So many times we’ve had people say things like this to us.

It can be a bit awkward. I mean… we foster… and we have for years. What’s that say about us and our hearts? You think that we don’t grow attached? Or that goodbyes are easy? Or that there’s no risk to our emotions?

It’s not like we are so uniquely cut out for the task. Fostering is hard work and time consuming. It stretches you and can be taxing on home life.

But it’s also beautiful in that it teaches you to love a stranger; to embrace a needy child. In essence, it’s the core of the gospel at work: to love a stranger. As former strangers now loved by God, wouldn’t He in turn want us to love strangers? It seems pretty important to Jesus in light of eternity.

“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.” (Matt. 25:44-46).

Imagine… making time to care for the needs of strangers can affect our eternal destiny!

I wonder if people who say, “I could never do that,” are also covering up a bit of a fear of the unknown, or attempting to disqualify themselves, or maybe just justifying not interrupting their life with other kids. Whatever the reasoning, be sure to talk about it with God.

Maybe the timing is not right for you, or you have circumstances that are not conducive to fostering at this time. That’s ok. But for the most part fostering is something everyone can participate in, especially if you confess Christ and keep in mind what is important to Him.

Taking a huge risk

There’s a point where you have to set aside your worries and fears (says me the worrywart) to not focus on the hurt of goodbyes, but instead to think about the joy of hellos. To think about welcoming a child (yes, the least of these) into your home. With thousands of kids in need of care right now, there’s opportunity for you to open your door, and welcome one of them into your heart and your home.

And yes, opening the door of your home, means opening your heart. And opening your heart means taking a huge risk… to love and to care for someone. When we love and care for someone, we risk that someday we may have to part ways, and say goodbye. But, better to have loved and feel the pain of separation, than not to have loved at all.

We were made for relationship. We welcome people into our lives all the time: a new birth, a new friend, a new neighbor, a new wife, a new husband, a new family member, a new community, and maybe a new foster child. And whenever we welcome someone in, we know that at some point we’ll have to say goodbye. Kids grow up and move out, we might travel around, we might leave the country, and any one of us might die at any time.

We part ways with people all the time. Life is full of goodbyes, and sometimes heart-wrenching goodbyes that leave us marked forever. Love is like that – it’s risky. And while we live on this side of heaven, love will be severed at some point.

But as in any relationship, we don’t focus on the goodbyes. We focus on the time we get to be together, and then make the best of it.

So, if you’re still thinking you are not even slightly prepared to foster because you can’t handle the pain of separation, I beg to differ. We face separation in all relationships. And if its fear of the unknown or not wanting interruption, well, that can be challenged.

What if your life up to this point has been the training ground for you to take in someone new, to take in a stranger to love? What if life training for you included being stretched in new ways through fostering?

Our story

My wife and I have six children. They’re all grown up now. All of them except for one have moved out of the house.

We often got strange looks when traveling about as family. People would ask, “Are these all your kids?” (No, we just collect them as we go.) “Yes, they’re all our kids.”

“Must be a lot of work!”

“Well, they didn’t all come at once and they all do help each other.”

“Same woman?”

“Yes, same woman.”

And people would walk away in amazement. One guy pulled me aside and said, “Must’ve cost you a fortune!” I responded, “But the rewards far outweigh the costs.”

Contrary to today’s cultural ignorance, large families are a wonderful thing. Kids are not a “cost,” they are a reward, a gift. And you raise them to contribute. Not only to society, but to the Kingdom of God.

Despite some bickering and some fighting once in a while, there is a beauty to forming your own little family community that interacts with the broader community. Family is the place we learn how to live together as disciples of Jesus, how to love, forgive, grow in patience, accommodate, take care of the needs of others, reveal blind spots, and discuss how to live in our crazy world. Family is the training ground from which we shoot forth our kids like arrows into the world to go and make a difference in the name of Jesus. Life can be dreadfully lonely without family.

When a couple of our oldest kids moved out of our home, we then had empty bedrooms. We wanted to fill them and invite others into that “family” thing we do, learning to live together as disciples of Jesus. So we thought to foster. Opening our doors to new children meant introducing them to Jesus. No force, just display.

We called a family meeting to share with our kids our idea to begin fostering and to inquire of them if they’d be supportive of that. All were in favor (whether moved out or not).

One ad, one phone call

And then something crazy happened. My wife Joanne saw an ad in the newspaper for Bridgeway Homes, a fostering agency out in Cobourg, Ontario. She called and inquired about fostering. After a number of months of training and inspections, we became an official fostering home for them. But here’s the thing: Bridgeway only ever put out one ad in the Niagara area newspapers. And Joanne was the only one person to respond to it. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Through Bridgeway we began fostering. Numerous children came to stay with us, mostly for respite, so usually it was for one or two weeks at a time. One girl, a young teen, who had experienced a lot of moving around, got approval in mid-November to stay with us over Christmas and into the new year. She had had some deep questions about life that she had unpacked with me in my office and was so content to stay with our family that she was bursting with joy the day she unpacked. “Mark, I get to spend Christmas with you guys! I’m so excited!”

Two days later the Children’s Aid stopped by our house when she was at school. They grabbed her stuff, told us they had found a placement for her and had to act quickly, and then went to pick her up from school to take her away. No goodbyes.

Man, that hurts. One thing that hurts more than goodbyes, is not having a chance to say goodbye. I was crushed for days. “Mark…. Christmas with you guys….”

Yes, fostering can hurt. I always hope that the kids we were blessed to have would be blessed in return for having met us.

And then along came AJ, the foster boy we had for seven years. He had no idea of who God was, but after only 4 days with us he was already asking if he could pray. And in less than a month, he was asking my wife and I if he could call us “Mom” and “Dad”. About 3 years ago, when hospitalized, we were told he would die, so we experienced those kinds of goodbyes. But God’s plan was recovery! And now recently, due to increased care needs, he was moved out of our home – another goodbye.

Fostering… it’s living, loving, laughing, leaving…. but often lasting.

Everyone can participate

Remember I said, “fostering is something that everyone can participate in.” I did not say fostering is something that everyone can do (although I think most can). But fostering is something everyone can participate in. This is where “wrap around” is key. If you cannot foster yourself, everyone can help – everyone can wrap support arms around someone who is fostering.

You can open your home for visits or respite, you can drop in and help out, you can make a meal for the foster family, you can take foster kids out on trips with your kids, you can support the foster parents, you can offer to drive for outings, you can ask how to be of help, and you can pray for all involved.

Dispelling a few excuses

But I just can’t.

How about talking about it? And also take it to God. List off all your reasons and tell Him why you can’t. It’s not like God will be shocked or overwhelmed. But He may ask you to shift from “I can’t” to “trust Me.” And if you seriously can’t take someone in yourself, find someone who did take a child in and ask how you can be of help, how you can be part of a “wrap around.”

I’m too busy.

When in life will you not be busy? It’s generally when we are laying on a hospital bed or recovering at home that we finally slow down and realize we’ve been occupying ourselves with a whole lot of “stuff.”

And in times we are not occupied, we are preoccupied. We like to busy ourselves! Being busy is what we gravitate to. Often we hear, “So, are you keeping busy?” The challenge for the rest of our life is to create space in our schedules — space in which we allow God to act. Maybe even space for a certain child to enter into.

The timing is not right.

We can always come up with reasons why the timing is not right. We’re too young. We’re just married. Our family is too big. Our family is too small. We don’t know what to do. The system is too complicated. We’re too old. And the list goes on.

Analyze your situation and write down what it is that you think is getting in the way and see if, how, and when the obstacles can be removed. Some might be legitimate, others might be you just making excuses. But do determine a time.

Fostering is something that everyone can participate in. I don’t say this to make you feel guilty, I say this to make you think about it. I have shared our experience; yours will be different.

Think pro-life

Perhaps you’ve never considered that being pro-life is synonymous with being “pro-fostering.” Pro-life means having an open door. If someone didn’t abort as we’ve asked, and now can’t raise their child, it’s logical that a pro-lifer would step up to help. And that may include fostering.

But wait, what about all the sign-up requirements for fostering agencies?

When they come to assess your home and start asking you about life, simply state what’s right and true and allow the chips to fall where they may. Be shrewd as serpents, innocent as doves. We proclaim truth even in this, and suffer the consequences if need be (or the agencies do if their requirements exclude us). But imagine if fostering agencies had 500 Christian homes in the waiting and it was only one or two silly stipulations getting in the way. That would make it their problem. But you and me would stand ready to serve.

Obviously in all circumstances you do not want to jeopardize your own health or family. It’s of no use stepping up to help another child or family only to ruin your own. But just be honest with yourself and your family whether the reasons for avoiding fostering or a fostering “wrap around” are substantial enough to wait for another time. We may set the bar so high for an “ideal time” that it never comes. And we’d say that old line once again, “Fostering? I could never!”

No, we don’t want to go there. Remember, these things are of eternal significance.

“God sets the lonely in families, he leads out prisoners with singing.” – Ps. 68:6

Mark Wanders lives in Smithville, ON with his wife Joanne. He writes regularly on his blog site: www.theartisanpost.com. Picture at the top is of Mark and AJ, used with permission.

It takes some courage to get into the public to show love for our neighbors, with a meal for an elderly person, taking part in a Life Chain, or helping at the local soup kitchen. Some may even take their children so they are exposed. But how would we feel about welcoming the public into our own homes to live with us temporarily?

A different sort of fostering

It was at a legal seminar in London, Ontario, about ten years ago, that I first heard of a movement called “safe families.” Jennifer Francis, a young woman at that seminar, was intent on launching the organization, modeled after Safe Families for Children in the USA. Not only has it taken off in Canada, members of the Reformed church community are helping it expand to new areas.

Safe Families exists to keep children safe and families together. As they describe on their website, they “temporarily host children and provide a network of support to families in crisis while they get back on their feet.” What sets them apart is that they do this outside of the government system. Yet their effectiveness has made them a go-to place for child welfare agencies, who regularly refer families to them, encouraging these families to make use of their care so that they don’t get into a crisis mode where the government needs to intervene.

“Instead of waiting for bad things to happen to children, we can step in to help,” they explain. “By design, child welfare systems are designed to react after something bad happens to a child. Such interventions can be necessary in cases of abuse and neglect, but we can help before bad things occur.” In the 20 years of their existence, the Safe Families movement has provided over 35,000 hostings, utilizing 25,000 volunteers and 4,500 churches, most of those in the US, UK, or Canada, with 93 percent of the children returning home.

The concept immediately struck a chord in my heart, as it provides an opportunity for Christ’s church to open our arms to vulnerable families and children in a way that is both practical and simple. Having witnessed the enormous sacrifice, and occasional heartache, of families who served within the government system as foster families, this appeared to be an option that would be far more doable for ordinary families.

God blessed that young woman’s vision and Safe Families was incorporated as a Canadian non-profit in 2012. Francis has since been faithfully leading the organization, first as the Executive Director, and now as the interim chair of the board. Safe Families started ministering to families in the Greater Toronto Area but has now spread to many cities across Canada.

Reformed folk seizing the opportunity to serve

When I was first introduced to the concept, I couldn’t help but consider the potential for the Reformed community in Canada to get on board, as we are blessed with so many solid families who would be able to provide temporary care to children in need, outside the foster system. Sure enough, quietly and humbly, some in the Reformed community have been getting involved with the new chapters that have been formed.

Most recently, a chapter is being formed in BC’s Lower Mainland. I reached out to Jessica Wildeboer, who is chairing the steering committee to form this new chapter and is a member of the Langley Canadian Reformed Church.

I asked her what sparked the idea of bringing a chapter to the Fraser Valley. She explained that she heard about the organization from her sister, who attended an information session in Edmonton, but she didn’t give it much thought until a friend sent her a link to the Real Talk podcast episode, where Lucas Holtvluwer and Tyler Vanderwoude sat down with Hildy Sloots from Safe Families last year.

“I rarely listen to podcasts at all, but somehow (God’s work) I found myself washing dishes while listening to it. I was hooked. I loved all that I heard” shared Wildeboer. And she didn’t stop there. “I knew this needed to happen here in the Lower Mainland. I sent an email to Safe Families and asked about a BC chapter. They replied saying that a Zoom meeting was coming up and I was welcome to join. This was in September. By November we had a steering committee established with nine Christians, from Vancouver to Chilliwack, and we started planning steps forward.”

Different ways to help

In February of this year, Jason Peters, the Western Canada Director of Safe Families, led three information sessions in the Fraser Valley. They were thrilled to have about 230 people come out, representing 25 different churches.
Three members of the steering committee shared with the audiences why they believed Safe Families was needed and important. “As chair, I shared my own experience of seeing my church rally around my family in times of crisis” Wildeboer explained. RCMP officer Steve Vandelft, and social worker Kathleen Vanderveen, also shared how in their work experience they would often see families who needed extra support.

Wildeboer explained that “We put out sign-up papers asking for people to express what areas they might be interested in helping with in the future. Different areas include being a resources friend (organize meals, pick up groceries, help with a reno), family friend (do some babysitting, offer encouragement), family coach (overseeing the volunteers surrounding the family in crisis), and host family (hosting children overnight in your home for short periods of time, sometimes weeks).”

The response was incredible. “After the three info sessions, we had so many people check so many boxes with wanting to help, and we even had 18 families sign up wanting to become a host family! Amazing!”

A Christian witness

What also sets Safe Families apart is their faith-based approach, “motivated by the compassion and grace that they first received from Jesus Christ.” And the beautiful thing is that instead of this closing doors to working with the child welfare system, they form a bridge between families who are in need and the Christian community.

“When a family in church is in crisis, meals are brought, babysitting is arranged, rides are organized, whatever is needed is provided,” shared Wildeboer. “But how do people without a church community survive when a crisis hits? Our churches seem rich with resources such as stable homes. How can we bless our community with our resources?”

She also liked that the service is local and hands-on. “I think there is also something precious and vital about being more intentional within our own communities. I like my kids to help with babysitting. I like my kids to help with making a meal and dropping it off. I like my kids to write cards to neighbours and hand-deliver them. Sometimes we can be too busy in our own safe comfortable bubble with people we know, but we could improve with meeting new people and warmly welcoming all those we meet. It is good to get uncomfortable, that’s what Jesus did.”

Educate yourself

Educate yourself on the local foster care system. Educate yourself on trauma and how it affects children. Educate yourself on what “reunification” means, and why we need to have a heart of forgiveness and compassion.

Educate others

The Church can play a big role in supporting the foster care system in your community. Find your local (Christian) foster care and adoption agencies and give freely, both financially and with your time.

In our local church we did a special service offering at Christmas for a local foster care agency. Locally we also have a volunteer-run short-term “House” that is a place where children entering into foster care can spend their first few days before being placed…instead of in a hotel or social worker’s office. Get involved there!

Search in your community for worthy organizations that are striving to repair the foster care system, and are Christian-based. Share with others, and pull together as a church to support them!

Meals

If you know a family that is fostering, chances are they have a houseful of children already, and have a lot of mouths to feed. Whether they’ve taken in a new placement or not, showing support by bringing a meal (or even some snacks to stock up the cupboards) goes a long way.

They are likely spending a lot of time communicating with the team of people involved with their child, or helping the child work through trauma, or something along those lines. That’s why food is so appreciated!

Items

Foster parents in Washington State receive a monthly stipend from the state to cover costs but as you can imagine, the costs involved with becoming licensed, as well as ongoing costs incurred can, at times, exceed the stipend.

Sometimes a child comes with nothing but the clothes on their back and suddenly the foster parent is making a trip to the store to get formula, diapers, PJs, toothbrush, shoes, underwear – you name it! In our case, we are licensed for ages 0-10, boys and girls. As you can imagine, it’s impossible to store clothes and items for each age group and gender. Also, as we were becoming licensed, we were required to have certain items available in our home (medicine cabinets that could lock, fire escape ladders, emergency food supplies for 8 people for a full week, as well as a bed available for each age of child, etc. etc.). This did become quite costly, so every little bit we got donated to us really helped. If you know of someone going through the licensing process, ask them what they are in need of, maybe you happen to have it lying around!

Childcare

Whether it’s offering to take their biological children for a time, or the foster child, it might just be exactly what they need. A date night? Groceries kid-free? Or maybe their foster child has yet another appointment (here in Washington State they’ve required what seems to be an overabundance of doctor and dentist appointments) and they’d love to not take along their other children.

Whatever it may be, offer! Sometimes it’s hard to ask for help, but if it’s offered it might just be what they need right at that moment.

House, yard, and transportation help

This can be so helpful, especially around the time of a new placement entering a home. That’s when all the house and yard work gets moved to the bottom of the importance pile. The family needs time to bond, organize, and have a lot of communication with the new team of people that are now in their life. They need to spend that first critical week loving on that child, attaching and adjusting.

Offer to come fold a load of laundry, or weed their gardens, or clean a toilet. Or, maybe they’d love you to run an errand or two for them, or pick their kids up from school, or bring a child to their lessons or practice. Just ask!

Prayer

Please lift these families, as well as the children they are fostering, up in prayer! Ask them if there are specifics to pray for.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. – Eph. 6:18

Our road into foster care wasn’t an overnight, or easy, decision. For years we had concerns and questions about it, and convinced ourselves it was not something we could do. Foster care was something that other people did, and good for them, but we could never do that.

However, over time God worked in our hearts and opened our eyes to the huge need.  We also got answers to our questions/concerns (or, at least most of them) and at the end of the day we really didn’t know why we wouldn’t move forward into foster care. We truly believe foster care is something everyone should consider (though I understand it is not something everyone is in the right stage to do). Why should everyone consider it? Because God is concerned about the orphaned.

“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction…” – James 1:27a

“He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing.” – Deut. 10:18

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families…” – Psalm 68:5-6a

As the church, can’t we do better than what we are currently doing?

So is fear of the unknown the only thing holding you back? Then let me share some of our experiences. We have now been licensed for five months and have welcomed 2 baby boys, a 15-month-old girl, and a 7-year-old girl into our home. It’s been hard, it’s been awesome, it’s been every single emotion possible, but through it we have seen the goodness of our awesome Father. It is for His glory that we welcome these orphans into our home and show them an outpouring of love, as He has so generously loved us!

We’ve also felt the communion of saints come around us, both in prayer and practicality. We are so grateful for the baby items, clothes, and meals that have been given to us.

Perhaps something we were not prepared for was learning that not only do you welcome a child into your home, but a whole team of people: social workers, child advocates, doctors, and our wonderful foster care agency.

In what follows I list some of the fears that we had, and that I now hear from others. I would love to debunk these to help clear the path for you to move forward in faith on the road towards orphan care.

“I would get too attached.”

Absolutely! You will! And what a beautiful thing that will be for a child who, potentially, has never felt an attachment, or who is going through a tumultuous, trauma-filled life-changing event of being removed from their home. It is a blessing to be able to give that gift to a child, and if you are someone who’s worried about getting too attached, then you’re probably someone who should go into foster care. As Reframing Foster Care author Jason Johnson has said:

“Foster care means choosing the pain of a great loss if it means a child has received the gain of a great love.”

Isn’t that right there the beautiful gospel message?

“It will affect my biological children.”

Absolutely! It will! Foster care will teach them things about sin, the world, the brokenness of humanity in such a way that they will learn compassion, kindness and hospitality. They will open their hearts to a child, they will learn flexibility and their hearts will be broken in a way that brings them to their knees.  They will see that time heals, that God is in control, and even if a child has left our home we can pray for them forever.

These are life long lessons that will, Lord willing, travel with them into adulthood.

“I don’t have enough space.”

Did you know you don’t need separate rooms for foster kids?  The rules might be more flexible than you think. (We live in Washington State and licensing rules might be different where you are).

Depending on ages there are some restrictions for who can share with who, but don’t let the space issue hold you back! Last weekend, we had 3 girls in one room. Kids don’t need a big house, or a lot of space – they need love, safety, comfort and someone who will provide that their needs are met.  What a gift to be able to provide that to a child in need, in the same way our Heavenly Father provides those things for us, his people!

“I couldn’t take a _____ year old into my house.”

You have a say as to what age the children will be who you are comfortable with welcoming into your home! If you think you could only handle a child under the age of 2, you can say that! If you only would like to take in teens, you can do that!  As time goes on, what you’re comfortable with will change, and you can change your preferences. There are SO many children in need!

“Right now is not the right time.”

I agree, there are times in life that could be a bad time for your family to take on foster care. (Examples such as financial trouble/hardship, family or marriage hardship, illness). That said, I implore you to dig really deep to discover your motives in waiting for the “right time.” Did Jesus wait for “the right time” to heal those that needed healing? No! We can always look for reasons or excuses to put off doing the right thing. It’s our human nature.

I was there, I get it. Approaching this question of “the right time” with prayer and humility is the only way. We are not meant to feel “comfortable” on this earth! We have a heavenly goal and must press on towards it in faith! (Phil. 3:14)

Conclusion

In Washington State where I live there are approximately 10,000 children in foster care and the need is great everywhere else too. Even if it’s just one child’s life you touch, what a gift you’re giving to them!! I ask you to please pray and consider.  Read the book Reframing Foster Care by Jason Johnson. It’s a short, easy, read and well worth it. And if you aren’t led to go into foster care, please consider how you can be a support to those that are.

I’ll end with a convicting quote from Jason Johnson. To God be the glory, and it is my prayer that you readers will soon be starting your own foster care journey, with Him as your guide!

“You may not see it now – you may not ever see it fully in this lifetime – but what you’re doing is of eternal significance. Fix your eyes there – on eternity – but be faithful here, today… and tomorrow, and then next week, trusting God with the outcome as you experience the beauty and pain and struggle and wonder of walking with Him along the journey. Daily, faithfully keep walking, keep making deposits into their lives, and keep trusting that what’s completely out of your control is absolutely in His. His sovereignty is our sanity … and our faithfulness is enough.”

Another day, another book: Underground Railroad to Canada. This time the adolescent girl is listening to her mother read about enslaved people moving through a secret network of routes and safe houses to escape slavery and reach the free states in the North. Brave, hospitable mothers opening their homes and children to the dangers of hiding slaves. This girl is enraged at the slaveholders for mistreating human beings and believes wholeheartedly that if she lived during that time period she would be well known for fighting against slavery and running a sanctuary for slaves.

Two different time periods, two different groups of God’s image bearers needing a place of refuge. A community of God’s people bearing the load and caring for their version of the orphan and widow, the distressed and fatherless, who need the basic necessities of life: food, shelter, and safety.

Needs persist today

You might be thinking that it is only natural that Christians would be ready and eager to stand as pillars of faith if some national crisis or war should beset us.

Yet, there is a crisis, here and now, in our very own backyard, caused by the realities of modern life in this post-Christian world. The Underground Railroad, and the Hiding Places, are still needed today for the most vulnerable holders of God’s image: children.

Christians are well aware that abortion is a colossal tragedy happening minute by minute all over our world. Many believers have a well-informed theology and philosophy about the immorality of abortion. Many Christians partake in “walks for life,” donate to their local pregnancy center, and take a stance politically.

Yet, I ask this question: was disagreeing with Hitler about the value of Jews enough?

Was it enough to just not own any slaves in our own households?

No. Our brothers and sisters in the past did not stop at disagreeing, or not participating. They took a step further and welcomed the neglected and suffering people into their very homes, and risked their lives doing so.

Let us be actively pro-life towards the children who are born.

Today’s crisis

Today there are more than 78,000 children in Canada, and 400,000 in the USA in the foster care system. A foster child is someone who is taken out of his or her birth home due to an environment or relationship that is unsafe for the child.

Our postmodern worldview proclaims that the individual – and his or her every changing idea of relative truth – are the most important pieces of life. The result? A sky-rocketing number of marriages ending in divorce because “this just does not make me happy anymore.” This same thinking has adults turning to drugs, causes gender confusion, and can bring financial strain. And that, in turn, leads to a steady flow of broken families, leaving society’s most vulnerable citizens neglected, abused, and alone. Foster children are among the orphaned, widowed, fatherless, and distressed image bearers who need radical Christian refuge, despite the risks that accompany them.

When a foster child does not have a permanent home – through reunification with birth parents, or legal guardianship, or adoption – then they are placed in a boarding house with other foster youth, called a group home. When they are 18, youth in foster homes or group homes no longer receive these services and they essentially “age-out” of the system.

One California based group, the Alliance for Children’s Rights, shares that in their state over half of the children who “age out” of foster care end up homeless or get incarcerated. That means that thousands of young people are living in office spaces, on the streets, or moving from home to home.

Foster children struggle in school, with relationships, and with self-understanding and worth. As technology is creating ways to study the brain, science is confirming what has been observed for generations: that children cannot develop from one stage to the next without an attachment figure in their life. All it can take is one steady attachment figure and the brain can start to figure out how to continue developing. Unfortunately, when some of these children age-out of the foster care system at the physical age of 18, they may really only be at the developmental age of 12. No one would think that a 12-year-old could live independently, hold a job, or save up for an education. Is it any surprise then that many of the foster youth who age out without an adoptive home get into trouble soon after?

In order to prevent a youth from reaching an age where they follow the trajectory outlined above, they need loving homes and a steady attachment figure at a young age. In Los Angeles alone, there are roughly 30,000 children who need beds from safe families, and only 9,000 registered beds available. Cities across Canada and the USA are dealing with similar issues.

It is a risk

That young starry-eyed girl is now a grown woman and realizes her romantic notions take risk, heartache, and a strong reliance on God’s sovereignty and grace. Risking your life for Jews or slaves, or spending your life helping foster children – these are not easy tasks. Foster care will not bring glory, or make you a hero. In reality, life outside the safe haven of a home is unbearably hard. Welcoming strangers into your home is difficult, and it may take years of heartache before the relational rewards come. Yet, each home is a gift from God and ought to be used to serve his kingdom.

Perhaps you hear a small knocking at your door; you open it to find a young, dirty child who tells you with sweet tears that her mother never comes home and she is lonely, hungry, and in need of another mother. That visual reality would be impossible to ignore and I believe you would want to take this young girl into your home and give her food, shelter, and safety, possibly even love. Let that gentle knocking of urgent need cause you to act immediately, with gracious and radical advocacy.

Foster care and adoption can seem quite intimidating and disruptive to your own family. That is an understandable and reasonable fear. I have a dream that church communities can take on this mission together. A program can be developed where families join together to care for these children. Many families feel that pull in their hearts, and that ache to help, but are overwhelmed by what is required. If each family who does foster care is paired with two other families who will devote themselves to providing a meal and free babysitting once a week, that community support will help those on the fence to commit, and provide others with a task that is equally as important to the process.

My pastor has a dream that if Roe vs. Wade is reversed, every Christian family would adopt one child to show to the watching world that we take seriously the command to welcome the stranger. When a community rises up together with a common goal, the impossible becomes possible.

There are also many options for helping these children if you do not have a home to offer. Below is a list of possibilities:

Foster-to-adopt: If you are clear about your intention to adopt, agencies will place you with children who are least likely to be taken away.
Foster care: To help grow and develop a child as he/she waits for reunification with family members.
Respite care: A service where one family supports another foster family for a short amount of time (one day, or up to a week) as the original family takes time for self-care or family emergencies.
Emergency shelter care: A temporary short-term home for children (1-21 days) as social workers find placement in a more permanent home.
Foster child mentor: Mentorship programs that train individuals to meet once a month with a foster child to build relationships.
Volunteer guilds: Ask your local foster care and adoption agency how you can join a group and help organize events for the foster children (i.e. Get everyone in your office to commit to serving at a meal that raises funds for foster children).
Court-appointed special advocate: Volunteer to be a court advocate for an abused or needy child, with the goal of guiding them out of the foster system.

Conclusion

God chose us out of this world to be adopted into his heavenly family. He paid the greatest price, sending his own son to die on the cross for us, so that we might have eternal life, and have it abundantly.

Will you take up your cross and follow him? If you’d like to join me in this kingdom-dream, I’d love to hear from you via the comments on this website, or you can reach me via the editor.

Jesus said, “Suffer the children to come unto me.” This is one way.

Evelyn Kruis works part-time in a foster and adoption agency and has an MA in Family Counseling. November is National Adoption Month in the United States.

****

Postscript: Do Foster Care Agencies Want Christians?

While it is becoming difficult in some regions for Christians to foster that isn’t the case everywhere.

A significant roadblock that causes agencies to turn away Christians is when the agency tries to dictate what Christians can or cannot teach about morality in their home. This can happen with many issues, but the main one has to do with the LGBTQ community. Agencies turn Christians away because they fear public scorn for supporting someone who is a “bigot” against those who identify as LGBTQ. This happens in both Canada and the United States.

Many agencies do not make rules about what is taught in the home, but just want Christians to mark that they would not reject a child or youth who identifies as LGBTQ.  This is a separate issue. Agreeing that you would accept an LGBTQ youth in your home does not come with the requirement of what you need to teach in the home, thus Christians can be consistent with their Christian faith and bring all types of children into a home that teaches a Christ-centered life. For those that plan to foster children under the age of 10, this is rarely even an issue.

One way to avoid these issues is to find a non-profit or Christian foster care and adoption agency.