only is play seen throughout creation, the act of creating is, in itself, a form of play. Our hobbies often involve creating something or piecing something back together. Woodworking, drawing, painting, knitting, puzzling, writing, quilting . . . all start with a blank canvas and raw material. When what is being created is done for its own sake, and isn’t created for profit or by necessity, that creation is a form of play. If enjoyment is the primary reason for the activity and the secondary reason is profit or necessity it is still play. Since we are created in God’s image it seems fair to suggest that the feelings we have in creating things reflects Him and His pleasure. This can also be seen in Revelation 4:11: “For You created all things, and they exist because You created what You pleased.” Humor “Humor is the great thing, the saving thing after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations, and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.” – Mark Twain Another form of play – humor – goes hand in hand with truth. In 1 Kings 18:20-40 we read about how Elijah knew who the living and true God is. He was certain that the altar made to Baal would not catch on fire and he was equally certain that the one made to honor God would. And because he knew these things to be true, he could make fun of the Baal prophets and priests. The religious leaders of Baal were holding on to a lie and seriously thought that if they cut themselves and did every other act of worship that their lie would become true. We also have the truth with us. If the point of view you are defending crumbles at a joke, then it is not true. Those that believe a lie often take their point of view extremely seriously. They talk over people, attack their character, call them names and do anything they can to silence their opposition. We see this in the Bible when the Lord’s prophets were killed, and when Jesus was crucified. The Bible tells us that “male and female, He created them” (Gen. 1:27). The many who believe otherwise can’t defend their point of view, so they try to shut down debate with name-calling, labeling as transphobic any who challenge them. When the satiric website Babylon Bee jokingly gave their “Man of the Year” award to the guy-in-a dress Joe Biden appointed as Assistant Secretary for Health, Twitter kicked the Bee off of their platform – they couldn’t deal with the joke. But like Elijah, Christians can embrace the truth and can in confidence make fun of the lies. The importance of play “Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” – Clive James “Humor can get in under the door while seriousness is still fumbling at the handle.” – G.K. Chesterton One great benefit of play is how it can relieve anxiety, by pulling us fully into the present. So, it probably shouldn’t surprise us, there are a number of Bible texts that encourage us to be fully in the moment: “Be still and know that I am God.” Ps. 46:10 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” Matt. 6:34 “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or your body, what you will wear.” Matt. 6:24 “Give us each day the food we need.” Luke 11:3 There are many activities that we can do and be fully in the moment, but most of them also allow for focus on the past or future. Grief is an example of this – you can grieve the loss of a loved one while being fully in the moment; but you can also grieve that loss while thinking about things you could have done while they were still alive, or while thinking about how this loss will impact your family in the future. (It is not wrong to have these thoughts while grieving; I am just pointing out how grieving can be done while thinking of the past or future). Psalm 137 illustrates this in verses 1 and 2 where it says: “Beside the rivers of Babylon, we sat and wept as we thought of Jerusalem. We put away our harps, hanging them on the branches of poplar trees.” This focus on the past prevented them from playing the harp. The reason anxiety focuses on the past, and on the future, is our desire for control. We want to look back, to supposedly ensure we don’t make any of our alleged mistakes again. Our focus on the future is to consider all possible outcomes of an upcoming event so we can better prepare for it. But with anxiety, this line of thinking never ends with “and we lived happily ever after” – it ends with the worrier thinking they have cancer, or may become homeless.* In contrast, play is the only activity I know of that cannot be done while worrying about the past or future. This is because play is everything anxiety is not. Anxiety is neat and tidy. It partners with perfectionism to create a standard that is rarely achieved and never celebrated. Anxiety is regimented and time oriented, bound by rules, and it takes everything serious. But play is fluid, and not bound by time. Its rules act more like guidelines and there are exceptions to them. And perfecting a skill is a joyful journey, because play allows things to be “good enough.” In therapy I often will tell my anxious clients about this concept. Often, I will ask them, when was the last time they felt playful? I’ll then ask them, when was the last time that they could recall not being anxious? For most people it will be the same answer to both questions. The reason is, you cannot be anxious and playful at the same time. You will never see an anxious playful person. Hormones associated with stress are the same ones that trigger the fight, flight, or freeze response. In high levels of stress, blood flow is directed away from a part of the brain known as the prefrontal cortex. This is the part of the brain where most of our conscious thoughts are. This is also where most of our decision-making is done. This is a contributing factor to why anxious people have difficulties making a decision – the more anxious someone is the harder it becomes for them to think outside of the box. In contrast, there is a strong association between play and creativity. Einstein acknowledged this connection when he said creativity is just intelligence having fun. His theory of relativity was a result of Einstein playing with the thought of chasing a beam of light around a room. Some other known benefits of play are improvements in: problem-solving skills health, resiliency, and feelings of self-worth the ability to develop and maintain friendships the ability to overcome emotional wounds caused by trauma Serious people often have serious problems “A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.” – Henry Ward Beecher One final point to consider is how, in the Bible we can find serious people whose piety is just a façade. Think of the Pharisees and Sadducees – they prayed long and loud in the synagogue and tithed ten percent of their herb garden (Luke 11: 42), but it was all show and no heart. Pride and covetousness blinded them from being genuinely godly. In their zealous “piety” they dared accuse the Son of God of blasphemy, and then murdered Him. Today we also have very serious people whose piety turns out to be a façade. I view their façade in the same way I do a transgender person’s over-the-top dress, makeup, and mannerisms. In both cases we have an outrageous exaggeration of the real thing. Conclusion God created a magnificent world with changing landscapes and terrain, and with vast bodies of water and rivers, which He filled with millions of different creatures. He then gave us playful hearts to explore His creation and to, with childlike wonderment, give Him praise and glory. God also created us in His image, and as image-bearers, there’s good reason to expect our playfulness is a reflection of a playful God. Is it any wonder then, that the best thing we can do for our spiritual, physical and mental health is play? So, for your and everyone’s sake, go out and play, seriously! ***** Endnote *I’lI note I do not subscribe to the belief that all anxiety is sin – there are several different reasons why people are anxious. See my letter to the editor in the Sept/Oct 2023 issue for my thoughts on this....

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Dating

A creative approach to boundaries in dating

Signing on the dotted line? (Gal. 5:16-25) ***** Several weeks ago, my fiancé and I sat down at a local restaurant with my aunt and uncle, where we enjoyed a good meal and a great conversation. That conversation, however, did not start in the most conventional way. “Well, I’m looking forward to this free food,” said Nathan, my fiancé. “You’ve earned it,” my uncle replied with a grin. We had successfully completed our contract a few months prior, and were finally sitting down to the promised reward of a dinner out, paid for by my aunt and uncle. The contract had been written up by my uncle, signed by myself, and witnessed by a friend – all back on June 29, 2022. This makes it sound very official, but in truth it was spontaneously scrawled down on a loose piece of paper, borne of a somewhat harebrained conversation and spur-of-the-moment decision. Let me explain. A few years earlier I’d been in an unhealthy dating relationship. Despite the brief time frame, the physical side of the relationship had quickly escalated. Nothing about my actions had been God-honoring. I had been naive and impulsive and foolish, and it cost me much heartache. In the days that followed, I had many conversations with my parents, close friends, and various other family members; they collectively blessed me with wisdom, listening ears, and reminders of God’s grace and the sovereignty of His plans. I had repented, and knew I was forgiven, but with lingering hurt and shame I was struggling to move forward. I wanted to express that repentance in steps taken, but I didn’t know what that could look like. One night while visiting, my uncle suggested I take what I’d learned and apply it to the future – that I learn from my mistakes, and do my utmost not to repeat them. “Easier said than done,” I grumbled. That’s when he got a strange glint in his eye. Doing things different What followed was humorous, bizarre, and one of the best things I’ve ever been involved in. We sat down and wrote up a rough draft, with my uncle setting the terms. The contract stated that I would “not kiss a man for at least 2 months after the start of a relationship.” It also stated that, upon successful completion of the contract, my aunt and uncle would treat me and my significant other to dinner at the restaurant of our choice. I signed, my uncle signed, and a friend who was present signed as a witness. I recognize that the specifics of this contract may not be for everyone. Some people may think the terms restrictive, while others may think they are not cautious enough. But what I want to draw your attention to, rather than the details, is the overarching purpose: seeking accountability which seeks to serve the Lord (1 Thess. 5:11-13). Four reasons to sign on the dotted line A couple years passed, and I met Nathan. After a few months of long-distance dating, we decided I would travel to Alberta to spend the summer in his hometown and see if the relationship had a solid future. Dating in-person would be different. It was time to tell him about the contract. I hadn’t signed it as a joke – my commitment was sincere – but it had been easy to imagine becoming complacent down the road if I found myself again in a romantic situation. Nathan took the news very well. Yes, he made a joke about it (“Free food if we pull this off? Sweet!”), but he recognized the value in it. We both saw wisdom in it, for multiple reasons. First, it would hold us accountable to another person. As the third party, my uncle was at liberty to ask how the contract was going – and while I can’t remember him doing so, the knowledge that he could was good motivation for us to stick to it. Occasionally, I texted over the summer to let my aunt and uncle know that things were going well. We did not want to let them down, or to let ourselves down by breaking the terms. Second, it would teach us a lot about each other. Is the person I am dating respectful of boundaries (1 Cor. 6:12-13)? Are they self-controlled (Prov. 25:28)? 1 Cor. 13:4-5 reads, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist upon its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.” So does the person I am dating value long-term love over short-term thrills, or are they manipulating situations to get what they want? How much do they value sticking to a commitment (Col. 3:23-24)? Can I trust them to navigate the relationship in a manner that seeks to glorify God and show Christian love to me, rather than to gratify themselves (Phil. 2:1-4)? We learned the answers to these questions, and more. We built teamwork, both striving to support each other in keeping the contract rather than making it difficult for each other. Third, the contract helped us to focus on the emotional and spiritual aspects of our relationship, rather than the physical. We built a solid foundation of friendship, faith, and intellectual companionship, rather than a false foundation of hormones and desire (Phil. 4:8). Fourth, it was practice – practice for not giving in to stronger temptations further down the line in the relationship. Learning not to compromise each other in the “smaller things” has made it much easier to continue in the same way now; we learned to value each other’s well-being and holiness early on, and that has been extremely beneficial as we grow nearer to marriage and temptations become more serious. Plan to succeed (Prov. 21:5) We found a lot of value in having boundaries written down. There is something tangible about it, something more binding than a simple conversation. So, while still in the stage of “no kissing allowed,” Nathan and I sat down and wrote up a list of boundaries for once the contract was done. I consider this to be our “contract after the contract.” I highly recommend this to any young couple; it is always easier to keep a boundary in place if you establish it before, rather than trying to make boundaries after you’ve already crossed lines. And get detailed in your boundaries! If you’re too embarrassed to talk about it, then you certainly shouldn’t be doing it. Hard and fast rules are much easier to stick to than vague concepts. Don’t allow yourselves loopholes – in the heat of the moment, you will be sorely tempted to take advantage of them, and almost always will. Both Nathan and I asked a person outside our relationship to hold us accountable to our boundaries. This person is someone who can check in with us, ask how things are going, and is someone we can go to if a boundary has been crossed and counsel or prayer is needed. Find someone you can trust with this; you’d be surprised how many people are willing. Many people want to see you do well – and many will have perspectives to share about their own experiences and mistakes, which you can learn from. I’ve talked to quite a few people about this contract. While most see the benefit to it, there are a few who respond, “That doesn’t sound very romantic.” But here’s what truly isn’t romantic: Guilt. Regret. Selfishness. Carrying shame into a marriage together, or breaking up with someone you’ve gone too far with – which in turn affects your future marriage to somebody else. I’ve experienced it, and many of my friends have experienced it. Any of them would tell you how scarring and unromantic it can be. In contrast, I cannot think of something that has made me more attracted to my fiancé than the effects of these contracts and boundaries. Seeing his care and dedication, his respect for me, his self-control, his leadership in holding to commitments – seeing how he loves me, respects himself, and above all, strives to honor God in his conduct – it all has made my love for him grow exponentially. Help yourself… or your kids If you are newly dating, or if you have kids who are dating; consider writing up a contract. It may feel embarrassing… but I am not asking you to shout it from the rooftops! It can be kept as private as you wish, a simple sheet of paper that can be tucked away in a drawer somewhere. I was initially a bit embarrassed to tell Nathan about my contract, and now I speak of it with much appreciation and a desire to recommend it to others. Remember the purpose, and that sheet of paper may become a treasured thing to look back on years down the road. “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God with your body.” – 1 Cor. 6:19-20...

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